Sometimes I dream something and wake with an associated idea-- sometimes only roughly associated. It happened this week. My dream had taken me back to high school relationships and one particular one where the dream mixed real life experience with fiction.
In high school, I'd had a friend, the kind we did things together, had sleepovers-- and then one day I went to school and she was no longer talking to me. She never told me why. I never asked. To this day I don't know although I could hazard a guess. More interesting to me would be-- why didn't I ask then? I didn't and won't ever now. Her loss was painful for me as I didn't have a lot of school friends. The dream encompassed this real life experience but gave it a different ending-- think Hallmark ending ;)
When I woke, it was with this thought-- I am not a popular person. Is that why my books are not popular? Do they even relate?
Eating breakfast that morning, I was thinking about what is popularity. These days, living a rural life in Oregon and not spending much of a year in Arizona, I probably don't have a lot of places to measure popularity-- so why think I am not a popular person.
Well, one of the places to measure it would be social media. There are those in Facebook who have thousands of friends. I have a few hundred and they aren't all actual friends. In social media I don't think I am disliked (although a few have unfriended me; so I guess that means I was disliked by them) but I also am not popular. I am not the kind of person that people flock to.
I should say right here that I am not thinking of this in terms of male female popularity. I am more thinking the general sort that gets someone elected class president or invited to parties, where almost everybody was and you weren't. It's that kind of popularity of which I was thinking.
I have often thought that social media is like going back to high school for how the relationships interact there. It can also lead to just as much insecurity.
My thoughts the morning after that dream revolved around how high school teaches a person a lot of things about relationships. Most particularly it teaches, or at least it did me, to deal with not being popular and accept what is, without letting it hurt our lives. Popularity may have perks attached but does not remotely guarantee a good life-- too much concern for it might even hinder having a good life. Popularity also does not equate to having real friends. I do have real friends and although not a lot of them, the ones I have are deep friendships, which I highly value.
Some attract lots of people to them, seemingly effortlessly. Or was it effortless? Did they find what others wanted and a way to give it to them-- or at least make the others feel they can deliver it.
When I observe (writers are big on observing) someone who clearly is popular as in social media, sometimes it's obvious to me why. Other times, I don't really get it. Is it charisma, that almost undefinable quality? Beauty or IQ doesn't always explain it as you can see beautiful and handsome people who are disliked. Physical advantages may open a door, but I don't think they automatically lead to popularity. It might even be the opposite.
What I think, as I look at popularity, is probably it comes from others wanting what the popular one has, hoping it'll rub off on them if they are close, maybe? You can tell, I don't really know.
If I take this beyond people to objects, like say a blog. Does a blog become popular because of content or does it offer a relationship of sorts that readers keep coming back to find? Some may bring people to their blogs because they give to other blogs. I don't think it's true of all popular blogs and this goes also to YouTube channels. Back to my original question-- what makes something popular?
When I woke from that dream, that first thought connected my not having popularity to my books. Can an author's popularity or lack thereof carry over to their sales? Many writers are careful to never reveal their political or religious connections with the concern that it can cost sales. A few have been outspoken, and they don't care. Perhaps they hope to draw others to them by their views, and it more than makes up for what they lose. I think this could explain some of today's comedians, who brazenly speak out, doubtless losing some fans but gaining others just for their opinions.
One thing I believe, regarding popularity (as a person or for what one creates), you probably can't make it happen; so, to care too much about it is going to lead to unhappiness. To try to change into what they think is popular is not going to lead to much long term gain. Maybe that's another lesson learned from high school. You can't force popularity, since it's in someone else's control.
Popularity, along with that nebulous word, charisma, is maybe granted by the gods... whoever they might be at the time, which might be those who already attained popularity and can now dole it out to others-- because of the trust those others have in them. This has some hoping it works in politics.
Have I just gone too far into this? lol
All photos from July and the farm. Summertime is lush here.
Because our time for the books in Kindle Unlimited is ending in August, we are using their benefits to have a free day for The Shaman's Daughter. If you want to try an unusual paranormal/metaphysical book, this is your chance-- for free. It lasts three days.
There are four sisters, born witches, each have to use their powers as well as find a place for themselves in a physical world. That involves falling in love-- or not.
6 comments:
Interesting post. I'm not popular, and have lived with that so long that I don't mind... There is a lot less draining drama to being unpopular.
Those dreams are thought provoking. I'm guessing it's a marketing issue, not you personally. I never was "popular" either and we moved so much during my school years (14 times the new kid in those school years) that I had a pretty thick skin by high school (3 schools in 4 years). I managed to find a few long time friends all the same. I'm kind of an introvert anyway and I suspect a lot of creative people like yourself are too, painters, writers, etc. I made art most of my life and still need the solitude to create anything. The rub comes when you have to get out there and sell your stuff. I guess that's why there's so many books on how to sell what we create. We are not business people by nature. Hope you find a solution, wish I had some magic to pass along.
I am now reading a paranormal by another author and I can't help thinking how you would write the same plot. Eventually creativity will replace the expectations of a product for sale. The need to be popular to sell will be replaced by your own measurements. Love your photographs and page turning novels. It is not the value of the creation that determines if it is going to sell.
Interesting subject. I sometimes wonder if the most popular person is often the person who takes no stand but does it with gusto. If you take no stand you infuriate no one just makes you almost invisible but if you can do that with confidence and some panache you become popular. -or- convince everyone they can, without guilt, act on their worst desires you might be even more popular -but- if you can do both you might be a god in everyone's eyes. Nice post to reflect on.
I’ve never given much thought to popularity, but certainly was aware of who the most popular kids were in high school and often could understand why. Some moved into that elite group because of sports poweress, others by attaching themselves to or winning the favor of said athlete(s). Willingness to subjugate themselves to others achieved some popularity, Others never gained desired popularity cause they tried too hard or obviously were too needy for the approval.
I recall the Jr. Hi year I was in 4 different schools in 3 different states. I realized years later that my acceptance into that last school was largely because after my first lunch, sitting by myself on the lawn, one of a group of girls left her friends to come talk to me. That seemed to alter whatever barriers there might have been. She aspired to being one of the most popular and was actually semi-so I learned later. We didn’t hang out together, except occasionally, as she was in a different circle, but somehow we ended up being roommates at college years later. As it turns out she had a great capacity for exaggeration and mendacity. Many years later when reminiscing with a classmate I discovered this, know it’s still true and am simply not sure if it’s deliberate or some quirk that she really believes what she says — having fantasized it in her head. (Kinda like DJT — also, my husband who had a period of doing that some when he was experiencing some emotionally challenging times coupled with physical decline, increased meds and brooded a bit.).
I didn’t aspire to being one of the most popular as took it for granted I didn’t have whatever it was you needed, plus I wasn’t willing to adopt some of the behaviors that seemed to be expected of anyone to gain entry into that group. Most weren’t snobs, they were just so into themselves and each other they didn’t have time for the rest of us was the feeling I had. My interests were different, too. I didn’t always prefer whatever was the latest popular fad in music, clothes, had little use for fancy hair styles and makeup and other things that even my friends liked. Being a damn Yankee now living in the South during overt segregation days there were significant cultural differences, too. I always felt different from everyone else in some deep way as most had lived there all their lives, taking for granted things I didn’t. By and large they were pleasant school years.
Blogs I think might be more popular aren't necessarily and even select posts I especially like don't always get the same reaction from others. It’s always interesting to see what I write on my blog that garners more response, but that doesn’t dictate future post content.
I dont know how you tailor book writing to gain readership and still create what gives you satisfaction, or if you even want to think that way. Marketing seems to be the bugaboo. Too bad so much of the promotion responsibility falls on the writer now compared to pre-Amazon days, but then have the impression publishing is easier so there may be more writers. I’ve noticed on a couple writer’s blogs I’ve visited they’ve started imbedding audio they read of their own writings, but maybe that’s not unusual and I just never encountered it before.
Interesting on embedding audio into a writer's blog. I haven't come across that but I don't read many author blogs. My blogs here now do have writing intertwined sometimes but it's because it is such a part of my life. The one thing I don't like to put here is politics. I save that for my Issues blog although right now, writing in it is becoming something I don't like doing (it's such an incredibly depressing time to read or write about it). Because he is interested in maybe offering his thoughts there, Ranch Boss will be a coauthor at that blog. We haven't set that up yet.
I was aware of who was popular in high school. It was about clothes (our school was so fashion conscious) and who was at the parties. Being from the country with a dad who worked nights and a mother who didn't drive, I didn't get involved after school much until i could drive. Down the hill and my age, was a girl in my class, but her mother was determined her daughters would be popular and she didn't see me as helping that happen. I didn't know it at the time but years later put together why we rarely played together. She didn't see me helping her daughter's ascent into the A team (and our school had it with homecoming princesses, cheer leaders, etc.) Her daughter, who was a very nice person btw did get into that A team, dated a star football player, was homecoming queen, cheerleader, etc. Because we moved my senior year, I don't know how that worked out for her. Popularity in high school does not always lead to happy lives-- as I said above. I did see how that worked out with others.
I think one thing mentioned above that is true-- there is a price for popularity although some get in that club seemingly effortlessly. It's still a mystery to me but as long as I had someone to eat lunch with, I was okay ;).
I don't know if high schools still have such a class system. Our granddaughter had a lot of very nice friends and she always went out of her way to befriend others.
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