There are a lot of acronyms for fear but my favorite is:False
Expectations
Appearing
Real
Is fear ever a valid emotion? It is definitely one used by politicians, religious leaders, even in our personal relationships. If you don't do this, eat that, accept my way-- bad things will happen. It doesn't matter if the bad thing is even really possible if you believe it is.
Some would say fear is important for a culture to direct the actions of its populace. Without it, would we allow terrorists to run amok in our countries? Would we steal our neighbor's stereo if we weren't fearful of the consequences? Would we personally commit all kinds of sexually evil acts without fear that hell awaited? Would our children behave politely without fear of parental retribution?
I would ask, aren't there other emotions that help us lead a healthy life more effectively than fear? I think there have to be because to me fear is always negative.
Yes, being scared when a real danger approaches, is a survival mechanism. It increases our adrenaline flow and enables us to act-- whether that is fight or flight. But fear also releases the same adrenaline but with nowhere for it to go. What does it then accomplish? Ulcers, heart attacks, stress diseases, etc.
Recognizing when something is dangerous and reacting to avoid or avert it does not require fear at all. In fact, fear can actually stop your effectiveness in a real emergency. I remember hearing the family story of a kitchen stove fire. Everyone was trying to put it out; but one aunt, who has a good excuse in that she was heavily pregnant, panicked and ended up stuck behind the sofa. The others left her there, safely out of the way, until they got the fire out. We can become so paralyzed through fear that we simply can't react at all or let someone else determine our actions to our disadvantage.
Where it comes to outsiders trying to control us through our fears, that's bad; but it's our internal fear that does us the most damage. Some of that has been instilled by parents who thought they were protecting us from hurt. Some is from people who are scared themselves and want us to share their fears. Sometimes it's through experiences of seeing things not work out for someone else, (or maybe even ourselves), and we quit trying out of fear of worse happening.
Changing a path because something didn't work out is not wrong. It might be the wise choice, but not when it's because of fear. It should come instead from a reasonable assessment of risks and gains.
Some think we should fear God-- not the awe type of fear but actual physical fear and they believe it's the best reason people will accept a religion's rules. This also makes money for a lot of would-be spiritual mentors who sell charms or use it to talk you into taking classes that will teach you to protect yourself.
I believe fear of hell, despite the belief of some fire and brimstone preachers, isn't the best motivating force for being spiritual. I don't think worrying about every action you take having a negative karma will do anything but stick you behind the sofa, legs flailing while others take care of the work.
Sometimes in personal relationships, we fear speaking our minds. We might lose that person if we tell them what we really feel. I have found, for me personally, it's better to open the closet door and with courage (as much as I can muster) face the potential monster. If there is a monster, I can battle it or run. If there never was, I can sigh with relief. Either way I am going to be happier and healthier.
I don't know about you, but one of my bigger life tasks has been realizing when fear is making choices for me. Most of the time those fears are could bes or possibilities, and I have been treating them like the real thing.
Because of fear it won't last, there are relationships we might never take the risk to enter into. While it is true that in the flesh nothing lasts; I believe, in the spirit all the love we have ever created, all the risks we have taken for the highest good, none go away. They not only enrich those around us and our own lives, but they put energy into the world encouraging others to likewise live with love. Putting fear out of our lives makes us stronger and stops others from manipulating us-- personally or politically.
What have you done when you have realized fear was making a decision for you? Any tips you can share with others?
(The above photograph was taken six years ago in Tucson, Arizona. The summer thunderstorm was awesome and the aftermath just as satisfying. This photo was taken to share the experience with a friend, but the picture ended up being one of my favorites as it says so much. There are those imposing, dark clouds, the remnants of the storm, but beyond is the light breaking through. It is the feeling, I think, we get when we have faced a fear and overcome it, breaking its power to control us.)
8 comments:
My biggest fear is to being home alone all night long. I've only had to do it a few times in my life, but I recall that I didn't sleep well or deeply. I once shared an apartment that was on cliff overlooking Monterey Bay. Before I moved in, my roommate had once been awakened by a stranger in her room, sitting on her bed. She said very emphatically that he should leave at that moment. He touched her blankets, but then left. That story always bothered me, because there were times I had to be home alone in that apartment all night. One night I awoke to strange sounds and an all-around feeling of fear and foreboding. Yet, I couldn't bear the thought of just being there in bed afraid. So, I got up, got completely dressed (including my heavy boots) and walked around the apartment looking in every nook and cranny for any hiding unwanted guests. I did not find anyone. So, I went back to bed fully dressed (including my heavy boots), and stayed that way until morning.
I am not completely free of that fear, but I always remember confronting it and trying to not be so intimidated.
When I was a baby my parents moved from place to place in Northern California. We usually resided in rentals with roaches. I can remember mother with her spray can and kerchief over her nose pumping the DTD can. I grew up fearing roaches and criters in the house. When we lived in Arizona I got up in the dark one night and there was a big hairy tarantula jumping out at me but it fell back into the bath tub. Over the years just some how I am less afraid of criters in the house. It only took time for the fears to subside.
Fear is positive if it is felt in a dangerous situation. In the modern world we are likely to come across situations that cause us to feel fearful and there is no real danger. We might have fobias and they may not just go away when you intellectually know that there is not a danger. In paranoyia and phobias a simple decision may not help you to overcome decisions to avoid the fear. Presently I am avoiding going back to a tropical island in the Pacific because I am afraid of cockroaches. I am not histerical when I see them like when I was a child. But I do not want to pay more money for such a poor resort when other areas have different experiences and nice accomadations for less money.
Fear is a natural emotion and it can serve a positive function such as self preservation. However, it does rule some people and that is not healthy.
Fear, kept in perspective, is a healthy thing. It keeps us real and on the right course. But, there's nothing worse than having it step over the line into panic...that's when it can start to rule your life and cloud your decision-making. When the positive turns into a negative; that's when you lose some perspective in your life. Nice post Rain.
In short, I have to agree with Paul. I personally have always used "fear on the battlefield" as a baseline of the true measure of fear and then made my judgements from that point.
That is an absolutely gorgeous photo Rain. Liked to have had that one in my portfolio!
Those have all been very interesting thoughts on this subject and your comments are all valid and I appreciated reading them. (glad you liked the picture also).
For the purposes of what I am writing about, I was trying to separate fear which is imagining what could happen from actually being scared of a very real danger right in front of us. Fear can make us overreact and be in us even when nothing threatening is around. I realize both words get used interchangeably but just feel that we need to be aware when fears (Maybe, could bes, mights) are controlling our choices. The battlefield example is a good one. On the battlefield, there are real dangers, things to be scared of, no imaginary monsters, but often people who have been on battlefields carry those memories with them which can prove debilitating later. To lesser degrees that can come from many experiences.
We don't put our hand in a fire but don't need to be afraid of using fire to avoid doing that. We know it would burn us.
The problem with fear is we carry it around with us and maybe even draw to us the very thing we are afraid of by our emphasis on it. Not to mention it can physically make us sick when the thing we 'fear' isn't around.
Our culture has become a culture of fear. We feed it and some profit much from it. I think we need to be aware of it in ourselves.
Any other thoughts on this?
My mother lived her life in fear...fear of people, places, risks, everything. Possibly because I grew up with that and my dad was the total opposite...I vowed not to ever allow fear to control my life, my choices or my relationships.
Fear is paralyzing and keeps us from being where we're destined to be. As you said, being "aware" is the biggest factor in not allowing it to rule our life. (great topic, by the way)
Post a Comment