Who is that woman?

Aging is a fact of life, one that changes a person a lot when we go from childhood to adulthood (which we've all been through but barely remember but now observe in our children/grandchildren/etc.) then not so much for years until we get to old age where once again the body is changing sometimes quite fast. Is this a bad thing? That depends on what you expect from it.

Where it comes to old age, I find myself often at cross purposes with feeling one way about it and then boom along comes something, and I feel an opposite way which is actually pretty silly as it doesn't matter how I 'feel.' Aging happens whether it is accepted as a part of life or not.

We live in a culture that absolutely resists it and encourages us to deny it by all sorts of methods from how we look to what activities we choose. No more of these old lady shoes for elder women. And those dresses old ladies used to wear-- to where did those disappear?

These days there are many options where it comes to our skin and bodies. More and more regular people, those who aren't movie stars are following the pattern of what Jane Fonda has openly spoken about doing-- face lifts. The problem with those surgeries is they don't restore us to what we were even in looks let alone make us really younger. Plastic equals plastic. Fonda looks more like Mary Tyler Moore these days and she lost the chance to age into the old woman her face naturally would have yielded. With her bones, she would have been quite an interesting looking old lady and she probably knew that. She knew something else-- she'd get more work if she did it. We don't come from a culture that celebrates aging. We are in one that hides it or tries to.

The thing is none of what any of us could do surgically will change the age we are. All those who say they still feel like kids, all very well for them but reality is their body is not. Why do they want it to be? What have we decided is so wrong about being old? We live in a culture that demands aging to not be visible. The question has to be why.

It's not that way in all cultures. I was watching a French film the other night and they ran a few promos ahead of it. One was a love story with a lot of complexity involving three elders who really looked like elders involved in sexy looking scenes. Can you imagine that happening here where we expect an elder to look like Helen Mirren?

Having plastic surgery or using injections doesn't really make people look younger. They can inject poisons and lose lines, wrinkles and look different, stretched with eyes that look oddly wide open, but they never really look younger. They just look no age.

The natural lines and droop in our faces are part of our life experience. Why must we erase that to make those younger than us comfortable. I think it relates to fear of what aging means and a reluctance to accept that it comes to us all-- if we are lucky. It's not like I like those lines and droops either!

This was personalized for me recently by a photo of me taken by Darlene. She asked if she could take it. I admit I felt some reluctance because of lighting but said okay. I am no more fond of having others take my picture than most people are as when it's my own photo, I can toss it. When it's someone else's I have no control (rather like commenting on other people's blogs).

Photographs have to be one of the biggest reminders of aging. Now I personally like taking my photo with a webcam which is what the first photo here is. I have it set up with a light on the desk above it and have a window alongside where I can control the light coming in. Webcams usually don't capture every detail-- hurray for that!

When taking photos outside, I try to be careful where I am standing which means I am very aware of the aging aspect to it. Direct light like the one below taken at Manzanar, can sometimes be better than shadows as sunlight washes out a lot of lines. Outdoor lighting though is kind of a crap shoot as in not very dependable as to what it'll do if the camera is close. If you have ever seen a professional photographer work under natural lighting with a model, you would see spotlights, reflectors and screens to get the 'natural' look.
And let's face it, much as I adore my digital camera for being able to take a lot of photos and toss most, digital cameras are looking for pixils-- pixils are what lines are made from. Now I can take a photo like the one above and, if I want to do it, set up my clone tool to put a filter over the places I think are unnaturally dark. So the lines are there but not quite so defined. What I want with any photo of me is that it looks like me (or how I see me). I also though want it as flattering as is possible-- who doesn't.

I regularly remind myself of this fact. The pressure to look younger-- even when old-- is a negative thing. It makes me miss what is possible with being the age I am. What's wrong with looking almost 68? Who does that bother?

The sad part about someone saying you don't look your age is it puts you under pressure to not look your age. Why should we not want to look our age? To comfort others that aging isn't happening?

So since I wrote about it, I better put in the photo that Darlene took in Tucson or people will imagine it worse than it is. All the lines it shows are lines I do have but they don't always show up quite that strongly. Looking at it made me think two things. First never let anybody take my photo again when I have my head tilted forward that way. I could so easily have changed my position and avoided some of those lines. Second-- what was the name of that plastic surgeon again who did the light facelifts?

Just kidding about the second part. I will tough it out and adjust to the reality that aging happens to us all-- if we are lucky. Some days it shows up more than others. Actually how we look is the least of it even if it is the most visible. Don't get me started on the rest of it!