Two by Two They Go?

Two by two they go,

animal or human

joyfully loving,
together forever.

A slipper fits the foot
cinder-maid becomes princess.
A kiss from a princess
turns a frog into a prince.

Bogie kisses Bergman good-bye
forever they will love each other
alas nobler purposes got in the way
of testing that out
.

From mythology to novels to film to music, the stories are the same. True love will last forever, although sometimes events, beyond the control of the lovers, force them apart. This mating is not just about marrying, but finding the love that fulfills both partners in ways that being alone never could-- or so goes the mythology.

What if Bogie and Bergman had settled down into a little cottage by the sea, had some children, and lived out their lives together? Myths generally end end before that can happen.

Taken as myth or allegory, it is how people even today often feel in their desire to be married-- with or without soul mate love. At one time, and even today in some cultures, marriage has been more about uniting clans, birthing the culture's future, and finances. It was two by two but not for romantic reasons, which might still have risen from it.

Has economic freedom brought about a changing view of what it could be or has there been an underlying, deeply instilled desire, for this one perfect love all along?

Twin Souls.

The Judeo-Christian scriptures explain it thus: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Sounds great. How often does it work out?

The idea of two people staying together, faithful to each other sexually for a lifetime (and beyond) has generally been about women, even religiously, more than men. Among the Apaches, if a woman was unfaithful (or believed to have been) to her husband, she had her nose cut off. I have some books on Apache women, from turn of the last century, with photos of those noseless ladies.

When I did my regressions (deep meditations to acquire past lives), one was likely Apache. I wrote about it here: Regression Story. What I didn't mention was that while deep in the meditation, feeling the story unwind, when it got to a certain place, my nose began to tingle. Never happened in any others and it was before I had seen those pictures. Was part of that lifetime a nose removal? Shuddering at the thought, I don't know nor want to know.

There is a lot of pressure within most cultures, with or without romantic love, to maintain monogamous marriages. When someone, as with John Edwards earlier this year, disappoints us, many feel a personal hurt. They want to think that whether they got it all, someone did. How many pictures do we see or articles do we read about the wonder of the Obama marriage-- or at least what we think hope it is?

I would be the last to suggest that monogamous, through-many-lifetimes love does not exist. But how often does that dream not work out thereby leading to a lifetime of disappointment or searching for something that wasn't there-- at least not on the Casablanca level.

While it appears serial monogamy is okay (if not first choice) with most Americans (might take awhile to get it right), something like polyamory has not been. Polyamory means open relationships with multiple partners based upon love. It is not the infamous swinging marriages where people have sex promiscuously and it's about the sex more than love.

Polyamory is not like the Mormon version of polygamy that appeared to be older men taking their pick of young girls or in similar cultures today where it's only the males who are allowed multiple spouses. It is also not like bigamy where there is deceit involved. What proponents of polyamory claim is that men and women can not only be in love with more than one sexual partner (blowing the twin soul concept out of the water) but desire to commit to more than one openly if not legally.

Some have said Edwards worst crime was lying about his sexual partner. They said the same thing about Clinton, but would the American people really accept a leader who had a marriage like say Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt if they knew?

After the Edwards' affair, I saved a link I originally found on Huffington Post: Is Monogamy one big myth?. Again, I would not say yes, but are the expectations for it based on fiction or reality? I will tell you even writing about this has had me going off several directions at once and struggling to keep the whole piece corralled into one train of thought.

The question to which I have often returned but never found an answer is to what purpose does this concept of one true, perfect and forever love serve? It is Genetic? Spiritual? Communal? We celebrate those who have been married fifty years whether it was fifty good ones or just hanging on by their fingernails. Are those who stick with their original partner more noble or happier than those who keep looking?

Anyway, thinking of romantic songs to illustrate this fabled sort of love, and because writing about this leaves me conflicted between the practical and the romantic, I cannot think of a better way to end than with: To Be By Your Side, Nick Cave