What dreams can mean

Dreams are a big part of my life-- the night time sort, not daytime. Some have meaning to them but so far no prophetic dreams, which is fine with me. Some are prosaic or seem that way like recently going to a movie theater, which seemed meaningless until the end of it. I'd left the film part way to go to the bathroom. I came back to see the end except it went into scenes of people watching films, with nothing to do with the story I'd left. Those scenes kept going on and on until I realized the story would never return and the meaning was how we wait around for an ending that may never come, and it does relate to life.

Some of my dreams work into parts of books. One became a book that led to two more books. It began because in the fall of 2013, I lost a cat I loved very much. I'd have paid a lot of money to save her life. She was too young to die, but something was catastrophically wrong inside. All I could do was let her go, which happened when the veterinarian came out to the house and gave her a merciful end. I cried so much. I still cry when I think about it, which is why I don't include her picture here.

 That night I asked for a dream to know if reincarnation was true. I had thought this cat had come to me twice. Both other times, she'd lived out her whole lifetime. This time I wanted to know if reincarnation was true. If it was, I hoped I'd get her back again. The dream was not about cats but it was powerful.

A man and woman were on a train. They had been lovers in previous lifetimes. This time they were both destined to die early from accidents.

There were two spirit guides looking at what was happening. As the lovers kissed, a gold ring was clearly seen over the kiss. The guides saw it and

observed how rare that kind of love was. 'They will just ruin things again if we don't let them fix it this time,' they said. At the same time, there was another couple, where the woman was plotting to kill the man to get his money. What can fates do to fix these two unfairnesses? The dream had the answer with a transfer of souls.

Now, it's been a lot of years since the dream, but some elements are still strong in my memory especially that ring over their kiss. I still see it if I think about it and have never heard of such a thing anywhere except in my fiction novella.

When I woke that morning, I realized I had to write this story. There were elements I could not use-- like the train. There were other elements that I added to it to fill out the book of these lovers who had met in high school but never did anything about their feelings until years later when tragedy cuts their time short. I added scenes that fit the characters like a time in the spirit at Bear Mountain. That's what writing is about-- an initial idea and then what!

I wrote the novella, When Fates Conspire, and put it out in January 2014 when I began to think this had potential for something more. 

No dream this time, but the woman who lost her son is having a hard time, in The Dark of the Moon, holding onto the family ranch with her main help gone. A man, who sees the

other side and is trained as a sorcerer, comes to the ranch after hearing of her plight. He offers to help, and it's not hard to see where this is going since it's a romance. 

The mystical side though went beyond the sorcerer as the son who had been killed, who had found joy with his soul mate in their new bodies, begins to feel a draw to a ranch where he's never been and that he can't explain. The soul connection is there when mother and lost son meet. Oh, there is the little matter of villains and a killer bear.

Were two enough? Not close, It takes three. Storm in the Canyon has a shape-shifting druid hero. Langston Agency is called by the restored son to figure out what is happening in a canyon with strange powers growing by the day. This is a canyon known for its tragic endings. The spirit world is also concerned and sends a spirit guide into human form to help. She can't stay forever but is romance in the air? Of course, but so is a logical explanation for why monsters of old might be gaining power in a

Montana ranch canyon.

Three novellas from one dream, but it wasn't the end. I wanted to combine them into one novel-- Diablo Canyon. I also wanted to add in the spice that novellas don't have enough room to have. 

Having three into one has a confusing aspect. If someone doesn't read the whole blurb and buys the novella and then the novel, they might feel they were cheated. The novellas do have one feature, or rather more of it than the novel-- Dante's quotes fit each chapter. What a poet he was.

Remember tonight... for it is the beginning of always.    Dante Alighieri

novellas available at Amazon:  

When Fates Conspire: https://www.amazon.com/Fates-Conspire-Diablo-Canyon-Trilogy-ebook/dp/B00I53K8CE

 The Dark of the Moon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K105OVY

Storm in the Canyon: https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Canyon-Diablo-Book-ebook/dp/B00L0LQEG2 

Full length novel with those three and spice put together: https://www.amazon.com/Diablo-Canyon-Trilogy-Rain-Trueax-ebook/dp/B00M9NXVDO

Starting over or not...

Something came up recently about reincarnation. I've used it as a theme in several books as an explanation for how we are drawn to certain people. I've read a LOT about it, done regressions to see if I could find past lives of my own, but in the end, I am down to mystery as to what happens after we or our animals die.

I thought of something else though, in one of those nighttime between sleep times. First where it comes to beloved animals-- if they come back, do they get good lives or are they among the unfortunate who find themselves at the mercy of the cruel? Is it really better to come back if there is no control over how or where-- and that's up for debate according to my research. Some do believe there are those who track it all, make sure it's fair. I've used that in some of my fantasy/paranormal books, and it's come to me in dreams. Is it so?

 

For myself, would I want to come back? Currently, not so much if I had the choice. I was very fortunate with this lifetime. I've had plenty of angst and tears; but overall, it's been a blessed life without riches but good relationships and experiences that make me grateful for when I was born and what family and friends came into that life. The idea though of starting over has no appeal for me. I am tired and not sure that the future of this world will be one I'd like to begin again in. I imagine starting again as a baby, and think good grief, would I want do all of that again??? Do I have a choice when on the other side? Is my gratitude for what I've experienced this time a plus or minus?

When you read how some have been so abused and it's the fault of those who did have a good life, even if it was hand me-down clothes and little money, was this life unfair to someone else, who I don't even know?

 

When I did my regressions, none of those lifetimes were as sanguine as this one has been. I saw tragedies, mistaken goals, and often a shorter than expected lifetime. No queens or wealth as some claim all remember. Mine were ordinary people living ordinary lives and often ruining things by poor values. I still remember the things I saw in those meditations, with a few spilling into this lifetime, but seriously would I like to begin again... Not yet anyway. And I did get a full lifetime, which was not the case for some I have loved, where there might be more desire to get another chance.

 

Reincarnation make for a good plot for a book like Echoes from the Past where the heroine was seeking answers for her dreams. Maybe it explains some of my current life's mistakes . To have had though a good life doesn't mean I'd get the next one the same-- not based on my research and own meditations.

 

My granddaughter talked of some such memories when she was a toddler. After a while, she didn't remember them but have they impacted her life decisions anyway? Mystery to me.

 

The books with strong links to reincarnation begin with Diablo Canyon. I had that one begin from a dream when I asked for a dream that explained reincarnation to me as I'd just lost a beloved cat. The dream didn't exactly explain but it was about reincarnation. 

 

Diablo Canyon.

And then was another book, historical where the idea of a woman trying to understand her dreams led to her exploring the area in which the dreams had come. 

 

Echoes from the Past

 

 

It's Complicated

By Rain Trueax

What if? Do you know how many ideas for books begin with-- what if. The next thought can be-- ridiculous, but sometimes it's-- why not! 

Why not have a hero who is named after an ancestor who did evil during his lifetime? Why not have that man be the very soul who has lived lives between the evil one in an attempt to get his lives on a healthier course? How much of that outlaw violence would carry over into the one he's now living? Can someone really change their soul through the lives they choose? Since they won't remember those earlier lives, how much do they impact today's choices? What if he has spiritual helpers who have come along for the ride but that he doesn't see or want to hear?

These are the questions raised in Complicated Bargain-- third of the Hemstreet Witch books, now in a series called Mystic  Shadows.

from a dream

by Rain Trueax

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and kept adjusting where it'd show up. It's an example of how, for me, books emerge from a dream and a simple thought into a full book. 

On other levels, my life has been evolving on many levels. One is that I'm trying to create back covers that work with the covers for Ranch Boss (whenever work here lets up) to put together the spline that lets the book become a paperback. Those matter mostly for giving away but also could be important if I do some book signings, which I've yet to do. Also, if I want my books to be in libraries, there must be paperbacks and a Library of Congress number. Working on it all. Meanwhile, this is an example (there are many) of how books begin with one thing and turn into another. Fun. :)

Sometimes a book begins with a dream. In the fall of 2013, I lost a cat I loved very much. I'd have paid a lot of money to save her life. She was too young to die, but something was catastrophically wrong inside. All I could do was let her go, which happened when the veterinarian came out to the house and gave her a merciful end. I cried so much. I still cry when I think about it, which is why I don't include her picture here.

Spring and the Crow Moon

by Rain Trueax
 

We spent this week still waiting on the carport permit. This is so frustrating as it's about length of nails, amongst other things, a not understanding all the rules before getting into the game, and a city that doesn't appear to have enough employees to cover those needing permits getting them in a timely manner. If we were in the county, as we had been when we bought this place, the contractor would already have the carport built. As it is, process puts him and us on hold and not a thing we can do about it as any rushing the gun and starting to build without a permit and inspections would lead to a $500 fine and maybe having to undo what had been done. The power is in the hands of those who have no reason to worry about our schedule. 

Enough whining on that. We had two things interesting-- to us-- happen this week. One happened to everybody. The other was just for us.

Andalusia

by Rain Trueax

I am a fan of documentaries. There are times when a movie just does not appeal to me. Almost always a good documentary will. On Amazon Prime New Year's Day night, we enjoyed 'When the Moors Ruled in Europe.' 

 

 

It's by a British historian looking at the architectural evidence for the Moorish presence in Spain from about 700-1500 AD. It presents a very different look at Muslims of that time and even today with the different ways Islam is seen. Beautifully filmed and quite interesting. This is the blurb for it:

'This program contends that the popular perception of the Muslim occupation of Spain toward the end of the first millennium is largely wrong. The eighth century Muslim invasion of the Iberian Pennisula was largely welcomed by the locals and rejuvenated the area with advanced technology, agriculture and a construction boom. This program describes these innovations. All this changed in the eleventh century when the regional government fragmented. That set the stage for the Christian invasion and the Islamic fundamentalist resistance leading to more of a civil war than a holy war that decimated the region with corruption, destruction and exile.'

a monster or more

by Rain Trueax

In 1992, I wrote my first paranormal, Sky Daughter, where the heroine returned to her grandfather's Idaho mountain after a series of losses. Once there, she learns things about her family that she hadn't expected when she finds her grandmother's Book of shadows-- a witch's compilation of her spells, potions, and experiences. Going against the rules as this book is only to be given to witches, Maggie's grandmother had left it for her with a note inside.

For the first time, Maggie understands why her mother had kept her away from her grandmother. This is only the first of what Maggie is about to discover in a world that isn't at all what she had believed. Something bigger, something unseen is out there. What is it? She has known many emotions, but fear is new to her. As I wrote, I contemplated an important point to the plot-- was what she felt real or her imagination coming from her losses? I reached the point where I had to decide. 

reincarnation or--

For me, this is a great video and says so much about what we might want in a life. The ad I have seen on TV has been much shorter. This is more of the story.

Song of the Open Road

Because of my work in progress, I've been thinking about reincarnation. I've wondered about my own life. When it ends, what do I believe comes next? What kind of life would I want if I was to live it again. I liked the energy of this video with its creativity and positive thinking.

I wrote this awhile back because I wanted to share the video which made me feel good. Some might wonder why I don't comment on yesterday. There are plenty to do that and I need to stay positive-- not just for the blog but for my life. The possibility of reincarnation is one good reason to do that. Whatever one does, whether that's marching for a cause or fighting for one, the big thing is to do it with love not hate. For those who live with hate, I'd guess they better hope there is no such thing as reincarnation because taking hate with them won't make that next one better.

When Fates Conspire

Although I do not generally write here about my books, I am making an exception with my newest release-- a novella. This eBook had one of my more unusual paths to creation. It isn't exactly a romance in the more traditional sense. I've written quite a lot about how it came to be in Rain Trueax. So here is more about it just in time for Imbolc (yes, we have our first lambs). It offers something for those who might like a little speculation with their morning coffee ;).

When Fates Conspire, set in Montana and South Dakota, is a contemporary, paranormal story, of fate, soul mates, and fairness. With humor and pathos, this novella tells of two couples and three spirit guides—all with very different ideas as to what life is about.

Lauren returns to Billings looking for something that never happened for her in high school. When the man she wanted then re-enters her life, all the ancient energy between these soul mates is aroused. Can it be they will finally get a happily ever after or will it end as it always has?

In Bozeman, Jessica is frustrated that the man she promised to marry won’t give her the advantages his riches could provide. How far will she go to get what she wants? Tragedy is the only possible result or is it?

This story came directly from a dream, with several powerful images and concepts. Writing the novella incorporated many things I have read. The question, that I hope readers will be asking when they finish, is what do you think life is about?

I’ve never used quotes at the beginning of a book but I wanted some to enrich this story. I went looking and surprising me, everything I could ant came from Dante, whose full name was Durante degli Alighieri born 1265 and died 1321. His poetry and books spoke so much to the mysteries of life. As I went through my chapter headings, time and again his words set them off perfectly. I am glad I hadn’t found him first or I might’ve thought he influenced the story that began with a dream.

“In that book which is my memory. On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, Appear the words, ‘Here begins a new life’.”     Dante Alighieri

 Excerpt:

“Follow your own star.”   Dante

1

Billings, Montana

“Did you see what she did?” His lined face showed disapproval perhaps more than his words.

Remus laughed and shook his head. “She is uncontrollable, Justus,” he mocked.

“You seem pleased. My God, Remus, you don’t deserve being a guide.”

“I deserve it as much as you, you old prude.”

“We should both be concerned that she accomplishes her life goals, the ones she agreed to before she came back. Naturally I am more concerned about his—since he is my charge.”

Remus laughed again, this time sounding faked to Justus’s ears. “The ones all souls are encouraged to agree to as a condition for even getting to come back? Rules taken as such by some.” He gave Justus a look. “They are not gospel, Justus. They are suggestions-- not laws.”

“Suggestions for their own good.”

“Well, she doesn’t remember that. She’s operating from instinct.” He looked down from their lofty perch and smiled softly as though remembering. “And I might add youthful instincts-- although in her case they are subdued by her insecurity. That is inherent in her or has been.”

“You are encouraging this,” Justus accused in a brittle tone.

“Not a bit.”

“Well at least he’s maintaining control.”

“For now.” Remus moved a bit, to observe the young men playing football in the middle of a long field, and in particular one of them. His smile broadened. “Oh yes, he’s a rock.” He giggled. “It will work fine, until she comes too close, then it’s all over.”

“So we make sure it stays that way.”

“We do?”

“Remus, dear God, you will be sent back to working with pastors. You need to straighten up on this. Get a grip, man.”

“I’m not a man. Of course, I once was, but I did choose to become a guide eons ago—or so it seems now. I find I have better judgment for being further from living a human life. I like helping others avoid the snares, the pitfalls.”

“So why aren’t you doing it?”

“Mainly because I am not one bit sure she isn’t right about what is needed.”

“The problem will take care of itself sooner than later,” Justus retorted.

“If you’re so sure of that, why are you acting worried?”

“I always worry.”

When Fates Conspire

The question of reincarnation

Easter is about resurrection. If one is a Christian, it's about the body rising from the grave and being reformed to perfection as it goes up to heaven. Resurrection is not a small part of many religions. If there wasn't a body, how would a Muslim be rewarded by 70 virgins? Even before Christ there were stories of bodily resurrections.

Reincarnation, although a definite no-no to most Christian dogma, is not really ruled out by the Bible. There are several places where scriptures could leave open the question. It doesn't fit the resurrection concept though as resurrection is a reward and most would say reincarnation is a kind of eternal punishment until you get it right. As in you keep coming back until you figure it out in something called enlightenment.

When I was a child, I thought I had a memory of being a man in a hotel room with other men when I keeled over and died. The men were all dressed in suits or shirt sleeves and exactly how the person in the memory died, I didn't know. Heart attack? Shot? Later I decided that memory came from watching a movie with my parents. We went to a lot of them and it might well be where it came from.

I didn't give the idea of reincarnation much thought until I was much much older. In those intervening years, what I had decided was, based mostly on religion, it wasn't true. Then I met some people who had past life memories, who believed in reincarnation, who considered it a fact, not a theory. Something else happened which led me to want to know more. I read a lot of books which led to a summer of my own regressions using recorded meditations designed to take one back into a past life. I finished out that summer with going to a hypnotherapist to try and see what that would give me.

After those stories (seven of them) and some experiences in my life, I still am not sure what I think about reincarnation. My stories did fit together and they fit my life issues today which might mean my mind was using those stories allegorically to teach me some things I needed for today.

Anyway without any definite feeling about what is true, I am always interested in experiences from others. Two of my grandchildren talked of their past life when they were quite small but later forgot the memories. No, they were not coaxed by their parents who hadn't expected them to talk about that kind of thing. For me reincarnation is one of those questions marks but something I still explore once in awhile.

Proof of Reincarnation?

Is something like that a fraud? If it's not, is it tapping into energy memories out there? Is it familial and carried in our DNA? Or did we really live before and will again? If we do, what difference should it make (if any) to this lifetime?
The digital painting relates to a possible past life of my own in Iberia (Spain today) likely during the time it would have been inhabited by Moors, Christians, and Jews. I got the story about it from one of those summer regressions; then some indeterminate time later, I was taking a belly dancing class and had a very weird, deja vu experience where as I danced past, I saw the image of a bearded man, sitting on the floor like I later painted him with that big smile on his face as he watched me dance. It didn't repeat and didn't last. I cannot explain it and won't even try.

Twin Souls: When Love Incarnates

They say this is a full moon (December 12, 8:37 AM PST) with much power which lasts from two days ahead of its being full, to two days after-- a time to make real dreams, to do something to honor your intentions. Do something you love doing or that you want more of in your life in these days. (Photo taken last night from the farm).

On the rather mystical side of what I wrote about yesterday, I found the following YouTube. If it goes too fast, go back to the blog 'Two by Two' and read the link on Twin Souls as it says pretty much the same things.

I find it hard to come up with logical reasons to explain something that seems illogical but is hard to deny exists. Do music, films, books, mythologies explain it or are they the result of it?

When Love Incarnates.

Two by Two They Go?

Two by two they go,

animal or human

joyfully loving,
together forever.

A slipper fits the foot
cinder-maid becomes princess.
A kiss from a princess
turns a frog into a prince.

Bogie kisses Bergman good-bye
forever they will love each other
alas nobler purposes got in the way
of testing that out
.

From mythology to novels to film to music, the stories are the same. True love will last forever, although sometimes events, beyond the control of the lovers, force them apart. This mating is not just about marrying, but finding the love that fulfills both partners in ways that being alone never could-- or so goes the mythology.

What if Bogie and Bergman had settled down into a little cottage by the sea, had some children, and lived out their lives together? Myths generally end end before that can happen.

Taken as myth or allegory, it is how people even today often feel in their desire to be married-- with or without soul mate love. At one time, and even today in some cultures, marriage has been more about uniting clans, birthing the culture's future, and finances. It was two by two but not for romantic reasons, which might still have risen from it.

Has economic freedom brought about a changing view of what it could be or has there been an underlying, deeply instilled desire, for this one perfect love all along?

Twin Souls.

The Judeo-Christian scriptures explain it thus: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Sounds great. How often does it work out?

The idea of two people staying together, faithful to each other sexually for a lifetime (and beyond) has generally been about women, even religiously, more than men. Among the Apaches, if a woman was unfaithful (or believed to have been) to her husband, she had her nose cut off. I have some books on Apache women, from turn of the last century, with photos of those noseless ladies.

When I did my regressions (deep meditations to acquire past lives), one was likely Apache. I wrote about it here: Regression Story. What I didn't mention was that while deep in the meditation, feeling the story unwind, when it got to a certain place, my nose began to tingle. Never happened in any others and it was before I had seen those pictures. Was part of that lifetime a nose removal? Shuddering at the thought, I don't know nor want to know.

There is a lot of pressure within most cultures, with or without romantic love, to maintain monogamous marriages. When someone, as with John Edwards earlier this year, disappoints us, many feel a personal hurt. They want to think that whether they got it all, someone did. How many pictures do we see or articles do we read about the wonder of the Obama marriage-- or at least what we think hope it is?

I would be the last to suggest that monogamous, through-many-lifetimes love does not exist. But how often does that dream not work out thereby leading to a lifetime of disappointment or searching for something that wasn't there-- at least not on the Casablanca level.

While it appears serial monogamy is okay (if not first choice) with most Americans (might take awhile to get it right), something like polyamory has not been. Polyamory means open relationships with multiple partners based upon love. It is not the infamous swinging marriages where people have sex promiscuously and it's about the sex more than love.

Polyamory is not like the Mormon version of polygamy that appeared to be older men taking their pick of young girls or in similar cultures today where it's only the males who are allowed multiple spouses. It is also not like bigamy where there is deceit involved. What proponents of polyamory claim is that men and women can not only be in love with more than one sexual partner (blowing the twin soul concept out of the water) but desire to commit to more than one openly if not legally.

Some have said Edwards worst crime was lying about his sexual partner. They said the same thing about Clinton, but would the American people really accept a leader who had a marriage like say Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt if they knew?

After the Edwards' affair, I saved a link I originally found on Huffington Post: Is Monogamy one big myth?. Again, I would not say yes, but are the expectations for it based on fiction or reality? I will tell you even writing about this has had me going off several directions at once and struggling to keep the whole piece corralled into one train of thought.

The question to which I have often returned but never found an answer is to what purpose does this concept of one true, perfect and forever love serve? It is Genetic? Spiritual? Communal? We celebrate those who have been married fifty years whether it was fifty good ones or just hanging on by their fingernails. Are those who stick with their original partner more noble or happier than those who keep looking?

Anyway, thinking of romantic songs to illustrate this fabled sort of love, and because writing about this leaves me conflicted between the practical and the romantic, I cannot think of a better way to end than with: To Be By Your Side, Nick Cave

Mongol

"Don't despise a weak cub, it can appear the son of a tiger." Mongolian proverb

which pretty well sets the tone for the film, Mongol, the story of Genghis Khan's rise to power. Mongol is in Mongolian (with subtitles), has stars who look like they could have belonged in the culture they are portraying, and was filmed in the area where Genghis Khan grew from the boy Temudgin to become one of those historic figures still talked about today. To the West, his has been the name of a brutal barbarian. To the East, he is a hero who nearly conquered all of the known world. Supposedly this film is part one of what will be a three part series to tell his story.

Mongol is the story of a boy growing to a man, of spiritual belief in powers beyond our knowing, of development of a culture, and of a great love that sustained both Temugin and his wife Borte (Khulan Chuluun who is Mongolian) through separations and dangers.

Genghis Khan (Tadanobu Asano, who is Japanese) united his people through his strength of purpose, his ability to motivate others to follow him, and a concept of giving the people rules they could live under where trust would then be possible.

As is typical of films, the movie does not totally follow the life of Genghis Khan but is close enough to make you feel what isn't in history might have been true. For anyone interested in researching it further, Wikipedia gives a good start.

[Anyone not interested in reincarnation theories, stop here.]

"It is not more surprising to be born twice than once; everything in nature is resurrection." Voltaire

"Finding myself to exist in the world; I believe I shall in some shape or other always exist; and with all the inconveniences human life is liable to, I shall not object to some new edition of mine,hoping, however, that the 'errata' of the last maybe corrected." Benjamin Franklin

"My doctrine is: Live so that thou mayest desire to live again-- that is thy duty-- for in any case thou wilt again." Nietzsche

When you look at your natal astrology chart (which means where the planets were when you were born, location of birth, the exact timing), it can tell more than your personality traits. A talented reader can give possible dates and places of past lives which are impacting this life. In other words, you would have had many other past lives, but some had elements in which you will be working on improving or growing in this lifetime. These might be your interests, your talents, goals, or your problems. Those show up in your planets and their positions.

When I was into studying astrology, accumulating a lot of books on the subject, learning as much as a mathematics challenged person can, I explored this aspect of astrology. Using a book called The Elements of Reincarnation by A T Mann, I found through his charts times for some of my own past lifetimes. With the help of a astrologer friend who could do geographic alignments, one of mine would have been Mongolian before the time of the great khans, a time of horse cultures and tribes, where women had more freedom than in many other contemporaneous cultures.

Because at that time I was doing charts for friends in a chat room where I was going, I found a few others could have also been in that lifetime. Through another book that uses astrology for possible relationships between signs, Karmic Relationships by Martin Schulman, I was able to put together my own Mongolian story of family, love, freedom, power, and betrayal.

For some time I have thought to incorporate that story, real to me or not, into a fictional novel about reincarnation and how in a woman's current life, she is facing problems than only through discovering her past life relationships can she solve. My interest in writing such a story led to accumulating some books on Mongolia, its history and its people just in case I did the story.

Was what astrology told me, what I pieced together like a puzzle, a real past life? It would not surprise me, because of my interest in elements that would have been part of such a life; but, if so, it was not one of the ones I got through regressions.

Still I like the image of a woman with long black hair riding fast across the steppes, living in a yurt, loving a good man, giving birth to a daughter who would have more power than she had, possibly even participating in the rituals which might be a lot like Native American ones. Real or not, it's a satisfying image.

Just thinking on a summer afternoon

Every now and again, I speculate about what might be the long range plan-- for the soul. For instance, if there is reincarnation, let's assume also what some metaphysicians teach: i.e. we choose our lifetimes, the other souls who will interact with us, and the experiences we will have.

For someone who is in the midst of a terrible life, that thought would not inspire joy; but the idea would be that even with negative experiences, we would have chosen them for our highest good.

For instance, supposing in this lifetime we have been a selfish person with no compassion for the disadvantaged or disabled-- perhaps even been abusive emotionally or physically. After we have gone to the other side, in the soul discussion about how this life went, in looking through our akashic records (book of life where all we have done is recorded) the suggestion might arise that we could learn from a future lifetime where we ourselves were disabled.

Or perhaps someone, who has been very compassionate toward the less fortunate, might want to better understand how it is to live disabled. From our perspective, it's not possible to know why something is but we can make the most of whatever it might be.

Teachers who think this way do not see such choices as about condemnation or punishment (from what I understand) but rather about learning, improving, growing closer and closer to someday living an enlightened, for wont of a better word, perfect, human lifetime.

I don't really know what I believe, not even for sure that I believe in reincarnation despite some life experiences to make me think that it is what most explains life (it would sure require a big computer to keep track). Frankly, curious though I might be now and then, I haven't felt it was important to know for sure. The important thing, whatever spiritual tradition one follows, is to live a good, full, loving life as best we know it.

But this isn't where my mind traveled this warm summer afternoon. It was more, as I have thought before when I see someone young, what will it be like for me if I do come back? What would I like to take with me from this lifetime in terms of lessons? What would I like to have next time, assuming I have any say about it?

When I see beautiful young women, I admit it occurs to me that it'd be nice to be young and beautiful (but honestly, I'd rather look exactly like I did this lifetime imperfections and all-- you think we might get the same faces?). I know I'd rather be female because I have liked being a woman-- although there are some cultures where that'd be less so.

However, if I was young and beautiful, I would not want to have that beauty in a career where beauty was required. Did you read about the very young, very gorgeous model who jumped out of a high rise building to her death. Beauty alone doesn't buy anything. Functioning in a world where you are judged purely by your physical beauty would require a very strong soul to see past the dross and still live a happy, fulfilled, complete life.

Now having a career, like Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren, where talent was emphasized more than just beauty, might be okay (fringe benefits, lots of money to do the things you also wanted to do); but it's not really what I'd most want either.

Whenever I see female wildlife biologists, I most admire them. I don't know how many are needed in the world or even whether they make a living wage, but their strong bodies, the patience to study animal behavior and habitats, helping creatures I admire to survive, working outdoors, that would seem like a good life-- most especially if you were in a partnership with your life mate to do it.

To be honest, I have dabbled in many things, (note to self, don't be dabbler next time) but dabbling doesn't go deep. Many things, that I have done in this lifetime, not as a career, would be good professionally next time. Perhaps my dabbling has taught me some things.

With the afternoons warm and sultry, it seemed like a good time to daydream. I took mine a bit farther. I used some photos I took awhile back with the webcam (Blaugustine January 11th, was exploring alter egos, and I created a few but nothing as interesting as hers and let it go). Playing with it, I added a few more yesterday to put together a kind of montage of possible identities from the past, present and future.

The digital painting on top is suggesting my soul, from the past, looking down on what I have done, not done, and have yet to do. In the last digital photograph, I swirled the background to suggest the circle of life.

It's not always pleasant to think about the things I haven't done right, but then there are those I believe I have. I try to stamp the knowledge of both deeply into my soul; so that if there is another lifetime, I can take with me the wisdom I have hopefully gained. If there is not, I have lost nothing by the thinking.

Alternate lives

"And if you ever held your woman on a summers evening
While the prairie moon was blazin’ in her eyes
You’ll know why I live beneath these Western Skies."
lyrics by Chris Ledoux

From the time I can remember, the idea of ranch life fascinated me. Some of that was growing up when westerns were popular on TV, some came from the books I read, like Zane Grey, but do we ever really know why we are drawn to anything? We can know we are, although it can be hard to sometimes to understand our true inner yearnings, as we are so easily distracted by superficial things that take the place of what might truly fulfill us.When my husband and I were first married, I tried to convince him he should go into ranch management. That would have made zero sense given he's a gifted techie, but he and I have come close to having a bit of that world with our small acreage, the cows and sheep. It's not the same though as big ranch country.
So for me, places like the Big Hole Valley are very popular even though, people, other than fishermen, might wonder why. There are no department stores nor major grocery stores in the tiny town of Wisdom. There is an occasional moose.
I am practical enough to realize places like the Big Hole Valley are not for those like me who are not ranch connected; and yes, I do know how hard ranch life can be. But there is another side of me, the fantasy side and when that woman comes into a valley like the Big Hole, she imagines maybe there is another part of her soul living a life there. Some believe we do that, you know. That our soul is an 'oversoul' that can lead many lives and more than one at a time.

If so, perhaps, that other me is cooking for the ranch crew, saddling her own horse to help with round-ups, listening to her children read after dinner or maybe by now it's grandchildren, and at night if she is not too tired, making love to her rancher husband. Maybe when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she lies in bed and wonders about the life I have led and what it'd be like."I gotta be where I can see those Rocky Mountains
Ride my horse and watch an eagle fly
I gotta live my life and write my songs beneath these Western Skies."
Chris Ledoux

Soul mates

We all know the stories. Two strangers see each other across a crowded-- well doesn't matter where it is-- their eyes cross.. er meet and boom, true love is born and two soul mates are united-- or reunited if you believe in reincarnation. If one of them happens to be twelve and the other in her thirties, as were that teacher and her pupil, well we understand soul mate love. Except do we? Do we truly understand what a soul mate even is, whether it exists, and what kind of relationship it might lead to. The assumption usually seems to be that it's about romance leading to marriage, but is it?

Up until more recent times, and still true in some countries, marriage was a business arrangement often contracted between families to strengthen each politically or financially. The concept of romantic love was unrelated to permanent matings. Even where a couple didn't have parents pushing them into a marriage, more often considerations were can he provide a buggy to the family, does she know how to cook, and will they be good parents? Her being curvy or him having a washboard abdomen were not factors-- unless maybe for genetic.

Some of the idea that soul mate love and marriage go together has probably come via poetry, books and movies, but the dream for it is not recent and might be deeply imbedded. Jacob worked many years to marry the sister he most wanted (not that their marriage necessarily led to happiness) Then you have David. Was he smitten with Bathsheba for soul mate reasons or was it seeing her body nude in the moonlight as she conveniently bathed where he could see it? Was that soul mate love or lust?

Since I don't have answers for such questions, I will settle for simply explaining my understanding regarding soul mates and the ultimate (or potentially most disastrous) of such connections, twin flames/twin souls. There is quite a bit online and a lot of books out there to explain various author's understandings of the concepts, but I will settle for just giving the gist of what I have read and think personally is most likely to be true. And what I think might be wrong. Anyone who has experienced something different, please feel free to write extensively about it in comments. If your story is more lengthy than comments, put it in your own blog with a link here; or email me, and if it looks juicy enough, I'd be happy to post it here as another view.

If you don't believe in reincarnation, a soul mate is simply a person you feel a deep connection with and usually from the moment you meet them. They can be someone you work with and the two of you think so much alike. It can be romantic or friendship. Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, soul mates are not primarily about romance, sex or marriage but they can be.

If you believe in reincarnation, then these soul mate groups come together again and again and most likely began with their own creation (some say there are twelve in these groups). These may be family, friends and yes, mates. The relationships and gender might shift between lifetimes.

For reincarnation thinkers, there is another group of soul mates who repeatedly come together. I don't know if from creation but they are those with similar gifts and they incarnate in groups for purposes of political or artistic work. So you have the Ralph Waldo Emerson and the Concord, Massachusetts free-thinkers, who may have incarnated as a group many times in different creative patterns-- perhaps formed a new writer group in Montana this lifetime.

Could you have Hitler and his minions who may have done the same thing for negative reasons again and again? Soul mate patterns can be looked for in history and are fascinating to consider. Are you currently in one that is either good or not so good for you in this lifetime?

When the soul mate connection is romantic and sexual it doesn't automatically last for a lifetime. I have heard people say, when it breaks up, guess he wasn't my soul mate after all. I don't believe lasting forever is an indicator. A soul mate could come in and go back out of your life after fulfilling a purpose. You might have been wrong about him/her being a soul mate, but the fact that it didn't last doesn't tell you.

There are soul mate relationships which are karmic and temporary. They are intended to make right something from the past, teach you lessons you have managed to avoid so far, maybe finish business between two people which in reincarnation you don't get to walk away from. Some of these are very negative and the lesson is learning to walk away before you kill each other. There are soul mates who are intended to have certain children to raise them up, and once it's finished, they might go their separate ways.

Finally there is the term twin flame or twin soul which not all reincarnationists believe is true. This is the Adam and Eve story. Two created out of one. Shirley MacLaine describes how that works in her book, 'The Camino.' Twin souls are two halves of the same whole and the draw between them is very strong. Are they always meant to be together sexually in each lifetime? I don't think so. If they are together is the relationship nirvana on earth? Again I don't believe so.

The same friend who told me the story of the hawks also told me that when twin souls come together who are not evenly matched for energy, instead of the most romantic, beautiful relationship you could imagine, it can be very destructive. Yes, when they are evenly matched, it'd be the best mated relationship two people could experience; but there's that 'if' and it's a big one.

If you had a soul mate relationship with someone which worked out disastrously, my advice would be to do all you can to become the person you believe you were born to be. Work on being personally stronger, and the next relationship will reflect it. This works, of course, even if you don't believe in reincarnation or soul mates.

On the one hand, what you believe about soul mates is pretty much irrelevant. You can obviously find good relationships and be happy without having them defined spiritually. But then there is that other hand where if you do believe in them and spend your life looking for that perfect soul mate romance, the belief could be destructive and cost you a lot of good relationships along the way. Not to mention your soul mate, if you do come together, isn't likely to be perfect either-- given that would take two perfect people to make happen. Ever seen that?

(The sculpture pictured here is mine, titled Soul Mates. It is fired clay, weighs about 75 lbs, is 29"L and 22" H. I did it about eight years ago and had thought I would put it on its own stand, but the living room doesn't have that kind of space; so it generally has ended up the piano-- except when it's carried outside for photographs.

I don't do sculpture currently for the very reason that Soul Mates demonstrates-- what do you do with that many little people? Unfortunately clay sculptures that look like bronzes didn't end up being in demand in galleries. The clientele wanted bronzes and I liked best working in clay-- not to mention the huge investment in doing a bronze that still might not sell.)

So why do regressions?

There are a few main reasons someone sets out to retrieve past life memories: phobias unexplained by anything in their lifetime; a relationship that has proven destructive which they don't seem able to leave; unexplained health problems; a driving impulse that leads them to follow it; or a strong curiosity about what dying really means.

Regressions take a lot of work and are not fun whether they actually tap into the past or are simply the subconscious giving allegories to illustrate problems. I can see how they would probably be a mistake for someone whose personal world is working well. Why look into past lifetimes to find problems you don't currently have? Why stir a pot that isn't boiling?

One of the first books I read on the subject of reincarnation and regressions was by Dr. Brian Weiss, a psychiatrist, who was using hypnotism to help a patient recover the events that led to her current problems except she went farther back than he intended and into past life memories. The experience, as well as those that followed with future patients, led to a turn around in his belief about reincarnation. He came to believe not only that reincarnation was real but that understanding past lives could lead to solutions for current problems. He wrote a series of books on his experiences. He said 'coming out' was not an easy choice as he felt he'd be regarded as a wacko-- something no doctor wants to be thought.

Where regressions seem to be most helpful (with an experienced therapist), is where a person has problems that other methods haven't touched. For instance it's been found people with severe obesity (that doesn't mean need to lose some weight to fit societal norms) have sometimes found the reasons lie in past lifetimes of starvation. Some current health problems have been helped by going back to a lifetime where something explains it and the person can then release it. Some in very detrimental relationships realize it's a pattern repeating again and again and give up trying to fix the connection and instead concentrate on safely getting out. Perhaps regressions could be thought of as a last resort, not a first, and certainly no magic panacea.

As some mentioned in comments (which for me were particularly interesting this time), I have read that there are old and new souls. Why would we assume creation, even if reincarnation is part of it, had to end with the original event? Some of my friends have been told this would be their last incarnation.

And yes, there do seem to be souls living more than one life at the same time. One of the books on regressions by Dick Sutphen dealt with his wife finding another lifetime her soul was leading now-- one totally different from what she herself was living. She hadn't, at the time the book came out, tried to meet that woman. (Sutphen is one who has written a lot of books, produced of the tapes I used, as well as does seminars where he has regressed groups at the same time.)

To add to the mix in comments, parallel universes were mentioned and some do claim they have traveled between them. There are things in this world that are hard to explain. So much about the energy of life we barely understand or have touched on.

While I mostly did my regressions solo, I was later told by regressionists and psychics that working by myself was risky but basically those kinds of tapes simply won't take you to a level to do true work in areas that might need the help of a therapist. They touch on areas, don't delve deeply into them. Although even mine which didn't go deep had some tears and upset attached to them during the meditative sessions. One, as an unfaithful wife, had my nose tingling when it came time for the consequences (Apaches had the option of cutting of the noses of unfaithful wives), but I saw no nose cutting-- fortunately.

In my one session with a hypnotherapist, she told me a story about one of her own experiences that can explain how this process can help if used properly. Her daughter was very clingy and constantly didn't want her going out of her sight. The woman eventually found the past life that led to that when she and her daughter were twins and she died young leaving her twin feeling deserted and leading to the fear in this lifetime of a repeat. It gave her understanding to deal with it this time.

There are a lot of interesting stories if you begin to read the books or even talk to people about the experiences they might hesitate to tell for fear of being thought crazy or not believed. Some people retrieve a memory and have confirmed it by traveling to where the events happened.

One of my questions about reincarnation has been-- if we are all coming back, why isn't the world getting better? And my brother said-- maybe we are the ones who just goofed it up, didn't get it right, and this planet is full of losers. He was joking, but sometimes it'd be easy to believe that.

Another problem with past life memories is how do you account for so many people being say Mary Magdalene? One explanation I read suggested perhaps those, who were nearby when these things happened, confused what they saw with who they were. Another possibility would be group reincarnation where you'd have parts of memories of many people. I can't explain it but definitely too many people were Thomas Jefferson and nobody admitting to Hitler... yet. (Coincidentally, relating to this very topic, I came across this article in the LA Times-- Marilyn Monroe is reincarnated as this woman?

I don't have answers about these things, but have found it interesting to explore and my personal experiences did explain some things for me. But as I said from the beginning, I am still not sure as not only are my dreams often in story form, but I write fiction as well as create art. I could have created anything I got-- although my creating a story doesn't have me in tears as the regressions did-- not to say they couldn't. The only way I could probably 'know' would be to go where the stories happened and see if I felt I had been there before or if a friend had gotten the same memories of some past life event but from a different perspective. And even that can be explained away if a person doubts.

One more thing, before I leave this topic for awhile, is astrology can pick up on past lifetimes without the trauma of actual memory retrieval. If you are curious but don't want to put the time into the regressions, find a 'good' astrologer who does this kind of work to look at your chart. And some astrologers can also find the geographic location of those lives.

If you are willing to work for the information yourself, a useful book is 'The Elements of Astrology' by A.T. Mann (good on explaining reincarnation also). Through his graph and your natal (birth) chart, you can look at when you might have had previous lives that are impacting your current life (not all lives, just those that relate to who you are this time).

Other books dealing with karmic relationships can show you (if you have another person's chart) what kind of relationships you might have had with them in past lives. Yeah, I know-- might-- but if you don't take it too seriously and have fun with it, it can be interesting. I came up with an interesting story (unwritten as yet) through my own chart and that of some friends where we all may have had a lifetime in Mongolia long before the time of Genghis Khan (according only to astrology, as other than some possible... er personality traits, I have never retrieved memories from that time).

I have never had a fear of death (dying process worries me some having seen old age up close with our families). Dying itself might be a bit scary but also interesting. To me death of the body is a transition and the mystery is to what do we go? When my mother died at 85, she was in her own bed, didn't know she was seriously ill. One of the things I thought afterward was-- now she 'knows.' Someday I will too.