Beauty Standards... ?

Currently, due to tragedy after tragedy in the United States, some from before Trump and some after, with people throwing out anger every which direction to blame someone, it might seem strange that I'd write about this. Well, this is always with us and the other things come and go. They are maybe more important than how we see beauty but they are also very 'flame throwing.'  I had written this earlier and said I'd bring it out. Here it is. Whether later, I get into the blame game, I don't know, but I do have one more that will be political for next week. I myself am concentrating more on one of my older historic books, which I am enlarging from a novella to a novel (or so goes my plans) because there is more story to tell. For me, writing is a good break, since I have no real solutions for my country given we just voted... And, many want exactly what is being done. So, here comes something that is more for how we see each other- does beauty matter? Should it matter?

12 years old school picture

After years of having mixed feelings about how I looked (more on that below), when I turned 80, when I looked in the mirror-- oh my gosh how did that happen? Ithink because of my skin type, I hadn't earlier needed moisturizers, etc. Except, did ignoring all of that end up where I was in that mirror.

To be honest, I had been told most of my life that I looked pretty good. You know how that can be-- others say one thing about your looks, but you see another. As a child, well, that photo at the top was me in 7th grade where I had no idea how to dress, wear my hair, or do makeup. There are more awkward photos from childhood years.

By the time I got into high school, the toughness of my school for kids dressing well, I had to work on caring and accomplished a lot of it through second-hand stores. If children wear makeup too early or sexy clothes, it's not good to many. But to have no clue what is attractive, that also is not good. Plus, there were so many standards back then for length of hems, and you absolutely could not wear pants to school.

Here I am today, when I began to not only think--- eek, but also what am I trying to do here? Look younger? I was definitely not at my best at 18. I used to say most women reach their best at 35, but now I think it's in their 50s, when they have maturity added to their features. This though again, is for women who have interest in such and many do not. Bless them!

As for this business of surgery, it's definitely about trying to look younger. Frankly, it doesn't work for most. They just look plastic. They lose out on what mature beauty might appear to be. Can we let go of a youthful look and find other ways to feel good about our physical looks? 

I don't even know what hairstyle is supposed to be youthful. It's been a long time since I've cared. When I was in my mid20s, I was at a stylist to have my hair trimmed and he said no woman should wear it long ... past 30. 

Over my many years, I've varied the length of mine but never short since high school.  Pixies look cute on some women. I don't think they would so much on me but it's not the reason I wear mine so long.

To begin, I let mine grow long in my 70s-80s, was curiosity. I wondered if I could. I enjoy the feel of long hair on my back, I cut it myself with long layers. I have gone to salons for perms but frankly, retired as we are, cost is a factor in not doing it. I've never had a pedicure or manicure, but that's personal preference to not liking my nails colored because, if you are an active woman, they constantly require maintenance. I used to do some polish at home before my tremors got so bad. Like, how many places to I want that color to end up???

Another thing, a woman whose blog I read, said one of her commenters said she should not wear jeans. That is just ridiculous to me-- wear the clothes that suit your interest as why do most of us have a reason to be high-styling, even if we could afford it. Does that make someone seem more attractive? I can give a few names where it doesn't in the celeb world, but I won't. 

After I saw some recent photos of me, most taken with bad lighting, too many shadows, and bright sun (that's an excuse but not a good enough one) I got interested in some simple things to try and improve my elderly skin, things that are not that expensive or invasive; since I am not trying to turn back time. Still, keeping my skin healthy looking with less droopiness, bags, or big lines, well, I am into that. If you see me making weird faces, they are facial exercises :). which help a lot to keep a chin and neck from losing it.

Some of what I am trying are like facial peels, which is supposed to encourage  the skin layers and encourage collagen development . Exercises help with the muscles under the skin. Everything I use can be in the home. I don't have the money or interest in expensive answers.

To me, the big thing is being able to see someone is old, but that they still have beauty. The alternative is surgery or maybe Botox, which I don't trust any more than I would Ozempic for weight loss. Humans always seem to want the easy answer. I suspect, given side effects, there is no easy answer for any of it.

Just had a ton of photos taken by Ranch Boss to get my Passport renewed with a current picture, but it kept getting refused for an online renewal. The one they finally accepted was an eyeopener for saying-- I don't care. By the time, we had success, smiling was no longer happening, and frankly, smiles improve looks a lot!

When you see that many photos of yourself, necessarily without photo-shop (Passport claims they can tell), it really makes you SEE yourself and in ways you'd rather not, generally speaking. It led to my interest in having beauty be a topic here. Why do we care about it? Should we care about it? Worse though, to me, is should we care about youthful looks? That one I know we should not but how to get past it in a world that makes so much of it? It's all up to us in our own lives. I know that much as the celeb and advertising worlds won't let go of it.

Repeating-- here's the thing I'd like to have Americans and really people around the world be able to see-- women,who look old, can at the same time appear lovely to us. And not just to be polite, but genuinely see the two things can go together. As it is, all the goals to increase beauty appear to try to send it back to the woman's 20s, which by the way, are not women's most attractive years, at least for most of us. Cute works better for me where it comes to young women.  It takes some maturity to create what I consider beautiful in a woman. 

As a writer, what was frustrating is the need to create a cover with a beautiful older woman. It takes a lot of searching. I like writing about elders showing that romance can still happen. but there need to be more images available to buy if there are to be people on those covers. I finally did it by finding a head one place and an historical garment another for a new creation. Fun to do actually, but I'd love it if some of these models, as they age, could continue being out there. The world is not just made up of young people doing things. 

As I said in the earlier blog, this appears a bit easier for men to be considered old but still good looking-- although I also had to buy one man's head and another body for one of the covers. Of course, maybe the companies know only the young ones get bought. This whole thing might be more a thing of society than in ourselves. Looking old should not be negative but rather just part of a long-lived life, and it should not require surgery...

Meritocracy

 

 image from Stencil and our sunset photo from 2019

After writing a blog a about age-ism, I planned on a follow-up. That was until this week hit me with all the social media talk, often on both sides of an issue, which I believe is important to a culture if it wants to succeed. It's the title for this blog.

Here is the issue-- How do we appoint or hire people for key jobs, and there are a lot of important jobs that many do not see that way. What if the appointments are based on diversity, ethnicity, and/or inclusion or should it be based in merit, ability, skills, and/or what they have already achieved? To be good at a job must they have already done it or might they prove it by how they have handled other jobs? Should it be based on skin color, sex, or from where they came? DEI gave credit even to corporations for applying it to new hires or promotions. How's that working for ya?

For way too long, our country applied a different kind of racial and sexual "filtering". If you were a black who wanted to get an important position, you had to be a hundred times better (over exaggeration) than a white looking for the same job. And if you were a woman, you could just forget it. That also was not meritocracy, nor is giving it to someone for who their family is (unless it's a family-run operation, which is their business to sink or swim). Meritocracy too often was not the key application to be used.

As for what are key jobs, it's easy to list some and none relate to the celebrity world. It's not just the obvious ones like medically related, which includes pharmacists, nurses, doctors, therapists, etc. We depend on these people to help us when something has gone wrong with our or a loved one's health. Do we care what race, sex, or color their skin is? Likely only if we are a bigot.

But also meat packing plants. Oh, you didn't see that as important? How about when it's carelessly maintained or even deliberately polluted? 

Of course, it should be obvious that fire department, police and any part of the legal system are very important for the security of a people. I use the term should be as DEI has been applied to those positions too. Don't we want a highly qualified judge if they are to address a case for us? Or does it only matter, in the legal system, that those judges have a certain political ideology? I guess that's fine if it's your ideology that we're talking about? How about the head of big churches, DEI or merit for who gets the position?

Are there any jobs more important than that of educators? They shape the future and does their merit matter or only their political opinions? What will they be teaching those future generations and will it help them achieve merit or just rely on their own DEI qualifications?

Do you like the idea of DEI mechanics? Okay with you if they are not merit based when they go to repair your broken down vehicle? Airplane repairs? and so many other jobs done by repair people of electric, plumbing, internet, etc.

I want to make the case here that DEI sent us too far down the wrong road to correct a wrong. A true meritocracy is the answer where no matter from where you came or what sex you are, you can get the job if you passed their key needed tests. One, I'd suggest, is caring about doing a good job for the ones you are working with whether bosses or customers. Also respecting that your job is an important cog in a big wheel. Want a job that seems more important to you, improve your needed skills.

One of the first corporations for which my husband worked (I was a stay-at-home mom) had a philosophy that later got changed by those who took over power but had not created the company. The key philosophy back then to me was that all the workers were important. A technician could get a spot on a company plane when a project needed a tech specialist if the seat was open. Can't have that came in later, where only some PR people were important. That company was already an important corporation but those who came along lost sight of a key reason why.

There is more to say on this topic, but what would come next might prove a distraction from what is above. I think it's important for citizens to consider long and hard from where they want their leaders and workers to come. 

Next week will be the one connected to age-ism and in its case-- beauty. BUT I am not leaving meritocracy, with more on it February 8th-- the possible distraction.

Old Age-isms

Looking toward the January full moon 2025 through the branches of ironwood tree, dead when we moved here.

The subject is aging. Of course, reality--  life is about aging from birth. This, however, will look at old-age aging, what I know about it and do not. To be honest, I have not thought a great deal about it until recently, when I entered my 80s. Now, that is for 'real' old age. How has it impacted me and what do I accept or try to change?

I think the most beautiful women in every sense are those who shrug off their beauty like an old cardigan and get stuck into stuff that really matters.  Liz Jones

 To me, that quote would also fits with aging. When we get old, which I don't believe happens to us at the same time, we have to both accept it and shrug it off. This business of saying, as some do, I am still a child, means that person is trying to miss the section of life that they are actually living.

The problem has been how too many worship youth and attempt to hold onto it at any cost. When a celebrity like Brook Shields lets herself age naturally with, of course, some lotions and potions, but no surgeries, people try to claim she's lost her looks. It encourages others to feel they need to go the cut and pull route. The talk of losing someone's looks begins in their 50s or even earlier. It is equated with old age.

Back in the day, I remember when I heard over the radio that Marilyn Monroe had died, I thought-- well, she was past her beauty prime anyway. She was 36... Of course, I was 18 at that time, an age of ignorance where it comes to what was life all about. I was just at the beginning of finding out.

If I am going to look at age for how we might appear to others, it would be one way, but what if I look at it for our own physical abilities? Well, actually that varies a lot too. If someone is a football hero, 35 is getting old and amazing if they can continue to play into their 40s. Baseball is a little more forgiving of 'old age' except, 40 is not remotely old age.

 

wolf full moon

I began to increasingly lose some of my physical capabilities in my 70s, but just saw Dick VanDyke doing some dance steps at almost 100. He though was not average when he was young if you've seen his performances back then. I did a lot of hiking through my 60s and into early 70s, but today, I don't do any. Is that because I couldn't or that I don't care to? I don't know the answer to that but do feel I've found other things I care more about doing-- like writing.

There are plenty of should do's in my life today but am happy they aren't about mental capacities. Those are still pretty good and for that I am grateful and realize it may not stay that way through my 80s. I haven't worked to stay agile. I still remember my mother-in-law sitting cross legged on the floor when in her late 80s, but she was already losing mental capacities. How much of that is genetics?  What we don't use, we lose. Opps-for me, not hiking.

What about pain? Do us old folks have more pain than younguns? I guess it would depend again on the person. I've had pain all of my adult life for various reasons but nothing catastrophic. Today, I might have more joint pain or in my back, but some I've had in much younger years. I never thought I had arthritis but maybe I will get it. That's the scary part to me of hitting 80, so much more can go wrong. Lots of deep breaths *s*

One thing that I do think relates to growing old, is typical of many elders, is forgetfulness. It comes around many things I always knew and suddenly can't call up when I need the information. For instance in the plant world, hawthorns, which we have at the farm, and i could be looking right at one and not be able to pull up its name. Usually it comes back to me later. If not, the internet is a huge help.

Because my family has familial tremors, which I know runs in families, as could some other things that have challenged me as an old woman. Those tremors might play a role in my lack of stability. When I need to turn from where I might be standing, say at a window, as a young woman I'd have just turned and left; now I reestablish myself before I start to walk. I do not want to fall. I have taken more than a few in my life, some when much younger and more carefree about walking. The thing is, elders end up with more injuries with a fall, sometimes a broken hip requiring major surgery. As for my feeling less stable, I am not going to explore that with a therapist as I actually am okay with the peace I have made with my limitations.

Are we less strong as old folks? It seems logical to be so. We see it in animals of all sorts. We can maybe postpone some of that with the right exercises, but all of it? I doubt it. The body wears out. Vaya con Dios and accept what is. Do what we can do, but accept we can't change it all. I do not believe that is fatalistic. I think it's realistic.

But was I as okay with appearing really elderly when I looked in a mirror or saw a current photo!!! I might have to accept that as reality, but can I do anything about it without major face lifts or Botox, which I have rejected?  

While I might not have a definitive answer, I have recently been thinking about that subject, and been personally trying a few things; hence, it will be the blog next week, at least so far as women are concerned. I think our culture is far more willing to see old men as handsome, more so than old women, can we even see ourselves as beautiful?

 Why all the photos of the full moon and our old ironwood tree? To me, they represent old age, one that won't last and one that at least has always been there. I don't want photos of all the full moons, but always want some, if we can get them, of the Wolf Moon. Ranch Boss used our Canon and a tripod to get these. It's been a month, so far, for photos.

Couragous Characters

 Before I post the blog I wrote for today, I have to speak to the horror of these massive fires, many of which are happening around the world. I don't have answers for them, but just how much they are emotionally impacting us all, genuine black swans. It's not just Los Angeles right now, which is massively destructive, but we know it's been so many places. We as humans are so vulnerable when fires arise suddenly. Just, if you are one of the ones impacted, know the rest of the human community cares. I have had fire as an experience in my life from childhood onward. I know its terror. Just so sorry for those impacted in a worse way than I had been. Namaste.

 Writing a series of any sort is both enjoyable and a challenge-- for obviously different reasons. I have written several series, each with complete stories and connecting secondary characters. I have not been fond of reading or writing stories where one hero and heroine continue on through many adventures. My favorites have characters in each book that might take on more important roles in the next stories. 

The challenge I find in writing a series is remembering all the characters accurately, mostly the secondary ones. Since this book was first brought out ten years ago, rereading and rewriting were necessary to bring it back out. Even more so, since these characters will go on with three more in the Winds of Change series. They will come out about a month apart. 

One of the tips I have for series writers is create a timeline of when and where their characters were born, sometimes interspersed with what was happening in the broader community like say wars, droughts, or major plagues. Timelines help a writer stay with the flow. If available to readers, it helps them to refresh their memories when it involves long timelines. That's not so needed when a series is contemporary and does not expand over a lot of years.

The great part of series writing is having characters, who I already know a great deal about their personalities, with the ability to expand that when they take center stage. When I have them, like Holly and Vince, I know their potential from earlier books, but what do I discover once there was more time with them? That's what I very much enjoy with a chance to enrich characters that had that potential.

What about readers, why would they like a series? Well, if the writer screws up the chronology (assuming there is much of one as there is with my Winds of Change series) it could be fun for a reader to point out through an email or as a reviewer about the goof. Now, writers prefer the email option, but heck, it's up to readers to make their own choices if they do reviews at all (most do not). 

If though, readers have come to like a family or group of friends, sometimes a community, it is enjoyable to follow what happens next. If the books they are following are romances, they are assured of happy endings multiple times, endings that feel believable. Let's face it, real life too often does not give us that. We can use a break from negativity with stories that offer us a feel of how real life can be good even if it's not a life you know for yourself.

What I shared last week about my core beliefs show up a lot in a series. When we solidly, as writers, know the beliefs that guide our lives, they also work to guide the main characters in a series. There will be villains or those who have no such codes, and guess what happens to them? Justice is what we wish for in what we call real-life. 

Justice for behavior can be revealed by actions in books, especially series writing. I don't think writers need theirs written down as I did in 2005 and where I still agree with them for my life and my writing in 2025. Did I need to write them down? Maybe not, but it sure didn't hurt especially as I look for places in my stories where they can be illustrated and reveal the consequences that I do think play out in life, BUT we don't always see it happen. We can read it though and feel good that way. 

Not all books do that as some portray the dark side of life instead of the light side. Does that leave the reader feeling good, or for that matter, the writer? Maybe, but then I am only able to share here my life and writing.

Oh, and one other rule I have for what I write or want to read. Writers can kill even well-liked characters. I have done it, but do not kill a beloved pet, no mules, dogs, cats, or horses. If the series lasts many years and logically an animal will no longer be alive due to old age, don't put it in the book for me to read. That also works in movies. I've lost enough beloved animals in my real life. No way will I write that into one of my stories. It might make for drama, but you won't find it in one of my stories.

 

Echo from the Past had a lot of pluses for me to originally write it and bring it back now after it had a private break. It had been pulled, for about a year, from being previously published as Echoes from the Past. It had been removed over an Amazon title problem, which those who have followed my blog might remember. 

Instead of bringing it right back with a new title and ISBN, I wanted to work on it more with a desire to improve it when it returned (and the rest of the series that will come out later). Where the first four in Winds of Change were emphasizing the O'Brian family, the next four have main characters as the Taggert family, with the O'Brian's coming along as secondary but still part of the new plots.

This first Taggert story has been edited with some events added and more words to enrich the characters' experiences. Its hero though might be a surprise to those who read the first book in the series, since he also had a name change from that book, for a very good reason (another plus with series writing). I do find it fun being a writer with such options open. 

When the book had its original name, it also had a trailer. For those who enjoy such, here it is, giving the elements of the plot, which is still accurate but just with some fun additions (at least fun for me). Luckily I had bought the trailer images, other than when we had taken some photos ourselves. It's a plus to live in the state where I base a book.

With the book's new title and cover, it's available at Amazon for Kindles. It will also be wide as D2D works it out. It is a long novel with a lot about the West of that time and archaeology, which is what Holly uses to find the answers to her dreams that too often were nightmares. Is reincarnation true? She needs to know and fears the answer as much as seeks it. She is a headstrong young woman with a lot of courage, and she will need it. 

https://www.amazon.com/Echo-Past-Winds-Change-Book-ebook/dp/B0DSCFJ8TZ/

And this Universal Link should make it soon or already available at B&N; Google; Kobo; Apple; etc.

https://books2read.com/u/b6oMoA

Echo from the Past offers adventure, romance, the West, archaeology, all in that time, and yes, some spice. It also has the benefit of more books with characters the reader already knows-- but also the knowledge there is no need to read more in the series.

I am not good at ratings but maybe 4 stars for its heat level *s*

Core Beliefs.

 

When I created this blog, I put down some of my core beliefs-- the things I based my life on. Looking over those thoughts from 2005 (above photo from that year), I still agree with most. To me, core beliefs aren't what we always can live but what we want to live. With this being a new year, 20 years later, it seems a good time to share mine, which still impact this blog and my life. 

Below photo from this week -- and I had not styled my hair that way based on 2005's, which I hadn't seen until I looked for it for this blog. It's how I like to wear it lately. I don't think it's most flattering or most practical, it's because it's me today-- might change next month. That's the fun of being a woman. 

In the fall of this year, assuming I live that long, I'll turn 82, which seems amazing to me. At one time, I thought I'd not live past 30. That's when I quit trying to figure out my life span. Whatever mine ends up being, seriously, this is real old age.

Believing something does not make it so. Disbelieving it won't make it go away-- likewise saying it out loud won't make it happen.

Loving something or someone does not mean I may possess it or them.

Life is based on expectations and judgments, but we should be careful they aren't set in concrete and we are open to readjusting them as we learn new information.

Disappointment happens (usually when we had an unrealistic expectation to begin). Get used to it and deal with it.

Nobody gets it all-- even if it looks like it for awhile.

Physical work is healthy for the body and soul as is a relatively orderly, clean environment in which to live.

Everything has a price of one sort or another attached. I try to always know what it is and whether I am willing to pay it before I enter into any transaction.

Too much arguing isn't healthy. Sometimes it's best to peacefully agree to disagree-- on the other hand, in any relationship, it's important to be able to voice an opinion as well as allow someone else to voice theirs.

Do not wish for the past or the future, while the moment goes sailing by, because the moment is all there is.

Sometimes there are no second chances. Don't count on one. When there is a second chance, be grateful, grab it and hang on for the ride.

Deep friendships, the kind where my friend knows my dark side and I know theirs, and we accept each other anyway, those are important for me. Likewise important, are friends who tell me what they see of my flaws and let me do with their opinion what I will.

Be kind, whenever possible.

Forget wrongs done without waiting for the offender to admit anything. When I hold a grudge, I hurt myself more than whoever might have wronged me. When I know it's me who made a mistake, be quick to admit it; and when I have wronged someone, ask forgiveness.

Pride can be both a virtue and a sin. It depends on how it's used-- or misused.

Live my own dream-- corollary to that is I must know what it is if I don't want to be living someone else's.

In life there are many options. The things that are worth adding to mine should be those of beauty, truth and/or love.

There are some people who are harmful to quality living, and they are ones from whom I should move away as soon as I realize it.

I can't change someone else. I can try to help others but change comes from inside all of us-- so likewise only I can change me. No outside guru, no things I buy, no person I have as a friend can make me into the person I want to be. Only I can do it-- but others (in the spirit or in the flesh) can help.

Someone else having something does not take it away from me (unless they stole it from me). Be glad for the triumphs of others and the blessings that come into their lives-- even if it happened to be something I wish had happened to me.

Material things don't bring happiness. They can provide pleasures, just never substitute them for more meaningful values which for me are things like love, sharing, giving, receiving, appreciating, and so forth.

Be honest, don't cheat, don't defraud. If I ever must tell a lie (which should be rare), be sure it's really necessary and for a higher purpose as lies always have a cost attached.

Discerning the difference between selfishness and valid self-interest can be a struggle, but it's important in decision-making. Setting healthy boundaries for myself and recognizing those for others makes this easier.

Life is both a mystery and a gift. It is Science and Spirit. Relish the earthly experience while still alive. Be prepared for the need to give it up. Live up to date.

If something definitely isn't working, look for alternatives. Don't hang on out of habit or fear when I know it's a losing proposition-- but don't be too quick to give up either.

Live as honestly and openly to who I am as possible; form relationships based on that because life is too short to have to pretend to be someone I am not.

Do you have core beliefs? Have you ever written them down?