Recently, I've been thinking about life and writing-- how they go together. Many years ago, I decided people could be divided only two meaningful ways. It wasn't by race or ethnicity but were they caretakers or destroyers?
It isn't always easy to tell the difference. Some destroyers come across as loving-- maybe loving to one and destructive to another. Care-taking is the same way. It doesn't always mean Kumbaya. We might think someone is a caretaker when they want to give away things or are complimentary. It doesn't always work out to be true caring.
Where I think it's easiest to use this test is with ourselves.
We are bombarded by choices. Where it comes to determining whether we are caretaking or destroying, I think it takes looking within. Does what I am doing truly help? Am I doing it to get favors or attaboys? Nothing wrong with them but they don't actually determine whether someone is building or tearing down. It can be a subtle difference.
In writing books, it's easier to figure out the caretakers and destroyers, because we get to get inside their heads, their motivations and actions. We have created the world (don't get to create our real world). When creating a story, we can show the other side of someone who seems helpful but is in reality out for themselves.
An example is a character in one of my series, Hunter's Moon historicals. In Book 1, Outlaw Way, he starts out whiny and self-centered. Soon, other character flaws show up but still he's neither caretaker nor destroyer. By Book 2, he's been traveling down a path to get what he wants. Step by step, he goes more into destroyer mode for anything getting in his way.
What I believe, and used in those two books, is humans can change over a lifetime or even a year. They can start out destroyer and see the error of their ways and move into the care-taking mode. They may have done bad things in the past but their present is only filled with care giving. Now what is in their hearts for all that-- again harder to see the mote in our own eye than the splinter in someone else's?
Caretaker or destroyer, to me is always a choice until life is over.
Cultures can be this way too-- have ugly pasts but clean up their act-- or go the other way. Cultures maneuver and manipulate a lot; so it really pays to think-- am I a caretaker or a destroyer if I support this or that cause?
Christmas is an especially good time for such thinking as we are bombarded by information, causes and events. Which really does 'care take' others?
The photos are of our bathroom renovation. That required first destroying, totally gutting the room to bare walls, then came the infrastructure-- wiring, plumbing, new window, painting, and new flooring. Only after that could something start coming back in-- the dresser, new sink, bathtub, table, mirrors, corner cupboard (only thing brought back from original bathroom)-- making sure all elements fit together. Everything here except the glass sink, its faucet, and the window are repurposed, you might even say discards from elsewhere.
The end result, for me, is like a work of art, that I enjoy every time I walk in.
It's how our lives should be-- what we aim for them to be. They are our own creation. It is in that sense that we sometimes have to destroy something, maybe a bad relationship or habit, but then don't forget to restructure and replace to get something that works better. This is true for us and our culture. Destroying should not be the last step.
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