Outside the box

Most likely everybody, by the time they get old, has some opinions regarding what are lessons they have learned along the way. Equally likely those opinions will differ for what those lessons have been. For me one of the big ones has been-- be flexible. Be open to what is different. Don't lock yourself into assuming that because things have been a certain way that it's how they must stay. This is true for religion, government, environment, and personal safety.

Being flexible means being willing to think outside the box because whatever we have learned is absolutely and totally true every single time-- might not be. None of us should waste time trying to defend assumptions that have ceased working. One of the problems with old age is sometimes people get set in their ways. It's always been this way and it always will. Well it hasn't always and it won't.

One of the assumptions that some have grown up believing is that the world is a safe place or can be made safe by enough police protection, military might, or prayer to their god. Was any generation really ever safe? Can they be made so no matter what some politician promises?

The reality is, for most of us, the world is safe-- right up until the moment it is not. Because we have lived in a world, which hands over power to someone else, police, military, firemen, elected officials, or even a god, we have often forgotten our own ability to defend ourselves. They are supposed to keep us safe except they can't always.

What brings these thoughts to my mind has not been politicians with their constant drumbeat of danger and how they alone can keep us safe, but instead a series of unrelated violent events, girls raped and murdered, random shootings, and most recently a home invasion in Connecticut where a family of four were brutalized.

The Connecticut family had every reason to feel safe in their home because of surrounding community and likely their experiences. They were four people who seemed to have it all-- physical beauty, loving relationships, brilliant minds, good hearts, and material blessings. They had it all right up until the moment two men, who had none of those things, invaded their home in the middle of the night eventually murdering the mother and two daughters, setting fire to the home in the hopes it would cover their tracks and kill the father.

When bad things happen, there is no time to train to survive. In all of the horrifying events on television and in the newspapers, life was peaceful until it was not. How many people are prepared for such a moment? If we have grown up believing people are inherently good, we probably have had a fairly sheltered life and in an attack or home invasion would be in for a brutal surprise. If we believe we'd rather die, than prepare for such an event or to even imagine it being possible, we just might. To have any chance of surviving in a disaster, we need back-up plans. We need to train ourselves to think out of the box.

Like most of us, I live with some assumptions. Life is good, but it comes with no guarantees. The one certainty is everything changes. Bad things happen to good people. I might do everything I know to do and still have something bad happen. I won't let crippling fear stop me from living fully. A .357 has good stopping power even if it doesn't kill with the first shot.

For people who don't like guns, the last statement in my string was out of place. Some, who are upset at the very idea of gun ownership, have asked me-- but could you kill another human being? If I did not know I could, I would not have a gun. Without one, I would hope pepper spray would be enough, which I sometimes carry hiking when I am where I know predators (of whatever species) could be. I have more confidence in the .357, but it's not possible to carry it everywhere although for many years I have had a concealed weapon permit. The class I took for my permit said shoot to kill, not to disarm or warn. Never bring out a gun if you don't mean it.

I am not advocating everyone get a personal gun or two or seven. If you are afraid of guns, they won't do you any good. They might not have even saved that family in Connecticut. What might have potentially saved more of them was thinking outside the box. What I am advocating is that everyone think ahead-- what would you do if-- because none of us have a guarantee that the next time it might not be us.

The following is not intended to find fault with what that mother did because none of us can judge someone in a situation like that, but rather to explore possible options when there seem to be none. What if when the mother was sent to the bank to get ransom, with one of the kidnappers along to guard her, she had refused to leave the bank? What if she had immediately told the teller what was happening, screamed for someone to get the police if the kidnapper had tried to drag her from the building. Even if he had killed her right there on the spot, her daughters might have had a chance to be saved. By those miscreants feeling they could get away with murder, they had more reason to try to cover their tracks and less reason to keep any of the family alive.

It's easy to see why we might go back-- fear and love for our family. But on what basis should we trust those, who have already shown themselves to be criminals? If, heaven forbid, violent perpetrators invade your life, don't ever count on their word. If there is anything at all for us to gain, from any of these heart-breaking events, it is wherever we go, whatever we do, whatever we hear, we need to be thinking what if-- not with fear but sober awareness. We need our own plan if something goes wrong. Even that might not save us, because as we have seen all too often, bad stuff does happen to good people-- but it gives us a chance.

A survival lesson for violent times like ours can be is live with assumptions, but always be ready to think outside the box.