If you are a religious person, you will likely see this differently than I do.
Life is not fair.
I know how people want to think, but life is what it is. That's the best way to see it. Do what you can to make it better for yourself and others; but in the end, recognize-- it's not going to be fair. I don't even know what fair would mean.
This was our week to get firewood, which we don't need a lot of considering we mostly use it with power outages and in the fireplace. Our heat comes from electricity. We just bought a great amount of wood; and even better, for $20 per cord, we could get it stacked. There had been many years when I enjoyed stacking wood. There is an art to it with cribbing the ends and getting the stacks to be solid.
At almost 75, stacking wood sounds like asking for a migraine. I was happy to learn the sellers would do it, and do it well. These stackers might be the first to whom we have paid money who weren't here legally-- maybe. They weren't our employees, and we didn't ask if they were born here-- lots of Hispanics were. Still, I had to think how hard they were working, some of them two jobs because that's what it took to give them a good life.
Life is not fair.
In August, a young woman, friend to our son's family, died in a shockingly abrupt end to a life that didn't make it to 40. She was beautiful, educated, did it all as anyone could ever think should be done. She got an infection that took over her body. Dead in 4 days and leaving behind a devastated husband, two young children, and friends.
Life is not fair.
I understand this all too well. When I married, my maid of honor was my younger cousin. We had been very close during our growing up years. She was the first to whom I told my stories. I have so many great memories with her. At 23, she got an infection that took over her heart and from what had initially seemed to be flu, her heart was destroyed in days. I was 27. In some ways it was no shock to me. I had not expected to live past 30, had told my husband as much. I knew life could end abruptly.
Life is not fair.
Ranch Boss has worked for four start-up companies in the years since he retired for corporate life. One of them might make it *fingers crossed* but most either went bankrupt or had to sell for pennies on the dollar. These were all ideas that would have provided good products, but because of our system and how it works with investors (who are rarely in it for the good of the world but only to make money), they failed.
Life is not fair.
For those of you angry at the current political situation, feeling the world is not fair or someone must have cheated because your candidate didn't win. Just remember there were others who felt that way for years ahead of you.
Life is not fair.
It might seem by my saying this that I am feeling depressed. Well, maybe a little, my familial tremors have been worsening. They are an inconvenience but more than that, can be handicapping, when the shaking gets too much. I remember in my 30s sitting at a church potluck and having one of the elders say I should not be so nervous. I told him I was not. It's the tremors that I inherited from my mother's side of the family. It is what it is. One of the men who stacked our wood said he's had them since he was 12.
Life is not fair.
Lately, my world has revolved around fall coming on, bathroom remodel decisions, and editing using Grammarly. It's not about writing in the creative sense but the craft end. It's teaching me a lot as I go, but not sure I'll ever originally write sentences joined properly. I tend to write sentences, even here, and just don't think of a comma as I add the and. Sometimes I apparently also add commas that Grammarly said are not required. I am taking their word for it.
With a lack of energy and ambition, isn't that supposed to be spring fever, I have been so flat from the middle of August. One reason might be I've been trying to find something to treat those familial tremors, which have gotten more difficult to manage as I've aged (not a surprise since I saw it with relatives).
One suggestion was CBD and THC, which are from marijuana and legal in Oregon, even without a prescription. I've heard this can help. Well, the CBD might be okay (it's available in other states), but I think the THC, even in small doses hasn't been good for me. They say you get high on pot. I felt it took me down. I took smaller than suggested doses and even that was too much. My doctor had recommended propranolol. I tried it last year, and it did help... except it raised my blood sugar level and as an obese woman, I cannot afford that; so I had to get off it.
Life is not fair... or maybe in the end, it is-- just not as we think.
8 comments:
Nice wood pile. I wasn't so good at stacking but I used to be able to "chop" it down to size and cutting wood blew off a lot of stress. I couldn't do that now and you can't either, more's the pity. No, life isn't fair. My grandmother had those tremors and more than once launched her teacup across the room trying to hold it on the saucer. Pot isn't it for me either by the way, I tried it for pain and it made me paranoid. I hope though you can find a way to maybe make a list that goes "life isn't fair but I have great kids" or"life isn't fair but..." you know. Wish I had a magic potion to send you. Hugs to you.
I totally agree, Celia. I have been very lucky and know it. It's the compassion I feel for others that gets to me. We want everybody to be lucky. Some say we make our own luck; and to some degree, there's truth in that, but not always. I don't really feel depressed right now but more blah lol
and hugs are always good ;)
If nothing else we both live in beautiful states. May your blah disperse!
Thank you. I am not a fan of fall as so many are. It means dark days are coming. I do enjoy where I live and the wild turkeys when they come through, the sheep, my home, grateful for a lot of things. Fall is never my time though.
Fall is my favorite season stemming from my years living in the Great Lakes Midwest area -- somehow it seemed almost like a mystical time with colorful leaves, especially the maple trees, as the temperature was gradually changing. Don't know how it would compare to Oregon though maybe you have more prevalent tree types -- Aspens (?) .
I guess the season can sometimes impose a sense of reflection. Life isn't fair as we all know, or eventually learn if we ever thought it should be, but we still have times when we can't avoid thinking that it should be, I think.
You continue to have much going on in your life from what little I've read here as you consider potential changes along with all the regular seasonal adjustments and what that means on a farm or ranch. I would think all of this might tend to aggravate any neuro issues, but you likely recognize all that, too. We feel what we feel and having a bout with the blahs can take their turn on that spectrum sometimes. Seem to be no magic potions and we just have to ride it out I guess. Or, maybe in your case, write it out.
Yes, we're in a transition time. A lot involving family that I don't write about.
I have problems with SAD in the winter. I see the beauty of fall and we have some pretty trees here that will brighten the landscape-- yellow and red. It's also a lush time for apples, pears and plums.
Your wood stack looks to be a good one. I still like to chop and stack wood, there is something comforting about the whole zen'ness of it, or maybe it's just getting it done. I miss having a woodstove.
Life is what it is, and that can seem unfair! Yet, I don't remember anyone promising otherwise. To a certain extent it is what you make of it.
My dad's cousin has tremors from parkinson's and is on a new medication that has really helped. I'm not sure what, as I know diddly about meds.
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