Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Breaking it down
It was actually nice to give myself a self-decreed month off from publishing blogs; however, I knew I'd never take a month off from writing, which whether it's fiction, emails, journal entries, or essays on a topic, has been an ongoing part of who I am since I was old enough to record a few scribbled words. What I wanted was a time out from deciding if whatever I wrote mattered and even more important from debating it with someone else.
Then too, I wondered how much of what I do is influenced by keeping a blog? Do I sometimes do something just to share here? As I have said, I never have shared all of what is going on in my life (even though it might make a more interesting blog); but if I wasn't doing a blog, would it make a difference? (answer to that one after a month off-- not)
Sometimes when I am thinking deeply, working out an issue (especially about politics) I don't want someone else to come along and find fault with it right away or even agree, leaving me feeling I have now set my opinion in concrete.
Besides that, I wanted a break to decide if regular blogging was something I wanted to continue. Blogs are kind of like books except there is no The End. I wasn't planning to delete this blog whatever I decided but more maybe writing less frequently than I have been doing for quite awhile. (Still not sure on that one but once a week might work better if summer actually gets here anyway.)
Being honest, before I left, I was also irritated with the political atmosphere in this country-- lefties and righties equally but for different reasons. I was tired of rants even when they were my own.
I have always known I am not someone who fits into a neat box politically and what has been going on in the US has made me even more aware of that and with no apologies. I like how I think; but feeling as frustrated as I did, did I want to write about any of it. Does it really make a difference in anything we write here? I have a firm belief that anger and divisiveness are unhealthy; but so is avoiding important truths just because they're unpleasant. The challenge for me is in finding a balance between caring, expressing myself whether in a blog or to friends, and not letting it become consuming.
One early Tucson morning, I lay in bed thinking, which is my favorite way to wake, when I can take some time to mull over dreams, capture the thoughts from the night. I was also listening to the mourning doves. Do you know they sometimes make the same sound over and over? No difference. It can go on for hours especially in the early morning. There is no seeming attempt to share an idea but just that kuh kuh kuh-coo (sort of what it sounds like). Maybe they enjoy it just for the sound in their own ears. I've been hearing a lot of repetitive talk from the media with one difference. The dove sound is never aggressive. It can seem repetitive though if you don't like it. I do like it and always equate it with Tucson.
The coyotes, which that morning I was also hearing, appear to do more conversing which can sometimes reflect excitement, sometimes upset. One night when first here, I had been awakened with that startle response a person gets when something wakes them that doesn't fit. I think mothers learn that and never stop doing it but farm living can bring it on also. That night there were other coyotes yodeling. I think the sound, like a loud pained whimper that went on and then was repeated, came from a coyote but why? What did it communicate? I waited hoping to hear it again but it didn't repeat. Was something being killed? Maybe a young coyote being taught manners? It wasn't something I had heard before and I have heard a LOT of coyote yodels. While in Tucson, I can enjoy their conversations more than at home when I have to worry if they will try to get to the sheep.
With all the animal sounds outside, the cool desert air was coming in the open window like a caress from the desert to my bare skin. If you have ever lived through a desert summer, you know that early morning is a precious time. It will be the only cool air until the sun goes back down. I love Tucson summers with the way they regulate the rhythm of life.
It was then that an idea came to me that while not regularly publishing, I could write things much more freely. I would keep a journal that I could publish elsewhere for readers of the blog to access if they were interested. It would give me a month, almost, to decide if I wanted to share what I wrote; but I'd write whatever I felt without censoring myself-- well less censoring.
I figured there would be my thinking on politics, maybe links as I came across them. Later, after I had started on it, I saw a natural division would work better; and I'd do it in two parts. One would be all politics, what I felt about any particular issue. A lot of readers might not care what I think on something like immigration, the oil spill, the Kagan nomination, Obama, 'don't ask, don't tell,' or anything else. People wouldn't have to read the link.
The second part would be my daily life and what my time in Tucson was like on a more personal level. The second part would be where most Tucson photos would go. It would be stream of consciousness writing without deciding if this or that was important enough to blog about.
It might seem I write about just anything anyway but I don't. I always try to decide if something matters enough to take up a reader's time. For May I decided I wouldn't do that about politics or the journal. Someone would have to click on it. It didn't matter if it was important.
Doing my writing this way was better on many levels because I could always write on the laptop even if I couldn't get somewhere to post it. It gave me time to decide if I wanted to change something where I had come to a new insight-- at least new to me. This is especially true of politics where the more I write or think about something, the more my ideas crystallize.
So for those who want to know some of what my month of May was like, the breakdown follows.
Photo above is our dining room table in Tucson. A table is a good place to sit and talk over the day or issues that have arisen. Out beyond, you see the desert, our Tucson backyard.
Theoretically this link, [Tucson in May] will take you to more photos if you aren't interested in words. I say theoretically because it worked, then it did not work; then it worked again. Try it and see what it does now!