by Rain Trueax
This was not an easy week. I don't have anything to share here beyond what I wrote last week as to our feeling of loss. That feeling won't be going away soon. From what I've seen, some can move on easier than others where it comes to such losses. I am in a teary mood and that's just how it is.
Getting old, more of this is bound to be ahead unless we go first. I remember my in-laws saying that was the hard part of living into their 90s-- seen so many friends go on.
And go onto what? Isn't what we think about at such times? I know it has been mine through the years. I lost someone important to me when I was in my mid-20s and she was a couple of years younger. Actually, I was the one who didn't expect to live past 30 and told my husband that before we married. Turned out I was wrong and quit predicting when it'd be over for me.
Anyway, all I can offer today are images from the desert and my own inner feelings that nature is the greatest healer. I have no words. I'd love to have words and certainty about loss. Maybe some of you do and will share what you believe. Nobody will find fault. If you are open to such thinking, I'd love to see it.
7 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts & photos. Loss of those we love is never an easy journey. For me the hardest part is missing the shared laughter and hugs. But in so many ways I feel them close and that tempers the loss.
When a person gets old, there are a lot who have gone from their life. This one was hard as we'd had good times together and never expected it to end this way. I think knowing the illness he had makes it hard and then worrying how it'll be for her as she goes on. We all though will face this
Loss, I have been told, hits hardest to those who live far away. I sympathize with your sadness Rain. I feel sad about the loss but sadest for those like you who have not been here the past few months. Loved these pictures. Every time I see something beautiful, I instantly want to share it with Fisherman Hubby.
I have been so busy repurposing the home from hospital to what is functional now. I have been busy with end of life legal stuff and planning the rememberance meeting and planting a large memorial garden. Moments of grief only last moments and are not felt through.
Tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday, I will give myself time to grieve but not sure if I will that much. I have been grieving for some years about this or that loss in what used to be Fisherman Hubby. Will report Wednesday , October 21.
Beautiful photos Rain, you are so good at it! Diane, my mother had a similar experience as you. After two years of caring for my father she moved on after he died. She said that she kept waiting for the other shoe to drop (I.e., the grief to hit) but it never did. Like you she had done her grieving before he died.
It was hard to not be closer, Diane. I also regret what the four of us won't be able to do again. We didn't go through all the hard times you did but we shared in it vicariously. I am glad for the memories.
My late wife of twenty-five years of marriage developed mental illness during the last five years of her life. My days were spent tending to her and trying to keep her alive. I mourned the loss of her for years while she was still alive. Eventually she succumbed to her demons and took her own life and I was not successful in preventing it that last time. It has been hardest on our adult daughters for sure as they were not around on a daily basis to experience first hand her decline. Their memories are still of a strong and vibrant Mom. I am glad they hold to those memories.
I found that my grief in the times following her death was lessened by working with charities and helping others in need through my church and elsewhere. I found it hard to be consumed by my own grief while helping others. I even recalled the many good memories of my wife in doing so as she was always the first one to help those in desperate circumstances.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Diane.
I don't know if Diane will see this but you might repost it on her blogs. She publishes on Wednesdays. It could give her comfort.
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