Most likely everybody, by the time they get old, has some opinions regarding what are lessons they have learned along the way. Equally likely those opinions will differ for what those lessons have been. For me one of the big ones has been-- be flexible. Be open to what is different. Don't lock yourself into assuming that because things have been a certain way that it's how they must stay. This is true for religion, government, environment, and personal safety.
Being flexible means being willing to think outside the box because whatever we have learned is absolutely and totally true every single time-- might not be. None of us should waste time trying to defend assumptions that have ceased working. One of the problems with old age is sometimes people get set in their ways. It's always been this way and it always will. Well it hasn't always and it won't.
One of the assumptions that some have grown up believing is that the world is a safe place or can be made safe by enough police protection, military might, or prayer to their god. Was any generation really ever safe? Can they be made so no matter what some politician promises?
The reality is, for most of us, the world is safe-- right up until the moment it is not. Because we have lived in a world, which hands over power to someone else, police, military, firemen, elected officials, or even a god, we have often forgotten our own ability to defend ourselves. They are supposed to keep us safe except they can't always.
What brings these thoughts to my mind has not been politicians with their constant drumbeat of danger and how they alone can keep us safe, but instead a series of unrelated violent events, girls raped and murdered, random shootings, and most recently a home invasion in Connecticut where a family of four were brutalized.
The Connecticut family had every reason to feel safe in their home because of surrounding community and likely their experiences. They were four people who seemed to have it all-- physical beauty, loving relationships, brilliant minds, good hearts, and material blessings. They had it all right up until the moment two men, who had none of those things, invaded their home in the middle of the night eventually murdering the mother and two daughters, setting fire to the home in the hopes it would cover their tracks and kill the father.
When bad things happen, there is no time to train to survive. In all of the horrifying events on television and in the newspapers, life was peaceful until it was not. How many people are prepared for such a moment? If we have grown up believing people are inherently good, we probably have had a fairly sheltered life and in an attack or home invasion would be in for a brutal surprise. If we believe we'd rather die, than prepare for such an event or to even imagine it being possible, we just might. To have any chance of surviving in a disaster, we need back-up plans. We need to train ourselves to think out of the box.
Like most of us, I live with some assumptions. Life is good, but it comes with no guarantees. The one certainty is everything changes. Bad things happen to good people. I might do everything I know to do and still have something bad happen. I won't let crippling fear stop me from living fully. A .357 has good stopping power even if it doesn't kill with the first shot.
For people who don't like guns, the last statement in my string was out of place. Some, who are upset at the very idea of gun ownership, have asked me-- but could you kill another human being? If I did not know I could, I would not have a gun. Without one, I would hope pepper spray would be enough, which I sometimes carry hiking when I am where I know predators (of whatever species) could be. I have more confidence in the .357, but it's not possible to carry it everywhere although for many years I have had a concealed weapon permit. The class I took for my permit said shoot to kill, not to disarm or warn. Never bring out a gun if you don't mean it.
I am not advocating everyone get a personal gun or two or seven. If you are afraid of guns, they won't do you any good. They might not have even saved that family in Connecticut. What might have potentially saved more of them was thinking outside the box. What I am advocating is that everyone think ahead-- what would you do if-- because none of us have a guarantee that the next time it might not be us.
The following is not intended to find fault with what that mother did because none of us can judge someone in a situation like that, but rather to explore possible options when there seem to be none. What if when the mother was sent to the bank to get ransom, with one of the kidnappers along to guard her, she had refused to leave the bank? What if she had immediately told the teller what was happening, screamed for someone to get the police if the kidnapper had tried to drag her from the building. Even if he had killed her right there on the spot, her daughters might have had a chance to be saved. By those miscreants feeling they could get away with murder, they had more reason to try to cover their tracks and less reason to keep any of the family alive.
It's easy to see why we might go back-- fear and love for our family. But on what basis should we trust those, who have already shown themselves to be criminals? If, heaven forbid, violent perpetrators invade your life, don't ever count on their word. If there is anything at all for us to gain, from any of these heart-breaking events, it is wherever we go, whatever we do, whatever we hear, we need to be thinking what if-- not with fear but sober awareness. We need our own plan if something goes wrong. Even that might not save us, because as we have seen all too often, bad stuff does happen to good people-- but it gives us a chance.
A survival lesson for violent times like ours can be is live with assumptions, but always be ready to think outside the box.
8 comments:
That is alot of food for thought although I agree with what you have said. The hardest part is knowing what you might do in such a case as the one you talked about. I don't know if anyone can truly know how terrifying it is until it is happening to them or how it feels to have your childrens lives in your hands, or feeling as though it is. I have no doubt whavetever decisions you make, given the chance, would be very difficult. Tough one to figure out.
I try to be vigilant about what goes on around me and I refrain from assuming-assuming can get you killed. The world has always been a violent place. Television magnified it.
I'd heard about this on the news...but had NO idea about him taking her to a bank? Hmmm. I have to agree with you....my survival instinct would definitely have kicked in. NO way in hell would I have LEFT that bank with him....dead OR alive.
I SO agree on the "what if"...it's something I've always done, especially when in large crowds. I like to have an "escape route" so to speak. I look around, briefly think "what if" decide what I could do........and then I enjoy myself. Because "I" have made myself FEEL safe. I seldom depend on others to do this. Not in a hotel, an airplane, in large crowds, etc.
The efforts by various states at gun control have accomplished one thing -- made it difficult or impossible for the good guys to get guns. Criminals still have no problem getting whatever they want. The thing we should clamp down on is the high powered automatic weaponry. I can think of no legitimate reason for any individual to own an AK-47, a Browning Automatic, a bazooka, a grenade launcher, etc.
I wonder if violence is really more prevalent now than when we were kids in the 50s, or is it just that the media brings us such lurid details so quickly, and then drones on about it for days until the next big story comes along.
You raise some powerful questions Rain. I certainly agree with you. I don't think there's any way in hell to mentally prepare for the horror that happened to that family. I don't think I take anythng for granted....or assume all is safe and well; especially when it comes to my kids. I find myself cautious and vigilant in that area. I subtly pass on information...and my feelings when I have any intuitive concern for health and safety. And, it's not just for their benefit...but for mine.
I don't know what it's like in Europe but here, I think has been violent but ups and downs. Having firm punishments that are not much delayed where there is no doubt of guilt would help but delays and excuses, that someone was hurt in their development therefore not responsible, have made many feel they can get away with their crimes.
My parents warned me about bad people when I was quite young, scared me too as I had miles of country road to walk sometimes by myself. But then when I was a bit older and in the town my grandmother lived, walking by myself and was offered $5 to get into a dark, scruffy van and show a man where an address was, I had the wisdom to say no.
Bad things have always happened but when we are in a violent time, they are worse and doesn't the internet encourage some by the sleaze they push constantly.
Even my favorite cable station MSNBC sometimes makes me want to turn it off when it goes over and over some story simply because it can show sexy pictures (the recent one was girls in bikinis giving lap dances and sexy massages to men on a golf course right in plain view of anybody outside walking by. Now yes, that was not good, but MSNBC ran it over an over with some key features blurred out which anybody with imagination knew what they were. So while they condemned it, they had their own chance to show something titillating and they ran with it.
I am totally in favor of banning assault rifles. Their ownership makes no sense to me but those who want to ban handguns run up against my desire to own one. I would favor banning high capacity, semi-automatic handguns though as you don't need such a thing for personal protection and a revolver like mine would do the job if heaven forbid it became necessary.
More information on the Connecticut case is the police may have been outside the home for as long as 20 minutes without trying to go in. If that proves to be true, it would make the tragedy even worse as those 20 minutes may have cost the daughters and even the mother their lives.
Also when I saw the stories on the Minnesota bridge going down, it was terrible but another example of being ready as some saved others because they quickly jumped into action and didn't wait for 'professional' rescuers. It was a heartrending story but also warming to hear of those who reacted so quickly to come to the aid of others.
and on that bridge, we trust the authorities to keep us safe, to evaluate old bridges or places the roads might slide. We drive those roads everyday counting on that and then we find out they were warned about that bridge several years back, that chunks of concrete dropped from it, that they worked on it while vehicles were driving past as a way to not snarl up traffic and you have to ask what the heck happened. I know for some years we have seen our infrastructure not having the dollars put into it to keep the tax cut, to build pork projects for some fat cat, to fight a war that we should have never begun. We still haven't fixed New Orleans and will we ever? This bridge will be quickly put back up. I have seen how fast that can happen when the Oakland bridge went down in that quake, but there needs to be assessments a lot of places because whether we like high taxes or not, we definitely like safe bridges.
Very good post, Rain. I agree. I try to always be aware of who and what is around me - even in the daylight. Too many sickos walking around loose. I live on a hill where there is no cell phone service up and down - so always carry a weapon. T and I both have concealed weapon permits and usually carry guns most every where we go. My two grown daughters are very anti-gun and they go places that would scare me. When I've tried to talk them into taking gun classes, they are adamant about the fact that they couldn't kill someone. I'm just as adamant that I could. And would.
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