Hate: Where Does it Lead?

 image purchased from CanStock.

After writing about love in how it impacts life and my books, it seemed logical to look at its opposite and how does it impact life and fiction. What is the opposite of love? Some have claimed it's fear but I think it's hate. I thought it'd be easy to write about hate. Not so fast.

First of all, I have never personally felt hate for anyone or anything. I thought about this, long and hard after I decided to write about it. I am not sure I ever had anyone hate me either. If they did, I didn't know it. I do experience dislike and some claim that is on its way to hate. If it is, I never let it go that far on a personal level. I also don't worry too much if someone dislikes me unless they would take it to a physical level.

So what makes someone go to the point of hate? I see examples of it happening a lot in what I read is going on in the world and my own country. When people kill strangers, is that a product of hate? Do wars come out of hate, maybe of one nation for another. How about terrorism? Or even saying bad things about another, who may not be personally known but who the person hates? Does emotional abuse come out of hate?

Every so often, we read of a husband or wife killing their partner. How does love turn to hate or was it ever love? Was it possibly narcissism?  Using the pretense of love to get what one wants from another? We do see that a lot with frauds, but does that come out of the perpetrator's hate?

I looked for definitions of hate and found extreme dislike, among a few others, possible synonyms. What makes someone or even a whole nation go from dislike to the point of killing what they now hate? Or even someone resembling that object of hatred?

Probably I won't come up with defining hate, other than a recommendation. Do not let dislike turn to hate. Hate is generally more damaging to the hater than to the one they hate. I believe, like with love, hate is an internal feeling where one can enrich someone's soul and the other eat it up until they become effectively soulless.

If someone moves to hate from dislike, can they go back? I believe so when they realize hate is bad for themselves and the world. Unfortunately, some find hate empowering and don't want to go back to what I'd call the light and a healthier view of life. But if they wish to get rid of their hate, first stop going where hate is sold as a virtue. Beware of pundits who might claim they care about others, but who constantly spew anger and rage. Also avoid such people or groups. Look for where love, which is not remotely a weak emotion, is taught and expressed. You can't be fed one thing and hope to project another.

Where it comes to my writing, I often have villains in my books but rarely go very much into what turned them into one. I don't go into their backstories as I do with other characters. There was an exception in two of my novels. The character was in Beyond the Broken Road where he felt abused and constantly blamed others for whatever went wrong.. He returned in The Beckoning Flame where his hate and self serving (as he thought anyway) behavior had gone to another level entirely. That beckoning flame can be for good or not good. We decide what to follow. Sometimes, I think there can come a time when there is no further choice. The hater has lost any desire to change.

Next Saturday's blog will be out of a chapter showing how a flame that beckons us can lead to positive or negative results-- both for what love can do and unfortunately hate.

 

what love is

When writing romances, it's part of the deal to care about relationships and the subject of love itself. With a romance, the requirement is a happily ever after-- in short, it has to work out in the end. An example would be Pride and Prejudice where however unlikely it might seem, they're going to be with each other at the end of the book. 

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With love stories, this is not necessarily the case. An example of that would be Gone with the Wind. One might hope he'd come back but didn't seem likely when the story ended.

Romances are fantasies, not to say love stories cannot also be, but one is satisfying even when it might not feel realistic. Still, does it seem believable that this couple would fall in love to begin or did the writer just throw them together and tell readers that it happened. The best romances make the reader believe, yep, it could make sense. 

I wrote one of my contemporary romances where it began with a couple divorcing, which one wanted and one did not. Divorces do sometimes end with a couple back together in what we call real life. Not always and definitely not needed in a love story.

Always when I begin a romance, I have in mind at least one of the protagonists. Then who seems likely for that happily ever after, with, of course, some major glitches along the way. That is required or there is no interest. When I come up with the second protagonist, I have to believe it's more than seeing each other and bam. If I don't believe in it, the readers will not.

Music speaks a lot about love-- sometimes as a romantic fantasy and sometimes with sad endings. I particularly like this song from the 80s where it speaks of someone wanting to know love, wanting to find someone to teach them.

I want to know what love is

Here's the thing about love. It's within us. Relationships in romances can begin many ways, from friends to lovers or even enemies to lovers, but the real life deals, which last. love for each other, and not in the romantic sense of the word but more the in depth caring for that person and what is good for them as well as one's own self.  

People looking for love in their lives have to be logical as well as emotional. Do I share life goals with that person? Do our backgrounds make it likely that we will understand each other? It can't be just lust, though that might be a beginning. If that's all it is though, don't expect it to last. Real love goes through good and bad times with a desire to work together for a good life. I try to write romances where that seems likely for the protagonists.

Romantic love is lovely in books, soothing to read through dark times, but the kinds of relationships that last take genuine love and that takes the emotion and logic to make it through the dark times-- and I believe all relationships have those. I know something about those long term relationships as I am in one. Not that I don't have dreams that add to what I write.