May 2020 and the high temperatures have reached Tucson.
Although I have called myself old for some years, I am only now getting to the age to recognize that being old is about more than looks. It's about changes in ways I had seen with others but not experienced until more recently. It is about accepting change and moving where it leads if one wants to have a happy old age-- one not filled with regrets and even bitterness. It means accepting what is and making the most of it.
One strong feature of old age is having to release earlier control over things like plans, objects, health, work, and even time. I will be 77 this year. I have seen deterioration in my physical self that goes beyond looks to options. For years, I believed I could do whatever I truly wanted. I no longer see that to be the case. I know that some old folks maintain physical strength longer than others. Some get illnesses. Some though simply don't want to do all they did and hence-- deterioration, from which it is more difficult to return to what had been.
When people see old age as being only about physical appearance, they miss a larger picture of what's really happening. Face lifts, Botox do nothing about the reality of getting old. Maybe the ones obsessed with physical appearance think it fools others, keeps them from knowing they are old, but from what I've seen it does not.They still look old only now add plastic to the mix. Maybe they are only trying to fool themselves. Does it work? Maybe for a while.
When I was in my 40s, I thought I'd someday have a facelift. When I got to the age to consider it, I learned how they did it and that was the end of that idea. Reading about Botox was interesting but injecting poison in my body had no appeal when it involved only supposed physical beauty. I did give it a brief try years back when my dentist told me that it could help me stop grinding my teeth. It was injected into those muscles that work the jaw and basically after a few treatments, I didn't continue as didn't think it was helping.
For most of my life, i hadn't thought much about my age. I was what I was. Some say they feel like kids still. I am not sure I felt like a kid when I was one. I also have never cared to lie about the years I've lived as what was that supposed to accomplish? Numbers matter more now considering I am in the age group that the virus most badly impacts if they get it. Of course, my age group also has many other health maladies that come as the immune system weakens along with the body. The virus has reminded us of that-- if we had wanted to forget it otherwise.
As I observe it in myself there are many things that go along with being aged. Fear can become nearly encompassing if someone lets it get free rein, as so much can go wrong, so many losses can come along like to hearing, vision, diet options, etc.
There is another thing though that is talked about less, I think. Old age is a time for releasing. For me, that's been about a very big thing to release-- the farm and our home for over 40 years. To understand what that means to us-- it was a dream we both had from early on in our marriage. We wanted a farm as we'd both grown up on one. When we got it, it was a dream come true. Releasing that hasn't remotely easy. It was for over 40 years our work as well as life. We knew we'd have to do it eventually. Other things happened to make eventually come much sooner. It is made easier because our son can take over the
The other thing to remember is that to release is to then be open to taking in new things. It's both giving up but also opportunity. The new things won't be the same. That is the essence of new.
So, it's time for new dreams. Less years ahead but it's not over until it's over. The following is a good quote for any age.
"I learned this, at least, by experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours...
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. now put the foundation under them."
-- Henry David Thoreau
Do you think about aging and how your life has changed or will?
4 comments:
Covid 19 strikes down people before their ultimate creative actions before death. They do not have the opportunity to go through the process of letting go of both their material things and seeing their closely related values continued. So fortunate are those like us who get to think through our ending. Endings of lines in painting as in life make all the difference.
A lot of diseases don't allow for time. Actually covid 19 allows more time than a sudden heart attack or stroke. I don't think either of my parents knew they were about to diem but they did know they had something that could kill them. I think it's smart to think ahead to what we want done like funeral or not, burial or cremation, but then not dwell on it though we know we are closer to the end than most. Some of the ones with cancer do find their end coming sooner than they expected. I think some don't want to face that death is going to happen to them
You truly are encountering a major life change as you leave your beloved farm, then having this virus compounding all the unexpected adjustments you are having to make, I can well imagine your emotions can be topsy turvy at times.
I've been intrigued with the aging process for many years and observing how it is affecting me. Given I've always believed in natural aging using artificial means to alter the process has never been an option I've seriously considered. Perhaps my primary lament with aging has been the natural changing of my hair color from the beautiful golden red it once was. I knew I was getting old, or even was old, but when some physical ailments began to inhibit some of my activities the reality really began to hit home.
Those years when I was approaching my eighth decade accentuated the fact.
According to the actuarial tables I'm living on borrowed time now, so every minute of every day is a bonus. l don't fret about this virus. I figured out what I need to do to minimize the possibility I might acquire the infection, without over-complicating the actions I take, follow them to the best of my ability but don't worry if I err along the way. Mentally, I perceive I'll be around forever and I'm easily many years younger than my physical body, but I think many older people feel the same way.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so I enjoy each day as ordinary as so many are, though I must content interacting with my out-of-state family members from a distance. I recognize now that I'm the oldest living family member still cognitively alert in all respects since my 95 year old cousin died earlier this month. Perhaps I can feel somewhat complacent and comfortable with my status since I live alone after my husband's death -- I'll be leaving no one behind to fend for themself -- my adult children all have their own families. That said, I surely don't want to miss anything in this unknown future that is ripe with possibilities and I want to know what happens.
Seems you have a good attitude toward aging. The thing that none of us can count on is not getting some ailment, such as Diane's husband got. We know we will get something and only a few die without some major adjustments to old age-- like outside help or assisted living centers. We just don't know.
I am the oldest living on my dad's side. On my mom's a have two cousins a bit older.
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