going on or not

 by Rain Trueax

This was not an easy week. I don't have anything to share here beyond what I wrote last week as to our feeling of loss. That feeling won't be going away soon. From what I've seen, some can move on easier than others where it comes to such losses. I am in a teary mood and that's just how it is.

Getting old, more of this is bound to be ahead unless we go first. I remember my in-laws saying that was the hard part of living into their 90s-- seen so many friends go on. 

And go onto what? Isn't what we think about at such times? I know it has been mine through the years. I lost someone important to me when I was in my mid-20s and she was a couple of years younger. Actually, I was the one who didn't expect to live past 30 and told my husband that before we married. Turned out I was wrong and quit predicting when it'd be over for me.

Anyway, all I can offer today are images from the desert and my own inner feelings that nature is the greatest healer. I have no words. I'd love to have words and certainty about loss. Maybe some of you do and will share what you believe. Nobody will find fault. If you are open to such thinking, I'd love to see it.

 

an important date

 by Rain Trueax

Well, it's come around again-- our anniversary. This time it happens on a Saturday, which was the same 56 years ago. I remember a lot of the preparations that day. It was very much a family operation with flowers done by aunts-- except my bouquet, which my grandmother insisted on buying. The groom paid for my wedding gown as well as contact lenses so I could actually see my wedding. I did my own hair (as you can probably tell). Our attendants were two-- my cousin. She and i went shopping for her dress that she'd be able to use for her high school dances. I had no color requirement and she chose a soft green.

My brother was the best man, something that made him never want a wedding with all the trimmings. My mom sang before the service. Afterward, my father-in-law took the photos, except the one he was in. We had the reception back at my parents' small home with again family serving cake, coffee and punch-- no liquor as this was not a drinking family, and I wasn't 21 yet anyway.