Thinking too much

saguaro that dies on our property for no reason we know

 One of the things that came to me, as I began thinking about what I'd learned through aging, was that for every positive, there is a negative. I guess that's not unique to figure out *what you sow you shall reap or yin and yang, but it has personal implications for me.

Think of the word gratitude. It's what we emphasize with the recent Thanksgiving celebration. What can we appreciate in our lives. Generally, it's what happened in our lives or today where we feel glad. But what about the other side. We look at the recent times where gangs to into stores and grab what they can. One side says-- it's reparations for past wrongs-- not to those people but others. The other side says that tears apart the fabric of society. Fix these wrongs legally. One side claims there is no legally. Except, if not, what is left.

I took this more personally for myself. From the time I was a child, I was told that I think too much. I have seen that as a positive as it's led to books and my own ability to look at what happens and see two sides.  Sounds good up until I think about my anxiety attacks where in the middle of the night I think of what I should have done better with many old inter-reactions with many people.  What good does it do to think about what I might have done better even when I know it's true. It's past and thinking about it gains nothing.

For every positive, I think there are negative aspects. What can we do about that? Wish I knew *s*. I would help with my anxiety attacks. I refuse to give up thinking, with the help of drugs. I'd rather put up with the yah and the nah. 

thanksgiving

 It's Thanksgiving Day in the United States based on a supposed historic event. It's more important than that, however, as it's a day of food, family and friends, a day to be thankful and appreciate what we have (not fuss over what we wish we had). That can be celebrated everywhere. 

Not just for this year, but the years past and those we have loved but have gone on. Happy thanksgiving day. Feelings of gratitude are important for all of life. Even for those with great losses, there are always some flickers of light that can be drawn up to enrich the current days. It just takes being aware.

 

 

Old Age and changes

  

Writing about old age seemed so simple when I thought it was time I addressed it, since I am old. It wasn't so easy, as I began to think of various angles to being old--- not just mine. I put off writing this until the time came when I had to do or it'd not happen, and I had said I would...

The photo above was taken about six months or so before I turned 80. The cat on my printer died not long after. It is with them as it is with us as we age except I don't think they know what aging means as we do. They know they can't do what they once did but not what that means-- or so we think. We know what their death means for us and just hope they have easy time as they cross over.... cross over to what? We have different opinions on that as we do on aging itself.

Not all days does my hair look like that photo. I choose a good hair day as hair is important to us-- male and female. About the time I turned 60, I decided to let my hair go natural. I also decided I would continue to wear it long as I have always liked the feel of long hair. I used to enjoy going to salons for cuts and perms, but didn't want to continue doing that. Long hair simplifies it as I can cut it myself.

So, what are the things about old age that mean I can't do what I once did? One of them is having good balance, hiking or running. I know some have these things but generally because they have to exercise in ways that they needed-- and that's because they aren't younger when it used to be easier.

I mentioned in the previous blog on Aging that I think there are three main life ages. One is youth, which begins with birth. When does it end? Well, likely that's different for most of us. I saw youth behind me when I was in my mid-20s, asked my husband to my legs still look as they used to and he said not so much lol. Don't ask your husband such questions if you don't want the truth. I had lost the roundness of youth. My knees looked different than when a teen, and why not-- I'd had two babies by then.

But after leaving youth behind, with a wistful feel, I entered what I call middle age. For most of us our 30s are actually our strongest years. I thought I was my prettiest then, not that it immediately changed. Middle years are less defined that the growing up years. I think they probably vary for when they end, based on health and other conditions. For me, they sailed by with my 50s, 60s, and into my 70s, as I ,noticed real little change, subtle ones but nothing major.

Then, came my 80s, this year and I accepted, as I had once left behind youth. This was leaving behind middle years for a whole new territory. Old age. I had seen changes along the way like what foods i could eat without consequences, my ability to walk distances, enjoying my photos or even looking in a mirror (where I suddenly looked like one of my aunts-- when did that happen?). I know for some that happens in their 60s but for me not so much as my 70s. Still, though I knew a newspaper would call me elderly if something bad happened, I didn't really feel it. I do now.

What does that mean? There are physical changes where I am not as steady as I once was. I have times I need to put my hands against something solid to feel okay. I fell once in the kitchen when I just crumpled to the ground, with no clue why it happened except I had changed positions from my head down and then arms up as I turned. 

Even more troubling is that I can no longer easily get up from the floor and need something to hold onto. My familial tremors have gotten worse, which complicates many things. I expected this since I had seen my aunt when her head would shake. What I didn't know until recently was that tremors get worse with age.These aren't big things but they are inconvenient. 

When I tried to walk into our vacation trailer, the top step was beyond my ability. I had to sit down to kind of scoot in. That was easy two years ago. 

Unsteadiness is a big deal for me, but it's a reality also that I must accept. Yes, I maybe could do exercises to improve it. I tried that but still just not what it once was.

When I had my last physical, I had lost two inches since being a young adult. Since I don't have arthritis, or not enough to be troubling, I am not sure what that is, Having fallen a few times for assorted reasons, nothing broke, so I am figuring not osteoporosis-- or not much as last tests found that okay.

I do find it harder to remember names sometimes and always wonder-- what is that? When they finally come to me, I wonder why they hadn't. Some say that's normal old age. Maybe storing too much information *s*.

I do more thinking about an unknown future. Anyone knows that our 80s can be a time of more health problems. Other than what I know about family, I don't know what to expect. As with many old folks, death isn't scary to me but it's how I get there that gives me concern. A long illness? Something that impacts my mind?

There are pluses though to getting to experience old age. One is an abundance of memories. I know of those who wish they could still do what they once did. I don't feel that so much as glad I do have those memories and they are rich for me. I did what I wanted to do then and have no regrets that it wasn't otherwise. I have to let that go and look toward what is possible.

Having experienced a wide span of activities, all ones I chose not because i must but because I wanted, my perspective is greater than someone with less memories of what once was not only in ourselves but our culture.

The one thing I can say about old age is, those of us fortunate enough to get here, we must be open to change. It's coming as it did when we grew from children to adults.

For now, my husband and I are blessed to be going through this adventure together as we both turned 80 this year. There is no alternative but to embrace and find new things that make us feel our days are worthwhile. Those won't be the same for all who turn 80-- again, it's about change. In this photo, because he's on his knees behind me, he looks smaller but he's still 6' or so and I'm 5'5" (which irks me as I liked feeling taller-- stretch as I might, I am not getting there).

 

newsletters

 

Alongside here is what is supposed to be a signup for my newsletter. There have been some complications in that I hadn't sent one for too long (by Mail Chimp's standards) about which, I can't disagree. Because I hadn't had a new book out, and there were assorted reasons for that, I don't send the newsletter, as its intention is not to spam people but only when a new work is coming or a price change. 

When we went to get Mail Chimp going, we got an out of service notice or something like that. Well, that is now working, but there are some new requirements begun by the EU and spreading here to protect those who might find themselves signed up when they didn't want to be. That meant previous addresses had been lost. Mail Chimp promises they don't sell their list or keep it long. I hope that's true as it is what is best for clients.

If you find it of interest to know more about new, Rain Trueax books, check the link out. It's at the top of the column. I am sometimes reluctant to mention new books here as not all of those who read this blog care about my writing. 

The new books always appear in the links alongside here with their images but only those that go to Amazon. The ones coming next will be historical and they always go wide.

Anyway, the joys of the internet, which we need but can be frustrating at the same time. *s* 

If you have questions regarding this, feel free to email me; and my address is in my profile

Aging

 

When speaking of aging, I need to begin where it begins with the miracle of life. I call it a miracle because we can't fully understand how it works. We just know it does. I still think of holding my own babies when they were born and knowing they would grow and change with the years.

It sometimes does not work that way but mostly, it does. It is still hard for me to grasp than when they were so tiny, they would grow into who they became. It is life itself and amazing.

I also remember some of my early years but mostly that comes from photographs. As I grew into a child, I remember things I did or saw. I didn't think of myself as an age though. There are times that stand out, like turning 16 and getting a driver's license. Those are mandated by a culture more than our own aging experience. Another big one back then was voting age which was 21 at that time. Again, a culture change more than by our bodies.

Bodily and emotionally, with our growth, came many changes. We go from youth to what could be called middle age or middle years. Once we reach that stage of life, things don't appear to change as much as far as the body goes. We learn, we experience, emotionally and spiritually, we may go through many changes. But middle years continue for a long time. 

In my opinion, our middle years stay physically much the same. There are no gigantic changes as we experienced from babyhood to childhood to those teen years. It's hard to say when youth ends and the middle years begin. They begin as we take on many different roles, but in essence, not so much unless we have health issues. Some of those are a product of our DNA, part about our choices. 

Then, comes a major biological change due to aging. It comes at different times for us based on those earlier choices or from what we were born. It's not the same for us all, as many earlier changes also are. Next blog on my experience with that stage of life, where I have found myself..

Needed distractions sometimes

 In a time where we might find ourselves on the brink of a third world war, when we discover there is so much hatred in the world for one ethnic group, and yes, i mean Jews, where most of us thought a civilized world was far beyond such thinking where it comes to bigotry. The worst being how it has shown up on our major university campuses, it's hard not to be really depressed.

If we think those wars will be far from us-- there are reasons to believe that is not true. One, many of us have offspring of an age to be called up as happened in previous wars; but with a frighteningly open border, there could be many who have entered our countries with not the purest of purposes.

What do we do? Well be informed is important but not to a ghoulish fascination; but  we need to be aware and that means around the world. So much of the violence that strikes is random. Being aware of our surroundings and world is key.

Sometimes, however, we need to look for ways to uplift ourselves. For me, I found one with this article on a creative painter I have long admired as it goes into her life with what I considered to be an uplifting documentary of Georgia O'keeffe. If you have liked her work and read all the books you could find on her life, you won't find a lot new in the video. If you have never heard of her, I think you'll find a good exploration into a creative life.

It is about an hour long and takes you to a different time and place. I hope you will give it a try.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DMMWaGm4jU

I will post next week on the subject of aging with my thoughts on it as I see it in my own life. I want some time to think more deeply on it. After all, it is the one given in life. We do age