Cougars-- no, not the wildlife

For awhile now I have been hearing the term cougar to describe older women (from their 40s to an undefined upper limit) with a yen for younger men or was that older women who could still attract younger men? Or maybe it's both.

I had little interest in it beyond some cultural curiosity since (besides being in a relationship) younger men, as such, have never appealed to me in the romantic sense. Maybe it's because I have a 50 year old son-in-law and a nearly 40 year old son? (Maybe not as I don't remember ever thinking men much younger than myself were that appealing even in movies which is getting to be a problem as the older guys are often no longer playing romantic leads, with a few exceptions and when they do, it's too often with a woman young enough to be their granddaughter.)

To me, age differences, when less than 10 years either way don't matter; but beyond that, I'd think there would be some things that the couple would not have shared for common experiences. Would I want to date a guy where I had to explain who Sky King was? I think not.

It would not make me feel younger to know a younger man was attracted to me; and if I was out looking and was interested in a younger man, he better not look younger. No way would I want to walk into a restaurant and have the server thinking I was with my son-- unless I was.

Then I heard a new take on cougars. It was in a clip from the Today Show where Meredith Viera was interviewing three older women (by older I am guessing from 50s to maybe 70 or thereabouts) as they discussed what a cougar was and that it didn't have to relate to marital status. There was a website and on the website is the video of that interview if you click down a ways:

Real Cougar Woman

Since this was a new definition to the term, I did a little research online. It appears still that most of the time cougar means an older woman looking for a younger man (you would be amazed at how many sites there are to display your older woman status or if you are a guy looking for one, to see what's available. No, I did not check them out to see what the women looked like).

The impression I got, from reading some of the pieces on the 'Real Cougar Woman' site, is that being a cougar is more about who the woman is and not about the man she's with or even if she wants to be with someone. A cougar woman is confident in herself, sensual, energetic, with the knowledge that comes with experience. If riding a dragon is what is required to get her where she wants to go, she will do it.

There was a time where, I think, ages were more clearly defined as to what was expected. Not that some women didn't go against the norms, but there was a general cultural consensus of what was appropriate at 20 but not okay at 70.

Some of this has maybe changed because of many products out there designed to make someone look younger, a drumbeat of advertising, and many women in the business world where there can be age discrimination. But it might not just be about trying to look younger. Maybe something, in terms of who we are as women, has just changed period. What do women expect for themselves today?

After reading the site for cougar women (not joining) I had to ask myself. Is that who I am? The women in the interview said that being a cougar is about being true to your age, not trying to dress like a young woman but dressing in ways that can be glamorous and accentuates where you are today. It is about women who are or have been successful at something. I think that could be at anything that has left the woman feeling empowered by what she knows she can do. It is not about beauty, weight or age but an empowering inner spirit.

As I often do when I want to illustrate a concept, I decided to get some pictures of cougar women. The easiest ones came as I remembered some self-portraits Parapluie had painted. Could they be any more powerful as images of an inner self?

Then, since I can't very well go asking certain women I see out if I can take their picture, there was taking some photos of me. I found out (like with the wink), that this wasn't as easy as it sounded. It's not particularly hard to look sexy in a photo, to look like you're having fun, to be grandmotherly, or to look outdoorsy, but what says to others-- this is a cougar woman? Should she be relaxed, at ease, moving, thoughtful? I know these women when I see them, but how do I capture that in a photograph?

I think a cougar woman should have a certain spirit, an aura. I think she can be any age. She's not trying to sell herself because she is comfortable with who she is. She should have a look in her eyes that says she knows something. Others see that and are drawn to it. The problem is obvious: How do you show that in a photograph? Feelings are always challenging to photograph. Easy to take a vacation picture or a catalog shot. Harder to capture soul. I am not sure I ever succeeded but will try again sometime as to me this concept is about empowerment for women.

Poor Farm Boss, trying to understand what I was talking about, and then tasked with snapping the photo at the right moment-- or not. Self-timed has a drawback when you are trying to get into a certain mood while at the same time jumping up, pushing the camera button, getting back down and posing before it clicks (although not bad if you want one that looks like you are ready to pounce).

One thing I can say, this is no way to get into the mood for Thanksgiving...

Incidentally, check out Parapluie's blog, Umbrella Painting Journal as she is writing a novelette in installments, which explores the creative world of a female artist.