Oregon writer, Rain Trueax, and Oregon painter, Diane, co-author Rainy Day Thought, where they write about ideas and creativity. Diane posts on Wednesdays and Rain on Saturdays. There may be extra days or changes as situations warrant. Comments, relating to the topic, are welcome as it turns an article into a discussion, but must be in English and not include profanity or threats.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Soul mates

We all know the stories. Two strangers see each other across a crowded-- well doesn't matter where it is-- their eyes cross.. er meet and boom, true love is born and two soul mates are united-- or reunited if you believe in reincarnation. If one of them happens to be twelve and the other in her thirties, as were that teacher and her pupil, well we understand soul mate love. Except do we? Do we truly understand what a soul mate even is, whether it exists, and what kind of relationship it might lead to. The assumption usually seems to be that it's about romance leading to marriage, but is it?

Up until more recent times, and still true in some countries, marriage was a business arrangement often contracted between families to strengthen each politically or financially. The concept of romantic love was unrelated to permanent matings. Even where a couple didn't have parents pushing them into a marriage, more often considerations were can he provide a buggy to the family, does she know how to cook, and will they be good parents? Her being curvy or him having a washboard abdomen were not factors-- unless maybe for genetic.

Some of the idea that soul mate love and marriage go together has probably come via poetry, books and movies, but the dream for it is not recent and might be deeply imbedded. Jacob worked many years to marry the sister he most wanted (not that their marriage necessarily led to happiness) Then you have David. Was he smitten with Bathsheba for soul mate reasons or was it seeing her body nude in the moonlight as she conveniently bathed where he could see it? Was that soul mate love or lust?

Since I don't have answers for such questions, I will settle for simply explaining my understanding regarding soul mates and the ultimate (or potentially most disastrous) of such connections, twin flames/twin souls. There is quite a bit online and a lot of books out there to explain various author's understandings of the concepts, but I will settle for just giving the gist of what I have read and think personally is most likely to be true. And what I think might be wrong. Anyone who has experienced something different, please feel free to write extensively about it in comments. If your story is more lengthy than comments, put it in your own blog with a link here; or email me, and if it looks juicy enough, I'd be happy to post it here as another view.

If you don't believe in reincarnation, a soul mate is simply a person you feel a deep connection with and usually from the moment you meet them. They can be someone you work with and the two of you think so much alike. It can be romantic or friendship. Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, soul mates are not primarily about romance, sex or marriage but they can be.

If you believe in reincarnation, then these soul mate groups come together again and again and most likely began with their own creation (some say there are twelve in these groups). These may be family, friends and yes, mates. The relationships and gender might shift between lifetimes.

For reincarnation thinkers, there is another group of soul mates who repeatedly come together. I don't know if from creation but they are those with similar gifts and they incarnate in groups for purposes of political or artistic work. So you have the Ralph Waldo Emerson and the Concord, Massachusetts free-thinkers, who may have incarnated as a group many times in different creative patterns-- perhaps formed a new writer group in Montana this lifetime.

Could you have Hitler and his minions who may have done the same thing for negative reasons again and again? Soul mate patterns can be looked for in history and are fascinating to consider. Are you currently in one that is either good or not so good for you in this lifetime?

When the soul mate connection is romantic and sexual it doesn't automatically last for a lifetime. I have heard people say, when it breaks up, guess he wasn't my soul mate after all. I don't believe lasting forever is an indicator. A soul mate could come in and go back out of your life after fulfilling a purpose. You might have been wrong about him/her being a soul mate, but the fact that it didn't last doesn't tell you.

There are soul mate relationships which are karmic and temporary. They are intended to make right something from the past, teach you lessons you have managed to avoid so far, maybe finish business between two people which in reincarnation you don't get to walk away from. Some of these are very negative and the lesson is learning to walk away before you kill each other. There are soul mates who are intended to have certain children to raise them up, and once it's finished, they might go their separate ways.

Finally there is the term twin flame or twin soul which not all reincarnationists believe is true. This is the Adam and Eve story. Two created out of one. Shirley MacLaine describes how that works in her book, 'The Camino.' Twin souls are two halves of the same whole and the draw between them is very strong. Are they always meant to be together sexually in each lifetime? I don't think so. If they are together is the relationship nirvana on earth? Again I don't believe so.

The same friend who told me the story of the hawks also told me that when twin souls come together who are not evenly matched for energy, instead of the most romantic, beautiful relationship you could imagine, it can be very destructive. Yes, when they are evenly matched, it'd be the best mated relationship two people could experience; but there's that 'if' and it's a big one.

If you had a soul mate relationship with someone which worked out disastrously, my advice would be to do all you can to become the person you believe you were born to be. Work on being personally stronger, and the next relationship will reflect it. This works, of course, even if you don't believe in reincarnation or soul mates.

On the one hand, what you believe about soul mates is pretty much irrelevant. You can obviously find good relationships and be happy without having them defined spiritually. But then there is that other hand where if you do believe in them and spend your life looking for that perfect soul mate romance, the belief could be destructive and cost you a lot of good relationships along the way. Not to mention your soul mate, if you do come together, isn't likely to be perfect either-- given that would take two perfect people to make happen. Ever seen that?

(The sculpture pictured here is mine, titled Soul Mates. It is fired clay, weighs about 75 lbs, is 29"L and 22" H. I did it about eight years ago and had thought I would put it on its own stand, but the living room doesn't have that kind of space; so it generally has ended up the piano-- except when it's carried outside for photographs.

I don't do sculpture currently for the very reason that Soul Mates demonstrates-- what do you do with that many little people? Unfortunately clay sculptures that look like bronzes didn't end up being in demand in galleries. The clientele wanted bronzes and I liked best working in clay-- not to mention the huge investment in doing a bronze that still might not sell.)


Sandy said...

I believe that we have soul mates and that we have more than one. Not necessarily sexual, some are friends. I really like your sculpture Rain and it fits well with your topic.

Dick said...

I don't know if you know Dorothy Thompson or not. She is a soul mates researcher who lives in Virginia and has written a few books about the subject, including "Romancing The Soul" that I recently bought from Amazon.com. Her blog is "Boomer Chick: Musings of an Over The Hill Chick" the URL of which is http://overthehillchick.blogspot.com/. I'll tell Dorothy about you & this post, too.

I have a cousin in California who earns her living sculpting. She also teaches, a few years at Chico State & currently north of San Francisco. It has taken her many years to get to where she is now, getting commissions from cities and other places and yes, they are all bronze, many larger than life size. Two of her favorite subjects are Martin Luther King and Caesar Chevez. The state capital grounds in Sacramento has some of her work.

Mary Lou said...

I do believe in soul mates, and you are right sometimes they are opposite sex and just friends. I am in a relationship like that right now. We came together at the perfect time in both of our lives, and it is if it was meant to be that way, however we are strictly platonic.

Your scultures are wonderful Rain. ARe they fired clay? would they survive the weather? I would stick them out and about in my garden if I were you! Little whimsies peeking out from under a tree, or around one!

Winston said...

I wonder if there are levels or degrees of soul matedness. I have had perhaps a half dozen close relationships in my adult life that were very special, each in its own way. Then there was one that blew them all away. It was that magnetism on first meeting that immediately grew into a highly electric platonic relationship that marinated for 15 years before turning sexual. And that was... I never have had the words to describe it. We were together a few years and then life's circumstances geographically separated us. That was 20 years ago and I still think of her every day of my life. And I can feel her thinking of me. Next life perhaps...

Soul mates? Yeah, no doubt in my mind...

Rain said...

I have one outside in Tucson, Mary Lou, that is a harder fire. These are all fired but they would erode if left outside. I can put a few out in the summer in places they don't have a sprinkler hitting them regularly. The tucson one is Spider Woman, she looks over a small pool and guards the animals there. I named her after trying to move her and having a tarantula scurry out from under.

And I also believe in levels of soul mates, Winston, and have had an experience very similar to what you describe. I believe soul connections that last do happen. Good luck with next lifetime it being a whole life with that person-- if there are more lifetimes :)

Rain said...

I know sculptors who make a living at it too, Dick. I've visited foundries many times and the whole process for making them is fascinating but to cast one sculpture, not even a large one like Soul Mates runs over a thousand dollars depending on the complexity. That's a lot to put out without a commission.

robin andrea said...

That sculpture is so beautiful, Rain. It really tugs at me. I once believed in soul mates. In fact there was someone who my older brother brought home from college 40 years ago. We were smitten with each other from the moment we met. I was 15 and he 19. We corresponded and smouldered for many, many years. When he finally came out to meet me in California, I was in a tumultuous and empty-hearted relationship with someone else. I didn't and couldn't connect with him at the moment. I have often reflected over the intervening 30 years that if reincarnation actually exists, I'll probably have to come back to work that one out.

robin andrea said...

I didn't mean to hit publish-- I wanted add that when I met Roger, we connected right away. We danced together on New Year's Eve at midnight, and had our first "date" two weeks later in 1989. We have been together ever since. There were a lot of people at that New Year's Eve party, but when we met each other there was an instantaneous spark, which has stayed lit all these years. Are we soul mates? If there is such a thing, I say, yes absolutely.

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

This sculpture is absolutely exquisite and I would have thought it was bronze if you hadn't told us the process. Your post about soul mates is exactly the way I believe it is. I have definitely not had a male soul mate in this lifetime, but had one girlfriend who I believe was. She died in 1983, but we stay in touch, if that makes any sense. I think the new age hype about a sexual partner soul mate has been overplayed and too many high romantic people keep on searching ad infinitum.

Alan G said...

I don't know that I have ever seen that sculpture technique Rain. If I have, I simply thought it was bronze. I was a bit taken back by the weight initially but then I got to thinking about how much clay pots weigh and finally put two and two together.

somalthakore said...

Interesting inputs. This is one subject I'm really curious and attracted to...and I beleive in it.
C o incidently Ive put up a writ up on the same subject and interestingly my blog's name is MONSOON !
go to somalthakore.blogspot.com and it's other links