Dreams: Visions and Reality

 

Photo from Montana

Once again, my idea for a blog is being rewritten by a dream, which led to an idea or maybe more accurately thoughts when I woke. Things I'd not have written otherwise.  Dream first.

Ranch Boss and I were leaving the small town closest to our farm. I saw a road turning up  a hill just past a small store. I wanted to walk up it. So we left our vehicle and proceeded up the narrow road. It was pretty with tall trees and lots of ivy. Most of the houses were still occupied but a few had been abandoned. Ivy entwined everywhere. 

As we got closer to the top of the hill, we saw some of the usual piles of small limbs and brush that had been piled to burn in the fall. By this time, we knew no more homes would be and turned around. This time we saw what we had missed earlier. Roads and bulldozed clearings were where there had been trees and orchards. The cleared areas were massive, seemingly everywhere we looked. 

Those people, who lived where we had passed coming up, had no clue what was about to happen as the roads in didn't pass their homes, but when apartment buildings and houses were built, as seemed obvious, their life would change in ways they couldn't have imagined. No chance to change any of it-- it was too late.

When I woke, I thought as I always do. What did that mean? I've driven that Oregon road many times, but the side road never. So, did the dream have a cultural or political meaning?

In Oregon, there were rules passed in 1973, which made it difficult to do what we had just seen in the dream. Farm land, timber, orchards were limited for development and that included private land and government. Vast tracts of land were protected from uses not intended to help the people but just to make money. The kind of development I've seen in other states including Arizona where I live much of the year and maybe soon,  permanently.

The thing about regulations is they can be good or bad. Some are in place simply to enrich others as a reward for what they have done. Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch said that such regulations can be good but also if they go too far, they can stifle needed growth (paraphrased). That's where having strong, honest, ethical leaders is so important-- not those paid off by someone with greed as a motive. How do we as voters determine which is which?

The Oregon leaders, like Tom McCall, who set environmental laws in place valued something more than dollars. They knew you can't eat dollars but rather must have places to buy what dollars can purchase. Imagine if those leaders had not existed then.

We don't have to imagine. We are seeing it, and it's not just one political party, wish it was. Ranch Boss and I have traveled across the United States from border to border and the Pacific to the Atlantic, both flying and driving. In many places, there are hodgepodge developments thrust wherever someone wished. It's not just close to cities but also in the middle of seemingly nowhere. There are places people can buy chunks of raw land where there is no water but just dreams. 

What we see today so many places is where land is cut up with no more hope of making a living on it than those first homesteaders had, with many places too dry with no water. Who profits from that?

Another thing we see in Arizona is where other countries have bought land that they take the water to raise crops that will be sent to those countries. The water they use require deeper and deeper wells for those already there-- until the time there is no water down there.

Too often, ordinary folk have no power. In fact, even big ranches and farms owned by families are often forced to be subdivided or sold to the highest bidder. They are torn apart due to federal and state estate taxes if the owners have not found a way to protect their operations, sometimes of many generations.

In my opinion, right now, too many leaders, state or federal, use their positions to enrich themselves. Give me one reason why so many who come into office without a lot end up wealthy? If you don't know that's true, do some research.

When they run for office, they are all for the ordinary folk, but once in, it changes. Many may know that they are going to do that, but some may just be seduced. I don't know, but I do know we used to have leaders who could look ahead and see what was good for the people.

So, what does any of this mean, my dream or what came after? I guess that depends on what matters most to voters-- talk or actions.

Another thing-- is it too late to change what is happening like in my dream and a lot more? Voting is the only hope of which I can imagine changing things. Voting is when the little people do get a chance to make a difference. The thing is though what matters most-- short term or long term? We can't stop change. It's coming, but which direction?

July is almost gone

Yikes, I meant to put up something for how things are going with how it is to be living in a travel trailer for a few months. Well, it would have been better if we'd have had a trailer that didn't have so many things going wrong with it. Most appear fixable but it's been depressing where it involves the basics like heat, cooling or black water (you can guess that that is). There are other things that are hard for me but that's due to my nature and not  a fault of trailer or anything else. Think too tenderhearted. 

Here are a few photos of my world right now. Likely it will stay that way until early September when we finally head back to Casa Expiritu in Arizona. Yes, we will be glad to do it, but we will miss our closer contact with our son and the love we have for this land where we had lived in 1977 until recently.

On the trailer aspect, don't know how full-time RVers manage as most of the problems relate to storage for us. This RV has a good layout with the computers and all but storage... big problem. Although it has a big TV, we haven't used it even to watch the many DVDs we brought-- let alone cable. 

One thing I wanted were shelves above the computers. I like them but haven't used the lotions much either. I am removing myself from so much. Alongside my computer is a wall with photos. That's been my project to try and feel upbeat when times are tough (think sending cattle to the auction *sad times for me when it's needed*. They are all photos of places we've been, with positive energy, and where I might hope to go again. Think positive.

If you've never been around livestock where they operate as herds, you might be surprised how much joy there can be gained from watching their personalities as they interact. It's a whole different world than corporate agriculture. If you think there is value in such small herds and flocks, find someone local from whom to buy grassfed meat. It's better for the animals and the humans who need protein. In a natural herd, they live until they die. We can't always do that as it's hard to find enough buyers but it's the goal. As for dying when life is over (sooner or later)-- We do the same. What we want and hope for is a good death.

 

 

 

aging and releasing

by Rain Trueax

May 2020 and the high temperatures have reached Tucson.

Although I have called myself old for some years, I am only now getting to the age to recognize that being old is about more than looks. It's about changes in ways I had seen with others but not experienced until more recently. It is about accepting change and moving where it leads if one wants to have a happy old age-- one not filled with regrets and even bitterness. It means accepting what is and making the most of it. 

Yikes

by Rain Trueax

Time is going by way too fast. I literally cannot believe we've been back at the farm for a month and it seems like it was yesterday.

The farm has had a lot accomplished-- hay for the winter bought and stashed in the barns; sheep shorn; fields fertilized, and fence across the creek replaced after calf got on the other side. The place was in great shape when we returned thanks to the hard work of our son, but this is the season for preparing for all the other ones. 

Transitions

by Rain Trueax

Rain Rock Casino-- Yreka, California

Holy Mackerel, what is going on with time? It seems we just got home with a blog to share but now, time to write another one. Ack. 

Mostly the days after we got home have been about unpacking (a lot goes between homes) and then rearranging the house. When we are gone (with current agreement), our son lives here sometimes with his boys. He takes care of the livestock; and although in town, he has a duplex, he tends to be out here the most due to the needs of the animals. He then, of course, arranges things to suit himself. We come home and have to arrange it to suit ourselves. This business of sharing a home may not work long term for him or us. We are all feeling our way through it. One way or another, change has to come.

life issues of the aging

by Rain Trueax

When you reach a certain age, which could vary for any of us, the idea of end of life comes into play. I mean at 75, I obviously have a lot less years ahead than I've lived. What does that make for my choices, how I spend my money, home, pets, livelihood, etc.? How do I arrange for what I leave behind? How do I want to spend those years?

serendipity

by Rain Trueax
 

It's hard to believe that it's already December. This year went by soooo fast. I am not much of a holiday person, though I had years where I was. Now it's mostly get through the season, to the shortest day and start heading toward spring and then summer. 

There is a time in life where I was more traditional but that's not this time. I look with some nostalgia on those days but life is what it is. I do see people where their lives seem to stay a lot the same for religion, community, family. Do we choose whether that happens or is it what it is?

not as I expected

This has been a week where nothing went as I expected. I had written a blog for today and then because of other circumstances, it's not a good fit. I'll be next Saturday. 

With grandson here this week, my mind isn't operating on full cylinders, and today seems like a good day for photos. These are from our farm and this summer. It seems hard to believe it's more than halfway gone. Since out here, we all need rain, that's not a bad thing.

popular or not

by Rain Trueax

Sometimes I dream something and wake with an associated idea-- sometimes only roughly associated. It happened this week. My dream had taken me back to high school relationships and one particular one where the dream mixed real life experience with fiction. 

In high school, I'd had a friend, the kind we did things together, had sleepovers-- and then one day I went to school and she was no longer talking to me. She never told me why. I never asked. To this day I don't know although I could hazard a guess. More interesting to me would be-- why didn't I ask then? I didn't and won't ever now. Her loss was painful for me as I didn't have a lot of school friends. The dream encompassed this real life experience but gave it a different ending-- think Hallmark ending ;)

When I woke, it was with this thought-- I am not a popular person. Is that why my books are not popular? Do they even relate?

from one to another

 by Rain Trueax

If you've been with me on this blog a long time, you know that since 1999, we have owned a second home in Tucson, Arizona. We have used it less or more depending on the year. To help with its expenses and because sometimes we found it hard to get away, for 5 years or so, we offered it on VRBO as a vacation rental for those with pets. It's never been a good fit for those with allergies as when we are there, we have our cats with us. Snowbirds want it most frequently, which meant if we have gone, it was in the fall or early summers.

We decided in 2017 that we weren't renting it in 2018 because we wanted to do repairs and some remodeling, which required our being there. We kept putting off going until finally it was 2018, and we had to get it together. The farm would be okay without us. We have someone who feeds the cattle and sheep. We arranged to have the wild birds and hummingbirds be fed. We had a house-sitter as well as wonderful neighbors who keep an eye on things (meaning cattle or sheep on the road) when we are not there. 

We had to go, wanted to go, but kept putting off leaving for assorted reasons, some personal and some physical problems with the farm-- including water damage from the water heater (it was the original when the home was built in the '50s and needed replacing) and then another leak destroying the utility room floor. Couldn't leave with Thanksgiving or Christmas, could we?

During most of the fall, we had decided firmly we'd not take our vacation trailer or the two formerly feral cats. It being iffy travel in winter, we wanted to take motels and what motel lets you take four cats??? They could be fed at the farm. They'd be fine there as it's been their home.

Looking at their little faces, as they lounged on the sofa, and that idea flew out the window. They were going, which meant the trailer was going. How that would work was uncertain, with one cat hating another and one cat still spraying despite being neutered a year earlier-- and all of us in a small trailer with no real separations other than the bathroom. It didn't matter. The six of us were going.

During December, I kept plugging away at my book as I put off packing for the time I'd be in a different climate-- although with Tucson, you can get a winter-- not a wet and cold one though like our home in Oregon. I have to admit part of me just didn't want to go, even though it was the best choice for us all.

Finally, the year had ended and we were pushed for a firm timetable for leaving. It would involve days on the road, but we had a destination we loved. The cats would like it too since we fenced the yard to keep them safe from the desert predators-- if not from each other.

These photos are all of our home in the desert, the place we call Casa Espiritu, It always feels like home when we get there-- getting there is, however, always the problem. This time, winter was setting in on the mountains, unknown storms lay ahead, and a travel trailer had to be pulled and parked every night. 

How the trip went will be broken up, since this one already went long. Tomorrow gets into what it involves taking a travel trailer on a trip. Monday will be the trip and how that went with us and the cats!

A painting could sell a ranch : A fantasy that emerged as I overcame painter's block

 
Initially I overcame inertia  by just mixing colors and painting without a plan. I decided  I did not have to paint a meaningful painting. Some vague notion of landscape would be a starting point. I didn't know what kind of landscape I would make -  maybe a seascape, alpine meadows, water reflections or near non-objective abstract.  Internal or external type was not decided. As I brushed on the acrylic paint covering about two thirds of the canvas,  new thoughts of possible meanings flashed across my mind.

When the four foot by five foot canvas was almost completely covered,  I thought it was good. The painting was a nice backdrop to holiday clutter being  decorative and calming.   But if it was done in just three hours, it was void of a possible ricer involvement. So I took courage ignoring fears of spoiling the painting.

New directions 

My paintings are a pictorial journal of my life with some even becoming solutions to problems I have encountered. Time to paint when changes are near. The beautiful wood lot and ranch in back of our property is going to be subdivided. The view will be gone forever, but I will have a sentimental memory painting. For awhile I thought I would paint a deer jumping over the foreground fence out at the viewer, which shortly occurred to me was merely an exercise to see how good I was as a painter - a short lived shallow reward for me.

Once a painting solved a problem I had. I used to sign my maiden name to my paintings in hopes that I would find a long lost cousin when all the usual means of searching failed for a decade. A painting of a common ancestor published on a blog did result in one child of the lost cousin calling me.  Then I  visitited the cousins I never knew as a child.

Though it is a long stretch, maybe a want to be ranching family will read this blog and  buy all 13 acres and continue ranching while rearing their children like my painting reminisces.

The flow was strong with purpose for a couple of weeks



 

After blocking in  the atmosphere and colors, each day I added a small pictures of my heart warming memories like the house decorated with Christmas wreath, along with the barn and horse arena. I have more memories that could be added like the chipmunks, rabbits, humming birds, robins, peacocks  and steers. There were quail, China pheasant, owls, raccoon, coyote and skunk, shrews, mice and rats, hawks, woodpeckers and more. My husband giving a neighborly assistance in the falling of trees, and cutting wood, the tractor added too. The small family farm opens up the continuation of fundamental values upon which our greatness as a nation was built - neighborly caring for each other sharing our labors and bounty with one another. Urbanization of most of us is at the heart of our loss of empathy. saving this life style is important.

 Because in this season I was overwhelmed by adding so much, I placed the painting with the front to the wall in my studio out of sight until next year.

 The  view outdoors had changed from being autumn to wintry frost.  I was mesmerized by the pastels as the sun started to melt away the whites. When the sun set behind the trees at 3:30 PM, the purples and greens died in my painting, only coming back to excite me in the early mornings when the sun glow peeped through the window.

 What is slowing the flow now? Wanting to paint a winter scene?  Indecision? Would more additions  take away from the pony ride?  Or have the holidays called me to do some baking and shopping that I have been avoiding? Time to put it away until next year. I am too close to it to make a decision.

 

I have successfully kept a flow going but not the holiday preparations.  Enough is enough. Time to hide the painting away until next year when with fresh eyes I will determine if it is complete. Time for undivided time with family. Next year I will be ready to do more paintings of the neighboring ranch.

I hope my Jewish friends are concluding their last day of a happy Hanukkah celebration and to my Christian friends a Merry meaningful Christmas with hope for peace for all faiths and beliefs in 2018.

Sweethearts of the West

by Rain Trueax

When I made the decision to become an indie author, I was 68 years old. I had been writing books since I was in my teens. I've often joked that when I wrote the first draft of what became Round the Bend, I was the age of the heroine. When I made the decision to publish it, I was the age of what would have been her grandmother. The book went through as many metamorphoses in the intervening nearly fifty years as I had. During that time I never quit writing love stories with the Western ethos, set in the land I love and know best. Writing and what came later with publishing has led me down many paths.

This fall, when I was invited to join a group blog called Sweethearts of the West, I had to consider whether I had anything to offer. I read the articles by its other authors, liked the mix of history, Western Americana, and travel through the land west of the Mississippi River. With a diverse group of authors, you never know what will turn up, and every two days, it is something new.

In joining it, I left another group blog, Smart Girls Read Romance. I liked it also but had less feeling for what I could offer. Sweethearts is easier for me due to my love of western history, traveling Western states, and my own books. The big thing about joining a blog, for me, is feeling I have something to contribute.

One thing, if you are a writer, you learn that you have to write what comes to you. Okay, there are some writers, who write to the market, many because it's the support of their family, but for most, they try to blend that with what they love. A writer feels joy when writing to their core beliefs and loves-- as well as what they know best. This works for blogs as well as books. 

For my first piece there, I wrote a bit about my childhood and how that influences what I write. Where I've written more about my life today, I've written less about those growing and learning years. Some of that is because of what I wrote last week-- I don't think on those years much. Seeing how it mattered, how it was still a factor in who I am, I made myself go back there. Even more, I came to see how it still influences my books. Here is a snippet from that blog.

 A WWII baby, as I became a child, the United States was coming off a major war, and we were under the threat of a nuclear holocaust. If we could forget that, our schools had bomb shelters where we were supposed to go in the event of an attack (exactly what those were supposed to benefit us, I'm not sure as we all knew about the dangers of radiation).  Despite the Cold War and a soon to be hot one in Korea, I consider it a rich time in which to grow up.

So, head on over to the link where I did what I rarely do-- looked back at what influenced the woman I am today, the life I lead, and what I write. If you are interested in Western Americana, I think you'll like this group blog and learn something or have your memories refreshed by the articles.

Sweethearts of the West

Winter Solstice

from Stencil

 

We are finally here-- Winter Solstice. From the fall equinox, the days get shorter and shorter. The sun is lower on the horizon. With the growing darkness, many of us, in the Northern Hemisphere, begin to count down the time until we will get to the shortest day, and everything will go the other direction. 

Some celebrate the end of a calendar year, which is an artificial device to help humans manage time. The real change comes with the Solstice. For awhile, it won't seem much different; but bit by bit the light increases.

To celebrate the Solstice is a very natural event and goes back into even prehistory. Some of the prehistoric ruins in the US have places that let the shamans determine the exact moment the Solstice arrives, based on the sun coming through a rock hole and hitting a precise spot. For an agrarian, hunting, and gathering population, this is important information.

from Stencil

 

Fire is an important part of a Winter Solstice celebration as a way to bring back the light. Besides parties there are other possible ways to [celebrate]. A Yule log has many traditions connected to it. Some keep a piece of it for the next Winter Solstice. Others put some of the ashes under their bed as protection (hopefully after the heat has totally gone from them).

We can spend this time to think of something new, something we want, a change in how we think, a new friend. The Solstice is an ending but also a beginning. We could spend some time thinking of what we've done. Now what comes next? The fire can help us do that if we write down these things and then put them in the fire. Concentrate on what comes next.

We've never had a Solstice party, but we might light some extra candles. Since we have frequent fires in the fireplace at this time of the year, it's not special. We have yet to start a bonfire outside-- although that might not be a bad idea since we have much to burn in the debris from the year and in a pile that has been too wet to burn. With our recent snowfall and extreme cold (for us), it might just be possible. 

farm creek

So winter is officially here-- even though it's felt like it for the last weeks. For some, with the less light, it's  a tough time, but more light is coming. And winter can be a time to do less (if it wasn't for Christmas expectations) and enjoy a quiet time.

 "Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for a home." — Edith Sitwell

We all need down times and winter gives us a good excuse to take them... unless lambs are soon to come and livestock needs to be fed... other than.

our farm in Decenber

patterns

  September 16th, harvest moon from Oregon Coast Range

This month I've had several nights where I woke at 2am and instead of falling back to sleep right away, would lay there thinking. One night it was about patterns and how they impact our lives. When a life pattern is undesirable, we call it a rut. When we like it, it's a routine. Patterns are how we develop skills by repeating what we've learned and adding to it as we grow in abilities. Wanting to break a habit requires breaking a pattern. When it's an addiction, it's tough but only a minor challenge when it's something less-- like say making the bed every day instead of leaving it for the night. 

One way patterns interested me was in books-- as both a reader and an author. When I choose a book to read, buying one by an author I already know is encouraged (or discouraged) when I know the basic patterns I can expect to find in their books. There will be certain elements, types of characters, challenges and action, which I can expect.  Of course, if I've read an author enough times to know their pattern doesn't deviate much, I likely will quit reading them because I know how it's going to go. Only a few authors have I liked so much that I've wanted every book they ever wrote. It's not easy to provide the pattern I'll enjoy while still keeping the book interesting.

September 16, Harvest Moon after clouds passed on by

As a writer, even choosing names for heroes and heroines can end up with them too much like earlier books or even secondary characters. I tend to like certain sounds. The letters that make those sounds tend to appear again and again as names. I have to fight against that as it gets confusing for the reader.

I also like certain types of heroines and heroes for their character traits. That's good in that a reader can know what to expect, as I said above, but bad in that I can feel I am following an old pattern that needs to get rejuvenated. There are authors who have written many more books than me as in hundreds and yet manage to stay fresh. It's got to be a gift as I feel myself having to fight for new ideas after writing only 26. One way to do that is to change genres where new elements come into play as challenges for the characters and the writer ;).

As part of breaking patterns, I've changed the way my blog roll looks. For one thing, I moved it up to the top of the page. For another, I removed the images because so many of the blogs were putting up images that were read as huge. I tried adding the option of snippets instead and found I like it better as a way to see what the bloggers are up to. I also decided to add some new blogs from full-time RVers.

When our kids were small, we had a 15' vacation trailer with no inside bathroom, but we used a porta-potty in what was also a clothes closet. When the kids were small, we had a rope barrier to prevent them from falling out of an upper bunk-- while Ranch Boss had a big knife always ready to cut it if needed to make a fast exit. That trailer took us camping around Oregon as well as Arizona. At that time I read a magazine called Trailer Life which had a section on full-timers, who were mostly older. 

Today we had realized, when we traveled with our travel trailer (which we are thinking of upgrading to a fifth wheel trailer) that there were a fair number of people living relatively full time in RV parks. Young couples, singles, as well as older folk are doing this. The appeal is downsizing as well as the freedom to move around the country. 

So I've added, for now, four blogs by those living in their rigs. I plan to keep the list a little more flexible as I see something new that seems upbeat. I don't read blogs everyday, know a lot don't, but it's nice to have it there.