Groop

 

No, I didn't misspell that. It was a dream and kind of an odd dream. I had apparently been taking a class. The teacher left us an assignment to write what we thought regarding a word,

Groop

As best, in my dream, I knew when I looked at it, I had never seen such a word. I wasn't sure if looking at a dictionary was okay but I had one on my desk. There was the word and some meanings.

Groop

Water

Life

Well that worked pretty well to give me some ideas on what to write mainly regarding what made life work for us. It was all in long hand and I wrote the things I thought that made life more worthwhile. It was things like nature, animals, and who knows what else I wrote in the dream. I began to wonder if looking in a dictionary for the meaning of the word had been okay. Was I supposed to know the word. I wrote two pages and then needed to fill in some more before I woke. I had no idea what the professor wanted from the assignment but water is life on this planet and then what makes life good was my approach.

After I woke as I laid there I wondered why such an odd dream about an assignment and was I supposed to learn something from a word that doesn't exist.

Have you heard the word Grok-- another word that wasn't real until it appeared in a book? It means how we can connect with someone without words and it's now in the dictionary. I doubt Groop will appear there but it is good to think what makes life good for us.

by Diane: Mini-respites from caregiving

Painting is in incubation as I observe both an imaginary grid from earth to sky
with a third dimention grid  from foreground to the vanishing distance.
 I imagine placing swallows on my imaginary grid lining up the axes of their bodies.
Friday I may have another virtual paint out with sister-in-law in Portland.

Inspite of everything this week, I learned from observing swallows' flight movements and how to interpret movement on a flat painting surface.  But yikes, in today's Covid19 world, most of our doctors' appointments are virtual. Each clinic or hospital with a different apt to download requiring one or another password :(
   I am going cross eyed and my tongue is hanging out waiting for the computers to respond. Sometimes I just don't know the tricks. Often stumped I call the help lines only to be referred to my Iphone provider to obtain a password to an account I vaguely recall cancelling.  What a time sink!  Thankfully we have one of our savy tech daughters who promises to rescue us from cyber confusion and failures.
     This last week, today and tomorrow are the biggest test of my previous plan for taking time out to paint. I want to be attentive to Fisherman Hubby's needs.  He has 7 medical appointments in close proximity - two of which are local and in person. Plus learning new computerized equipment.- one is a cool speech generating devise and another is a watch size devise to check how his VPap is taking over breathing when he stops for a period. Plus my e-mail has been impacted by either mine or a  contact of mine being hacked. The hacker is a very different kind of hacker who starts with only me and one other on my e-mail list.
     At least this week I see the problem of calling my art doings an Art Escape. I don't want to be off in lala painting if Fisherman Hubby needs me.
       

by Diane: Update #2 - Getting started painting

 

I am going about managing my paints like the Tibetan monk I met in 2002. Like the monk my  tools are made of materials in my easy reach. The monk's paint pots are an assortment of recycled containers. His brushes were handmade with stick handles. I am making a brush cleaner from what I can glean - plastic jar and void credit card.
We are using different paint. Mine is acrylic and cannot be reconstituted after drying like his. So I need to keep the paint moist in a sealed container.



The off white plastic clam shell take out containers 
are from China Delight Restaurant in Corvallis.
Balanced on the partitions are smaller plastic containers
gleaned from our recyclables. Two are the molded plastic
from Reach dental floss
and the larger ones in the middle are from hardware packaging.
The added small containers leave ample space below and above.
Below is space for a water reservoir to keep the humidity high
enough to keep the paint moist when the clam shell is closed. 
The dome shape above is spacious enough for sticks to remain in each color.
The plastic Daniel Smith paint jar was fitted with a paint brush scrapper cut out from a void credit card.
The small canvas board is where I am testing brushes sticks and stamps made of found objects.
 

In preliminary testing of a partially filled palette, I find I have some failures.
My scrapper failed. Thicker paint stuck to the credit card when theoretically I expected all paint to fall into the jar. Just pressure balanced the credit card when pushed to hard fell into the paint below.
Next week I will bend a stiff wire to stand high up in the paint scrapping jar.

                                

My start looks ugly to me so far. Will keep trying.

   

What went right and wrong

by Rain Trueax

This is supposed to be about why my contemporary books haven't done well. It will be but first-- Happy Birthday to Ranch Boss, my life partner, and something that went right in my life. Today, he is the main reason any of my books sell as he does most of the marketing for them ;). He has learned probably more than he ever wanted to know about how to do ads and target words. I am very grateful for that but even more that we are life partners. It's been a good ride together going from virtually kids to a couple who will have their 55th anniversary in September-- god willing and the creek don't rise. I won't say it's all been smooth going but through it all, we have remained best friends-- most days ;).

I have some advice for anyone contemplating a divorce. Give it some time-- unless its about physical abuse and then get out fast.  Try to determine what has gone wrong. If your partner wants a divorce, ask them what are the reasons. Communication is a big deal in any relationship. Sometimes through talking things can be worked out. Not always. I'd hate though to leave any relationship without knowing why it was broken. I did that only once-- in high school when a friend just stopped talking to me. Never again. Ask what's up and try to decide if the reasons matter enough or can counseling or time fix what went wrong.

So the question I began with, I am back to-- in particular what might it be about my contemporary romances that has led to them not finding the readers my historicals found.  Most especially, when they went into Kindle Unlimited for borrowing, why did they not find readers even there? *big tear drops-- okay I don't really cry over books not selling but you get the point* What is it about them that doesn't click with readers?

by Diane, Summer change

The flowers in our front yard are fun to groom this time of year.

Summer weather is here and it is time for a change in my blog posts. More hours of light means I am drawn to activities away from sitting at the computer. Sitting and typing has not been kind to my body.  In recent posts my involvement was high.  I enjoyed laboring on them for most of several days for each post but unfortunately sitting caused anatomical difficulties in my 76 year old body.
I should change my computer seating. I keep saying I want to stand at my computer but it is yet to happen.

Early in developiment.

My painting and garden are calling. Just not right to be writing about art when I could be painting. My wrists have become the problem and some days I cannot do the simplest tasks. I've seen a physical therapist and my hands are not going to be problematic this summer.

Needed richer color

For the time being, this blog post will be less philosophical. My vision is posting a painting and gardening diary for the summer.
               

 

My dear readers, I wish you a beautifu. summer.


.


Transitions

by Rain Trueax

Rain Rock Casino-- Yreka, California

Holy Mackerel, what is going on with time? It seems we just got home with a blog to share but now, time to write another one. Ack. 

Mostly the days after we got home have been about unpacking (a lot goes between homes) and then rearranging the house. When we are gone (with current agreement), our son lives here sometimes with his boys. He takes care of the livestock; and although in town, he has a duplex, he tends to be out here the most due to the needs of the animals. He then, of course, arranges things to suit himself. We come home and have to arrange it to suit ourselves. This business of sharing a home may not work long term for him or us. We are all feeling our way through it. One way or another, change has to come.

Art Heals by Diane, DISTURBANCES IN THE FIELD, a novel by Lynn Sharon Schwartz

 

DISTURBANCES IN THE FIELD, a novel by Lynn Sharon Scwartz was well worth the difficult read. I was up to my chin in attempting to keep from drowning.  I was impatient in a "field" disturbed by vocabulary that I do not often use and by references to forgotten Greek philosophy. I did finally listened to Schubert's "Trout" which played a central part to the plot. I felt I had  to look everything up along the way but found for all of my toil, it was not necessary to understand the book. Every seemingly disparate part of the book did come to an uplifting conclusion for me as an artist.  It is a love story that confirms my belief that art is healing. 

 



Disturbances in the Field, acclaimed when it first appeared in 1983, has just been reissued in paperback by Counterpoint.

The plot: "When she was a girl, Lydia Rowe spent an idyllic month with her family in a house on Cape Cod. As with Proust and Combray, Lydia’s memories of the brown house by the sea became her talisman of the harmonious life. At college, she comes to feel the same way about studying Greek philosophy with her close friends—precise Nina, aristocratic Gaby, earthy Esther, and her first lover, George. The young women form a circle of intimacy and unity, a quasi family that will endure over the next twenty years.

Lydia becomes the pianist in a chamber music group, another kind of family. She marries Victor, an artist, and though their early years together are turbulent, they have four children and finally achieve something of the order and balance of the classical trios she loves to play, the coherence amid diversity that has been her goal since reading the pre-Socratic philosophers in college. Then a tragic event turns Lydia’s life into a field of dissonance and pain.

The stoic Epictetus wrote, "everything has two handles, one by which is may be borne, the other by which it may not." Lydia grasps the wrong handle and grows numb to herself and those she loves. Though she feels stripped and vacant, her inner voice remains, doing its implacable work of observing, remembering, connecting, persistently limning the shape of her sorrow. What is the right handle by which her loss and her broken faith may be borne? How can Lydia reach a place where "ordinary things... resume their rightful proportions and places in a university of ordinary things?"

I highly recommend the book and especially my friends who write, know music, literature, philosophy, psychology or like love stories with substance. 

 

The theme: Last night June 4, the theme that art is healing was aired on Public Broadcasting News hour's Canvas segment. Mothers of homicide victims went to the prison where they shared their story with the murders of their love one. The prisoners were moved and wanted to do something to express their remorse. The prisoners got together and decided to make paintings or drawings  which were sold so the money could go to families of victims to pay for the expenses of the grieving families to pay for example the head stones. The act of doing something that expressed true remorse gave them a good feeling they would pursue doing more good. Likewise the families of the victims were  on the road to forgiveness and healing.

 

In my experience when I had oral surgery, I was able to ease the pain without medication by painting very small tight illustrations for a story book.

 

What are other examples of how art heals?

 

by Diane: Humbled by research into the ch'i in Chinese painting

Swallows, oil, 11' x 14"
Movement in a painting is not enough to have ch'i

My research on the principle of ch'i in painting awoke me to my ignorance.  Compositional movement is not enough to have ch'i. To achieve ch'i, I would need complete focus meaning just one role in life as a scholar. To keep the ch'i flowing I would be painting in the lotus position or standing on my knees for maximum spirit moving  from my core to arms and fingers. During the act of painting I would not be observing and learning, but I would know the flight of the sparrows, not just in my mind, but in my muscles too.

         In the painting of swallows the two trees in the background is a Western devise for perspective. The trees are too much. The color of the flowers in the foreground is too much. Chi needs simplicity. Swallows with little environmental cues, swallows dominate in the picture would be more revealing of  the energy of life in the swallows. To have ch'i, I need to know and emulate paintings of swallows by Chinese painters from ages past. No can do! I depend on vibrant color.

  

          My goal is revised. I am not going to achieve ch'i but just let some of the principles of Chinese painting inform the development of just one painting,"Swallows". Specifically I am employing simplicity in my revision!

Removed all that distracted from seeing swallows first so their flight flows.

Please comment on which you prefer the energy of the colorful "Swallows" or the restrained one ?

My research details:
 After thinking about George  Rowley's book, PRINCIPLES OF CHINESE PAINTING, I realize ch'i is more than the simple translation, spirit of life.



I researched my own books to find as much as I can on the ch'i principle.

I am humbled by the realization that I was pompous to think I can pursue ch'i as a goal in my painting. I got a big head from being complimented by an admirer of my paintings who said my landscapes had chi. Reviewing my books I now understand that every aspect of  Chinese painters' lives fed their ch'i yun. " the way in which spirit (ch'i) manifests itself in their style.  (Page 14 in Rowley's  book.)

I am enthralled by this statement; Painting should be the playful pastime of a scholar, even though one should prepare to paint  "as if to receive an important guest."  Without diligence, painting will lack completeness so that Kuo Hsi advised working as if "guarding against a strong enemy".  Could this be a reference to the disciplined martial art of Tai Ch'i?  In Tai Ch'i  every change of pose in the continuous flow keeps the body in the best possible balance. Keeping all joints relaxed and unlocked allows the life force ch'i to flow.  Never over extending allowing an opponent to grab the arm and pull one off balance. Ch'i is applicable to Chinese brush painting and doesn't work so well in traditional oil painting as I was attempting in "Swallows."  I need my oil paint creamy and buttery to have control. To achieve the flow like Chinese watercolors the brush could be stiffened with rice starch while the Chinese watercolor would be the consistency of chicken broth. I will never have that skill.

..one should prepare to paint "as if to receive an important guest."  Infrequently I have the pleasant experience of my painting flowing as though a guest is directing me in all the right moves. A preparation is practice, practice, practice as in Chinese brush painting with traditional movement to become muscle memory.
     I am hoping that one of the side effects of practicing the martial art of Tai Ch'i I will develop a greater awareness of where my body is in space as well as the meditative focus that will carry over to my painting without setting a superficial intent from another culture.
      Below is a passage from George Rowley's book that I have from time to time studied over the years.

PRINCIPLES OF CHINESE PAINTING, page 14.

by Diane Widler Wenzel: What time of day does art inspiration and creativity peak?

Morning is my peak time for inspiration just as I am waking up, the most imaginative solutions occur to me. Like a couple of days ago I visualized what to write in this blog.

Half awake and half asleep poetry crossed my mind. Remembering one late afternoons last week out in back of us across the fields the trees were veiled in a transparent white swirl that came ttowards me. Smoke from a fire? Going outside to see where the smoke was coming, I did not smell smoke. Only ozone's scent!  I heard a steady beating on dry leaves. I felt a few drops of moisture before the hail and rain stopped at our garden's edge and then silence.  All was fresh and more saturated in greens than before.

 Tuesday morning was a sunny day for a ride to Newport. Fog snaking between hills inspired me to take pictures. Many willows made early spring colorful with Naples yellow thickets near by crimson tipped branches of Naples yellow light. The pussy willows are in their full bloom.The alder tassels hang from bare limbs.  Log and gravel trucks frequented the road from all directions. 

 

Just at the top of the grade in Newport we saw the ocean. 

 

 

Crossing the Newport Yaquina Bridge and its gothic inspiration tricks the lens to recording the cement with the appearance of metal as we drive across. We only stayed long enough to trade boat props for one that would troll slower for fishing. We hurried back to Albany to go break in the new motor at Freeway Lakes. We spotted wildlife and the dock was busy with fishermen since trout was released while we were there. But the lighting in the morning is more inspiring. And painting more satisfying even then the colorful sunsets. There is a little more time to paint in the morning then during a darkening sunset.

 

Diane Widler Wenzel: No failed Aquabords

Aquabord allows the watercolorist to paint on a surface that can later be sprayed with acrylic eliminating the need for glass protection.  Without glass there is no limit to how large the painting can be due to the weight of heavy glass. Not to mention the necessity of expensive framing! The watercolor quality on Aquabord can imitate ones made on paper.  But why stop at imitating painting on paper? Aquabord's durability and versatility begs to be explored. After completing a half a dozen paintings the past year and this winter, I found some characteristics of the board I like and some not. Unlimited working over, erasing and reworking is the best characteristic insuring no thrown away boards.

         A major plus for Aquabord is being able to wipe off a painting almost completely regaining the sparkle of the whites. This workability allows me to be very free and spontaneous. On rare occasions the first spontaneous marks express my intended poetic, primal movements of the outdoors location. Much too often I miss capturing an interesting intention.  But no problem the incomplete beginning becomes the object of loving experimentation. In the case of the 11" x 14" painting at the right, "Keiki Pool Kailua Bay", I struggled to get the movement of a windy day. I sat low to the ground with the painting in my lap to decrease the battle with the wind. The Daniel Smith Watercolor Sticks resisted pressure and broke unevenly on the textured surface of the board. I kept painting and wiping away.  The watercolor sticks were too saturated in color. I ended up using a prepared palette of tube colors mixed with Golden White Absorbent Ground.  The tooth brush made excellent texture that took on the appearance of the sandy bank. the conditions of the day impacted the painting. The paints dried quickly.
         To view the painting from a little distance, getting as far back as possible while remaining seated, the painting was placed on the ground. When on the ground the breeze blew sand that imbedded in the wet paint adding more fine texture to the even texture of  the manufactured board.  Finally it started raining and I left Kailua Bay before I expressed anything close to the atmosphere of the day. The clouds behind the palm were more about my struggle than the actual sky. In desperation the lower middle figure was simply indicated with a red swath in the form of a backward letter"C".  In the picture to the right  I wiped away most of the red as soon as I was back at the rental. Then at the resolution of the painting most of the red was painted back I needed red to make the young woman important and noticed.

The option of being able to almost restore the original surface, can have draw backs.  Becoming too comfortable with indecision! During most of the development I kept a sunbather added after the initial painting outdoors. The sunbather took up a triangular shaped space in the lower right corner. The removal caused an empty space in an other wise finished work.  More struggling to capture a unifying swinging life as though it came to be in one breath!  The corner must be worked alone while every touch to the surface is mindful of the swinging movement of the whole. The painting will never have the sure serenity of knowing what the intended general flow from the start.

I did not give up. Starting Feb. 15th, finally the painting is a result of little changes day by day until March 3rd. In the course of working the board, I now know how to remove paint and regain the white in the ripples of the pond by scratching the board with a fingernail. I adjusted to painting on a small surface up close with my new cataract replacement lenses corrected for working on large canvases where I observe the canvas from distances between three and six feet. After days of involvement,
       I feel a sense of accomplishment because the entire painting is like the shimmer of the breezy atmosphere.  I am comfortable with the size of the figures in the foreground and middle ground.  The painting reads well enough from a little distance. As yet I have not applied acrylic to make it permanent without glass. The commercial spray can is toxic and environmentally bad.  I may brave sealing it by brushing on acrylic medium and Liquitex Soluvar Matte varnish later. Care must be taken to keep from smearing the paint.  No way am I going back to glass!!
    I am not concerned with the imperfections when I have the whole movement working. The figures are much larger in relation to the real size of the pool. To accommodate these giantesses, the water gets deeper faster than in real life.  I deliberately took poetic license to exaggerate the way water is a part of the whole energy of the place and time. No matter how many questionable departures are taken such labored paintings always have some commendable parts and a wealth of ideas for future outdoor painting excursion.
                                                               
          "The High Surf" was painted at our rental after observing the stormy crashing surf. The Daniel Smith Watercolor Sticks worked well on the Aquaboard when applied in pools of water that took awhile to dry leaving a line at their edges. The surf painting was completed in two sessions. Good to know because on a calm, hot, dry day the Aquabord lying flat on a table would be fun.
         

          Below center, "Kohanaki Beach" on a canvas board using Watercolor Sticks  proved  more friendly than the combining the sticks with Aquabord. The woven texture more easily accepted the watercolor sticks. The openness of pigment tinted whites and the pigments was a happy occurrence. The painting moved naturally from foreground, middle to distant. The openness lends itself to adding ink lines in the middle ground water. Back at the rental I added three figures.
          This linear style with color shapes and linear markings goes back to 1957.  My art teacher, Mr. Clark, at Portola Junior High School in El Cerrito, California introduced me to open color and painting outdoors. In his class I painted large swaths of bright color and then drew lines depicting objects on top with the colors extending beyond the boundaries of the lines. The style was further encouraged by Professor Frederich Heidel, my Portland State College painting instructor and some gallery venues and judges in competitions of the Watercolor Society of Oregon.

         These three paintings are being exhibited along with seven more at the Children's Farm Home in Corvallis through April.
          Also coming soon are new work at the Corvallis Caring Place Assisted Living. No Guild members came forward to show their work for March and April so I intend to replace what was showing in January and February but also a new work but also make some changes in the rest of the building where I manage the hanging. If some of you want to help me out and  have work stored in closets you would like to share, let me know please.

by Diane Widler Wenzel: I garden the same way I paint

Lighting, atmosphere, color and linear gesture are important considerations in both my paintings and flower garden. My "laissez faire" approach, likewise, is the same. In my garden I love volunteer poppies, forget-me-not, snapdragons, glads, dahlias, and cosmos to come up where they may. In painting I often plunge in with colors without  little conscious thought to bring about what may. "Laissez faire" painting brings about new relationships that look natural because the paint flows naturally. Then  I weed out all but the happiest of accidents. In my garden and painting I am perpetually weeding to center attention on what is most interesting to me as my goals evolve. In paintings that tell a story the weeding is particularly important to communicate.

Pictures with busy activity can be more expressive of intention by subduing the activity. For example I just did some weeding within my 1989  on location painting of Tom Allen's watercolor demonstration at a boat repair yard on the Yaquina River.

My painting before subduing the clutter.

The distracting boy to the far right obstructed the dry docked boat that Tom Allen was painting, The boat is a necessary part of the story. So I cut him out entirely by scrubbing out as much paint as possible before covering the boy with Daler Rowney white acrylic ink. When the ink is just barely dry it can be covered with brilliant watercolor. Later it hardens and if thick will resist the paint like the white lines in the man's hat in the lower right.  Since the boy I removed was an important memory of our summer stay exchange student from Barcelona, I  redrew him lower down in the composition.
 

Adding a blue wash over mostly the bodies holds the group together as a unit by eliminating all that distracts from the faces there by popping out their expressive gestures. The same principle applies to my flower garden. When a green clover starts to dominate I allow my husband to rototill  and spread the mint mulch. The mulched garden is seen as a visual unit like the onlookers at Tom's demonstration.  The gestural blossoms are made more prominent by the less busy mulch.

Joy and Sorrow of Being a Prolific Painter in a Small Space

Interestingly my studio has all paintings that satisfy me and the rest of the house has more unfinished work that I  like seeing from many different angles and lighting before making changes.
I feel satisfaction and contentment and joy when I surround myself with work that satisfies me as comfortably completed. It need not be perfect. I like looking at work that over a long period time never says to me every time I walk by, "Psst, as soon as you have a moment, I need to be  touched up with a face lift. 

Being as prolific as I am, I  could quickly fill our home with art giving me the feeling that I am caught in an uncomfortable web. I  learned to withstand the sadness of destroying some of my work. 

Happy am I since I almost always keep space open.

To make space for both my husband and I to live comfortably, and welcome visitors, downsizing my collection of my own art is necessary even if it is like pulling teeth.  I go through my archives over and over again.

We need to keep space open for both of us to work and play. Conscious effort is made to display my art work,  improve storage. We keep only the stuff of everyday living that we need in addition to retiring some of my older work.  So various methods are helpful in reducing both excessive duplication in everything that surrounds us. Over the years I am always bagging stuff to donate. Many trips to the grocery store include dropping off a bag of donations. Last year I was lax and now I am back on track on donating.
Just working at  tackling  a little at a time giving me a feeling of accomplishment with each little step.  Happy am I that I have a few paintings that from the start all the variables fall in place.

Even if others do not like some of my alla prima paintings, they are among the ones that worked for me and I am fondest of them because I remember every time I look at them the experience of painting them.

Painted on a pea green background every color I put on was working with the whole right from the first stroke.  I kept the added patches of color open with the green threading through the entire painting.  Then just a few lines drawn  more from a muscle memory of a dance than thought out beforehand.  With the lines I decided the abstract was pulled together.

Hart Lake Creek  on a 1971 pack trip on our way to Lake Chelan, a sentimental painting! I treasure remembering our trips every time I look at these paintings. I do not care that some art critics would say this painting is two paintings, one being the tree trunks and the other being the creek.

 

I am a sentimentalist so my permanent collection is a diary of my life memories.

depression

by Rain Trueax

Dreamscope app using one of our photos of the desert

Let's talk depression. It's one of those things I hesitate to bring up here because it's nice to be positive-- depression is a negative. I also feel like people tend to think you are looking for them to fix it when you talk about it. I don't expect anyone but myself to fix it and really only want to address it because it's a reality and has, for the last few weeks, been one element in my life.

When a person looks for the why of depression, sometimes there is no reason. Other times, there are reasons; but at a different time, they'd not lead to depression, which feeds on itself. Depression does not need a reason for why it's come.

As an example of how that works is my writing. I have written all my life but when I didn't try to put out the books, there was no feeling of rejection. Once I did put them out, then something new had the potential to come into the equation.  Rejection can lead to feelings of depression.

So early in May, my books were not selling at all. Days went by and nada, zilch. I've never had a LOT of sales but to have none-- well, it definitely felt like rejection. I understood the potential reasons for that, which included doing no advertising to get them seen. Using logic, I also believe in the zeitgeist of a time. If my books didn't fit what readers wanted (more sex/no sex; more violence/no violence; etc. etc.), advertising would only mean I'd be out money as well as feeling rejected lol. Come on, it is funny. It also isn't. I think it impacts anyone who takes creative work beyond being a hobby and tries to turn it into a business where it pays for itself or even supports a life.

So what to do about lack of any sales being a possible reason for my feeling dark. Ranch Boss, who is my editor and partner in this writing endeavor, began to research key words for ads. For months, we had known ads were important but neither of us knew how to do them. He spent more hours learning then I was spending writing. Keywords are a critical component in having a search find a book. It took him a couple of tries to get one ad right (limited amount of money going into it) but finally he began to see results. No, the sales are not blockbuster status but no longer are there zero. 

Is the depression gone? Nope. It wasn't really about the writing. I do know of other possible causes for it like the crossroads I mentioned last week, but it really won't solve the depression either. Some say go to pills but I've gone that route years back (in my 40s) and it did help, but it had side effects I didn't like. 

Recently I read that only one state in the country (no, I didn't read which one that was) doesn't have higher rates of depression right now. I think the zeitgeist of our times is a factor for a lot of us-- on both sides of the partisan divide. The sometimes physical hate has put out an energy that you can almost feel if you are sensitive. Read the papers and there are more reasons to feel depressed. The answer though isn't-- head in the sand. It might be less time reading papers...

I know from the past, that life is better when I have a dream I am working toward. Dreams are wonderful things. Depression though tends to stomp them out. I think that's where I am now. I don't know what I want, and I am at the point in life where some dreams are no longer feasible. Practicality is important even with dreams. 

It's not a dream for me to write books. I love to write about people in relationships, facing challenges, where they have dreams they must fight to attain. I have control over that-- what I can't control is whether anybody else will want to read them. It's important, I think, to do what I can and then release what I can't control.

My immediate answer is to remember dark times don't last. I try to walk regularly, not as far as I did a few years back, but keep moving. Small projects help. Lots of deep breaths. Watch some comedy movies-- laughter is always good. Concentrate on the good things and don't allow the negative ones to crowd out all that is working right. Remembering how many writers do suffer from depression as part of the gig helps... No, it doesn't. *s*

What has helped the most down here is bird watching... particularly the baby quail as I have gotten to see them grow. It's a kind of meditation where an hour can go by, and I don't even feel it. This little video is a compilation of some of what we've enjoyed with different ages of babies. I think I'll write a blog about quail and what I've learned. They are interesting.

Paintings that get a little remodeling

From time to time I like to go through my old work especially when I need to consolidate to make room for new work.

 I cropped the late evening coastal painting started at Yachats about ten years ago and it was exhibited at the Albany Public Library in 2014. Now it looked like it would be stronger with an additional cool gray wash over the sky to simplify the value composition to further pop the reflective white foam.








Rocky Creek Wayside was painted six years ago. Like the  evening Yachats painting the foreground dark value rocks were many values and is now stronger after washes reduced the contrast from very dark to light. The composition is stronger width the foreground rocks ranging in value from very dark to medium dark gradually transitioning to lighter rocks in front.





The canyon just above the confluence of the Salmon River into the Snake River painted in the mid 1990's. Since then I have added magenta and opera paint. The opera made the thalo blue green shade in the sky strident. A wash of alizarin crimson  achieved more harmony.






 In 2007 Arizona  watercolor was started and later the black ink drawing was added in 2013.  This time additional white acrylic ink pened in with the goal of creating more flow of movement.


Oceanside, California 1998 finished several times. The white acrylic applied with a brush brought the jewel like sparkle back while adding flow.  Also the green watercolor mixed some with the white.

Overworking these paintings was avoided by storing them out of sight for years.  Even storing them for a month is a big help. Then when looking with fresh eyes,  I see more easily compositional considerations of the whole painting was the goal of the changes. I could verbalize the reason behind the changes.

More on Aging

by Rain Trueax

Recently, we watched a three part series on Netflix-- [Five Came Back]. Take the time to watch it as it was excellent. Yes, it has some brutal segments about WWII (if you want to think Nazis were okay you definitely need to watch the Holocaust photos). It reminded me how much each generation is influenced by the time in which it has grown up. The archival film is of five successful directors of that time and not only their participation in the war but also what they brought back from it in terms of the films they then made.

Born in WWII, I know it impacted my life in a ton of ways-- not only by it but the aftermath for what people learned from it. Because my family had gone through the Great Depression, and talked about it, it also was a factor in what I was taught growing up. This is one of the benefits of reaching old age-- we've seen a lot.

Along with aging's reality of loss and deterioration (biology-wise), there are benefits that I don't think many consider. In the United States, sadly the emphasis seems to be holding onto youth. What about considering the benefits of a long lifespan? Why do so many demean old age? 
 
In some primitive cultures, the old are revered. They are the ones who remember the dry seasons, what might matter when the herds travel another route, diseases that came through and proved devastating. 

Do we really believe that a seventeen year old today knows more than someone who has lived seventy years? Can life wisdom be valued instead of demeaned as so often happens with the elderly thought of as being selfish or senile? Could it be that having seen so many cultural shifts, the old have something to share with the young? This will only happen if the old value what they have experienced.

Culturally, we, at least in my generation, have lived through a lot of changes. I was born when communication was newspapers, mail, radio, movies, and party-line telephone. News was gathered from limited sources and mostly we knew our own community and family for sure-- if that. Living through a time like that puts a unique perspective on a time like ours where news is from so many sources that many end up victims of ADD (attention deficit disorder). Today, we are bombarded by info-- or what defines itself as such.

Family expectations have changed in my 70+ years. I grew up when children were expected to be polite, where the world didn't revolve around them, where adults talked and children listened-- or went off to play. The idea of coming to a time where profanity is praised and someone who is nasty is admired is beyond me to imagine from the perspective of my own youth. Being old means I remember when nasty was not a virtue but a problem.

In my childhood, we were allowed to be a child and adulthood was something to be worked toward and hopefully achieved. Responsibility was taught  through chores and sometimes rewarded by an allowance. I don't know if that still exists but I do know receiving a small amount of money for doing a job teaches responsibility. Not having much money teaches the value of making responsible choices.

Another plus of being a child in an earlier era is we were allowed freedoms that today are criticized by some as they call such to be free range kids. We all were back then. 

Examples: I was able to run over open fields, go into the brush and lie there as

I stared up at the sky. I read books sitting in a big cherry tree, ran to a rock wall to escape a sheep that wanted to butt me. I had my first rifle at 12 because I asked for it as my Christmas present, because I'd seen our sheep with their sides ripped out by dogs and wanted to protect them.

One year, my father, brother and I went to a mountain stream. While they fished, I waded down that stream by myself, climbing over logs, finding spider webs everywhere and finally overcoming my fear of breaking through them. Although I was far from any hope of my parent rescuing me if something went wrong, I relished the freedom. When I wanted to learn to swim, it was on a river and I did it staying in the shallows until I could

feel confident I could swim across. When I did it the first time though, my father swam alongside me. The only time I ever saw him swim. From then on I could do it by myself. The memories of those times and reaching the rocks on the other side, they are always with me as are so many others from those years.

I am not saying children today couldn't experience such things. Some do... Just not as many as back then.

As an old person, I have seen societal changes. Nothing lasts forever is something the old understand better than the young. Having seen a lot of mistakes and successes, I don't think I know it all-- even if I am confident I know a lot.

Less is expected of me as an old woman. That's freeing. We can do what

pleases us more than in those earlier years. When we opt to take on challenges, it's our choice. When some of those challenges lead to failures, we can still feel excited-- like who knew we could do something like that in our 70s. At one time, being old meant moving in with the kids, to an Old Folks Home, or after Social Security, retired. Now it means anything goes-- at least that our bodies allow.

A few years back, I took some time to write my core beliefs. Recently, I came across them and looked them over. I wouldn't add to the list. Have you written down your core beliefs? The things on which you stand? I put them in a blog where I archived some of my earlier blogs (there was a blog before this one). If you're interested, they are at [Age Old Beauty]. 

That's another thing I believe-- that like fine wines or old roses, there is a beauty in old age. It's not the same as youthful beauty but it has a worn patina to it that I consider it's own beauty. If we don't do plastic surgery, our life shows on our face-- the good parts and the painful ones.

 The birds are all from observations at our Tucson home. We had to add the fence for when the cats are out as they regard the fountain as a 'moveable feast.' Watching birds is one of the joys that is possible at any age. I love how they migrate, how they instinctively know when to go and where. Life is really something.