by Diane: Update #2 for transitioning into widowhood: Taking license to change my mind

Experimenting to find out how little I need to change to dramatically improve the useage of my home now that it is just for me. I considered making the shop a painting studio. It is big. I would have freedom of movement and no worries about moving the paint around and getting some on the floor or walls.

 I changed my mind. It really isn't necessary to redo everything in Fisherman Hubby's shop.  Maybe after straigntening and cleaning it, the shop will be a good place to learn to make frames. Tuesday, Ocober 27, I was certain that the living room would be my office/ painting studio and I continued to move into my new creative space..

 Saturday afternoon, October 24, Barbbara Levine and I did our second session painting a mandala.

Saturday evening after a daughter's visit, October 24,

 This is the seventeenth day of widowhood.  I am beginning to reshape the house. I was thinking of making the shop an art studio until a daughter changed my mind.  Looking at the shop, it would be nice to keep it a shop because with a little dusting and straightening it up it would be a delightful place as is. Here is part of Fisherman's legacy.  Also great for storing oil paintings in the summer time!   After airing it out, I do not smell heavy gasoline fumes. I might even become expert in framing my own paintings.

Sunday, October 28.

Quickly I write before the wind kicks up and the 22 degree freeze tonight,  these wintry predictions had me anxious at 4:30 AM this morning.  But feel much calmer at noon now that I filled the patio wood box with wood. Made sure I had help after my poor attempt to split kindeling. The hammer was heavy and of course I picked a piece with a knot that wouldn't buge. A neighbor just pulled it apart with his bare hands. The neighbor's kids came too and found pearl like seeds in the Nakid Lady flowers.

When I picked up and carried hoses to the shop I must have accidently hit the Medical Guardian  alert buton.  So I was surpised when two Fire Department EMTs paid me a visit.  They were very nice about my false alarm.

After I cook up more food in case of a power failure, I will paint a little. The easel now in the living room waits to see if  I like the livingroom's natural North light. I think I will stay in this old house. 

Tuesday, October 27

Although my canvas is on the easel and my paints wait in a cart, I did not paint yet today. I went through the entry cabinet by the front door. I  continued to move things like the childhood games to a shelf near the computer. Children's art stuff is still in the entry cabinet.  The cabinet was used as a place to dump greeting cards. The ones from Fisherman brought tears to my eyes. Though not ofton spoken, he signed his name after writing "love". 

 

By Diane: Mini-art respite from caregiving update #16: Just making plans or fantasies

by Diane

 

Thursday, August 20,

After our party, a son-in-law took this selfie. 

Fantasies of a family and friends' reunion with some of us staying at the Siletz Movie House and a boat fishing procession to a wayside park and beyond into Siletz Bay. We will celebrate old and new memories. Anybody ever heard of a portable organ we can play at the park. One of Don's brothers is looking for a portable piano keyboard. What we do all hinges on the Covid situation and we are all flexible. We might down-scale our reunion to McDonald's forest cabin.

I have many fantasies. Like keeping the house and inviting couples to stay with me  when one of them wants to just paint and the other plans outings on the ocean or rivers or mountain trails. After our meeting on Friday a granddaughter and boyfriend brought an array of his family's Mexican foods. so comforting! Enough for all and the visiting Hospice nurse! Granddaughter and boyfriend are returning next Friday to paint with me. By then I hope to have new canvases - large ones.

Tuesday August, 25th.

My colonoscopy canceled.

Don's impacted bowels are slow to clear and I am scrambeling to get him a cough assist machine so he won't need to take so many constipating medications.

The good news in addition to the ALS Association can loan us  a donated cough assist machine, we won the appeal for almost $900 for the the current respiratory devise. he uses to sleep at night.

In the very warm kitchen window I've been soaking dried acrylic paint in the jars from my palette. I accidently left the the lid off my palette Friday and didn't discover it until late Saturday evening.  So this is a good time to clean and fill my jars up high in anticipation of painting larger this coming Friday.

Between cleaning up paint jars and cleaning up poop that seeps around the impactment now I am giving away pears and apples because there is no time to can or dry them.

Now and then, yesterday and today I make headway on four old paintings that only need a few brush strokes of change. 

By Diane: My Caregiving Mini-art Respite #15: I must do what makes me happy to be good to Fisherman Hubby

by Diane 

 

      First, before calling the Hospice nurse about this weekend's vital signs and medications, I watch the bees in the wild flowers. Photograph the poppy. To overcome the washing out effect of over exposure on the poppy  I reduced the light setting in my Iphone which used to be the aperture. 

 

And pick yellow pear-shaped tomatoes. Eat a mock curry made with just plum sauce, cumin and ginger flavoring in oat milk and a tablespoon of keifer plus veggies left-overs. The Buddha bowl is with an accompaniment of a leafy green salad topped with cottage cheese. 

My mind is an escapist when it comes to current events. But a time will come when I will.

      I think about whether my Covid party painting is finished or not. My goal is getting some 3' by 4' canvases and replenishing my paint supply.

      Tuesday I picked up my new glasses.  Since catarct surgery last year my eyes settled down and improved.so I could not see with the old glasses  I looked at the painting of our grandson teaching a young child to fish. His eyes are almost done. Just a little touch on the left lower eyelid. Also the left pupil needs to be grayed and enlarged a spec.

    To be able to enjoy the nature around me and expressing what I feel in paint makes me happier.  Certainly enhancing Fisherman Hubby"s life.

    Sooner than later will be dealing with Fisherman Hubby's incontinence,  but at the same time he has made more space available as he sells his shop tools so I will have space to work space.

By Diane: Caregiving Mini-art Respite Update #14: Backyard Covid-distanced Paint-out Party

 by Diane

 

 SATURDAY, AUGUST 8 The more the merrier! Even masked and distanced the party will be a precious memory painting. The party included my painter sister-in-law, a long time painting pal, plus one granddaughter and her boyfriend. 

 While we painted, the yard holly trees shortened to bushes and general weeding in pasture was done by next younger brother to Fisherman Hubby. Early, before the guests arrived, I set-up my easel in our vegetable garden enclosure. 

The party caused me to depart from the illustration of a future Fisherman Hubby's book. I felt uncomfortably uncertain of any painting direction. Before the party I was thinking color and energy and not specifically of my guests being important in my painting. Serendipity intervened. Two of these painters were previously central in landscape paintings from when we were painting together. My view just happened to, most importantly, include where our group spread out under the patio cover. 

thumbnail detail of the painting

SUNDAY, AUGUST 9 This week I am grateful for all the yard help we received. My spirits are lifted every time I look outside. Who would guess friends would be so caring. Tina Price Green is a master gardener supreme bring her home grown veggies and even is a superwoman gardener quickly managing weeding and trimming. Hot weather is drying the ground while the flowers dry up quickly. Fortunately our yard has many dry weather plants.

by Diane: Mini-art respite from caregiving #12: Life inteferring with art making

By Diane

A few days with minimal mini-art respites, I am easily diverted to other easier to do activities like cutting back the dahlias for their second bloom of the season. Even writing a blog is easier than getting started again. 

And I am more visually inclined than verbal. When my Fisherman Hubby showed me how he put the painting I was doing as a cover illustration for an update on his book, SCIENTIFIC ANGLER, A STEELHEAD FISHING MANUAL, I get the idea he does not want to share his knowledge in this way. Still easier to go back and make the man in the painting, the grandson who loves fishing. So where do I go from here in art making? 

The heat has driven away the swallows I liked painting earlier. Do I continue to work on Fisherman Hubby's fishing manual even against his wishes? What else could I do more meaningful? Maybe splashing paint on a big piece of paper and see what it suggests ?? Thursday, July 30, We had our second visit with Lumina Hospice nurse and first visit from physical therapist. 

Friday, July 31st I mailed a much labored over an appeal to a declined health insurance claim. My heart is dancing in joy to have that behind me. It was hot outside but the air conditioning made the house comfortable. Yet when the hired help had to sit down wiping her head with a wet wash cloth instead of working, I was thrust into the role of not only care-giving for Fisherman Hubby but also wanting to insist she go see a doctor. This experience was the last time for visits from the in home care-giving company. I not only canceled mostly because my expectation that Fisherman Hubby would like to receive help did not materialize. When I cancelled the service, I told the manager my concerns inspite of my scruples. Her condition might be life threatening and I wondered if I would have to call 911. I fear she will lose her job after working 23 years. Maybe she was not paid enough and she did not get a health insurance benefit. She said she did not like going to doctors but I doubt that she could afford them. 

Saturday, August 1, I felt exhausted and not quit ready to start a new painting journey. So I made and mailed a birthday card. Then once again for a few minutes painted the eyes of the father looking into the eyes of a child just learning to fish. Sunday, I am delighted with company. Short visits are sweet and the day is perfect. I enjoy the rest from having to make phone calls to resolve health issues. I have time to paint. I am in the process of making plans to have a painting friend come to paint Saturday. 

Monday, Fisherman Hubby didn't sleep well and his VPap mask is leaking. Hospice is having a respiratory therapist come to check the fit of his mask and replenish supplies. 

Puttered in our garden and watered. The heat has made the lettuce bitter. I am wordless today. The changes in Fisherman Hubby are dramatic. He sits trying to keep taking in fluids but very slowly. A meal is 1/2 a Hasty Freeze King berger with sauce, lettuce, cheese, bacon, and hamburger in squashed bun. A few bites of maple bar, some watermelon balls, and of course oatmeal for breakfast. Of course he has to have coke and coffee and hot chocolate and cookies. Pills taken with applesauce. A diet to fill him and die for. At this point I am taming my need to make it healthier.

by Diane; Mini-art respites from caregiving #11: A week that brought us to Hospice

I can't imagine how painful it was to Fisherman Hubby to make the decision to sign on to Hospice on Monday. Saturday evening after a busy day, he fell out of his preferred chair. Luckily able to get up on his own with only a road burn to his knee. The outlook for stopping his plummeting weight loss is dim. But we won't be making more fruitless trips to the ER because we call Hospice first. 

Painting art-respites this week consist of only working on the eyes of the father making eye contact with the child he is teaching to fish. Just changing the modeling of the surrounding eye socket or experimenting on how white to make the whites of the eye takes just a minute or two on each mini-mini-respite. 

Need to respond to the Home Guardian Medical Alert System before the 7 days after delivery is up. It looks complicated. Have an insurance denial for for about $900 to contest because of a regulation that does not take into consideration the Covid closures and shortages of respiratory equipment and the reality of a telimed conference not coinciding with the delivery of equipment. And then there is the garden with tallest ever tiger lilies and glads continuously occupied by hummingbirds.

by Diane; Mini-art Respite from caregiving #10: Self Publishing

Way back in Bellingham in the late 1970's or early 80's Fisherman Hubby and I self published a manual for Steelhead fishing on a black and white zerox machine.  Time for an expanded edition not only with color but also professional binding. Technology has gone a long ways to foster creative authorship in the decades since the beginning of a book symbolic of our marriage together.

Whether or not Fisherman Hubby chooses to actively engage in the update, I hope the memories it will kindle will enrich these final days.

by Diane: Mini-art respite from caregiving update #9: A new meaningful direction

This painting might be close to finished.  It could be an illustration in Fisherman's Hubby's revised book about fishing that we did in the late 1970's or early 1980's when we lived in Bellingham, Washington. Since then he has expanded into fishing from a glass drift boat and aluminum Almar motor boat.
As his ALS prevents him from many physical activities, I hope he will join me in making a book that we can pay to be bound in a display book. Even if he doesn't feel like composing it, I am going ahead with this project with the assistance of the  Home Instead Senior Care caregiver.

This week has been very upsetting to me seeing Don suffer sometimes not being able to eat without choking or taking longer and longer to eat mostly staring at the food and not really wanting to eat more but still trying.  Don't know if he will engage in the book. Don't know if he will change his mind and accept tube feeding.  Wish us luck, yesterday we scheduled an appointment with his neurologist.

Excuse my short post I need to make sure that Hospice comes to asses us this week.

by Diane: Mini-art respite from care giving # 8; Giving up of life's accumilation followed by possibilities

Friday, July 17.

Big breath of relief, in the mail are both a long term care insurance claim and doctor's  questionnaire for first visit with psychologist who works with ALS families.  Next a  request for our Regence Medi-Care Plus plan to reconsider a declined claim for an expensive ventilating respiratory system for Fisherman Husband. Then a phone call for picking up respiratory equipment but not the right equipment.

Next week we will be assesed for Hospice Care. Maybe their help will allow his delcine to plateau and as so many do, we will go off of it.

This is all moving too fast.  Yet I see possibilities as Don rids  himself of things in the shop. I could move my bedroom studio into the shop and we could make my current studio into a placefor live in help.

Never thought I would have a big studio,
and never would want to acquire one as is happening.

by Diane: Mini-art Respite from caregiving update # 7; In Home Caregiver Assistance First Week

Sunday, July 12,

This painting, a second of the same subject was like a commission.
Trying to please the reciitant is
easier if they have a second choice.

Tuesday, July 7 and Thursday, July 9 for four hours each day, a Home Instead caregiver helped us. She did house work, cooking, meal planning. Cleaning refrigerator, preparing meals ahead and a clean house was well done. These activities are beautiful but miss, I thought the main goal of engaging Fisherman Husband to become more active and stimulated.  Since the caregiver and her children fish, perhaps she could work with Fisherman Hubby on updating his book on fishing. The floppy disks and yellowed print out from almost forty years ago surely needs refreshing.
      I couldn't get, on first mention,  Fisherman Hubby enthusiasm.  But maybe after thinking about it, he would agree especially since I would work  on the art illustration.  If not the book maybe just simply a jigsaw puzzle would break the ice between them? Or maybe I should show off the old copy  of his fishing book and show how easily books like these can be published with a hard cover.

Friday, I called Home Instead to reschedule our Thursday, July 16, morning appointment. Then I learned that she gave her two week resignation because she has another job. All my instruction on the workings of our home and garden appeared to me to be a loss - an expensive one at $27.00 per hour. What will I have her do the next 16 hours?  Frank discussions, perhaps, on how I can improve the relationship between client and professional caregiver?  Change in my goals for the investment in having assistance.  Instead of of seeing their work as only a way to get fresh from the garden food preparade. Preparation is  difficult for me to do because of  a little arthritus in my hands.  I need to think of it as more than a way to have a little more time to paint. Thanks to the help I was able to paint a memory painting of Fisherman's older brother for a niece. I spen hours painting two - much more time than a mini-art respite.
     Now I see the business relationship of the caregiver as giving companionship to me as well as to Fisherman Hubby.

Sunday, July12 Fisherman Hubby was referred by his provider's on call nurse to the ER for assesment. On the bright side x-rays showed no bowl blockage. On the down side we have far too many visits to the urgent care and the ER.

 Monday I looked into Pallative Care. He does not qualify. we would need a Doctor's referral for Hospice Care which our insurance would cover.

Tuesday, Our Care giver dug potatoes and cut them for Hubby and grilled a  prime rib which was cut up small so he could eat it  with Au Jus.  For once I could sit down relaxed and eat my very different veggie and meat lunch at the same time as  Hubby was eating.  He ate  3 times as much as when I prepare a small , tiny portion. And he did not choke.
       Later we received an explanation of our benefits from our insurance and flearned they were not covering his breathing machine. Was put on hold several times. They will get back to us later in the week because the claim requires extensive research. While on hold I put the music on speaker phone and took a mini-art respite.

This small 14" x 11" painting is still on process
Maybe more telephone holds will  be just what I need.

by Diane: Mini-Art respite from Care Giving Update #6: Being Prepared

EARLY MORNING CATCH AT RIVER BEND
ON THE SILETZ RIVER

 



REFLECTIONS SEEN AT SPACE #10
COYOTE ROCK  RV AND MARINA
SILETZ RIVER

 So happy! Two paintings are back home from being loaned to the Oregon State Fish Hatchery and Research Center on Fall Creek.  Thank you to Ann and Fran from Seal Rock for delivering them last Thursday. Seeing my work from about seven years ago lifts my spirits and increases my desire to paint large again someday.

Fisherman Hubby and I are limited by his ALS. We are not up to stretching canvases espescially large ones. We continue to do yard work together.  Making preparations for Fisherman Hubby's future needs has almost consumed me this past week. Soon we will have Home Instead care giver here 4 hours on Tuesdays and 4 hours on Thursdays. Then the long term insurance submission forms completed, a new Samsun Stove, a taller toilet, maybe the chimney sweep will also clean the clothes drier duc. Soon I will have a medical alert button system in case I have an emergency. Fisherman Hubby in the moment won't be able to speak clearly to 911.  Most of the time I can not understand anything beyond a word or two. For more lengthy communications he types it out on his Surface Pro Grid 3 speech generating devise.

Tuesday was the first day that our Home Instead care giver worked for us. Mostly I was showing Anastazia our pantry, Freezer, BBQ and every thing she might need. She did an awesome job grilling the prime rib and cutting it small. And we love our clean floors and bathroom. Plus this afternoon I had time to work on a memory painting of a niece's father. I hope to finish it before the celebration of life July 13.
 



by Diane: Mini art-respite update #5; More Life Changes

It is so sweet and makes me feel so wonderful t
hat my grandchildren really want my art work.

What stands out to me this week is the never ending details to be worked out in planning to conduct care in place in the home for Fisherman Hubby diagnosed with late onset bulbar ALS. One of many difficulties is putting a plan in place in case I have an emergency and my Fisherman Hubby cannot speek clearly enough to the 911 switch board operator. Then getting a network armed with all they need to know in order to smoothly take on the workings of our home.
   Another detail is preparing the house for room enough for all the equipment for an ALS patient.  Also getting the long term care policy working for us to help with the cost.

Our daughters and grandchildren support truely warms my heart. My oldest daughter from Utah was here to help.  My head was spinning to direct my children to most efficiently perform many tasks. The AARP hasa wonderful booklett that has been ver helpful in covering how to manage the necessary conversations and planning  many forseeable future needs.

Failed as far as being able to paint. Instead I chose to submit five paintings to the TENTION/HARMONY Art About Agriculture competitions. Could only manage to get the information in for two paintings.

Creative cooking has been wonderful.  I am learning from my daughters. Especially keen about corn starch breading for fried /baked chicken.  My loving daughters insist that I should replace a broken stove and they purchased a ceramic fry pan for me.

By Diane: Mini-art respite update #5: Rewards and learning experiences

Another week past inwhich I did little active painting. But as always I kept looking both at nature and my paintings.

 

   My swallow paintings are in the final step in the process - critiquing.  Critiquing is slow going.

       Friday my willingness to try something new in painting spilled over into life. Once in awhile my wild ideas result with good creations.
         I learned this week that a hand towel is a perfect window cleaner when the terry cloth is  pulled from a washing machine load and is moist.  I learned that a mashed cooked sweet potato blended with oat milk, whole cow's milk, avocada and butter makes a delicious cold soup.  It is also good as a sauce with meat.
          Another food adventure was not so happy.  Instead of mixing gratted chedar cheese I substituted cottage cheese. Instead of chopped tomatoes I substituted chopped peaches.  Instead of bread crumbs I added gluten free, brown rice crumbs.  The egg held it together but the sugars from the peaches browned much too quickly. After the first test burger, I turning down the heat. I thought it was delicious but not suitable for Fisherman Hubby who would have had a hard time swallowing the partly crispy edges.
          My guilt free, rewarding, comfort foods are variations of sweet potato soup or cream of avocado soup. I made a chocolate pudding when I add unsweetened coco powder. No added refined sugar or sweeteners! Wish I had a camera to have captured Fisherman Hubby's face. I have two desserts to myself. 
           Sometimes Fisherman Hubby has too much congestion and sometimes he over doses the dryin drops and his mouth is too dry. We both agree that his menu and his meds are not working well. Maybe more convenience foods. Bring on the chocolate coated vanilla icecream Micky bars. He liked pot stickers.

by diane; Mini-art-respite from caretaking #4: Little by little return to my first intention

Thursday: Very sweet yet?  About 14 months ago, our back yard view of fields of grass reminded me of Vincent VanGogh's crows brush work, "Wheat Field with Crows", But I wanted to express joy. I wanted texture and movement.

Thanks to one of my daughters, I had some free time today to once again paint over it further building up texture.

by Diane: Mini-art respite from caregiving update #3; Where have the swallows flown?

Enjoying  feeling empowered
seeing this painting gradually develop
adding a brush stroke
at each mini-mini-art respite

Just a week ago the air was a constant show of fledgling swallows learning to fly and once in awhile making some awkward unexpected landings. Some continued to pester their parents for good eats. Less often they flew in pairs. But after I observed them for several months, I saw repeatedly a flight pattern that approximated a geometric, topological tangle - two flying around each other higher and higher as if ascending a column.
        Tuesday at 1:00 PM the Western sky turned blue, slate gray. Then one vulture flew in circles closer and closer followed by at least 12 more. Straight above the swallows having nothing to fear from vultures circled this way and that in a tangle unlike when they used to feed in pairs flying parallel one slightly ahead of the other. The vultures and a few swallows met within a close distance before the vultures veered south not advancing overhead.
       Then the storm was overhead and it rained for a few minutes.
       I can't believe it is Tuesday, June 15.  A week has gone by and all my mini-respites are mini mini. It was unusual this week. We celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary. My creativity has gone into cooking for Fisherman Hubby making sure my little masterpieces are just right in temperature, in soft consistency, right size bites, salty enough, and not too sweet. Sometimes I am rewarded when he finishes my gourmet attemps. My frequent failures are more often caught in time to improvise something else. One daughter is trying hard to make convenient frozen meals. But I am going to ask that she my meals since I do not need to be so particular about appearance. I enjoy the challenge of preparing the very best I can.
       On top of it all I have been scrambling to get someone to install bath tub grab bars into tile.


Butter crust failed - going back to part Crisco

       On top of everything else we need to figure out and practice for the hopefully unexpected event that I should have a medical emergency. Fisherman Hubby, his primary care doctor declared that he cannot speek clearly enough to explain necessary information to 911. She thought he might be too distressed to use his surface pro Grid 3. Well maybe if we practiced. Today I will steal time from my mini-mini-respite.
       Well enough writing, I am going to paint now and make a lemon merangue pie.

         Later after dinner, I can say this time the meat loaf was improved when made with low fat hamberger but an all butter crust  browned while being mostly raw. So I removed the filling and will put it on a graham cracker crust.

by Diane; Care giver's mini-art respite update #2 : Something to celebrate

 

                                                Our 55th wedding Anniversary.
    This morning Fisherman Hubby felt a little down.  But then we had a nice visit with one of his brother's and sister-in-laws who does virtual paint-outs with me.  The decorations are recycled from helium balloons that daughter gave after his November hiatal hernia surgery.

by Diane: Update #1, Caregiving mini-art-respite - pharmaceueudical CEOs won't like this

6" square

A more perfect day for painting outside could not have been asked for. Last Friday after not painting last week, all the steps of the painting process fell into place. My past week's observing and incubating the flight of swallows paid off for making the paint-out exceptional. Credit also goes to my paint-out partner via zoom. My phone was set on the painting table so I could hear the scrapping of the palette knife and she could see me paint. Painting together creates energy that becomes part of the painting. Rarely do I paint pictures that just take a life of their own and flow making me surprised that I could have painted it myself.
    Cloudy skies after the rain the night before cleared. The sun's heat was warm on my arms.  The atmosphere was damp, no breeze, shadows spread across the greening foliage.  As the sun climbed towards the zenith, clouds again started to gather.  The acrylic gouache remained moist on the palette. New Lascaux paints - a type of gouache with a matt acrylic finish pleased me. Especially liked the rough Ampersand aquabord used for both paintings!

        A vague comment on last week's blog, I interpret to mean that movement can be expressed on the picture plane with less than three points.  Three points are necessary to make a curve is simple geometry. If my commenter intended to dissagree because it is possible to express curved movement without three successive turning images, she is correct. . A curved direction of swallows can be expressed with a swash.

11"x 14"

       I found it simple illustrating the flight direction change of it's lowest image with swash.. At least while painting it, I was happy and felt it was complete until someone asked are those birds? So made the swish of the middle image more prominate connecting it to the more distant one with a skinny line.




18" x 24"

      Another artist said some painters want others to have their own interpretation While others are offended if their work is seen different from what they intend.  My process here of painting my perception and emotional vision means I am painting a reality I want to share like an illustration. My non-objective paintings stimulate others to see an object which I find pleasantly amusing.

Life beyond painting last week:

Fisherman hubby has a new gadget - a Surface-pro "3 Grid" app on an Ipad. It will generate speech for him. He and one daughter are customizing the files and his speech therapist tries to make changes for easier use. We are now making use of an Oregon Health Science University in conjunction with the ALS Organization virtual 4+ hour ALS clinics. The first one this week.

   The tension of  on line meetings had me so tense that I hurt all over. Then gardening and cutting a watermelon flared up the arthritus in my right wrist. I felt really tired but I started painting anyway.  After awhile, I realized that I didn't hurt anymore. Even an hours later pain free!

    Tomorrow is Fisherman Hubby and my 55th wedding anniversary. We are going to celebrate even if we have been doctoring this week.

by Diane: Mini-respites from caregiving

Painting is in incubation as I observe both an imaginary grid from earth to sky
with a third dimention grid  from foreground to the vanishing distance.
 I imagine placing swallows on my imaginary grid lining up the axes of their bodies.
Friday I may have another virtual paint out with sister-in-law in Portland.

Inspite of everything this week, I learned from observing swallows' flight movements and how to interpret movement on a flat painting surface.  But yikes, in today's Covid19 world, most of our doctors' appointments are virtual. Each clinic or hospital with a different apt to download requiring one or another password :(
   I am going cross eyed and my tongue is hanging out waiting for the computers to respond. Sometimes I just don't know the tricks. Often stumped I call the help lines only to be referred to my Iphone provider to obtain a password to an account I vaguely recall cancelling.  What a time sink!  Thankfully we have one of our savy tech daughters who promises to rescue us from cyber confusion and failures.
     This last week, today and tomorrow are the biggest test of my previous plan for taking time out to paint. I want to be attentive to Fisherman Hubby's needs.  He has 7 medical appointments in close proximity - two of which are local and in person. Plus learning new computerized equipment.- one is a cool speech generating devise and another is a watch size devise to check how his VPap is taking over breathing when he stops for a period. Plus my e-mail has been impacted by either mine or a  contact of mine being hacked. The hacker is a very different kind of hacker who starts with only me and one other on my e-mail list.
     At least this week I see the problem of calling my art doings an Art Escape. I don't want to be off in lala painting if Fisherman Hubby needs me.
       

by Diane: Art Escape update #19, last update

I love the comments from a plein air painter from Hawaii and another one from my co-author, Rain.  The painting of these swallows looked like surfers on a  big wave. Rain thought that the clouds look like waves. How poetic? I am naming it "Swallows Surfing the Breeze"

Although I am not finished interpreting the flight of two swallows, one moving closer and beginning to turn back to circle and the other cirlcling in the distance. The closer swallow is more blurred because it moves across more of my visual field per second.

I am beginning to make the birds being more important than the sun breaking through the atmosphere after a rain storm when bugs hatch and fly.

This is the last update of art escapes. Next week will be my first post for Tiny Respites.

by Diane: Update # 18; How Covid 19, caregiving, and my art escape are changing me

 Monday, May 25, first thing in the morning, I painted for a few minutes. Finishing a painting takes the longest. For days  many times a day I kept glancing at the painting hanging in our dining area.  Often I looked outside at the swallows in flight. Questions came to mind.  Watching swallows, I saw the closest ones taking up more of my field of vision and their swift flight is more blurred than ones flying farther away. Same as a  picture's surface the closest swallows would be more blurred if I painted exactly what I see. But should I paint what is counter to  the identifiable detail that the viewer expects in the foreground?
          My idea for continued work on this painting  is to turn the front swallow back into the painting. I am concerned about the beginning and ending of their flight and would like to make their flight more circular and continuous like I observe.
           Questioning improves my enjoyment of observing and learning.  Makes me feel more alive. 
          The Covid 19 self quarantine reduces some of the distractions in life so focusing on  what is around our home is proving far more fascinating than I used to think it was.
         Tuesday I made the closest swallow more contrasty and it's path transparent to express speed. I do not worry about overworking the painting. With Covid-19 and my husband's health, I foresee a time when I will need to move. More than ever I want to tie my body of work into a meaningful whole. I am slow to use the new aquaboards that arrived from Blick's catalog on line.

          Fisherman Hubby's blurred vision and shakiness was found to be low sodium according to the ER on Wednesday, May 13. He received a hydrating IV. 
           It hurts to see Fisherman Hubby either too cold or too hot because his body doesn't regulate temperature. While watching television he allows his head to drop down every half minute. Also see his shoulders jerk. His hands are less steady and he talks me into typing for him.
         Gaiter Aid is helping but still he feels that his ALS is worsening. What gardening he could do in one session the first week of May now takes three sessions. Tuesday our 2020 high school graduate Grandson mowed the grass, sprayed poison on the weeds, and removed three upright stepping stones that served as the cement dragon's back because they were a  tripping hazard for me.
         I am, also, doing more gardening which has always been a parnership thing Hubby.  Now gardening has moved from a small part of our  togetherness to our major connection we share.
       On Friday Fisherman Hubby received his Tobindynavox Ipad that will serve as a speech generating devise. If necessry it can be eye activated. It has canned conversation in files like "Can we watch a movie?" "I am not intoxicated. I have a neuro motor disease."  "You do not have to talk to me like that. My ears are fine and I can comprehend like a normal adult." Maybe when he starts feeling better he will take an interest in it.
      We were so lucky that when it arrived Friday afternoon one daughter happened to be here to help with the set up. We are so thankful for the care our daughters have for us. Plus we appreciate all those friends who also do errands for us.

      The painting is first a landscape and then there are birds flying through. I want the painting to be swallows flying in a landscape atmosphere. On a warm day a rain shower is followed by hatches of flying insects.
      I am hesitant and not sure of my next step in painting so I wanted to do some pruning.

                 The first of three wheelbarrow loads of trimmingsoff the rhodadendron!

             The next job will be to prune back the Fall crocus leaves and the forget-me-not.
It is good to feel the Fisherman Hubby sharing the satisfaction of making beauty together in our garden.