Internet Oooh la la

Sunday, in one of the New York papers online, there was an interesting (to me) article about a woman who put up an internet site to get dates for lunch. She evidently then writes about the men, the meals, and how it all went. Her aim is one hundred men. Since I had read the book 'A Round-Heeled Woman' by Jane Juska, which was about a woman of a certain age who placed an ad in a literary magazine to attract sex and romance to her life, I was definitely intrigued enough to read--Take me out for lunch.

From the looks of it, Babe has all the right moves in her blog to attract men. She was honest about what she's looking for and understood she was putting up an advertisement, not a hundred reasons why a man wouldn't want lunch with her. She was gutsier than I'd ever be by posing in a French maid's costume, but then she had the figure and youth (guessing 30s somewhere) to pull it off. I am assuming the men took the costume as a sign she has a sense of humor. I know I did. She has links to some interesting articles she has written-- one for women who want to meet men through the Internet.

If you aren't single, you likely have no idea how many ways there are for singles and marrieds , to meet up on-line. There are the general match sites like match.com but also niche sites for those who are looking for specific things in a partner-- like one just for millionaires! Or one for the 'beautiful' people where you audition with photos of you.

Maybe as a writer, maybe just as someone curious about people, I have found reading male and female profiles at match sites to be interesting. A profile is where people lay it all out and tell others who they are and what they are looking for. Some lay out more than others. I had a rude awakening at a Yahoo match place where in viewing profiles, it asked if you wanted to see adult profiles. I clicked on yes-- after all, I am an adult. I was definitely not prepared for pictures of what some men think is their best feature (men friends have told me some women do the same. I never went back to check).

A few years ago, in a magazine I enjoy reading, I saw an ad for an online, western oriented, niche site to find friends and mates. I looked over the site, and the men and women there looked like people with whom I'd have something in common.

Having read other people's profiles for awhile, done one of my own, I have a few opinions about what makes effective profiles-- take it for what it is-- simply my opinion. To start, I think writing a profile is good for anybody whether you intend to join such places or not. It forces you to think about who you are, what you are interested in. If you were to succinctly describe yourself, what comes first as being your most important attribute or value? Writing about what you want in someone else is also healthy for similar reasons. You are focusing on 'self' and 'other.'

In profiles, it does no good to ignore issues that would be deal breakers for you-- nor is it helpful to fake who you are. If you did find a friend that way and you had lied about big issues, how long would the relationship last? But you also don't need to lay out your entire life history to people who are basically strangers (some like me reading them out of curiosity). If you are still angry about failed relationships in your past, you are more likely to be successful in a new one if you get rid of that anger toward the opposite sex first. It's amazing how anger shows through in profiles.

When I read other women's profiles at my western site, there were some that were so appealing I would imagine they were bombarded by male interest. Then there were the one-of-a-kind types. One of those I especially remember had a picture cute as can be (think Reba McEntire) but her profile sounded like an extremely sad, country western, cry-in-your-beer song. In meeting someone online, there is a time where you need to let prospective partners know what you have gone through; but in a match site, I don't think it's the profile. Hers read like a soap opera. Was her profile fiction? Whoever knows with such places?

Another young woman with gorgeous pictures described herself as a cattleman's daughter, who could rope, ride, work all day with the cattle or horses and still put on that silky little black dress at night to go out dancing. Her profile read like a romance novel character-- most especially as she described her parents as being former model mother and big handsome rancher dad. I would have loved to see if she attracted the right type of man to deal with the competition of that strong of a father. That's the bad part with reading profiles; you rarely know how the story ends.

For those of you who might someday join a match site, look at your profile, and most especially the photo with it, as fishing. You are putting out bait. Maybe that sounds superficial but it's sometimes easiest to use a simple analogy to understand something. If you joined a match site, you are there to be noticed and by the right kind of fish-- not a shark unless it's what you were fishing for.

A photograph is usually what draws someone in to look at your words. A sexy picture, if sex is not your main goal, is likely going to be a mistake. The photograph, which angle is chosen, what is in the background, what you are wearing, can all be additonal statements about who you are. To not have a picture at all is like dropping the hook in the water without a fly or worm on it. You might attract some to read your words but not nearly as many. I don't personally think (this is clearly a woman's view) glamour or drop-dead-good-looks draws as much response as people who appear interesting, lively, and have a look in their eyes that says they are open, caring and excited about life.

Some think the internet is filled with those searching for cheap flings, obviously for some sites, that's true; but the people I heard from were mostly wanting friends or a partner, their last real love. Certainly there are risks in having a profile up or meeting someone from online. There also is in church, at the neighborhood bar, or anywhere else you meet someone new. From what I observed, the internet is not a bad place to look for love-- if you choose wisely from the people who contact you, don't give out too much information too fast, take some time getting to know each other from a distance, and are careful where you have that first meeting. Oh, and loan nobody money nor pay their plane fare anywhere. The stories I heard....