Changing fast

 Elena Ray image purchased from Canstock

It is amazing how fast the mornings and evenings are changing with shorter and shorter days. Summer went by way too fast. This has to be one of the best for my part of the Pacific Northwest with a lot of delightful warm days, sometimes hot but always cool by evening. The skies have mostly been an intense blue that means there is little haze, almost the color I'd more expect to see at higher elevations. The last long week-end of the summer is here with the last chance for most families to get a three or four day break somewhere other than their homes. 

Once someone no longer has children in school and is retired, these 'official' breaks are less significant. We can go anytime not just on long-week-ends. 

Because of our operating a cattle and sheep operation, because of having two kid-cats, because of working around vacationing crowds, because of managing our own projects (his consulting work and my writing), it's not as though we don't also have to plan for breaks, but they aren't limited to long week-ends.

We are limited to some degree by the business of life. This month there are a couple of dental type appointments to work around, one of us is using a new hearing aid with appointments to be sure it is properly fitted. They have improved a lot what a hearing aid can do. Then we are debating whether we want to do something special for our 50th wedding anniversary which comes in mid-September.

I think I have mentioned before that I am not a celebrator of birthdays or commemorative dates. I note them and try to be sure that the appropriate things are done when they involve others (except when I forget), but it's not really my thing. I know those who celebrate a birthday for a week, and they have great fun doing it. That's not for me although I don't object to birthdays. They don't depress me, but they seem more of a so-what kind of thing. To do any kind of life evaluation, I am more prone to use a full or new moon, a Celtic celebration, an Equinox, or Solstice. And it's not like I do a lot for them either.

Maybe this comes out of being an in the moment type of person. My goal is to be right where I am, not anticipating a moment yet to come-- nor congratulating myself on those in the past. Of course, there are times scheduling cannot be avoided. I am not sure if I miss something by not planning further ahead, but we are what we are.

This month, one thing I am doing is evaluating how the Botox worked. After years of saying I'd never ever do Botox, when I was going through the complicated root canal, the orthodontist told me he saw evidence that I grind my teeth. He suggested Botox as one solution to that. I told him all the reasons I didn't like that idea, but he explained this is a different use of it. It doesn't impact the face itself, but is injected into the muscles along the hairline and jaw. The theory is you weaken those muscles a bit by a low dose of Botox-- then they quit bringing the jaw together at times that serves no purpose except to break off teeth. 

Now, I had known for years I clench my jaw. I had earlier tried a night guard, which was not good for its results, but would not solve this problem anyway because I do much of it during the day-- or at least am very aware of it when awake. 

Why the gnashing of teeth? I have no idea, but it does not seem to relate to being unhappy, upset, or anything other than-- I do it. When I asked my husband if he brings his teeth together frequently, he doesn't; so it isn't necessary and sure not good for the teeth or jaw.

Earlier this summer, I worked for a month to see if I could stop myself from grinding. Wasn't happening. That led to a decision to try the Botox with a doctor I trusted. The theory is that you repeat it every three months and in a year, you will form new habits and quit gritting. Some people swear by how effective it is and great for tension headaches-- which I don't get (I get migraines which come from the neck). 

Anyway, I felt this was worth a try. Once I became fully aware of how often I bring my teeth together, I saw the value of stopping it. September is for checking on how this is going as well as my usual cleaning and dental exam. There is also the need for one more crown and root canal. I know I am lucky to have my own teeth, but it is an age where they are seeming to wear out! That is not fun.

one thing leads to another

sunrise here one morning

When it comes to reading books, one might well ask where the story is taking you. Can you really read books and set them aside with no impact on your personal life? If that impact is negative, where will that leave you?

When I had finished re-reading Diana Gabaldon's historical fiction novel, Voyager, I knew there had been one potential disaster after another. It was a good read but definitely high stress with a lot of emotional moments as well as physical violence. She wasn't forcing those things into her plot. It was that kind of historical time period where some had absolute and abusive power over many.

That night I had a dream where flood was coming around my home. When I first saw all the water, it was already up to our driveway with a lot of current. I realized my idea to protect the house was already too late. We do get floods from our innocent little creek but they don't come up that fast and our bulwark is fence posts with half plywood sheets wired to redirect the fast flow. Too late for that.

This flood was fast moving and going the opposite of the direction from which a flood here generally comes. In the dream, it was soon nearly to our foundation. I was worried how we'd get our cats out when we had to leave. Also I worried about our outside dog (which we had years ago but who also died years ago). I went into our bedroom, and the flood had caught a hot tub (which we used to have but no longer do), outside our bedroom and slammed it against the wall causing it to crack and knocking me almost over.

Next I realized water was on the other side of the house also which meant getting out of the house was no longer an option. That is about when the dream ended. 

Here's what the Dream Moods Dictionary said that meant: 

"To dream that you are in a flood represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are overwhelming others with your demands and strong opinion. Still another interpretation could be your desire to wipe everything clean and make a fresh new start."

Not hard to see from where that came after reading a book with exciting and violent energy. In Voyager, the hero and heroine go from one catastrophe to another barely escaping death even if sometimes left battered. There are threats hanging over their heads from the start of the book. Good read, exciting read (if you skip the long descriptive sections), but stressful. I don't think the flood related to my personal life right now but instead illustrated how I had been impacted by what I had read. It might not always be that immediately obvious, but this time it was.

It's also not hard to see how just reading and thinking about the newspaper could lead to bad dreams considering what is in it these days.  Just the brutal slaying of the journalist by ISIL would be enough to lead to nightmares-- even in avoiding the worst of the photos, which I did. It's too easy to relate to the young man, to his parents, to the horror. This guy was the hero of romance books except real life doesn't reward heroes quite the same.

What I think my dream told me is how quickly what we take in impacts us. The information does not stop with my head but carries over to my personal emotions-- even when I don't realize from where it is coming.

Sometimes what I've put in my head turns out to be good-- like the dream I had last night which was impacted by our having just watched Dirty Dancing and my making a new cover for my contemporary story of cults and love-- Hidden Pearl. To do that, I had spent time with Jimmy Thomas' images (tried two) to put the photo into a background I wanted (up the Umpqua River). That requires a lot of cut, paste and then clone to hide the evidence.

Time with this guy's face is never a bad thing ;)-- well, his body's not bad either *double wink*. Regarding that dream, let me just say I woke up smiling. Totally unrealistic, as was the other one, but the energy was the opposite. 

Here's the thing. Take in positive information, and we get one kind of energy. Negative leads to another. Yet how can we totally avoid the negative and stay responsible? We cannot put our heads in the sand, much as we might like to at times-- that leads to places like Ferguson. So how do we reduce the stress from what we can't avoid? I liked the suggestions here:   

Stress relief tactics Navy Seals swear by

What makes it work

This has been an intense couple of weeks for me. The good part was having two of my grandchildren here for part of it. They come every summer to the farm and to their cousins' and usually we divide their visits into two-- a week early in summer and a second later. It's a delight to have them, get time to know them better than I ever can on family visits; so that was great.

For Saturday (the 9th), when they would still be with us, I decided to do a little pre-exploring regarding episode one of the series Outlander (which I had been eagerly anticipating). I wanted to know how the sex would be since I had read the Diana Gabaldon books, which although not remotely erotica, they do have sex in them and some tough subjects. 

Luckily Starz was letting that first episode out online as a tempter for people to sign up. The part I saw looked good but way too much sex for teen-agers when visiting us. If their parents let them see such, I'm fine with that decision but not happening on my watch to possibly end up with the parents saying-- what were you thinking?! 

Monday we did the annual hand-off in Glide Oregon to our daughter's family where the grandkids will have their next family time with their cousin, and I was back to my regular routine-- such as that ever is.

A few days later I found time to watch on the television that first episode. Whether you read Diana Gabaldon's books or not, you can enjoy this film, set in the Scottish highlands. It's beautifully acted and filmed but definitely a bit graphic for sex and violence if that kind of thing bothers you. I have not heard how long it will run, but since there are eight books, so far, it could go a long time if it's popular.

Outlander is time travel set right after WWII and in Scotland, 1740s. Although the first book is all told from the heroine's viewpoint, in first person, through her eyes you meet the reason, I believe, that these books are so popular-- the hero, Jamie Fraser. 

Oh I know it's supposed to be all about Claire who is the time traveler, the outlander, the outsider who rides two worlds with two lives. If you are familiar with them at all, you know this kind of love affair from readers rests mainly on Jamie's broad shoulders. It is why she matters and why others (men and women) revere or even desire him so highly. Yes, Claire is intelligent, daring and passionate, but she, as often as not, gets herself into situations where he saves her. She does some of this because she's outspoken and there are eras where that works better than others-- okay, in women not many of them ;).

In Jamie, Gabaldon created a hero for the ages, and he is more than any real man could ever be, but her books are fantasy set in that historic accuracy. Put those two together and you draw in a lot of fans as she has over more than twenty years. 

The redheaded Jamie isn't just a hunk. Yes, he is extremely handsome with rugged features and described again and again in every book I've read. He's bigger than men of his time, 6'4", but it's far more than being tall and handsome that makes him so desirable. 

Jamie is very intelligent, confident in himself, a born leader, responsible, wily, honorable, brave, curious, passionate, not afraid to be emotional, and at times the sacrificial hero, the nearly Christ figure (leaving out the religious part of that). He is the warrior hero who can fight but also use his head; always he puts his people ahead of his own needs. He is a leader of the type humans seek to find and never do-- except in imagination, mythology, and fiction. 

For the series, the hour long first episode was excellent (in my opinion) for casting and the beauty of Scotland where it was filmed. In watching the first episode, it brought me back to her other books, some of which I bought and read, some not. The first time I would have read these, I'd have been writing but not nearly into it as I am now. It changed some of how I see them. I related to the following quote from Voyager.

"It was not Monsieur Arouet, but a colleague of his-- a lady novelist-- who remarked to me once that writing novels was a cannibal's art, in which one is often mixed small portions of one's friends and one's enemies together, seasoned them with imagination, and allowed the whole to stew together into a savory concoction."                                 Diana Gabaldon

Getting back to her writing made me think long and hard about my own books, my heroes and heroines, why they work or don't for readers.  She writes about a time in history that is very popular with readers but where I have had limited interest. 

Her ability to tell a story is important wherever the writer sets it. She puts in a lot more detail than I personally care to read, frankly a lot more action where it seems sometimes the hero and heroine go from one disaster to another with no breaks, but nobody can deny she has a wonderful story-telling gift, which does bring to life a piece of history, colored by bigger-than-life fantasy. 

Into each life a little fantasy should come. It's healthy-- so long as we don't confuse it with reality. :)

challenges or not

This week, I had a friend tell me that I don't choose to have challenges in my life which in short, I guess, means I am playing it safe and not doing new things. This came at an interesting time, as a blog I sometimes read had asked if we (old folks) have had our best jump which meant-- is the best yet to be and do we live that way?

Well, you know I am a writer, writers are interested in exploring emotional issues. So I was bound to look more deeply at both of these not only for myself but for how we end up thinking as we do. 

In the conversation with my friend, who does know me but maybe not as well as she thinks, I asked-- what challenges am I avoiding? (I myself was thinking I wrote three novellas, put them out as well as two full books all to less than favorable reader response-- you know that because you don't get sales-- Didn't that qualify as taking on a challenge?) I've also tried to learn marketing (see above for success ratio) which is definitely a challenge for me. Add to it that I have stuck to writing what I believe even when it was not popular. Not challenging?

Guess not as she then listed off the things that I had said I don't like as well as that I still wear my hair the same way I always have. She said:

 "Reread what you have been writing just here. You have closed your mind to doing more abstracts for your trailer (for eBook trailers). going on cruises.  playing games. pleasing romance writers, or anyone else."

Our conversation before that had been about some places I was not happy; so that led to some of this question about challenges. I think what she was saying was that if I took on more challenges like maybe cutting my hair in a pixie cut or going on a cruise, I would be more satisfied. Basically, what she listed as the challenges I have rejected are things she likes to do-- please others, play games, go on cruises and paint abstracts. (I had earlier said I don't like big parties, and it didn't make the cut but maybe she doesn't like them either). Anyway that led to some introspection on my part. 

When I got to sixty, one of the things I decided was that I had done everything I felt I had to do or that society said I should do. I'd been through a lot of diverse experiences (okay I had never gone on a cruise or gone to a drunken party) which included having and raising a family, ranch life, deep immersion into a religion, leaving said religion, and other things I won't be mentioning here (or to my friend). I had felt at sixty, which is a full lifespan, I now had the rest of my life for me-- for only doing what I wanted to do. Which means I didn't have to take someone else's challenge.

One of the pluses of being my age is I have tried a lot of things. Some I liked and kept in my life. Some I rejected. Some I reconsider once in awhile to think if I have changed or the activity has and I might then like it. 

Maybe as part of being a writer, I have an imaginative ability to put myself emotionally into a situation to assess how it'd be if I was physically in it. Based on what others have told me about the cruises, which they love, I can imagine what it's like on a cruise. The only part that would remotely appeal to me would be seeing say the coastline of British Columbia if that was the only way, watching whales or porpoises-- in short the part about nature. The things others love about cruises (like organized play activities, casinos, shows, parties, gourmet food, and tours where someone else plans what you see and gets you there) sound very 'unfun' to an introvert, which I joyfully am.

I can't please other writers or other people for that matter if what I am doing doesn't please me first. I can't write their stories. I went through counseling some years back (actually three experiences with different professionals, not to mention a few times with psychics which can be like counselors), and one thing I learned was what it means to be a people-pleaser and how it was no longer working for me-- if it ever had. 

So making someone else unhappy or that I won't do what they want, that's not on my agenda of caring about. Sorry, but that's their problem.  This also doesn't mean I never want to do something for others. Sometimes it's what I want too.

I can be convinced by hard facts to rethink a position but by almost 71, I do pretty well know myself, what I like, or don't like. I don't feel a need to prove anything to anybody including me-- which can seem contrary to someone who would like me to do what they think would be better for me. Sorry... wait, not sorry and not going there again ;).

As for always the same hairstyle... well, there is curl and less curl (two photos taken within a week of each other)) But otherwise I found a way I like to wear my hair-- give or take an inch or four-- and whether I have bangs. I do evaluate it once in awhile, but I had short hair in high school and haven't wanted it since. Why should I change to a hairstyle that doesn't suit me emotionally even if it would be more flattering-- and it might be. So what. There are other reasons to do things than that.

As for whether my best jump is yet to be, my best experiences are yet to be lived, I never say never, but I am pretty sure I had my best jump years ago. I knew it at the time. I savored it at the time. I don't live in it today nor the need to relive it.

One life lesson I fortunately learned early is always live fully right where I am. I still do that. That I believe my best jump is behind me doesn't mean I cannot still have great experiences and successes ahead-- or not. I never say never ;)

Lammas

Here we are again-- Lammas, (sometimes called Lughnasa and can be thought of the 1st or 2nd of August), which is the Celtic celebration of the beginning of the harvest. It can be celebrated with bread loaves. Or just recognized as a new season. By this time we have had Imbolc at the first of February which is ewe's milk and the beginning of spring. Then we had Beltane which is the beginning of May and a celebration of summer, where we leap the fire-- those of us so inclined. 

Lammas was used in my book Sky Daughter, as the villain was a rather shallow, pop culture sort of guy. You know the kind who knows a bit about this or that and tries to use it without following the rest or caring at the deeper meanings.

A bit from that book might explain the potential significance of Lammas and how someone might misuse it. But it can also give a key into how we can use it in a deeper sort of way as part of our own spiral of life.

    Nadine let out a breath. “I wonder...”
    “Wonder what, Nadine?” Maggie asked.
    “Lammas Day.”
    “More witchy stuff, I’ll bet,” Jim snorted.
    “It’s more than that. Do you know what it is, Reuben?”
    He shook his head.
    “What about Succoth?”
    Reuben looked at her with surprise. “How did you know I was Jewish? Did Maggie tell you?” She didn’t answer. “Succoth is offering of the first fruits,” he said after he evidently decided she wouldn’t be answering.
    “And the offering had to be...”
    “Without blemish... What does this have to do with anything here?”
    “It is also a Sabbat. In the Celtic it would be called Lugnasadh, a feast to commemorate the funeral games of the Irish sun-god Lugh.”
    “You are as confusing as ever, Nadine,” Jim protested. “Celebrating a death. How does that fit with first fruits?”
     “The god of light, Lugh, doesn’t really die.”
    “Is any of this supposed to make sense, woman?” Angus asked, exasperation in his voice.
    “Well, I don’t know,” she said, her own tone impatient. “But sometimes days mean something, and when we’re dealing with Darren, I just realized that this one might.”
    “Why?”
    “It could be considered a day of sacrifice. The God-King becomes a willing sacrifice for the planting of the next year’s crop.”
    Maggie let out a breath. “A sacrifice?”
    Nadine nodded. “It is hard to explain, but somewhat simplified, before the time of the Equinox, the Sun God is resurrected to become the Leader of the Wild Hunt and the Lord of the Dead in the shadows of the Underworld.”
    Maggie felt a cold chill. That did sound like something that would play into Darren’s warped thinking. A perfect sacrifice? She looked at Reuben and shuddered. Had Reuben been marked not to identify him but as a sacrifice? She had to get to her grandmother’s book, for help with a day only her grandmother might have seen coming.

Nadine in that book is a Wiccan, and Maggie, the heroine has unhappily learned, to her surprise, so was her deceased grandmother. She has a lot to which she must adjust-- and quickly. Hence understanding the meaning of this celebration, which possibly only a Jew would know other than a Pagan. 

Now I am not a Pagan, Wiccan nor a Jew, but I do think it is good to keep in mind such dates and celebrations, sometimes finding our own rituals to suit them. 

One more is left for 2014, Samhain, which is the end of October and can be considered the day of the dead. We know that the Solstice, the end of December, our shortest day, doesn't really feel like the beginning of winter. It comes far sooner when the nights grow longer.

Most of our celebrations come from one religion, or another; but many originally come from countries that are far different than where we live. The Celtic celebrations fit the climate in my part of the United States, and hence it does feel like fall is on its way even though it's August with still hot days ahead. Maybe because I lead an agricultural/nature oriented life, the Celtic seasons ring more true to me than someone in a city.

Imbolc February 2014

Beltane May 2014

Lammas August 2014

Yes, like the hummingbird, sip from the nectar of the season. It is the harvest.