a land of dreams-- big, little and sometimes broken

by Rain Trueax

I wanted to write about the quail, with what I've observed and learned; but I want to do it when I have time to do the subject justice. We are getting our Tucson house ready to leave and packing the trailer for the long trek back north. I always hate leaving here but I also love Oregon. I wish the places I loved were closer together, but I have so many of them. 

To go north, our 26' travel trailer will mostly stick to freeways as the shortest route is through California. We don't have time for recreation with the four cats not liking their limited range. They can't go out, although i have had cats where I could use a leash-- not these four though. We do keep our driving days relatively short for their sake and ours with finding nice little RV parks each afternoon-- and hoping they'll be quiet ones.

I always hate leaving Arizona. This year it's  especially hard when I hope the babies do well with no one supplementing their diet, but haying season is almost here, sheep have to be shorn-- if the shearer ever gets the time for a small flock. So northward we must head and leaving this house well-secured, fortunately with neighbors who look out for it when we're not here.

In putting off the quail until I am back in Oregon, I happened across some photos from 2008, when we had a wonderful trip through Montana, Yellowstone, and Idaho. Choosing only a few is tough. It's a big country with a lot of variety in scenery. Loving the American West, which has been inspiration for some of my books, I can't say I have just one place that is better than the rest. Life for me would be simpler if I had one such place,

On these photos, I am not labeling where these are. They are not in any particular order. They represent to me so much of what I love about the Rockies and the American West. You can find places all across the West that look liked them. It's big country.

from 2004

Wow, it's already September. Where did the summer go? Where does life go? It's been busy here with the last hay, selling some of the livestock-- as must happen if the place doesn't want to turn into a desert, grandsons for a few nights, an interesting couple for a lengthy discussion and long lunch, and seeing the end of a vegetable garden, where some didn't get a good start due to cold nights. We may yet have time to harvest as it's hard to say when we'll get the first hard freeze. Fall is definitely in the air in the Oregon Coast Range.

The following is something I harvested when looking through my files trying to find older writings. I lost many when I had a big computer failure. This was the year after I'd written Sky Daughter based in Idaho. I had come along on one of ranch boss' business trips, started this thought, but never wrote more on it.

Monument Valley, fall of 2004. Wonderful time there. We haven't made it back since.

March 2, 2004

Boise, Idaho

To some degree, what I have been considering are the different levels on which we live. The areas we fret over or ignore to our (i.e. my) sometimes loss. Our individual selves can be divided into three dimensions—spirit, emotion and physical. These are what make up what we think of as self. 

Beyond 'self', we also interact with others in the world and beyond. We have three other ways of looking at these realms in which we operate or should be at least aware as they do impact us-- whether we are aware or not. They are where we define ourselves, are defined by others, and find our purpose. I thought about this based on my need to find internal balance as I was constantly looking at one or the other to see how my values decided my stance. These realms are spirit, community, and personhood. 

Spirit is where we find what we believe about a purpose for being here. 

Were we created by a supreme deity or just happened? 

If we are atheists, how will that impact our choices?

If there is a God, what does he expect from me? 

How can I serve her? 

What happens to me when I die? 

The spirit realm is one in which we depend on instincts and others for wisdom as many sacred texts have been put together by those who claim to speak for God. Most of us, at least at one point in our lives, will listen to those other opinions, hear the songs, see the films, and turn inward to figure out what rings true.  

Some ignore thinking about spirit through most of their lives. Others live so much in this realm that they ignore the physical world. Some move between concepts as their lives change. Fear, self righteousness, hate, and force of will can be part of how we see the spirit realm. 

If there are spirits on the other side, they may impact our lives also.  The muse plants ideas. Events are manipulated to help or hinder. Or so some believe...

The community is physical and harder to ignore as it encompasses organizations, politics, neighborhoods, and jobs. Here is where we interact with others, find service, and work out the broader concept of being part of a culture. Family would fit in community and personhood with overlaps. Who we come from can often seem to be who we are-- more so with some than others.

Personhood is the inner work, where on intimate levels we are impacted to be who we are based often on relationships which may be positive or negative. It is where we come to know other inner beings in an intimate sense. Here is where we live with who we truly are, work this out and use it to serve in the other two realms.

What I believe is people can forget one of these levels or maybe for a time have to let one go while they work on being balanced in the others. These are the things I am considering for myself right now-- what is my responsibility to each realm?

The community also extends into the world community for which some don't think they need to bother themselves at all. Who cares what happens thousands of miles away? But if we consider that the whole world is an organism, made up of vibrations, than what happens anywhere impacts us. 

The writer of 7 effective habits said we have to separate out what we can change versus what just is. Our zone of influence is limited. Some have a wide zone of influence and can change things worldwide but for most of us to spend much time considering what we can't change, is self-defeating. It means we are not dealing with what we could be while we are caught up in what is beyond us. There's a bumper sticker that says-- think globally-- act locally.

At any rate, that's my thinking here in Boise, a city I much enjoy spending time as it's not too big or too small and has a very strong creative energy similar to Missoula. I came to some of this because I keep being told things in the paper or TV news that I had to stop and think about-- gay marriage/ Passion of the Christ / primary election debates / Bush's latest speeches/ etc. And some of those things went to where my spiritual connection is to God-- what I believe he/she expects of me here in this life and some went to my community at large and up close. Each choice I make has a draw on my energy.  

What kind of world do I want to live in?

Which of the creative areas can I succeed in if I keep pushing?

If not any, then what do I do to make my contributions meaningful? 

Where should I live? 

What kind of community can I live in where I can serve, have friends, find meaning to my days? 

Am I letting fear stop me from moving ahead as I should? 

Or is fear a good warning right now that I am not ready to move ahead. 

And then the big one-- What the heck am I doing with these precious days which I have been gifted but possibly am not using wisely? Our soul may go on but this woman of flesh and blood gets one shot at living, and she deserves me to make it good for her as best possible for as many days  as I have the control.