Stars

From a symbolic perspective, besides black holes, space has stars. They give energy to all around them. Sometimes a little too brightly as in burn up what is too close; but like with the star that is our sun, they send out energy that we can absorb to build our own energy.

Stars in our own lives are those things that bring us joy, teach us, bless our lives, and lets us help others. Some of the brightest stars will be what we do for others as that energy bounces back on us. That is why politics is not all a bad thing. Bad if it's a black hole that we let suck our energy but if we are out working for the causes in which we believe, it becomes a star that not only can shine on our lives but that of others.

When I was thinking about 2011 in my life, reliving the events, I read an encouragement to think over what you could remember of the year and then look at your journal to fill it in more of the year. Well my journal wouldn't help me much as when I counted up how many pages I wrote last year-- it was eighteen-- and they weren't even all the best moments of the year by a long shot.

The camera did a better job recording the stars in my life. It was many wonderful trips with our kids and grandkids, the whole family together at the beach or in the mountains. Those kind of things don't come all the time but last year they came more frequently than they might in the future or even had in the past. Those moments were stars without a doubt.

Then were were my manuscripts that I worked on editing for becoming eBooks and a new one I began. Writing was a renewed joy for me to be working on them, improving them, creating digital covers. The stories pulled me back into them and whether they work out to be successful sales wise (look back on black holes for that), they have been among the stars of my 2011.

To bring that to life, I did digital images from many of the special places; which I then put into a slideshow with music and a song that seems to totally say it all about how I believe about living. The songs speaks of the secret of making every moment into a star-- loving it, relishing it, but not trying to hold onto it.

Only a Moment

For my life, my daily life here at the farm, the following are black (and black and white), but they are not black holes. They give me energy and much joy. Our new cat is such a pleasure with her interesting personality and how she is adjusting into our family. With the three of them, it's off and on rather like having toddlers again. Little by little though they are all accepting each other.

Well BB has the hardest time as he is alpha cat and he evidently feels the need to establish that fact with her (lots of luck on that one) or feels she is challenging him by her being here as she moves into the mainstream of the home. He doesn't really attack her but just follows and gives her a look that has her yowling and running back to the bedroom.

Our dignified, Blackie has a more casual attitude toward the whole thing; in fact he has actually protected her the first time BB seemed to be about to attack her. Blackie jumped over him and got between them; but then Blackie is our peacemaker. If Farm Boss and I are having an argument (yes, we have them), he will come to me to try and make peace.

I don't know if there is reincarnation, but this little cat was born about the same time my little buddy, Persia, died. She is so much like her in personality and looks that sometimes it's hard not to wonder. She is usually right near me somewhere and she has filled a hole that has been there since I lost Persia 2 1/2 years ago. Her name is Pepper. For awhile it was impossible to get a photo of her as she'd see the camera and run. She is much more relaxed... well kind of... about the flash.

Black Holes

 Warning: After writing this blog and rewriting it and realizing my mind is not only in hyper-drive these days but has a bit of a chaos issue going on with too many issues roiling around, it may not flow well or make a lot of sense to you. I know the subject makes sense-- black holes.  Explaining them, well that's a whole other story; but if the blog is ever going to go out, it has to go-- as is.

The other day Parapluie and I were talking as I mentioned waking up at 3 AM and feeling depressed about the black holes in my life. She asked what that meant. As we talked, I thought how I had mentioned black holes earlier in this blog, and it would be a good topic to explore more deeply here.

In space, a black hole is a bit of a space mystery. They are part of the energy continuum, at least as best I understand them. They are a region which can suck energy into them, and it cannot escape. Scientists, with better telescopes and able to look from further out, are learning more about them; but in general they appear to take energy for what seem to be unknown purposes. They are sinkholes, quicksand, suctions that draw into them energy but never (apparently) release it. Black holes continue to grow by absorbing energy through taking what is around them. When something goes into a black hole, science can no longer see or measure it. The term is obviously complex and my simple explanation doesn't do it justice but for my purposes, it explains how I use the term for my own life.  Wikipedia on Black Holes.

Okay so that's the science end of it. My end of how I see my own black holes. They are energy gobblers, and there are several types. My dividing them that way leads to what I try to do about them. Black holes to me represent those things that are not all I want them to be and that fact is bothering me.

When a black hole is just about worrying; but I can't do a thing about it, I try to eliminate them from my mind. This can especially be politics when it's in regions I have no influence at all. Other black holes seem more positive as they show me there is a problem and I can fix it if I just want to enough. Waking up at 3 AM and fretting over something is good motivation to do exactly that.

So maybe in our lives, black holes can have a purpose if we recognize them as sucking our energy and then break them into piles. One pile for those where we have no control. These are good ones to list on a piece of paper that is then burned. Whenever they come into our minds, we push them away. If we have no part of being a solution, weren't part of the problem, then they are sucking energy away from us for no purpose.

Politics can be that way. When politics start reaching a level where I am not just learning what is going on but actually worrying about it, I know I need a break. Politics is one of those areas that can though be a negative but also a positive where it comes to energy. When we can write about it, talk about it to possibly influence others, donate and volunteer, it's a positive. When it's just worrying, it's a black hole that needs to go.

There are other things in a person's life that are the kind of black hole you want to eliminate from any time. One example is relationships you cannot fix. If say you have a parent who did wrong by you, but you cannot fix it; you didn't cause it; it's past being repaired, then what is the point of letting it suck energy? These make for great books but not necessarily good in our lives as they can ruin what we can fix.

So a positive use of a black hole, for those things I cannot change, is two-fold. One is stop letting it have any airtime if I really cannot do anything regarding it. But supposing what I need to do is not external but internal as in forgiving that person, even though they are no longer in my life? Than the constant awareness of this energy sucker is actually a warning to do something about it because it is bothering us and could pop up as a physical problem next. Often when a black hole has been bugging me like this, there is something I need to do. When I do it, it disappears.

In the let-it-be category, right now for me, would fit whether my books ever sell on eBook sites. That's obviously not easy to do.  I have things I can do like get places where people, who might like stories that aren't a standard genre, actually would find them. But in the end, I can't impact what others choose to buy. Worrying about it would be a pointless black hole but working to get the books to be all I can make them as well as to find the places I can do promotions, that's a positive use of a black hole.

I think my attitude toward this, which is do the best job I can while releasing the results, that comes from years of doing creative work like painting and sculpting and having to face the same issue-- control the work and let how others see it be their thing not mine.

The best use of black holes is when I let them alert me to things where I can change it but am not. When I lie awake at night thinking-- I am not eating right. I am not exercising enough, it sucks my energy and why? Because I won't do what I could do. Waking at 3 AM and finding it hard to go back to sleep because of fretting over something I can change alerts me. I then recognize not only do I have something I am not being healthy about but I could change it. My awareness they are bugging me in the middle of the night increases my motivation to deal with them more effectively when daylight comes.

Black holes can be the same kind of warning signals that pain is. They are an alert that energy is draining away and we can either stop letting it or fix the problem.

Next is a blog on an example of positive energy from the skies-- and closer to home.

Mao's Last Dancer

When I have seen a particularly good film, I ask later what made it so exceptional? I mean I watch quite a lot of movies, many of which I enjoy; but only once in awhile does one move me so deeply that I am in tears. Mao's Last Dancer, based on the autobiography of world ballet star Li Cunxin, is one of those.

What makes a film so moving? This one is very beautiful which alone can touch emotions. It is well done as it tells the story of Li Cunxin from his childhood in China where he was chosen from a poor village to be trained in ballet, his teen years as he began to perfect his skills and develop his emotional strength, and finally as an adult when he comes to America to perform for three months with the Houston Ballet Company. Three different actors portray the dancer through those stages of growth-- the beginning, the development and finally the reward.

To go back and forth in time, as Li remembers his experiences while he is in Houston, is certainly the sign of a gifted director when it works. Australian director, Bruce Beresford, fits the criteria and he brought it altogether beautifully for viewers. To understand from where Cunxin has come is to understand what comes next when he announces at the end of his three month time in Houston that he does not want to immediately return to China.

This was in 1981 and our relationship with China was still back and forth. Although Mao had died in 1976, China was working out who it was, who it wanted to be in the world. Tienanmen Square was eight years in the future. This defection was something the Chinese leadership had feared in allowing him to go to America, and they would do what they could to stop it happening. His defection would be bad publicity for them in the world and among their own people. Li wanted freedom but really not to lose his connection with his own people.

However, the reason this film is so moving goes beyond a wonderful story to the deeper elements that lie within it. Tears come from realizing the price someone pays for greatness, for understanding the value of freedom, and how important family and culture are to our life. Besides being so moving, it is the kind of film that leaves a person thinking long after it has ended.

In the last few years the term American exceptionalism has been much touted. Anybody who doesn't say that Americans are the best must not be a true lover of country. Well what this film brings out, I think, is that it's human exceptionalism  that so awes us, and it can be found many places and among many peoples.

Most of us live lives that really leave us with no clue of how difficult it can be to rise to our highest potential. We either don't even try or our highest potential is not that much of a challenge for us-- perhaps we never even discover what it is. What Li Cunxin reminds us is what it takes to rise to the top in a world where there are not many, the price that is paid, but also the sacrifices of those who love us and whom we love.

The illustration that inspired him of a man learning to draw back a bow, the strength required to do that, and how it applied to dancing, that his muscles would let him fly, that is true of so much in life on many levels.

The film (and probably his book which I now want to read) also emphasizes how important freedom really is. It illustrates what we can sometimes be asked to sacrifice to attain it and why we should not easily give it up-- especially not in the name of security. It is secure in a cage. Want to live in one? Yes, in a culture, we do need rules. We need some protections, but we should be wary of those who ask us to give up our individual freedoms without a very powerful reason because often what they really want is to grow their power.

I highly recommend this film. It's on Netflix. After we saw it, I bought it from Amazon as I know I will want to see it many times if for no other reason than the marvelous dancing. There is nothing more awesome than watching gifted ballet stars at their height. Awesome doesn't begin to describe it. Li Cunxin was that kind of dancer and so was the actor who portrayed him, Chi Cao.

Mao's Last Dancer

Three new pots from Westwood Gallery

 For quite a few years I tended to buy pottery every so often. Not that it was an addiction, but it might have come close as I just love pots. I love Hopi, Zuni, Acoma, Navajo pots, some of mine still reside in Arizona, as well as the ones various artists create sometimes with unbelievable glazes.

I have bought them to use as serving pieces for a meal, to hold flowers, or just to sit in the house and look beautiful. But I had enough or so I told myself and I broke the purchasing habit a few years ago. Then last year we saw Walter Ruston's work at his gallery, Westwood, and I really did hanker for buying myself one... or two or... Well I resisted-- at the time.

Because on that visit I hadn't a camera with me, I told the potter that I'd like to do a blog on his lovely gallery but would have to come back. Life tends to get in the way where it comes to such plans.

Finally, on the second day of the new year, we decided to wander around the hills, checking out the backwoods (further back than us even). I love owner built homes sometimes hidden in narrow canyons, along creeks or under big fir and cedar trees. Days like this one, when it's raining and the mist hangs heavy in the air, it pretty much is as good as it gets for me. I think that comes from being a native born Northwesterner.

Farm Boss and I talked about how we had always wanted to build a home like the one above with lots of natural wood and various wings sprouting out different directions. I have books full of the stories and photos of people who have built ones like that. We are iffy about whether that would be a little too much work at our ages; but the yearning for it hasn't lessened even as much as we do like our home and land.

One of the things on my mind this drive was to revisit Westwood Gallery, and I came both with a camera in hand and in the mood to buy. I am very happy with the three pieces I added to our farmhouse. The stoneware bowl is microwave and dishwasher safe which makes its practical for serving meals.

The other two are fired in a pit, not the kind of process that enables them to be flower vases but they sure do look pretty. The first one he calls horsehair for the process which means horsehair is laid into the glaze to cause the dark patterns by reducing the glaze from a clear oxide to a dark pattern.

On our mantle, they join a Navajo wedding vase and a sculpture we bought some years back when in Nogales, Sonora.

I do admire those owner built type homes, would enjoy having more space in this one for a studio; but I also love the feel of my house which is much enhanced by the many works of art we have collected over the years. I am happy for the new additions for 2012. I had mentioned we have two Navajo rugs. The first one we ever bought, when our children were small, is at the top of this blog.

Westwood Gallery

Most galleries are in tourist locations or the center of downtowns; but some are sprinkled into the forests and wild places for their artist owners to have the inspiration of nature around them as they work and then share that energy with the people who drive up a gravel road to find them. Westwood Gallery is one of the latter.

Potter, Walter Ruston built his own gallery as an adjunct to his home and studio. The gallery is a delight with high ceilings, good lighting, lots of shelves to display his creative stoneware, raku and pit fired pots. I was really taken with the horsehair pots and remembered them from the year before when I thought I'd come back sooner but didn't make it until the second day of a new year.

Perhaps it's because I was born in Oregon, but a day like we had when we revisited Westwood Gallery was absolutely perfect, deep, misty forests, rain falling, owner built homes set back in the hills, and lovely surprises which we received the first time we saw the sign for [Westwood Gallery].  If you live in Oregon or are traveling through, and someday go roaming around the Coast Range, definitely look this one up (driving instructions on the link).

The following photos are from Westwood Gallery.

 Below are photos of the exterior of the gallery and water features. This setting is beautiful by itself but the owner has obviously gone out of his way to build a creative environment to showcase his life's work.

 The three pots I purchased will have to wait for the next blog to share.

Happy New Year

The week between Christmas and New Year's is always a favorite time of mine to stop and think about where my life is heading as well as where it's been. For me, that week is normally a quiet time although this year (and for that matter last) not so much. This year, not only did we have a nice trip with friends, but our plumbing has picked the end of December to act up. That took days of figuring out what went wrong as well as a lot of muscle and trips to town for this or that. Call a plumber? No way... I'll let you guess who said which of those statements.

Back to more positive thinking. This has always seemed a good time to think what I want to experience in the year ahead. I also ask myself if I made progress on my previous goals. It's a time to focus on what needs changing and whether previous goals are still active.

For years I used to write goal statements, with steps that might prove helpful, but it's not a rigid thing and in the last couple years, I have not written down anything although I always think about it. One thing I love about life is that no matter what I planned, there are always things that pop up that were unexpected. One thing I hate about life is there are...

2012 will be an interesting year if for no other reason than the people in my country will be choosing the direction they want the nation to go. Do they dislike helping others? They can change that and help... well only the rich anyway. Do they want to dictate other people's moral choices? They can do that based on their own religious views. Do they want wars around the world? Well they may not be able to stop that given both parties lately end up warlike no matter what they say, but one party will give them more wars as they believe in more of the empire concept which they prefer to not call colonizing but instead 'utilizing'. It sounds nicer.

Well there might be one who would get us out of wars overseas. Vote for Ron Paul (who also as a libertarian would dictate his own religious values into laws) and he says he'll end any overseas involvement. A step too far some would believe. He won't be the Republican nominee but might he run a third party race? He says not but who knows. I would naturally be happy if he did as I made my choice for who I'll be supporting for president right after I saw who the other side could possibly run given the make-up of their party at this point.

Anyway I could go on with what the country will be deciding about its direction where no matter who wins, the other side will feel no way, not possible, must have cheated to get that result and start talking revolution. At least that's been how it's been most recently; and maybe it's just human nature, and the first tribe with the first members, who chose a leader, perhaps grumbled later how it was fixed in whatever limited language they had.

For some 2012 will mean the possible end of the earth as we know it (some will think that in the US after the November election also) because the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, and everybody knows how prescient the Mayans were about future events. They did so well with maintaining their own culture against conquest.

For me, I don't concern myself so much with any of that as to think what I want 2012 to hold on a personal level. 2011 was pretty good to me. There were lots of quality family gatherings. I spent time in some wonderful places, saw some beautiful things. Creativity was active and going well in my life with my bigger issue being which things to pursue not whether there is anything. My kids and grandkids are growing and doing well. I feel like even with some personal black holes, overall I focused in on what I wanted in 2011.

That does not mean, where it comes to those areas where I have control, that all is as I want it to be. I hope I never get to where I think I have it all together. I can feel satisfied and still have dreams and goals for something new. I think I am the kind of person who will always have hopes for what I might change or make better in the future. I like knowing change is possible even if I don't change a thing.

Actually it has surprised me how life is at 68. I expected it to be more limited, with me more set in my ways. Although I do believe I could change things now, if I was willing to pay the prices for doing so, I expect that to not be so true with the coming years as aging necessarily does narrow down our options. In my case, however, much of what being 68 would have already narrowed, I didn't/don't want. By this age, I know myself and what means the most to me. I believe that where I am locked in, I made and am making that choice based on other considerations.

In 2010 I had gotten into doing snow digital images. I found a piece of music for a slide show illustrating the feeling I have about the nostalgia I often feel around now. I don't think I could say it better this year; so here it is again as a mix of dreams and reality, the things that still swirl around in my head.

releasing but not forgetting

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!!!!!

After I had written this blog, I was skimming around in the blog world and came across some suggestions for ways to evaluate our last year and the one to come. It was from the woman who created the Tarot cards I bought this fall. Check out her ideas [Gaian Soul].

Kind of an interesting thing happened as I was reading her blog. She said when she does such an end of year evaluation, she considers the Three of Air to be the right card for the process. I read in the comments that one of the women had drawn that card before she came to read the blog that day.

So, of course, I couldn't resist giving it a try myself. Shuffle, cut, deal one card-- Three of Air. I just looked at it with surprise. I cannot explain why it would come up that way out of 78 cards, but I never have totally gotten how Tarot can work. Coincidence some would say. Okay but what are the odds? If you want to know what the Three of Air means, and how appropriate it is for looking at one's year or toward a future set of goals, check out her link.

Oregon Coast in storm

Right after Christmas, Farm Boss and I drove to the Oregon Coast to spend a couple of nights sharing a rental house with our long-time friends, Parapluie and her husband Fisherman. I think I have mentioned before that Fisherman and Farm Boss were friends before either she or I came along.

Through the years, we have done a lot of things together and nothing is better than a relaxing couple of days to talk, laugh, cook, eat, enjoy the beach, read, and watch a movie or so. This trip we got lucky with a perfect storm, lots of wind and some heavy rain but not so much of either as to knock out power or make the drive back home difficult-- well anymore than ever where it comes to Oregon. Photos are from the Seal Rock area to north as far as Neskowin.

The rocks below look pretty vacant, other than one resting gull, but enlarge the photo. With binoculars and knowing for what they were looking, everybody but me could see the Black Oystercatchers. On blind faith that a photo would let me see them, I shot the rock formation about where I was told they were supposed to be. When I had the photo, Parapluie pointed out their long legs and red bills. Finally I could begin to pick them out also. Talk about camouflage.

Incidentally Parapluie started a painting of oystercatchers while down there. Before she left, It looked like she had an interesting start on what is obviously a challenging subject

Snow falling on the past

Putting snow onto my own digital images has become kind of addictive. I made quite a few snow digital paintings last year because in my part of the Pacific Northwest, winter more often looks like the next two photos-- and I am not complaining about that because not only is snow inconvenient, but around here, when it comes, it often melts fast and that means flooding.

For creating more snowing images, I'd like a software program that lets me do it on my computer, not requiring going online, and lets me enlarge it to a full screen. It seems to me it'd be a very meditative thing to do. Although I have seen snow globe sites, they aren't generally with the kind of images I prefer. I'm going to look for that possibility next time I get into Staples. Where it comes to online, Blingee is the best for a free program that easily lets me create the volume of snow I want.

Doing something like this right now is especially good for me as a way to not think. When I do think, my mind is in hyper-drive. I had been working on a new story which will be another historical romance which was requiring research to get the setting and times right. I got into it because I thought I had finished editing my contemporary manuscripts right up until I went back and looked briefly at Desert Inferno, which was already on Kindle, only to find a lot of minor glitches. How the heck did that happen? I had put a lot of time into editing them all and yet it still wasn't as right as I could make it.

So I set aside the new project and went back to re-edit it (which fortunately Kindle allows you to resubmit and they offer the corrected version to those who already bought the story-- I know about that as one of the ones I had bought had that happen). Then rather than let the next one, From Here to There, just go out (which I had also thought was in fine shape), I edited it again too. Now I am onto what will be the third one, Golden Chains, which is the one that actually follows Desert Inferno with one of the characters from that story.

If that all sounds confusing to you, it does to me too. Anyway I think I will have a third one ready to go by the end of the coming week. I also feel very good about From Here to There. Of course, I naturally like all of my stories-- they are my children. For anyone interested in information about them, check out the Rain Trueax link alongside this blog which will take you also to Romance with an Edge or to Amazon to purchase the books.

Whenever I get these all done to where I feel good about them, finally I can go back to the new story. Any wonder I like some time watching a snow globe?

The above snow scene is in Wupatki National Monument in Northern Arizona, a Sinagua site of dwellings north of Flagstaff. I've only been there in good weather which meant this digital required imagining. I think it'd be great to be there when it was snowing-- assuming the roads weren't closed.

Tis the Season

Christmas Eve this year comes with a New Moon. Anybody who pays attention to moon cycles knows that a new moon is for planting-- in this case, how about planting dreams for the new year?

Maybe because I get very little of the white stuff, I love the snowy images I can create online. My favorites are snow with cabins. This particular cabin is one of my dream cabins, mostly a dream that by now I've given up on other than still in my thoughts once in awhile.

Christmas is a time for that-- reminiscing on what was and what we might wish had been. It is both a time of sadness and joy, a time to be grateful for what is but nothing wrong with imagining what might yet be when Christmas rolls around in 2012.

Winter Solstice 2011

We made it. The longest night and shortest day of the year and we are on our way to more light. Not that it will seem like it for awhile, but we'll know it and that helps during the darkest part of winter. Well actually theoretically we did just get to winter; but most of us have been experiencing it for a few months and we know it even if the calendar doesn't tell us.

Winter Solstice is one of my favorite days not that I celebrate it with any sort of Pagan festival. There are some good ones with lots of candles and fires as we welcome back the sun. Most religious observations for this season, from Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Solstice, and Christmas, do have lights as some part for obvious reasons of darkness in the Northern Hemisphere from where so many of our traditions originated.

I am really not a holiday person-- not any of them. I did decorate the house this year because two grandsons were coming for a day. For me, decorating means a few angels, white candles, snow villages, and those evergreen strings with red berries and pine cones that all look real but don't give an allergic reaction, and no Christmas tree which would hurt our allergies if the real deal and I have had no reason to want a real or artificial one.

The reason I don't generally decorate anymore (and I used to go all out for it) isn't about a war on Christmas or some angst about that holiday. It's just I have other things to do than put up and then down decorations. Truth be told I just don't care that much. Now the decorations I put out this year are pretty subtle, not so much about a religious look at Christmas but more seasonal for the Solstice as well as a few objects that have come to me through various family members over many years. I like them well enough but other than having little ones here, why would I have put them out?

Absolutely I was not going to send out any cards (notice the past tense). Much of my list is now on Facebook; so it's easy to share family events there. I don't believe the Christmas story as in being historic; so I stopped long ago sending religious cards. This used to be a season I would proselytize a bit. Actually, I guess I still do but just something different.

For the second year running, I did draw the line at sending out a Christmas letter even though I used to find them fun to put together as we always have a colorful year at the least. I began to have a negative feeling about writing them as I knew I was only putting in what somebody else might enjoy seeing or doing. I was leaving out the stuff that wasn't so much fun during the year. What was it all about anyway? It's kind of like an illusion of the best parts of a life. Maybe that's what we usually present to others anyway unless they are close to our lives.

The mythology behind this season-- the giving without asking return--certainly has value whether it's oil that never runs out, a spirit who goes around giving gifts to especially children, or a god who came to earth to die for all mankind asking nothing in return, but that's not exactly the way these celebrations usually end up. It becomes instead of gratitude, a time of conspicuous consumption which is required to keep the economy bolstered up. As for giving and asking nothing-- most people at least want gratitude (even gods who sacrifice it all)

I enjoy the giving part of all this, but really like it best when during the year I have seen something and buy it, not holding it for six months, but giving it right then; or we are in a store and I tell the grandkids they can pick out something. To do it for a specific day has never appealed to me even if I go along with it as part of communal expectation.

When I was involved in the church-- any of them, Christmas made more sense to me with Christmas programs or Midnight Masses; but now it seems more a high pressure time with a lot of expectations leading to pain for those where life hasn't dealt with them as they had hoped.

It always seems ironic to me that this season of glitter and gold would be based around a man who taught none of that as the way to live, a man who did have concern for the poor without blaming them, a man who talked of love as mattering more than all the possessions one can accumulate. How did corporations, with the gifts, the wrappings and the cards, end up taking over a day that should be about minimalism? Never mind. I know the answer to that one.

This last photo was pure luck. I was trying to get the colors adjusted on my webcam and happened to look behind me and there was our newest cat (who we are still trying to decide on a name she likes). She is still in hide and run mode; so this was surprising. My cam has a 3 second delay; so I was only hoping she'd still be there by the time it took the photo. I got luckier than that as she reached up with what can only be called a model pose to more closely observe one of the village buildings and snap.

Doing one of my own readings

Because of writing about the new Tarot deck, Journey through the Gaian Heart, I thought I'd share an example of the first reading I did for myself using this deck. It might give someone an idea of how Tarot can be used.

My most common reading is to look at a situation and ask for help in understanding the past of it, the present, and the future. I do not ask for future predictions but rather insights to where something came from, where it is and where it's going if things stay as they are.

The reading is intended to draw out what I might already know but need encouragement to believe. They are to help me get under the layers I often put up between me and my inner voice; and believe in a god or not, we all hear that inner voice. It is in our thoughts which can sometimes be filled with so much that it's hard for us to focus. The cards help us do that-- focus. I do not believe in cards for fortunetelling and although I have had readers give me such readings, I can't say any came true.

In this case, I asked about an event that had come into my life some years ago, which still impacts me, and about which I have wondered what it meant to my life. I asked what was the past of why it happened; what is the present for what it is bringing to me today; and finally what could be the end result of having gone through it? I do not need to share what the event was as it's not the point.

So to do this type of reading, I set my mind on my purpose, try to still my thinking, ask for results that would be true and helpful for my wisdom and insights, shuffle, cut, and finally lay out three cards. I lay them face down so that I can study them for a moment to see if all three seem to go together. Say one didn't seem right, I'd put it aside, draw another for that place but keep that extra card to read later and see whether it was an added insight or simply out of place. This whole thing is very intuitive which means if you don't trust your inner self,  if you are going to argue for some kind of factual measurement, you won't like doing cards.

I should mention here that the creator of this deck has renamed the suits as well as the court cards. Children = Pages; Explorers = Knights; Guardians = Queens; and Elders = Kings . She likewise uses Fire = Wands; Air = Swords; Earth = Pentacles; and Water = Cups. They still represent the same court cards but using imagery that she explains means more to her in doing readings. You know the first tarot cards were playing cards and the use of them goes way way back in man's history. It does require a bit of rethinking for someone used to the way it has been with Rider-Waite; but the book helps with that and I liked the renaming for giving meaning. The book helps with this also.

The first card I turned over was to represent the past at the time this came into my life, representing where I was and possibly the purpose for which it came:

"The Guardian of Fire is someone who quietly knows his own worth. He doesn't have to be the center of attention in order to feel good about himself, although he is sometimes quite naturally in the spotlight. This is someone who attracts others because of a warm heart and natural radiance. Remember when the flame of creativity is shared, all benefit, and no single fire is diminished. Passions shared and combined can create a bonfire big enough to light up the entire sky." *

The Guardian set me back in a way that it would not have had it been the Queen-- although to be honest in all the times I did Tarot, the Queen of Wands never showed up in a reading for me (yes, when you do readings some cards tend to show up a lot and others you might only see if you are doing a reading for someone else).

I think, with a new deck, a person has to put aside any different definitions from the earlier decks to work with a new one-- accepting its meanings as the ones to use. These decks are mostly recreations of a concept that is old but that can be updated for different cultures and generations. Aritsts are free to look at the meaning of a card and interpret it as it suits them.

To me guardians are nurturers and in this case the illustration on the deck appears as though possibly it was an outside force who was stoking that fire, in short encouraging something but for what reason?

When this event came into my life, I did believe it was influenced by an outside force. Is that all that the card was telling me now-- what I thought then? Or is the card saying I was right all along and there was a spiritual force behind what happened and that it had a reason for coming unrelated that was not clear at the time?  That is the question the card stirs in me as a person who believes in such possibilities. Someone who didn't believe in those possibilities, that of someone else tweaking our lives or even that there is someone else, would not have such a deck to wonder about.


Okay, so now what about the present card, what has this event brought to my life today? How am I using it?

Three of Fire: "When you get this card, you are on fire with the joy of creativity, sexuality, and self-empowerment. Nothing will hold you back from expressing yourself with great abandonment and rowdiness. This is no time to hide your light under a bushel. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished. It's an exciting time for you! Who knows where your passion, creativity, and magic will take you next?" *

Now that one I can say does fit me very well today. If I picked a card out of the deck to say something about who I am today, it could have easily been that one. (well except for this irritating December cold anyway). To me this card is saying that event, not without pain, was part of helping me become the woman I am today, that it was giving me an energy I needed for my creative work. I guess you could say everything does; but that card really hits the mark for how I feel about myself in terms of creativity and really life right now.

Do we welcome such painful events-- those that never really leave us? Not hardly but we can choose to use them or not. We can let them weaken or strengthen us. (And no I don't believe that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger as many things can weaken us but, short of debilitating events, we can use whatever has come to us as best we can. One option is taken away and another opens up or we can sit and stew over what was taken. It is a choice.) This card is indicating I am using it at least for today. I believe that is so.  Both of those cards were fire cards.

So the unknown factor in this reading will be how accurate the future card will be as in where this event will put me someday. I obviously cannot answer this question yet.

Nine of Earth: "You're enjoying a time of accomplishment and comfort. You're at the peak of your creative powers, and well-paid for your work. You are connected to your family and community, yet have time alone for creative and spiritual pursuits. It is a time of peace and plenty in your life both internal and external."*

Whether that will prove to be the case, it is a hope I do have for it. I can't say more than that as who can know. If I look back on this in say five or ten years, I might be able to say more about how accurate this card was. For now, it is encouragement that I am going the right direction.

As I saw it, all three cards answered the question that the event was about  encouraging my creativity, feeding it and finally (hopefully) rewarding it. I can't put into words what I feel inside that it was saying to me. I can see it though like stairsteps along the way. The fire is bringing me finally a return to the earth which is the groundedness I always believe I want. Those three cards represent creativity, production and result.

Was the purpose the cards indicated what I had wanted that event to be about? Not a chance. Back then, I had a different goal in mind; but maybe in ten years I will see that otherwise also.  It does totally fit my life though for the past and present. We'll see about the future.

*From Journey through the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert

Reading the cards

No, it's not Christmas cards I'm talking about...

One of those times when I was surfing through some of the blogs I read, I came across an interesting one in "Beyond the Fields We Know" as she wrote about a new Tarot deck.  I clicked on the link, went to the creator's site, and from there straight to Amazon as I really liked this deck.

When it arrived, I was quite pleased with the earthy designs for the cards as well as the book, "Journey through the Gaian Tarot" by Joanna Powell Colbert. I have several decks and when I have done readings, I have often chosen the most common Rider-Waite as I understand the meanings of the cards best there.

When I got the new deck, it had been months since I'd done any readings. I have liked knowing I could when the mood strikes or when I felt stuck. I don't see Tarot as supernatural or occult. I see it as helping a person get into their own intuition which can sometimes be blocked for assorted reasons. It also is satisfying to do a reading. Dare I say fun?

The Gaian Tarot is mostly aimed at connecting with earth, our intuitive side, rather than divinatory.  I especially like how easy this deck is to shuffle as often a new deck takes some breaking in, but it has not. It was ready to work from the get go.

I might actually try a card or reading from it for inspiration occasionally on the new book I am writing. Like where should I go next in terms of a character. I won't use it to determine what will end up happening with this story as I know the general outline. I could use it though in small events and to add some variety of thinking, getting myself out of my own rut and into the way my characters might think. Right now I am just enjoying its beauty.