Denying old age its natural role

When I began this blog, I expected to write more about aging than I have-- 8 posts on it as compared to 82 on politics. I think that's happened partly because even though I am aging myself (turned 64 in early October), I have often not been quite sure what I wanted to say about the whole experience.

I see that old age, as a stage of life, has a purpose. Denying we are old doesn't make being old go away. It behooves us to think what the purpose for this time of life might be. When we try to deny being old, think on it as a failure of the body, a thing to hide, a thing to not recognize in ourselves or others, we miss out on a crucial piece of living a whole life.

What living a wholly experienced lifetime means won't be the same for each of us which is one of the wonderful things about life-- that we are individuals and our needs don't fit into cookie cutter shapes. Yes, by my time in life, the years ahead will are far less than those behind and some opportunities are in my past, but I also recognize there are some now that weren't possible earlier.

Like a lot of people in their 60s or even younger, I sometimes wrestle with the changes. Although I now take statins, physically I haven't yet noticed big differences in strength or health that I can correlate simply to age; but probably that is because I am not required to labor hard all day.

The changes I do see are reminders of what is happening and not denying them is part of what I think is needed for old age. I have heard elders saying that they feel like 30. Maybe they do, but they are not. What is it about these elder, senior, crone, geezer years that is unique, that can make them worthwhile? Why do people want to deny them?

I wonder if the huge emphasis in our current culture on trying to look younger is partly attempting to deny the process we are going through because it leads to death. When we look into a mirror and see lines, sags or gray hair, does it remind us our time on earth has a limit? Reminds us the body has a life span and that makes us afraid? Do we want to erase those signs or not see them in others because they are ugly or is it because they are the symbols that life does not last forever? They are the body's way of saying-- make the most of this time as it has a span.

Nature is full of change as the seasons illustrate. Most of those cycles keep going round and round without anything permanent changing. A full moon is a full moon and was the same when I was a toddler as now when I am 64. That full moon shines down on a woman, however, who is not. And I struggle with that sometimes. Sometimes I glory in it.

We can use all those magic creams, take the right vitamins, exercise up the wahzoo, but our organs, skin and joints are still our biological age-- minus how hard we worked them leaving the risk of joint replacements if we have overdone it.

What I work on is finding the balance between aging gracefully and giving up. Some do give up. They say okay I ate right all of my life or exercised. I smiled when I didn't want to smile, went to a beauty salon when I wanted to stay home, went out jogging when my knees hurt, worked at a job I detested, and now it's time to forget all that and let it all hang out-- which it is all too willing to do.

Old age has had some surprises for me. When I was younger, I would have assumed that come 64, my own years of caring about being a sexy woman would have been long behind me (and it might be for some women but it's not for me). I figured it would be time to sit with grandkids on my lap and enjoy the fruits of those earlier years. It was the example I had seen in the elder women in my family, and they didn't seem unhappy about it. Back then it was okay to be old.

Today, our culture fights that and seems to have made it a challenge to deny all visual signs of aging as though they have let down everyone around them. There are the ads for hair dye, products to keep the skin young forever, vitamins to roll back the clock, other products to lose that weight, and even sexual performance products (which lately seem to me to show older men with younger women). Potions and lotions promise to stop all wrinkling and sagging-- and if they don't work, surgery comes next. Take this vitamin. No, take that one. You can be young forever-- and if you don't, we don't want to look at you. They praise you if you look younger or for running a marathon or skydiving at 84 as though it reassures them about something. What could that be? I think it's the fear of their own vulnerability. We all age. Whether we are now 40 or just starting out as a baby, the road is ahead and maybe a lot are afraid to see it.

As it stands, there is no fountain of youth; and for the world, it's a darned good thing. None of those things from surgery to cosmetics can stop aging. Face lifts don't fool the body or other people. Worse in terms of looking younger, something about face lifts simply doesn't work. Perhaps it is removing all of the visual signs of a lifetime.

Denying aging, or trying to, denies us the opportunity to use these last years wisely. By the time we are old, we should (if we ever will) truly know ourselves. We finally should be to the place where, if we have not done it earlier, we stop denying who we are just to get along. The ideal as an elder is to live openly, honestly, and hopefully with wisdom gained through years of experiences. More important than whether we try to fool others is that we not fool ourselves with who we are as a person.

I believe one of the important tasks of old age is to fully develop our spiritual life-- if we haven't done it before. These are the years of preparing to move from the physical to the spiritual realm. For me that doesn't mean a religion but if it does, well do what works.

In my experience, spiritual depth comes through solitary time with Spirit. Community is good but not if it is filled with activities that deny going within ourselves, that denies us a personal connection with the other side-- which I believe can happen. That kind of work takes time. Old age helps us slow down to give us that time-- if we take it.

Old age is not sitting and waiting for death to take us. It's living fully but living where we are, not denying our own reality. It can be doing what we have yet not finished, exploring the things we didn't do earlier but wished we had; but the main task of old age-- in my opinion, is to find peace spiritually with what happens to us when our body wears out as it is going to do sooner than later for elders. Then when we meet death, we won't be afraid of what is coming.

These photos are recent and all me, even though with the lighting changes, some seem like they should be my grandmother. I look like them all. I have noticed this also in my older friends.When we get to a certain age, we can look so different depending on so many things.

Most were taken this last week-end but a few are from last month. They are a mix of how I see and feel about the physical me right now (and how you would see me if we met) from soft, protected lighting to harsh sunlight or flash. Some are the kind I'd normally discard but they seemed apropos for this topic because put together they are what 64 looks like. It's not ancient but it's not young either.

For now, sometimes I can still mostly pull it together for fun or when I need to do so. When I do, I think of that song by the Eagles-- Take it to the Limit One More Time. I can suck it in, put on the heels (chosen for comfort but then I stopped wearing uncomfortable shoes many years ago), and with the right lighting my hair doesn't look silver in front and I look much as I had for a lot of years. I can do it one more time, but not forever nor can I do it all the time. I find myself wanting to do it less and less.

The photo on the top was taken along the creek here in August. It's the one I call a goddess picture because of how the water formed that perfect circle around the figure with the staff. It was an effect I had not realized was happening at the time. It's a good reminder to me, to all of us women of a certain age-- goddesses are not girls!

(All photos can be enlarged but you do so at your own risk! )