Aging-- gracefully or not

by Rain Trueax

 Image from Stencil. 

No, it's not me but isn't that a great old face as she looks at a barren and dried up world. All she's experienced is seen through those eyes-- maybe,as she's getting closer to it, also what she sees of the other side.

There are reasons I come back to the topic of aging-- sometimes it's a lifestyle change, but it can simply be looking in the mirror. As people move into old age, some try to hide the numbers. I guess, that's fear of being devalued for being old. This is a cultural thing as it's not that way everywhere or even years back in my own culture.

The word elderly has its own connotations. I remember reading articles where the 'elderly' person in it was 63 or so. When does elderly begin? I would guess by 75, my age, or is it more than a number? I went looking and found varying opinions for elderly. This article on NPR seemed pretty good-- if you want to be politically correct about it. [An Age-Old Problem].
I suspect that this is not an age-old problem. More likely, it's our niche generation where we put everything in boxes. I used to think of it as-- young, middle-aged and old. Now even elderly is apparently broken down into young elderly and old elderly. 

Elderly to me implies decrepit and unable to continue to function fully, but if it's just a number, than that's not what it means.  Newspapers for sure use it based on numbers for their articles.

For myself, I am not sure when I even thought of myself as being middle-aged (it's been a long time), but I know I looked and continued to feel middle-aged well into my 60s. I was one of those, who at 60 didn't look it, and i savored that. Yes, I knew someday I'd look old, but I preferred not to think about it-- and then, there it was.  Looking old is not about looking unattractive. It's about looking old.

Facebook is good at these games to make a person think about it, while enriching their own numbers-- they hope. This week's was to put your first profile picture there and then your last one.  I goofed when I wrote about it and said it was 20 years between. It just felt like 20. It actually was 9 years since the 64 year-old one, when I joined FB and the older pic from summer of 2018, almost 75.

Both were taken with a webcam but with different location and lighting, which kind of contributes to the-- fading away in the second one that is part of aging. I could have photo shopped the elderly one to give it more color, but I liked how the images spoke to the process-- and if you get old enough to be elderly, there is a process.

I believe some of how we age is DNA, but some is impacted by how we've lived our earlier years and what we do to stay active. But for some, health issues change how that works. For instance, in my mid-60s I had two foot problems (plantar fasciitis and ganglion cyst), an auto-immune problem brought on by poison oak that went systemic, and a worsening of my essential tremors, which in my case are inherited and i knew would get more debilitating with age. These are all minor issues in comparison to some, but taking prednisone for several issues, and that business of doing less led to weight gain. Writing plays a role in it too as its pretty sedentary if you hope to get much written.

Maybe also worsening anxiety issues led to being more reclusive. One thing does lead to another. Even the tremors alone can be embarrassing in a restaurant with a chattering fork as I try to eat with getting all the food where it's supposed to go. Come on, it can be funny but also depressing.

Remember that quote by Bette Davis-- Old age ain't for sissies. Or something like that. It's true. To stay strong as long as possible, to stay mentally fit (assuming no biological issues), takes working at it when it's not fun. Some of that is true at any age, but it gets more significant when you are elderly or approaching it. When you are in your 30s and stop exercising, it's far easier to pick it back up. In your 70s, a lot harder, as the body is also deteriorating anyway-- exercising or not. It's a biological process and to deny it is to fool ourselves. Yes, a few people are exceptions. We read about them because they are.

As for looks, well, there is plastic surgery, but it doesn't really fool anybody. You see that tight face and the old hands or the skinny looking old body, maybe a little osteoporosis hump, and you know that face is plastic-- it's not youthful.

In a culture that so admires youth, this can be tough especially for those who need to work in celebrity fields or even politicians. If Nancy Pelosi hadn't had surgical face work done (she's never admitted it but nobody keeps that tight a jawline into their late 70s without some outside help), if she didn't work out in the Congressional gym or her own, if she didn't dye her hair, would she be the Speaker of the House? You can't blame someone like Jane Fonda, who openly admits to her surgery, to doing it as a way to keep getting jobs. She does not look younger than 80 something, no matter how many tell her she does. Even with the best surgeons money can buy, you can't really fool old age.

And that's just about looks. The actual aging of the organs and muscles, the breakdown of the cells is ongoing, and it's not getting replenished like it did when young.

So what to do?

My opinion is accept it. It's not easy but accept it and be grateful I got even to here-- a lot in my family did not. Then just as I did when younger, be totally aware of what is happening. 

Where i used to have tons of photos of me, a strange thing happened in '18. I easily found some for '09 but going down through '18, there were none. Absolutely none other than the webcam where it's just a head shot with controlled lighting and angle. I didn't want any taken. It's as if what I was seeing and experiencing was there, but I wasn't other than through them. Some of that was aging and some weight gain, but I didn't like their not being for the statement it made. Can I accept me as i am? The thing is, there is no going back.

photos of me from 2009 and 2018

So here's my intention for this year-- get photos of myself as I am-- old age and all.  I also hope to accept my physical issues, like the tremors, which make me reluctant to get out in public. They are part of my reality. I say this a lot-- It is what it is. I need to accept that.

While my 60s were easier to appreciate than my 70s, I am working on what makes these years special and how being aware of my body can make them a blessing. Who cares if others see me as elderly or whatever word they want to use. 

For me, it's about not denying where I am. None of this I am young at heart stuff or I still feel like a kid. I don't feel like a kid, not sure I even did when I was a kid. Now, I don't want to. I like the years of learning I've had and all the experiences, bad and good, that got me to be this woman. Now to figure out what comes next for as long as I can do it.

One of the things my husband and I are edging toward is a major change of lifestyle. I'll write more about that next blog.