What 'they' feared

Remember all the talk of slippery slopes where it came to gay marriage. If we do this, we might end up with a person marrying a goat is about how far the ridiculousness stretched. Among those more seriously exploring laws relating to marriage, polygamy was a more valid question. Where do we draw the line was asked.

Polygamy, one person with two spouses, is illegal in most countries. Where it is legal, it almost always means a man with several wives. It is different than bigamy because there is no deception involved. The partners agree-- although sometimes with much duress and not always are the partners of legal age.

Another word less familiar to most people is polyamory (three or more people in a sexual relationship with full consent, knowledge and even the possibility of all three interacting sexually). It is legal (except in states with adultery or fornication laws) because there is no government authorized relationship, no rights, no public acceptance of what the threesome are doing together. What some would like is to make that kind of relationship a legal possibility with the same rights as twosome couples because people in these relationships, which can last as long as marriages, consider themselves just as committed.

Threesome Marriages

I first heard the word polyamory about 4 or 5 years ago at a Body Mind Spirit Expo in Portland, Oregon. If you have never attended one, they are held around the country with assorted psychics and metaphysical exhibitors, readers, and seminars.

One of the booths where I dropped a few dollars was a Tarot reader's. He did my cards and then asked if I had heard of the word polyamory. At that point I had not. He explained it to me, as he and I also talked about my possibly taking some Tarot classes from him, which I never followed up on doing.

Polyamory is a relationship which is open, committed and about sex and love, not gender-- so it could be three men, three women, two of either sex and one of another. It is not about swingers who switch partners whenever something new comes along but an agreed commitment between (at least) three people.

Since that time I have now and again heard the term but never personally known anyone in that kind of relationship. Possibly when these relationships do happen, the partners let the world think the third is merely a friend who lives with them. It's very unacceptable in most cultures. Even in those which allow a man to take multiple wives, polyamory would not be okay.

If you have not yet seen the thought-provoking film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, directed by Woody Allen, it presents an interesting exploration of marriages including unconventional ones using two young woman as the protagonists learning about relationships. It is not a glossy view presenting magical solutions, but rather looking at the whole spectrum from conventional, long-term marriages, to those just starting out, but including one that is very unconventional.

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Even though I didn't publish it, I wrote what is above, over a month ago, after I read the article in the link. Its date for appearing kept changing as it never quite fit with any other topics. Because my blog is mostly about ideas, I like to have the topics flow-- not that they always do. Finally I decided I just have to publish it-- fit or not.

Then along came another Republican, the governor of South Carolina this time, caught in a sex scandal. His story ties in because of the expectations in our country regarding monogamy and marriage, and how some allow religion to determine rules for life-- and then can't live what they claim.

Mark Sanford was a rising star to the right, one of the 'they' in the title to this piece. He disapproved of gay marriage and even civil unions. He appears to have been a social and fiscal conservative (possibly even fiscal libertarian) with the talk that he might be the next Republican presidential candidate. His press conference plea to be forgiven was heavily couched in right wing religiosity-- remorseful, very remorseful.

I take, as do many on the left, the view that politicians' private sexual lives are not the concern of the public, but my view is altered when they disappear without putting anybody else in charge, when they lie about other things, when they are hypocrites, when they present themselves as confessing something supposedly from courage that in reality was because they were caught, or if they use public funds to either carry on their affairs or reward their paramours. Sanford did take his earlier trips to meet her on South Carolina's dime but said he is going to pay it back-- since being caught.

Sanford lied about where he was going, tried to lie about where he had been, and deliberately misled his staff, people who should have been able to trust him. His wife had said she had no idea where he was and didn't care. Guess that was the public's first clue that something was not well with that marriage. She has since put out a statement that she hoped they could still heal their marriage. That's pretty magnanimous (and very religious) especially since when she demanded he leave their home two weeks ago (she learned of the affair 5 months earlier), the first thing he did was figure out how to get to his lover over the Father's Day week-end. Oh yeah, that was to break it off-- takes in person and a week to do that?

From what I have seen, I think Sanford would have continued lying about where he had been, except for the fact that a newspaper in South Carolina was already onto him which is why one of their reporters was waiting when his plane landed in Atlanta.

After that, he was going to claim he was in the Appalachians? It sounded like he considered it -- [The State]. Did the anonymous tips, which also involved emails, come from a disgruntled employee who got tired of the hypocrisy? The story would have come out anyway after this trip. There was too much interest in where he had gone, and there is always a trail for those who know how to look. There is already talk about those who saw him and his lover on his recent trip saying how much public remorse displays of affection he was showing. Breaking up is so hard to do......

For his own sake, it seems to me he should resign as governor, not over the affair, but the rest of it. He will doubtless agree since when he was in the House, he voted to impeach Bill Clinton for lying. If he does this, he can try to make peace with his family and himself. Maybe his family will take him back. Since his wife is a wealthy heiress, he has plenty of reason to try. The damage he has done to his innocent sons is the greatest.

When I first heard about all this, I thought he's a young enough guy that most likely he'd remarry, like Gingrich did, find a renewed religious faith, return later with a new, possibly more exciting wife, and even more pious talk. The right would welcome him back. Yes, I am a cynic. But after seeing him on the press conference, I don't know. This guy was a Republican rising star???

The rainbow was a morning in May on the farm. Rainbows are reminders of our quest for something magical, the quest for that which is beyond understanding. At the end, if you can get there, would be a mythical pot of gold.

In the case of relationships, the pot of gold for most people is a wonderful marriage of two people, one that begins when young, has a family, where the passion never dies, and the love affair lasts a lifetime.

If you enlarge the photo, you will see the pot of gold in that photo was a cow.