Just thinking on a summer afternoon

Every now and again, I speculate about what might be the long range plan-- for the soul. For instance, if there is reincarnation, let's assume also what some metaphysicians teach: i.e. we choose our lifetimes, the other souls who will interact with us, and the experiences we will have.

For someone who is in the midst of a terrible life, that thought would not inspire joy; but the idea would be that even with negative experiences, we would have chosen them for our highest good.

For instance, supposing in this lifetime we have been a selfish person with no compassion for the disadvantaged or disabled-- perhaps even been abusive emotionally or physically. After we have gone to the other side, in the soul discussion about how this life went, in looking through our akashic records (book of life where all we have done is recorded) the suggestion might arise that we could learn from a future lifetime where we ourselves were disabled.

Or perhaps someone, who has been very compassionate toward the less fortunate, might want to better understand how it is to live disabled. From our perspective, it's not possible to know why something is but we can make the most of whatever it might be.

Teachers who think this way do not see such choices as about condemnation or punishment (from what I understand) but rather about learning, improving, growing closer and closer to someday living an enlightened, for wont of a better word, perfect, human lifetime.

I don't really know what I believe, not even for sure that I believe in reincarnation despite some life experiences to make me think that it is what most explains life (it would sure require a big computer to keep track). Frankly, curious though I might be now and then, I haven't felt it was important to know for sure. The important thing, whatever spiritual tradition one follows, is to live a good, full, loving life as best we know it.

But this isn't where my mind traveled this warm summer afternoon. It was more, as I have thought before when I see someone young, what will it be like for me if I do come back? What would I like to take with me from this lifetime in terms of lessons? What would I like to have next time, assuming I have any say about it?

When I see beautiful young women, I admit it occurs to me that it'd be nice to be young and beautiful (but honestly, I'd rather look exactly like I did this lifetime imperfections and all-- you think we might get the same faces?). I know I'd rather be female because I have liked being a woman-- although there are some cultures where that'd be less so.

However, if I was young and beautiful, I would not want to have that beauty in a career where beauty was required. Did you read about the very young, very gorgeous model who jumped out of a high rise building to her death. Beauty alone doesn't buy anything. Functioning in a world where you are judged purely by your physical beauty would require a very strong soul to see past the dross and still live a happy, fulfilled, complete life.

Now having a career, like Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren, where talent was emphasized more than just beauty, might be okay (fringe benefits, lots of money to do the things you also wanted to do); but it's not really what I'd most want either.

Whenever I see female wildlife biologists, I most admire them. I don't know how many are needed in the world or even whether they make a living wage, but their strong bodies, the patience to study animal behavior and habitats, helping creatures I admire to survive, working outdoors, that would seem like a good life-- most especially if you were in a partnership with your life mate to do it.

To be honest, I have dabbled in many things, (note to self, don't be dabbler next time) but dabbling doesn't go deep. Many things, that I have done in this lifetime, not as a career, would be good professionally next time. Perhaps my dabbling has taught me some things.

With the afternoons warm and sultry, it seemed like a good time to daydream. I took mine a bit farther. I used some photos I took awhile back with the webcam (Blaugustine January 11th, was exploring alter egos, and I created a few but nothing as interesting as hers and let it go). Playing with it, I added a few more yesterday to put together a kind of montage of possible identities from the past, present and future.

The digital painting on top is suggesting my soul, from the past, looking down on what I have done, not done, and have yet to do. In the last digital photograph, I swirled the background to suggest the circle of life.

It's not always pleasant to think about the things I haven't done right, but then there are those I believe I have. I try to stamp the knowledge of both deeply into my soul; so that if there is another lifetime, I can take with me the wisdom I have hopefully gained. If there is not, I have lost nothing by the thinking.