by Diane
Since 2018 when household renovations caused Fisherman Hubby's more and more frustration, as his ALS disease progressed, he tried so very, very hard. He tried to show he was capable of keeping up with the household maintenance. We seldom hired out help. When we first lived in the house, he poured cement in what was part of a horse's stall in the she shop studio. About 30 years ago we hired a professional to pour a concrete slab under the patio cover. When he would have done the roofing like he did in his younger days, three years ago we hired professional roofers for both the house and the shop. His yearly upgrades and maintenance projects became smaller. He would quit before putting tools away and say proudly, "Look what I have done, and I wonder why I am so tired." I quit making To Do Lists. What could I say when he was firm about no house changes instead we were both proud and happy we could help our children and grandchildren especially so they could get a good education.
I could not argue when Fisherman Hubby denied that many parts of our property were running down. I believe he knew way before the diagnose that he wouldn't make it much longer.
Now I thank Fisherman Hubby for not making great changes to make the house suitable for an invalid who still required one of his boats plus most of his fishing gear, and tools. Now I am spreading myself into what was his sacred spaces. For decades I took on very willingly the discipline of containment. I kept my best work, recycling, or repurposing unfinished work, or retiring it to the burn pile. He gave me much space but limited space for me on both the walls of our home and in the storage units he built. The limit helped me to make a stronger body of work.
Now I can't imagine how we managed to have room enough with two different space usage requirements. I marvel at how quickly my art materials occupy his space. Thanks to my daughters and grandchildren's support plus I am also blessed with a handyman of 35 years experience, David Torres from Eugene. Says he tears out the old as swiftly as a Tasmanian Devil. And this month I will have a workable studio building separate from the house. A place to do oil painting maybe not just in the summer but all year round.
About three years ago at one of my high school class reunions, I was asked what was on my bucket list. I remember being blank. I didn't have a bucket list of my own. I truly wanted to do whatever Fisherman Hubby's wishes were. And he wanted to do travel that would make me happy. In 20018 he took on too much for me and fainted from dehydration the night after he was trying to fish over three hours standing out on black lava and I was painting in the shade with the Painting Out There Kona Hawaii Plein Air Painters.
My bucket list of travel includes going back to Hawaii with my granddaughter McKenzie and Enrique who also like to paint and cook. Another trip to visit a great granddaughter and a visit to Rain. I want to visit family where ever they live. Another bucket list includes meeting every need in my home so I can age gracefully in place.
The advise for grieving widows is to wait a year before making definite life changing plans. But I have a handyman who can remodel my bathroom to be safer now and eventually accommodate a wheel chair. The kitchen can be made safer by demolishing the kitchen sink addition returning to the original wall of the building. Such happy marvelous decisions so close at hand leaves me with asking is this real. I like where I am at.
