Old Age and changes

  

Writing about old age seemed so simple when I thought it was time I addressed it, since I am old. It wasn't so easy, as I began to think of various angles to being old--- not just mine. I put off writing this until the time came when I had to do or it'd not happen, and I had said I would...

The photo above was taken about six months or so before I turned 80. The cat on my printer died not long after. It is with them as it is with us as we age except I don't think they know what aging means as we do. They know they can't do what they once did but not what that means-- or so we think. We know what their death means for us and just hope they have easy time as they cross over.... cross over to what? We have different opinions on that as we do on aging itself.

Not all days does my hair look like that photo. I choose a good hair day as hair is important to us-- male and female. About the time I turned 60, I decided to let my hair go natural. I also decided I would continue to wear it long as I have always liked the feel of long hair. I used to enjoy going to salons for cuts and perms, but didn't want to continue doing that. Long hair simplifies it as I can cut it myself.

So, what are the things about old age that mean I can't do what I once did? One of them is having good balance, hiking or running. I know some have these things but generally because they have to exercise in ways that they needed-- and that's because they aren't younger when it used to be easier.

I mentioned in the previous blog on Aging that I think there are three main life ages. One is youth, which begins with birth. When does it end? Well, likely that's different for most of us. I saw youth behind me when I was in my mid-20s, asked my husband to my legs still look as they used to and he said not so much lol. Don't ask your husband such questions if you don't want the truth. I had lost the roundness of youth. My knees looked different than when a teen, and why not-- I'd had two babies by then.

But after leaving youth behind, with a wistful feel, I entered what I call middle age. For most of us our 30s are actually our strongest years. I thought I was my prettiest then, not that it immediately changed. Middle years are less defined that the growing up years. I think they probably vary for when they end, based on health and other conditions. For me, they sailed by with my 50s, 60s, and into my 70s, as I ,noticed real little change, subtle ones but nothing major.

Then, came my 80s, this year and I accepted, as I had once left behind youth. This was leaving behind middle years for a whole new territory. Old age. I had seen changes along the way like what foods i could eat without consequences, my ability to walk distances, enjoying my photos or even looking in a mirror (where I suddenly looked like one of my aunts-- when did that happen?). I know for some that happens in their 60s but for me not so much as my 70s. Still, though I knew a newspaper would call me elderly if something bad happened, I didn't really feel it. I do now.

What does that mean? There are physical changes where I am not as steady as I once was. I have times I need to put my hands against something solid to feel okay. I fell once in the kitchen when I just crumpled to the ground, with no clue why it happened except I had changed positions from my head down and then arms up as I turned. 

Even more troubling is that I can no longer easily get up from the floor and need something to hold onto. My familial tremors have gotten worse, which complicates many things. I expected this since I had seen my aunt when her head would shake. What I didn't know until recently was that tremors get worse with age.These aren't big things but they are inconvenient. 

When I tried to walk into our vacation trailer, the top step was beyond my ability. I had to sit down to kind of scoot in. That was easy two years ago. 

Unsteadiness is a big deal for me, but it's a reality also that I must accept. Yes, I maybe could do exercises to improve it. I tried that but still just not what it once was.

When I had my last physical, I had lost two inches since being a young adult. Since I don't have arthritis, or not enough to be troubling, I am not sure what that is, Having fallen a few times for assorted reasons, nothing broke, so I am figuring not osteoporosis-- or not much as last tests found that okay.

I do find it harder to remember names sometimes and always wonder-- what is that? When they finally come to me, I wonder why they hadn't. Some say that's normal old age. Maybe storing too much information *s*.

I do more thinking about an unknown future. Anyone knows that our 80s can be a time of more health problems. Other than what I know about family, I don't know what to expect. As with many old folks, death isn't scary to me but it's how I get there that gives me concern. A long illness? Something that impacts my mind?

There are pluses though to getting to experience old age. One is an abundance of memories. I know of those who wish they could still do what they once did. I don't feel that so much as glad I do have those memories and they are rich for me. I did what I wanted to do then and have no regrets that it wasn't otherwise. I have to let that go and look toward what is possible.

Having experienced a wide span of activities, all ones I chose not because i must but because I wanted, my perspective is greater than someone with less memories of what once was not only in ourselves but our culture.

The one thing I can say about old age is, those of us fortunate enough to get here, we must be open to change. It's coming as it did when we grew from children to adults.

For now, my husband and I are blessed to be going through this adventure together as we both turned 80 this year. There is no alternative but to embrace and find new things that make us feel our days are worthwhile. Those won't be the same for all who turn 80-- again, it's about change. In this photo, because he's on his knees behind me, he looks smaller but he's still 6' or so and I'm 5'5" (which irks me as I liked feeling taller-- stretch as I might, I am not getting there).