There is light on the other side of the tunnel of estate paperwork. Every day my efforts reward me with the satisfaction of trying food recipes that create aromas to me that an ill fisherman hubby could not tolerate. Every day there is progress in repurposing the house as a living studio for art making. This week everything was removed from the attic. Christmas day was a delightful nostalgic discovery day. Among the treasures was the childhood art work of my youngest daughter. Children's art is so inspiring, I will work off of their expressiveness.
I cannot entirely accept feeling so good because what is missing is Fisherman Hubby needing me and feeling that I am playing an important role in his success. Instead I consider what role I will play in the lives of those I love. It was one thing for Fisherman Hubby to be so controlling in demanding me to be there for him in the past few years during his decline in health, and another to take on a co-dependent relationship now. Plus I should not so burden my loved ones by being overly dependent.
My NEW YEAR resolutions, as much as I appreciate the cocoon of warmth and caring that shelters me, is to develop and learn in matters that I can accomplish by myself. And ask those who are sincerely ready to give to fill true needs of mine.