There is light on the other side of the tunnel of estate paperwork. Every day my efforts reward me with the satisfaction of trying food recipes that create aromas to me that an ill fisherman hubby could not tolerate. Every day there is progress in repurposing the house as a living studio for art making. This week everything was removed from the attic. Christmas day was a delightful nostalgic discovery day. Among the treasures was the childhood art work of my youngest daughter. Children's art is so inspiring, I will work off of their expressiveness.
I cannot entirely accept feeling so good because what is missing is Fisherman Hubby needing me and feeling that I am playing an important role in his success. Instead I consider what role I will play in the lives of those I love. It was one thing for Fisherman Hubby to be so controlling in demanding me to be there for him in the past few years during his decline in health, and another to take on a co-dependent relationship now. Plus I should not so burden my loved ones by being overly dependent.
My NEW YEAR resolutions, as much as I appreciate the cocoon of warmth and caring that shelters me, is to develop and learn in matters that I can accomplish by myself. And ask those who are sincerely ready to give to fill true needs of mine.
4 comments:
I cross thoughts in the back of my mind about how I would live alone. My families are busy and I could not interfere in their lives, but I am no longer a social person and find it exhausting.
I would also have problems with being alone if my husband goes first. I don't think he will given our genetic history for families. It helps to have friends nearby.
The first 35 years of our marriage I firmly believed my husband as strong as a rock would long outlive me. Then I began to see cracks and began to take care of my space in our home making regular donations of my stuff. Boxing up memorabilia for my children and grandchildren. Fisherman Hubby followed my example for his larger belongings so now the stuff that remains appears manageable. Soon I expect to have an oil painting studio in the shop.
Hi Diane,
I used to work for Catherine Freer Wilderness Therapy Expeditons from 2004 - 2010. I loved your artwork hanging around the office. I bought one and Freer gave me two more when I was laid off in September 2010.
You paintings are so beautiful. I never tire of them. They uplift me. I would love to see and purchase additional pieces if you have some available.
I still live in Philomath and have a flexible schedule. Not sure if/when you will see this message.
Hope you're doing well and continue to make such beautiful art.
All my best,
Karen Fuller
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