The Illusion of Romantic Love

The illusion here is not that romantic love does not exist. I think everyone knows it does. But what is it? How long does it last? How many confuse romantic love with the love that lasts beyond the thrills? How much of our expectations regarding romantic love come from books and movies? Romantic love certainly can be a powerful experience; but people who expect it to last a lifetime often keep moving through partners trying to keep that romantic high.

We read about it in books (like Pride and Prejudice) which inspire heartfelt sighs. We smile over the interplay between Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not, but can those illusions (and romantic novels and movies are illusions) interfere with real life because, although there are exceptions, it mostly ain't how it works out.


He's Just Not That Into You, a movie currently on HBO and available through Netflix, did a good job showing romantic illusions through several stories of relationships at different stages.

It's not that romantic love is a bad thing unless we become confused with what it really does. Romantic love is a lot of fun (and angst). It inspires beginnings but grows into something else if the relationship is going to last. Unfortunately in our world, expectations for what that will be and how it will last get confused. The illusions are encouraged not only by movies and books but also advertisements.

He's Just Not That Into You is based on a non-fiction book, which came out a few years ago, written by a story editor working on Sex and the City who was frustrated with how often he heard women saying things that worked against their own best interests. That inspired his writing to set it straight-- as he saw it.

When I mentioned the film to my daughter, she said-- and it all starts in grade school. I laughed because that is exactly how the film shows it to be.

The cast is Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connolly, Mandy Moore, and Bradley Cooper with an assortment of other characters having some of the funniest lines. The film does a good job of illustrating the traps into which so many fall.

From He's Just Not That Into You:

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

The Illusion of Rugged Individualism

Here he comes walking down the road and we all know everything will be okay because he's here to fix it. The mythology of the West, personified more often in media than history, still inspires many today to think that is the way to get things done.

The concept of this rugged individual solving the problems for the rest of us seems to be one of the key illusions of our country-- and maybe a lot of mankind. Although it might seem aimed at only one way of thinking, it actually can influence two diametrically different viewpoints.

We need a hero to solve our problems as he leads us to a victory. Elect the right person and sit back to applaud (or throw stones depending).

Or it's us who are the heroes and government just gets in our way. In this thinking most (at least economic) laws or regulations only impede the many rugged individualists who will fix the economy through their independence.

Inside, most of us do know that people have to work together to get anything done. We recognize that even if there was a time where you could shoot your way out of problems, it's long since past (and likely never really existed). We also know Superman is fiction. But this mythology of the rugged individualist is still one that people buy into whether they translate that into almost no government or that superhero leader.

Here's the thing. The mythology didn't even work in the Old West. Most people, at least in the beginning, came West on wagon trains with leaders. Once they got out here, they built towns where they quickly made laws and set up governments. The alternative would be to see the bad apples in their midst take everything from everyone else. Working alone we are easy prey. Standing together, we are formidable.

Even a barn was most often built in a barn raising where cooperation got it done faster than rugged individualism. People traded labor for jobs done which is basically what taxation is intended to be today. (Unfortunately we are now paying 25% of our shared labor just to pay the interest on a debt that neither political party wants to take credit for increasing).

Sure, the West had heroic individuals like John Muir who traveled alone to explore; but when he wanted to preserve something like Yosemite, he had to get others to cooperate. You could get to the West by yourself, but when you got there, you had to set up societies and at that point, government became a factor. Government should not be seen as the bad guy but the tool of the people. When it fails in that, it's time to redo government, not throw it out totally.

In Wallace Stegner's The Sound of Mountain Water he says it well when he refers to the west as "the native home of hope."

"When it fully learns that cooperation, not rugged individualism is the quality that most characterizes and preserves it, then it will have achieved itself and outlived its origins. Then it has a chance to create a society to match its scenery."

I believe it's what it still takes today. I also believe that expecting any hero to come riding into town and fixing it all, whatever party they originate from, is kidding ourselves and a damaging illusion.

Manifest Destiny-- illusion or reality?

When I thought about illusions, the American concept of [Manifest Destiny] naturally came to mind. The phrase was one of those powerful ones that is often coined to make something happen, to make people become emotionally aroused. Think 54-40 or Fight; Remember the Maine; or Remember the Alamo. Manifest Destiny, although it may have been part of American thinking from the start, was actually coined by a newspaperman (media is often at the core of these things).

Manifest means obvious to everyone and destiny implies a higher power makes things happen in a preordained way. It's fate. In the case of Manifest Destiny, it was originally about expanding this country across the continent to a supposed preordained size. The idea is that divinity ordained this country to be a certain size, and people needed to see that vision and then step out on it.

You would have to believe in an involved god to buy into Manifest Destiny because destiny, like fate, is about something bigger than us, about a force that will make things happen which we cannot (or at least should not) alter. Then you'd have to believe that god had a specific plan in mind for the world and the United States was/is to be his tool.

This concept of divine destiny for the United States is not in the Bible. In fact if you look at the Book of Revelations, when you come to the end times, there is no reference to any power coming from this region at all. Some, who believe in the prophetic nature of Revelations, think that is because the United States will have had a catastrophic event taking it out of the picture. If you instead think there is no reference because at the time it was written, there was no United States, then you likely also don't buy into manifest destiny anyway.

When you bring the phrase, Manifest Destiny, into today, there are those who use the concept to say it is the godly obligation of this country to spread liberty (never mind that we have lost a lot of our liberties supposedly to keep us safer) and democracy (never mind that we don't have a true democracy but a representative government) around the world. To a certain group, it is a godly command as though he had pointed a finger and demanded it.

There is a difference between knowing you have been blessed and wanting to share what you can with others and feeling you must do it as part of a divine plan. So here comes the question:

Was/Is Manifest Destiny an illusion or a fact? Is its concept helping us to do wise things as a nation today or hindering us?

The painting was from 1872 of an angel guiding the Mormons across the nation to their own Manifest Destiny.

Illusions and the damage they do

What is the difference between an illusion and imagination? One seems to me positive (imagination) and can lead to finding new ways to do things. The other (illusion) leads us to believe certain things are true which are not. Illusions are when we make assumptions based on false premises. I think we live in a culture that is full of illusions many of which are intended to sell products. The entertainment media makes a lot of money from creating and promulgating illusions. If those illusions suit our presupposed ideas, we approve of them, if not, we think they are bad for the world.

One example is what we think about getting old. The illusion is we can avoid it with surgery, positive thinking, or pills. Whatever we do, whatever we look like, aging is a fact of life. Nobody has yet beat it. We can dye that gray hair, get a face lift, but it won't change what is under it. Illusions are always about the superficial-- the quick and easy fix.

Some would say it's not bad to sell ourselves on the illusion we are as young as we think or we can stay young if we do this or that. I actually think it is bad. One reason is we are fooling ourselves which can lead to tricking ourselves in other areas. We might tell others how youthful we are but generally others see the truth.

The other problem with the I'm-not-really-aging illusion is that we miss out on the experience that we could have been having in the winter of our life. Growing old, watching our body grow old, having a pet grow old, these are life experiences. Why not live them positively and fully? Experience the sensations, the changes and find it exciting and actually just part of the mystery of life. Some of those experiences are not much fun but they are ours.

One of the things I learned early in life is to live the moment I am in. I try very hard not to anticipate or put off something with the idea it will be better in the future. Reality is that we only have the moment. If we throw it away on wishful thinking, wanting to be living a different moment, we may not even have it.

Trying to hold onto youth and the experiences of youth are to miss those of old age. We can miss real experiences at any age as with the parent who wishes their child older or even themselves when they want to be old enough for this or that special privilege.

Considering the sometimes subtle damage they do, I have been thinking about some popular illusions in our culture. Some come from a ways back but are impacting today. Staying true to my intent to avoid politics, the next six blogs won't be about this group or that being superior in how they deal with these illusions. It will just be looking at what illusions might be impacting our lives, asking if they make sense for today. If you come up with some I haven't thought of, be sure and add them to the mix. Feel free to disagree with me but please keep this off political agendas and stick to the issues raised.

Over organizing

In trying to not let my email in-box become overloaded (something in the past that has led to email bounces), I accidentally deleted some that were important to me. As in I cannot reply to them without them and they are gone. MsTidy had also cleared out the trash before realizing what she had done.

Which means SUNNY, if you are still reading this blog, write me again. I had intended to write back but was swamped with getting the Tucson house ready, the trip home, and then getting together with the kids; so I hadn't written but intended to as soon as things settled down.

And people wonder why I let my inbox pile up too much!

Haiti

When we hear about the devastating earthquake in Haiti and the damage and loss of life particularly in Port-au-Prince, it's impossible to get our heads around it. The needs are great and I am sure most readers here have their favorite place to donate when such things happen. For us, it's Mercy Corps who we have believed gets most of its money where it needs to go and where it has information online about its purposes.

It is unfortunate that the ignorant and bigoted Pat Robertson got any coverage from the major networks for the statements he made on his own network. His words should have stayed there; but anybody who was looking at coverage, trying to understand the scope of the need, would likely have come across them.

What Robertson was saying about Haiti is bigoted because he sees everything through a black and white prism and I don't mean race. It's religion and his own view of religion. He laid this at the people's own door as he did with 9/11 and Katrina here. He knows why anything bad happens and it always comes back to his narrow-minded dogma.

As easy to understand as anything I have seen (and books have been written on this) here is the gist of why Haiti remains so poor and it's not some mythical Satan:

Why Haiti is so poor today.

This is all a tragic story and while we can as individuals donate to our favorite aid agency, there is more that will have to be done to get Haiti out of the place where it currently is trapped with 80% poverty. Hopefully this will be a new start for them. The tragedy is beyond words.

(Incidentally, I am not advocating a donation to the link at the bottom of that article because I do not know anything about the group, but the facts he laid out about Haiti's history seemed to be true to what I have read other places.)

Finding your Passion

In cleaning out drawers, I have also been into cleaning out computer files and came across the following, which I reread, and thought how it fits with the earlier post on fractals. There is a reason we function best when we are as organized as we can be. I wish I could give credit to where I originally got it but it's been many years and filed into the dusty backwaters of my C Drive and then transferred to a jump drive to wait even longer to resurface. The following is all from that article.

*********************************************

Discovering one's passion in life comes naturally to some, but for others, it's a vexing, lifelong hunt. Here is some expert advice for locating that certain joie de vivre.

By Jennifer Duffy

Clean up your life:
First things first: get your life in order. The nitty-gritty details of living can trip up the creative process, said life coach, Louis Abbott. It’s emotionally draining to have financial, emotional, or environmental nuisances – anything from a messy house to a mother that nags you for not calling her often enough.

Nothing can kill passion faster than a pile of papers or laundry in your way. But be warned: What works for some isn’t necessarily the answer for others. “There’s no blueprint. If (something) is not a problem for you, then why worry?”

She has people identify priorities in four categories.
Physical environment:
• Is your house clean?
• Are you organized?
• Does your car work?
• Is your laundry done?
Relationships:
• Have you forgiven people that have hurt you?
• Do you gossip?
• Do you make requests, rather than complain?
Finances:
• Do you save 10 percent of your income?
• Do you pay your bills on time?
• Are your earnings equivalent to your work effort?
• Does your car work?
• Is your laundry done?
Relationships:
• Have you forgiven people that have hurt you?
• Do you gossip?
• Do you make requests, rather than complain?
Finances:
• Do you save 10 percent of your income?
• Do you pay your bills on time?
• Are your earnings equivalent to your work effort?
• Is your will up to date?
Well-being:
• Are you at the right weight?
• Do you drink too much caffeine or alcohol?
• Do you take care of your teeth?
• Do you get enough exercise?
• Do you have any physical or emotional problems?

The idea is to deal with the minutiae, but to not become too hung up on having a perfect life.

Get outside the box. Escape your cubicle and experience the world. Forgoing routine and getting out of your usual environment are keys to finding yourself, said Lisa Kivirist, an entrepreneur and author of "Kiss Off Corporate America: A Young Professional's Guide to Independence" .

At just 26 years old, Kivirist, now 37, left a lucrative advertising job in Chicago to find her true passions: creative expression and independence. "It's easy to be reinforced by your surroundings," she said in a phone call from her farm in Wisconsin, which is quite the contrast from "the concrete jungle" of her previous home in Chicago. That's why she and her now-husband, John Ivanko, made a clean break from the advertising world and started living their passions. They had connected with the environment and small-town living on weekends, spending time hiking, biking and camping. Fast-forward to about a decade later and they're running an environmentally friendly bed-and-breakfast on a 5-acre organic farm.

If you want to make the leap, like Kivirist and Ivanko, here are some tips from the author and her book:

Try "experiential travel," which means putting yourself outside your normal environment, opening up to new experiences and changing your life perspective.
Dabble in possible passions with temporary jobs, if you decide to leave your current one.
Surround yourself with people who support you and "get the bigger picture."

Passion can be so elusive. It can get lost in routine, buried beneath unpaid bills, smothered by corporate culture, or even sidetracked by trying to keep up with the Joneses. But even beyond daily lifestyle hurdles, finding a true passion doesn't come easy for everyone.

"Most people don't know their passion," said life coach Louise Abbott. "So many people come to me trying to make something work that I know isn't their passion," she said. "Sometimes the passion is just not there."

If you've lost that certain joie de vivre, or never had it at all, here's a how-to from Tucson life coaches, enthusiastic entrepreneurs and the woman who wrote the book on living out your dreams.

Think of your life as a tree. All the things you are doing, like work, family and leisure time, are the branches, said life coach Karen Cappello. Deep down at the core of your existence are your roots, where your power and passion lie.

You may be too busy jumping from branch to branch trying to take care of things, or admiring someone else's thriving tree and trying to mimic it, she said. Instead, water and nurture your own roots.

Cappello asks her clients four questions to identify their roots and begin brainstorming ways to nurture them.
Remember a time when you were the happiest. What qualities were present?
What are the qualities of a person you admire?
Remember a moment when you felt very powerful. What were you doing?
What was present in that moment?

Then take a look at the areas in your life that already have these qualities. "Identify the successes and then expand from there," Cappello said.

Abbott suggests that you think back to your childhood. She often asks clients, "What were the things that your parents had to drag you away from because you loved them so much?"

It's the essence of those activities, whether it's creativity, interacting with people or creating something, that is the essence of your passion, she said.

Photo is of the Cascade Mountains from a ridge above Sisters.

Second chances don't always come

Mostly the world goes along, spinning away; and although we hear of this or that happening, one week seems a lot like another. Mostly that's how it is with our own lives, but once in awhile something happens that slams us alongside the head reminding us of the finiteness of life and that some things can't be planned or known.

Sunday I was on the phone with two cousins I haven't talked to much in recent years. My brother and I talked also. The calls came because of the death of our younger cousin, Mary. Friday I had been shocked (shocked is not too strong a word) to learn she had died. Someone 58 doesn't just die with no warning, no symptoms. But she had. Her brother, one of those cousins, said the autopsy results are not complete and for now, they still do not know why. Maybe the answers will come. Maybe not.

The photo above is four of us cousins at the farm where I grew up (Mary is standing to the left, a bit apart. I'm the tall one in the back with glasses). Most likely it was Easter as every Easter the family (grandmother, her four children, their spouses and many grandchildren) gathered at our farm for Easter egg hunts and a big ham dinner. The holidays were divided that way, and we pretty much always knew we'd be at one family's or another for each of them.

I remember the times the gatherings were at Mary's family home with a big color photograph of her baby picture on the living room wall. Her parents were so proud of her beauty. She had lovely, long red hair, the kind of coloring that makes red hair a rare gift. There are other memories, some sweet and some not so much.

Since learning of her death, as you can imagine, I have spent a lot of time thinking about her and the years that used to be. To the back of that photo, you can see a big old barn. We cousins used to go out there and pretend we were the Mouseketeers (you aren't too young if you know what that means). Being the oldest, I was always Annette (you likely are in my age group if you know who she was). We would climb up on the hay stacks, get hold of a bar tied to a big thick rope that hung from the rafters, and swing out across the barn floor while yelling our Mouse Club names and singing the theme song. *M-I-C... K-E-Y...*

Since I heard Mary had died, my regrets have been many as we had been talking about getting together, us being the remaining cousins. The last time she and I talked, she said the ball was in my court. I fumbled it.

It's not like I didn't know life can end abruptly. The next tallest girl in the photo was my first cousin to die. She was maid of honor at my wedding. Her death, about five years later, was also a shock as she was in her mid 20s, went into the hospital for what seemed like a bad case of the flu; and the next I heard, she was dead.

Because of being busy. Because of separate interests, Because the family drifted apart after my grandmother died, I rarely saw Mary. I don't know much about her as to the adult she became other than she always seemed sweet, a nice person with a caring attitude. She was caregiver during her mother's long illness and finally end of life. Mary and I might have been friends as adults if we had spent more time together. She didn't live all that far away. I missed the chance to know her and can blame nobody but myself.

I wouldn't even write about this as it doesn't do any good for Mary or me. I can't undo my regrets and kicking myself won't help. If she and I had gotten together, there is no reason to think she would not have still died last week. I am though writing it for everybody with a 'meant to' in their lives where it isn't too late. Sometimes tomorrow never comes.

The source of dreams?

Because of reading a mystery that has murder at its core, I was not totally surprised when early in January I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. The irony was when I went back to sleep, I had another violent dream but with less of an interesting plot. Did I give up finishing the book? Not a chance.


The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penney is an excellent read. The murder mystery at its core is only the catalyst for revealing many secrets in people's lives. The story is set in Canada's Northern Territory in 1867. It deals with human nature, The Company (Hudson Bay but could be any big company that makes its own rules), winter, and people's struggle to make their lives better physically and emotionally. The author smoothly switches point of view every break; so we see the story through several characters. The book is broken into sections that describe the theme of that segment: Disappearance, The Winter Partners, and The Sickness of Long Thinking.

Although my nightmare had nothing to do with the plot in the book, for me, a violent movie or book can easily lead to my inner mind coming up with some plot of its own. Because of my susceptibility to this, I rarely read books or watch films with realistic, violent themes. This book, loaned to me by my daughter, was an exception because it's so well written and it hooked me right from the first page.

When I woke up from my first nightmare, because it did have elements that were familiar to me, I sorted through what had happened in the dream. I gathered up the details. Was this my subconscious trying to tell me something? I am not sure but am still considering possible angles. The dream will follow. If you don't like upsetting dreams, you can skip it, which is in italics, and read the my final ideas about it.

The female (let's call her Bee but she had no name in the dream) could have been me but it was more like I was watching this from outside, rather like a movie, which is not unusual in my dreams. Bee had a lady friend where they shared an interest in many things. This friend had a husband who was a painter but not one who had much sold his work yet. The husband was tall, a rather stiff looking man, subdued of personality, wore a hat when out painting, rarely talked, as he appeared absorbed in his plein air oils.

When Bee saw the paintings he was doing of the desert, she loved them and wanted to buy one. She had a problem though as she didn't have a lot of money. The painter told her she could cut off a piece of a painting. They were large canvases on stretcher bars. She considered various angles for cutting it in two. One possibility left an animal that looked like a hedgehog. She didn't want the hedgehog to be the center of interest. Finally she sawed off the bottom third, which left her a pretty nice painting with lots of intense colors. The painter told her he would sell it to her for $350 which conveniently was all she could afford.

Bee was quite happy as she tried to figure out how to get the canvas restretched, right up until her friend showed up at the door very angry that she bought the painting so cheaply. 'Do you have any idea what it's worth now?' her friend asked glaring at her. During the time that this had been going on, her husband's paintings had grown tremendously in value. We are talking tens of thousands of dollars. His wife stalked off very angry at feeling her friend had cheated her.

Bee had a dilemma. Did she give back the painting she had bought even though she had gotten it fairly enough? She knew she would lose her friend over this whatever she opted to do as the friendship had been irreparably broken on both their sides.

This is where the dream shifts and becomes violent. Some punks, guys just looking for trouble and easy money decided to kidnap Bee for what they thought was her wealth given the 'value' of the painting. They offered to ransom her for money but there was no money in her family for paying such a thing. These young people really didn't care about life or value anything except their own violent solutions.

The last scene of the dream had the dead body of a woman and I knew it was Bee. It was now a painting, broad, garish splashes of color and her body lying in the midst of it, as though it had been tossed into a field of huge, garish flowers. Her partially unclothed body had graffiti written across it in grotesque ways. Definitely a vivid, even beautiful painting in a sad, violent sort of way.

Since I had the dream, I have off and on tried to think if it was telling me something about myself. Dreams can do that. When I have particularly vivid dreams like this one, with a plot to them, I take more time trying to think them through. Some dreams I know are just mind chatter, but others are communicating something through their elements or story-- or so I have believed.

Although the violence was probably inspired from reading the book, the plot was nothing like it. The elements of painting and friendships are in my life. Would I demand to keep a painting despite losing a friend? I can't imagine doing that. Am I trying to hang onto something (most likely not something physical if so) to which I have a right but should release? That one I have to think about.

From The Tenderness of Wolves:

'I bury my face in the pillow that smells of must and damp. Its cotton slip is as cold as marble. It is only here, alone and in the dark, that I can allow those thoughts some rein. Thoughts that come from nowhere, from dreams, taking me delirious hostage. I long for sleep again, because only in sleep can I slip the bonds of what is possible and right.

'But as I have found so often in life, what you truly long for eludes you.'

Something personal

After thinking about what I said in the 2010 blog about how I want to be more than I am, I thought I better add a postscript lest readers think that means I am miserable in being who I am.

Whether this will sound like the right thing to say, I like who I am-- a lot (and that includes being 66 years old). I feel so incredibly lucky I have had the life I have had. Biologically and environmentally I was gifted on many levels.

It starts with my family. I have often thought how fortunate I was to have the family I had and that which I still do. That does not mean it was/is perfect, but it suits me perfectly. I used to tell my daughter that she was perfect to me. She didn't get it until she had children of her own and then saw they can be perfect to her even if not perfect literally.

A perfect family (whatever that might be) would not be as great a gift as having one that was complex, where there were challenges, but one that helped you be who you are-- even if that came through obstacles (some of which I never did surmount).

I love the genetic mix that I was given for what I have looked like. I could have changed the feature that most would be criticized in the culture in which I grew up (nose with a bump), but I didn't do it. At my age now I am delighted I didn't since I see it as being unique, and I don't want to look like everybody else.

To say I really like myself is not to say I am perfect, nor that I see nothing that could be better. That's the whole point of change and working toward more. It's not that I have to see myself as inferior to want change, but rather that I believe in myself enough that I know I can be more. If I can seek that through ALL of my life, right up until the day I die, I will feel it was a good thing. To sit back and say, that's enough, that is all I want to be, that seems to me the road to stagnation and atrophy. You can enjoy being who you are while still working to be more.

Throughout my life I have been a person who asks 'why' even when it often isn't popular to ask. It's in my nature to wonder about things, relationships, life. It is not in my nature to ever think I have the definitive answer. I might think I have the definitive answer for now letting things go for awhile to pick them up later and see if that answer still works. To me, all of life is organic and growing. Change is part of that.

In my eyes, my biggest flaw (and my friends and family know there is more than one) would be that I tend to get into too many things through that wondering and not really go deep enough in any. I know about a lot of things but not a LOT about many of them. I am a person of diverse interests instead of one great passion. I regret that in some ways, but we are who we are. I find people who have that one great passion to be quite fascinating maybe because it's my own missing element (so far).

I could try and stick to one subject, make it my cause, but I know I wouldn't do it. Somewhere along the way I'd be diverted off by something else. I have accepted that I will never have one great gift. On the other hand, I find life endlessly fascinating and am almost never bored.

Finally, I got an email from [Stephanie Ellen St.Claire] that happily fit with what I had also been thinking regarding 2010. Whenever that happens, I feel an encouragement to trust my own insights. Because I know not everyone is into astrology and it's a lengthy look from a psychic, channeler, and astrologer, I decided to put it into Rainy Day Extras for those who are interested in checking out alternative ways of looking at life.

[Astrological Trends for 2010]

(Incidentally some are calling it twenty ten but because I called it two thousand nine, and will probably call it two thousand eleven, I call it two thousand ten.)

Holograms

Going along with the fractals, comes this link from a friend:

Our World May Be a Giant Hologram

Isn't it a fascinating world!

A hidden key?

Are fractals (repeating geometric configurations) a hidden key to why some relationships work and some do not? Perhaps they can show when our body is succumbing to disease? Do fractals explain how Eastern medicine works as a preventative to disease or even a cure as it realigns those patterns? Are they why prayer can heal without looking toward a divine hand in it? Can they be used to find a greater understanding of how biological life works?

You can find online many examples of fractals. The one above belongs to Farm Boss and is on the back of our utility room door. It is called a [Mandelbrot set].

We recently watched the NOVA documentary: [Fractals: Hunting the Hidden Dimension] which I had ordered from Netflix because I knew Farm Boss was into such things. I surprised myself by finding it absolutely fascinating as I began to see other applications for fractals. The program explained, for those of us who are not scientists, what fractals are and what it looks like in the body for instance when they are ordered and then screwed up (not a scientific term but says it well). It is possible that someday they will be a way to find disease and maybe even treat it.

The idea that prayer, faith healing or reiki might treat or help treat disease has often seemed a mystery but what if it has a biological reason? It may be very physical if we consider the make-up of the physical world which is of repeating geometric patterns that are consistent and ordered-- until they are not. Perhaps we can do much to restore that alignment if we catch the onset of disease before there are symptoms and we must resort to surgery or prescriptions. If we can recognize this misalignment before we get sick, wouldn't that be the most effective palliative.

Maybe taking this into account, we can see how music helps to restore balance. If we think this way, we will realign before we get sick-- or better yet, stay in alignment all along.

I think it goes beyond medicine though to relationships. Is this why some people turn us off and others draw us to them? Repeating patterns that we can recognize and utilize could help us to order our lives and even our cultures. Too much, you think? Maybe not.

Setting a new course

I am hereby announcing I am joining the cult of the politically uninformed and doing it to make my new year better than my old one. Because I cannot currently vote on anything that is up for debate and because I am sick of arguing politics here where it never goes anywhere, this blog is temporarily (at the least) going to be a politics free zone.

Because I don't want anyone thinking I am doing this because of giving up on Obama. I am not. I admit being irked with him, but he was elected to do a LOT of what he has done. We, who supported him, might want more, but he's not through yet. Possibly he's trying to make those changes gradually so the change comes without catastrophic results.

Seven or eight years ago, a structural masseuse told me that she could realign my back in 12 sessions. She said I had one shoulder and hip higher than the other and it was causing me bodily grief which would get worse. She gave me a massage that left one of my shoulders hurting for a year (or more) afterward (I should have said it hurt sooner).

I opted to skip her suggested schedule of massages, but later asked my chiropractor what he thought. He said he felt that trying to do it that way would end up causing a lot of spinal and muscle problems that weren't worth it especially given my age. I do try to do stretches, to be more aware of how I stand and sit. I haven't given up on improving my spinal alignment, but her instant adjustment felt like it'd do more damage than good!

Although I don't know and am waiting to see, personally I think that's how it could be with Obama. He has a plan, which he discussed during the campaign. He was elected by a majority of Americans in 2008 to carry it out, but he's not one to tear the system apart doing it. Yes, he has disappointed me on different issues, but his term in office is not yet over. We'll see if he's the steady as we go type or a jackrabbit who bounds all over the place. Did he deceive us or did we elect him to use his best judgment on getting us where we want to go and it's where he's heading? Did that have to be instantly? I am reserving judgment. If Americans disagree with the current direction, they can take care of that at the polls this fall and in 2012.


Whatever the case, right now I cannot impact what he does, and I am tired of writing about it or even thinking about it. If you already agreed with me before you read a particular political blog, what I wrote only made you mad; and if you didn't, you weren't convinced. You have many places you can read to tell you how right you are. It's getting me nowhere and as far as I can see not helping anybody else.

If I say this or that, the other side either ignores it or brings up something else which is exactly what they say I also do. SO rather than get myself bent out of shape about that which I cannot change, I am going to quit reading political blogs (left or right) and to be consistent, my blog will no longer delve into politics.

I will write about cultural issues but more from a standpoint that avoids one party or another and sticks to ideas (got a few in mind on the subject of the illusions). Readers can decide for themselves what political party thinks which way or would do something about any of these problems. Mostly though I hope to write about improving a life-- starting with my own.

One idea I had was to put out questions that I am working on but where I don't have the answers. Those might end up week-long blogs with hopefully readers taking part in coming up with their thoughts on these issues. It could lead to helpful discussions. Some of those might involve spiritual questions as that is of much interest to me right now.


Anyway hope I don't lose readers over this; but if so, I have to do it for my mental and emotional health. I will still check in on right wing blog friends, but when their topics are political, I'll come back another day to read.

As part of this I am also planning to quit watching television news from any network. This is an addiction that will be hard to give up. I will read a few newspapers but not when they get political. For now I need a break; and as part of my new year and my hope to bring big changes for myself into being, this is one of my ways.

Next blog will be on that new path.

Photos are from our drive home after a totally delightful three nights in Central Oregon with kids and grandkids in a house we rented together. It was a time full of hugs, much laughter, great meals. good wine, ice skating (for the skaters), cousin (12 to 2 year olds) play, cooperation, great conversations, and snow. It was a rich time with the young and old (us handling the old end). Boy does that help a person get aligned on what really matters, and it's that next generation. We make more of a difference in that by being sure our own lives are all they can be. That's my goal for this year-- one of them anyway.

The above photo is from southeast of Sisters looking toward the Three Sisters. The others are along the Metolius River. Rivers and mountains make good examples of how we get things changed-- bit by bit.

The Cascade Mountains are volcanic. There is debate about how active the Sisters are as some of the land around them seems to be inching up; however, most volcanoes in the Cascades are either dead or dormant.

This region is an ever changing, invigorating environment, and I recommend it to anybody wanting a gentle realignment. Nature is such a great healer.

Inspiring Quotes

The following are more of those quotes that I found in a drawer in the Tucson house. I left them there for possible renters to read, but I copied them for my own reference. Photos are some of my personal favorites from 2009.


The beginning is always today.

Mary Wollstonecraft

Man's main task is to give birth to himself.

Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst and sociologist

I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern Fact, the Sad Self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.

Robert Louis Stevenson

The longest journey is the journey inward.

Dag Hammarskjold

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

Marcel Proust

2010

It's that time of the year where we take down old calendars and put up new ones. I never reach this season without some analysis of how the year behind me went. Are we also ending a decade? This is the same question we had with whether 2000 or 2001 ushered in a new millennium. That one mattered more since so many expected all computers to go nuts.

Often at year's end I write a list of goals that I hope to make happen in the coming year. Last year I didn't do that, but I have done it again for 2010. I had already set myself some 2010 deadlines because I feel that it's the only way I make something happen. I am feeling hopeful even as it seems the world is full of potholes or craters just waiting for any of us to step into them. I've stepped in some over my 66 years and hope I learned from them as that's pretty much the only consolation.

Personally 2009 was a pretty good year for me on a lot of levels. I had many absolutely wonderful times with my kids, grandkids, and us under the same roof. It takes us all working to make that happen, and it's worth it. In 2009 I saw some big changes in my life, had some disappointments, some tears, but what year won't if we have ourselves out there trying to make things happen? It was hard for me to let go of the Tucson house and turn it into a rental; but it was something that I feel good about at the end of the year.

My trip to John Day country was also special on many levels. I found an area, closer to home, that seems like a soul place for me. I am excited at the thought of spending more time there and coming to know it better in 2010. 2009 was a year where I feel I moved ahead in a lot of areas but not far enough. I am hoping 2010 will see more progress.

I find myself adjusting to the changes that old age make in anyone's life. In some ways that is exciting as it's something I have seen with others and now it's my turn-- amazing as that seems. I want to do it without denial, making the most of the experience.

When I was in Tucson, I decided to bring back with me a book by Carl A. Hammerschlag and Howard D. Silverman called Healing Ceremonies. It's about rituals for various stages of our life. It refers to the years where I am right now as the autumn of our life and that covers 56 to 70. I pretty much think he's right as in many ways 66 doesn't feel really old and yet little things tell me that old is very near.

Healing Ceremonies had a lot of good thoughts, but I particularly liked this passage:

"Too often, however, autumn becomes the season of abandoned dreams. The daily drudgery of 'taking care of business' has dulled them. Autumn ought to be the season in which we redefine ourselves, create a story that reveals our spirit. It is the time to review old habits, make some changes and see more clearly that tomorrow is now. Driven by inertia we sometimes tell ourselves lies until we get a heart attack or a divorce, or die."

It is our choice what we make of each stage of life. I know that, but too often find myself waiting for some person to come along or a serendipitous event to make my dreams come true. The moment is now and mostly we make what happens happen by what we do, the seeds we sow, the weeds we pull. That starts today with no regrets for seeds we didn't plant, those that refused to come up, or weeds that are too high.

Because this is a Blue Moon, a Full Moon and a partial eclipse, some are saying it is an auspicious time to focus on changes that we want in our life. I got this in an email:

"Full Moon (Blue Moon) is Thursday, December 31 at 12:14 PM Mountain Standard Time with a partial lunar eclipse at 11:54 AM MST (visible in India and China). This is the second full moon of the month and significant in that it can anchor your goals, desires, changes and intentions. It can bring great abundance and prosperity. Because this moon is so close to the earth it may affect the ocean tides and they may be higher, larger and fuller than usual.

"This is an important time not to fall asleep into old patterns but rather to take this time around the end of the year and to be proactive with your focus on the things that you want. Do some strong meditative or shamanic practices during this time especially with the personality and influences of 2010 in mind. They will be potent in their influence. If given the opportunity between ritual and focus instead of mindless partying, choose the ritual and focus. It will serve you better in the coming year."
... by Lena Stevens. For more go to [Full Moon/Eclipse Update]

The painting on the wall behind me is by Oregon artist Judy Erickson of closing a gate which seemed apropos. We are closing the gate to 2009 but that means we are opening it to 2010. No matter what comes in 2010, we make of it what we will.

Finishing a job

In order to finish the work at the house in Tucson, there was a lot of jockeying for position on tasks. This item HAS to be done. That one COULD be skipped. I learned some things. For instance, it is a lot more work to clean a house that you might be renting to someone else, than it is when it's you using it.


Mostly I function best in a pretty tidy environment, but this Tucson experience was anything but because of all the jobs that had to be done. I had to make myself not look at tools, filters, parts, all across drainboards and tables. It would have made no sense to put everything away between jobs as more jobs awaited right up to the time we walked out the door.

We had to not only clean the house in a manner that someone renting it would find satisfactory but figure out what went back to Oregon and what would be stored in a locked cabinet in the shop. From the time we arrived, I worked little by little on cupboards and closets (which had 10 years of accumulated living in them; but a lot had to be done right at the last as we, and our two cats, were obviously still having to live there. BB, the cat who had come from Tucson, was out every day and bringing in dust whenever he returned (his favorite Tucson thing is rolling in the dust).

Farm Boss had to frame three paintings. I had to finish the photographs to complete the site we had chosen for advertising the house. I had written about the house before but in a more personal manner. This was statistics and yet also a sales pitch. None of that is simple. I didn't get the photos of the futon in the den until we were almost ready to leave because that was Farm Boss's domain, and he was not only doing the grunt work in fixing the house, he was also trying to keep his consulting business running smoothly from down there.
Signing up at a vacation rental site, like the one we are using, required paying and getting it all approved. I wanted additional photos on a Picasa site which would show more views. That site also had to be approved because they wanted it to have a link back. An extra site offers a broader perspective, more views than the five that are allowed without extra charges. We got it approved before we left.


We also had to leave the entertainment center and wireless functioning, with instructions for use, which meant satellite dish had to be positioned on the roof. It got a test of its sturdiness the first day it was up when Tucson was hit by 24 mph winds with gusts to 40 and heavy rains during the night.

So the last Arizona days were very busy with a lot of hard work, the down on your knees scrubbing kind. The day we finally decided we had to leave was December 23rd. That would mean driving both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but there simply was no choice for it as the couple who had been looking after the farm were going away right after Christmas.

A month wasn't nearly enough time for all we had hoped to do to the house while getting in much hiking-- we got in some; but I think we spent the most time in Ace Hardware, Walmart, and Home Depot. I had hoped to get to a movie-- didn't happen. We did have dinner out twice at our favorite restaurants.
When we closed the door, we felt satisfied with what we had accomplished. The house had more of a theme, felt more pulled together than in the rest of the ten years we have owned it. I requested changing the listing at the last minute by adding 'homey' because it's not a spiffed up modern condo. It is filled with our art and furniture, some of it antiques, some things we have owned many years, some with visible signs of wear.

Its machine-made Oriental rug has been losing fiber from Tucson's summer heat and maybe dry air and now has places where the loss shows. I love that myself. I have a very old prayer rug on the floor behind my desk in Oregon, I bought it at an estate sale looking just as it does now. Its wear and what that means are part of its appeal to me, but someone else might not be so enamored of seeing structural threads. Homey seemed to cover it.

It was important to me for the listing and photos to be honest. I wanted it to be clean and inviting. I hoped that anyone who might rent it will leave having had as a good a feeling as I always do when I close the door behind me once again.

Tora Bora

[The Definitive Account of the Battle of Tora Bora]

Can you imagine what we'd hear from the right if Obama had been president at that time? I guess it's true of us all-- make excuses for our guys and attack the other side. It's not helping us to get anywhere in solving our problems. I think we need to look at what happened and judge it fairly. In this case, the past is not past.

Is depending on luck enough?

al Qaeda's Flight 253 Blueprint

The recent attempted bombing of a US plane indicates a couple of things that hopefully will be looked at very seriously. Anybody who thought terrorist attacks were behind us (not sure that was very many) should rethink their position. Saying that al Qaeda isn't still a factor should likewise be taken off the table for debate. Their numbers don't have to be large for them to have the expertise to plan such attacks.

When some indicated it didn't matter if we got bin Laden, they need to rethink that. Whatever bin Laden's part is in planning this attack, as long as he's out there, he's a symbol that is potent. He ordered the attack on 9/11 and so far as anybody knows, he got away with it. If he's dead, we need to know it and be able to publicize it. If he's still out there, we need to stop pretending he doesn't matter. Some of the people like this latest want-to-be suicide bomber may be very impacted by Osama bin Laden's success in evading capture.

Likewise those who would like to say these terrorist attacks happen because of poverty should throw the argument out the window. It really never held water as the 9/11 terrorists were not from impoverished families nor nations. All but one came from Saudi Arabia and had had the benefit of higher educations. Does this simplistic thinking come about because some want to think everything comes down to money?

What we are facing is a war of ideology. It is because of religious ideology that these people, including the Fort Hood killer, do what they do despite their lives of privilege. [I hesitated to use the word war here because right away people equate it with a war on terror. The war on terror is a war on tactics used to carry out a war of competing ideologies. This is not the kind of war you can fight with conventional warfare.]

I believe we have a two-fold approach that we must take. First is constantly improving our physical tactics for stopping attacks before they happen. The above link describes how this method was known. What excuse do we have for not being ahead of them? Our technology is inferior?

Second is ideological-- a recognition that our goal has to be to make their ideology of death and destruction seen for what it is instead of some kind of heavenly glory. It so often comes down to religion and in this case an interpretation of a religion, Islam, which tells these bombers that it is a good thing to kill innocent people for their higher purposes and their concept of god.

If you don't think this is scary, check out the statistics on what is happening in Europe with people of Muslim faith becoming a larger and larger percentage of Europe's population. The majority of them are law abiding and would never think of doing something violent. Some of them will do whatever they can to catch those who would, but some of their clerics are teaching this kind of violence. Too many moderate Muslims have been standing back and not trying to stop the violent ones in their midst. The thing is this kind of violent act would kill Muslims alongside Christians. We have to all see that.

I don't know how we deal with a religious ideology that teaches death is a victory if it takes others with them. Keep in mind that when they think their god is favoring their cause, their belief he has protected bin Laden fits into that. In a war of ideology, symbols matter.

A start on the physical end would be placing in all airports enough of those machines that show passengers naked through a camera. Sure it's invasive but so would be taking off all of our clothing. The ultimate invasiveness is to be blown apart by a bomb. To me this is a lot like when they argued that making cockpit doors stronger was too expensive.

If we don't get these cameras in place everywhere, there clearly is no way to stop one of these kind of attacks from being successful. There may not be anyway as the terrorists constantly work to find new ways to destroy people while they ignore positive ways to improve their own cultures. Logic? Don't bother looking for it in this. They can win nothing through it but they don't seem to care.

There was only one reason this attack failed-- luck and maybe incompetence of the person carrying out the attack. BUT it would have worked had it been done properly. Nothing I am hearing airlines discussing right now will change that. Make people sit down for an hour before the plane lands? Fine. So they blow it up ten minutes ahead of that. Since they have no respect for individual lives, it's nothing for them to try this all again. We need to move fast and that rarely happens when it costs money.

I also wish our government would make those terrorist watch lists more effective by keeping them up to date as best they can. This guy was like the Fort Hood shooter in that he had someone seeing the danger and in this case warning about him. Our Homeland Security Chief said there was nothing credible to stop him from flying. Did anybody actually investigate after his father gave such a strong warning?

Sometime around 2004, Farm Boss found his name to be on such a list. We have no idea why it showed up there; and when you call, nobody can tell you either. He traveled a lot back then for business and often back and forth in the same day. Was his name the same as someone else's? But his name is not ethnic. He has had no criminal record. Certainly he is not someone who would practice the Muslim faith. Yet there his name was which prevented advanced printing of boarding passes and always led to more hassle at the airports. For all he knows, his name might not still be on it, but they said 550,000 people are there. At one time Teddy Kennedy's name was among them.

So when the most recent bomber was on the list, there were so many others also that the list provided no protection. The watch list has to be real and up to date. If you find your name is there, you should have a right to find out why and provide proof you are not whoever that person is. Lists that are so bulky that they cannot be effectively used are not better than no list at all.

Homeland Security and others from the Obama administration have tried to say the system worked. No, it did not. It failed. Passengers did act heroically; but if the detonator had gone off, if the man had ignited it while in the bathroom, the bomb would have exploded that plane before anyone had a chance to do anything. We are kidding ourselves to think otherwise.

We got lucky this time. Next time we might not be. And as things stand, there will be a next time.

An Unusual (for us) Christmas

Klamath River just north of Yreka, California

Driving north out of Tucson at about 2 PM, December 23rd, we had planned to get on the road with half a day's drive to Parker, Arizona, but left later than we had hoped. The traffic was thick when we hit the freeway but we had expected that. Our logic for leaving when we did was based on giving ourselves a relatively easy first day. Driving after dark doesn't real work out to be easy but it was just how it had to be.

After we got past Phoenix, traffic thinned out for awhile in terms of those heading west but the freeway driving east was unending. I wondered whether they were visiting family, friends or was this a Sun Valley break? As the sky darkened, it was like a chain of golden lights stretching clear across the seemingly endless valleys.

With the sun setting, the horizon took on one of the prettiest lightings I have seen while driving this route. Maybe it was the lingering dust in the air from the previous day's wind or maybe the low sun. The sunset was a brilliant orange with light shining out from it as it filled the rim of the valley.

In Arizona, many times you drive down wide valleys and on all sides are mountain ranges. Often I have seen them with many shades of purple, but this was different. It was as though all of those mountains radiated light from behind them. They glowed as though being haloed. I didn't try to drag out the camera because I knew it wouldn't photograph. It was the impact of seeing such light all around you more than one specific photo opportunity.

On the narrow road north to Parker, after having left the LA to Phoenix freeway, a big dump truck filled with gravel bounced some out to slam against our windshield which cracked it. Of course! This had been the trip of glitches. The cracked windshield was to be the final one but one that will have to be fixed likely with a replaced windshield (we had raised our deductible the same day it happened). The crack widened some in the cold of Northern California but it basically didn't impact driving safely as it was so low.

The next morning, Christmas Eve Day, we drove all day through California. Traffic wasn't too bad. It had its moments but not more than usual given it's a freeway that moves a LOT of people. We drove that day from before light until after dark to get as far as possible making it the day from hell for our cats and us.

Basically the cats, both of them, handled the drive better than previous trips. The elder, BB, meowed a little but nothing like usual. The sad part was the younger one, Blackie, who saw it all as awful. He was stoic in his box, while the older one made any noise required.

At one point BB discovered he could pick up a false bottom that we had put into the carrier to keep him above any 'accidents' he had (he's infamous for accidents), but when he realized he could pick it up and drop it, he began doing it and doing it and doing it. Bang Bang Meow Meow Bang Bang. He soon lost his false bottom and it got quieter. His expression and the claws pretty well say it all about how he handled this.
It's a shame we cannot explain to our pets what is going on, but it was just how it had to be, and how it had to be was not fun for them. We did learn that by getting them out a couple of times, to run around the truck, to look out, that they would do then be happier when back in their boxes. They were wide-eyed and not happy but then who is happy on a long drive?

It is very weird to stay in a freeway motel on Christmas Eve even though we did have our cat kids with us. The Best Western parking lot in Corning was nearly empty of cars when we arrived and only had four when we left Christmas morning. We didn't have a dinner that night but settled for microwave popcorn (very handy to take on trips if you haven't tried it), Merlot, dry food for the cats, and a good night's sleep.


Christmas morning saw the least traffic on I-5 that I have ever seen. I did get out my camera by then to photograph Mount Shasta and the freeway ahead near Yreka. One car was all you could see on either set of lanes.


We had a bountiful Christmas breakfast at the Black Bear cafe in Yreka. It wasn't something we had planned but when we saw it was open, we jumped at the chance. Usually on long trips our meals are from fast food or we have it with us. That morning it was very nice to go in there where so many were family or friends. It felt like one big family gathering.

The prettiest part of the trip was driving through Medford, Oregon with freezing fog turning the world into a very different place. I had never seen fog that seemed to be like giant trees, something about the light and the heavy fog created a different world. I would have sworn we were surrounded by high hills covered with trees but I knew we were not. It was our second gift of mystical feeling lighting on the trip.

Anyway we are home. Everything looks great here. The cats are still stressing some. The younger one has been the most because the elder stresses us when he's not happy. The younger takes it all in and suffers with it longer. I am fixing us a turkey dinner with all the trimmings since we missed out on that by being on the road. Gotta have those leftovers.

For awhile, I won't be posting as much (although I put one together about the final touches on the house and photos of how it looked as we left. We have a lot to do here before we meet our kids and grandkids in Sunriver for our long-planned, family Christmas gathering (hoping for snow). We are looking forward to that even though it means leaving the cats behind (they won't mind).

(All photos from Shasta north to Medford)

Merry Christmas

I hope you are all having a very Merry Christmas with the ones you love, where you want to be. If things aren't quite as you might wish now, I hope your gift will be a better year ahead.
Dreams can come true; so always remember to dream.

Inspiration

In cleaning out drawers, I came across these quotations which I had gotten somewhere and slid there for future reference. The future is here.


To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life.

Bette Davis

Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.

Adele Brookman, psychotherapist

Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.

don Miguel Ruiz, author

I do believe it is possible to create, even without ever writing a word or painting a picture, by simply molding one's inner life. And that too is a deed.

Etty Hillesum, author

You must believe in who you are and scream it at the mountains. Tell the world who you are. The power of who you are is in the power of the word.

unknown

Photos from Tucson area December 2009