dreams and reality as a mix

Basically I am not a person who thinks much about what was. Only once in awhile do I purposely think of what my life has been in the past. I am not sure of the why of this. I more or less have the view that today is what matters and either living in the past or future only leads to less joy in the one time I have.

When my son was 6 months old and my daughter three, I thought-- this is it-- this is as good as my life will ever be. I think I might have been right. It's not that I am unhappy with today. That time, however, was an apex, a mountain top moment. Most of the family I loved was still alive. I had my family, my babies. I was strong, felt empowered. Wow, does it get better than that?

I won't say it does get better. Having your children, before the world draws them away is definitely a high, but there have been a lot of wonderful moments since then. They are ongoing and often come in the most unexpected ways. I've said it before and totally believe it-- the smallest moments are often most filled with joy, and they happen all the time for those aware.

We discovered something last week that totally amazed me. I knew that food growing in the ground is still alive when we cook or eat it. That is I knew it abstractly speaking-- like potatoes sprout if they are not used soon enough. You can cut off a carrot from its top, give the top moisture and it will grow  a new top. What I hadn't known was you can take an onion, peel off it's outer layers, slice off part of it to eat, and that onion is still alive. 

It kind of had me thinking about that. I know some feel eating living plants is different than killing living animals to eat; but how do we know the plant doesn't have feelings also? We sliced off part of this living onion, cooked and ate it but it did not kill the onion. We will plant it in the garden and see what happens, but right now it's been one of those things I had never thought about. Does it make for a bit of a philosophical thought as to what is life?

When I am writing something like the recent paranormal trilogy, it requires my thinking a great deal about life, its meaning, and what we take as reality. My dreams this week have been scary with violent people in them. I don't know if that relates to the books I've been writing or the newspapers. A dream the other night was vibrant, very full of images. I woke remembering it. Understanding why I might have dreamed it and very much hoping I don't get more like it. 

In the dream, I had a friend who was having a kind of gathering of mostly Jewish friends but with some like myself also. So I had been to a similar event this lady had in the past, but this time I was surprised how it had grown in sophistication and popularity, as the room was totally filled with all ages, from when she began with maybe six attendees. She was leading it and said everyone would be given a reading to share. I was nervous whether I'd do well with that and kept looking at mine to be sure I would read it right as others did theirs. When it came my turn, I looked down and saw advertising type words, not the ones that had been there. When I hesitated, the friend running this event told me just read; but when I began, she stopped me as the words didn't fit. I looked down and realized the original words had been a layer over these; they were crumbled on the floor. I'd evidently worried them off by holding them nervously and looking at them so many times. About then, there was a knock at the door. A group of Nazi type neighborhood guys showed up, barging in checking whether the room had too many people in it, using any excuse to harass. One of them stopped in front of me and said I was beautiful. He wanted a kiss. I said no. I was married and pointed to my husband who was talking to some others and oblivious to what was going on. This guy then said, that I was too beautiful for someone else to have me, if he couldn't, and he brought out a knife to either slash my face or kill me. That's when I woke.

There are dreams where i can totally understand the why. Our newspapers could explain this one more than my recent writing, but some aspects of it still surprise me. For instance when I was young and probably was beautiful, though I didn't think much about it at the time, I didn't have dreams where people were always telling me how beautiful I was. Now I do. Is my subconscious trying to reassure me about something? I sure don't spend my days lamenting lost beauty. I understand life has changed as have I, but my mind is on other things. So the popping up of people to tell me this is a mystery to me. In the dream I was probably much younger than today although the event seemed very current. 

The woman having the event is not a close friend in my daily life but someone whose blog I read; so not sure why I'd have had her dominant in the dream as though I really knew her. Characters in my dreams rarely relate to who I am interacting with daily. When my kids are in a dream, it's generally them much younger-- even if I am not.

Also why the violent dreams lately? It's the second one this week where a group is proving dangerous. The last one was going to a parking garage to get my vehicle where nobody was on that level except a threatening youth gang. Again I woke before bad things happened-- even if they seemed eminent.

If I watched violent movies I'd understand this better; but I am being very cautious in what I see-- currently sticking to comedies, musicals, chick flicks, or kid movies. I guess the newspapers are enough because we don't seem as a world community to have learned anything by past mistakes. 

Where it comes to nightmares, I might normally get one several times a year not several times in one week. Can I blame it on the blood moon-- which we didn't get to see thanks to cloud cover?

Finally on this business of great moments. This week when I was taking a catnap, one of the cats came to lay with me-- then the other. They provide so much joy to each other and us. When we lost Pepper, one of those low points, I knew we needed a cat who would work for the three of us. With Raven we found her.