the dark side

Finally I am back to writing on my next novella. It's been hard to have enough time to sit down at the keyboard what with weather, adjusting to not traveling, no power, etc. etc. and a million things that stand in my way of concentrating on the story I need to develop. 

During the time away from my own writing, I've been working on a blog that will introduce a western short story anthology. That was a lot more complicated than I expected when I volunteered. I had seen it about selling an anthology-- easy. But it really was putting together fifteen authors (me included) and showcasing their work in such a way they would like what they saw. Eek.

So the blog is done and will go live shortly before the anthology is released as an eBook and I think paperback, which will be March 15. I don't know the details as Susan Horsnell, an Australian writer is putting together the actual book. Boy was that a big job with all those writers, their bios and then getting it formatted. Double eek. 

Writing the short story had actually been fun. I am happy to be with this group of authors who I met through the MOA at Amazon. I don't have a lot of places I am part of any group (by choice) but it's one (also by choice).

The new novella will follow When Fates Conspire even though that novella has found very little reader interest. I think it's hard for readers to get their heads around what it's about as it doesn't conveniently fit a genre. The closest would be paranormal romance.

Anyway interested readers or not, some stories you just have to write. I think I have mentioned how the first one came out of a dream. When it was finished, I knew there was another story to be told. I would have loved a dream to help me with the structure for this one but so far no luck. Lots of dreams-- but none relating to this story. Nevertheless, the story is coming together. 

It is taking the dark side of the spiritual world. You know if you create a story about the positive side, there has to be a yang to the yin, a thorn to the rose, balance to what is real and isn't. There will even be a third as each explore an aspect of the human condition-- and spirit. Of course, with romance and adventure as all my stories have that.

The image above is putting together two of our photos as inspiration for the new novella. I had written a story before that dealt with the dark side, Sky Daughter, and felt uneasy with how to address spiritual evil in the plot and as a character. I always am uneasy when I decide to write about monsters or demons because what if my thinking about them draws them to me? How Stephen King stays a normal person and does it is beyond me. Anyway I finally have a grasp on how this evil will work and what it's limitations will be. Not surprisingly, it's a very similar conclusion to what I had in Sky Daughter. I suppose my concern about drawing something, that might not exist, to me is a little superstitious-- although since I have two black cats, probably not too much.

Otherwise life here on the little ranch is doing just fine. Animals are healthy, no more losses although we had more than our share this winter and are still evaluating why the heck that happened. We have had to buy extra hay due to the inordinately cold weather as well as having someone else putting out the hay not necessarily as Farm Boss would have-- but quite competently for the animal's sake.

Anyway, overall we and our animals are back into a routine of being here-- as if there ever is an exact routine on a small ranch where it involves nature and livestock ;)

How wolves change rivers

Ecology is an ongoing question for humans mainly because we have the ability to change life forms dramatically. Do we always know in what way it will be going? Do a lot of people, who live in cities, think that what happens out there, in the back of beyond, it doesn't matter to them? This is a great little video about balance in nature with Yellowstone and the wolves as its example. Oregon will soon be asking if it should support wolf packs. Educating ourselves to the cost and benefit is important-- or should be.

I was in Yellowstone before the wolves returned and have been there many times since. Even I observed how much they changed animal behavior. 

weather and the land

Getting back to the farm left very little time to think about anything beyond what needed to be done. We had not even totally unpacked the trailer when the snowfall began. The weather reports changed by the hour as to what we should expect. Very cold. No snow. Snow. Some snow. A lot of snow. Besides weather we came back to the main lambing time. 

So looking at weather maps more than we have in years, we had feeding, lambing, unpacking, the joy of such a beautiful snowfall, and finally, as happens so often in the aftermath of such a storm, a power outage. 

Photos and memories are all that remain of the storm as the snow has mostly gone into the ground. The power was finally restored. We have a lot of live lambs but lost more than we had in the last three or four years-- never this many in one year. Some is the weather. Some maybe the wrong ram for young ewes. It is part of the nature of raising livestock but not a fun part. It was complicated by no electricity from Saturday afternoon until about midnight Tuesday night--followed by another power outage Friday morning from 3:20am until 7:30am (likely due to a downed tree across a line as a lot of them haven't looked good since the storm).

When you are without power, it's amazing how it changes living. Surprisingly, light was the thing I found myself missing most. Yeah, the internet, but we could get online sporadically with long extension cords attached to either the trailer battery or a generator (original one stopped working one day into the outage). What we couldn't have were electric lights, the refrigerator, stove, water for flushing or drinking (well pumps run from electricity). 

What we had was heat thanks to the fireplace and a good wood-stove. We lit candles, but they provide pools of light. It feels like living in a cave when the only light comes from flames. It was a good reminder, when I get back to writing something historical, although likely people didn't think about it so much as it just was what they experienced.

The power company was the most disappointing it's ever been as they kept giving updates when we would call in and each one was the same-- we're working on it. Be back in 48 hours. Here are the places still without. Who believes anybody when they say it'll be 48 hours? That just means they don't know. These days they operate like so many businesses, you are never allowed to talk to a real person. A computer runs it all including the crews from what we can tell.

Finally Tuesday night when Farm Boss called their recording, it said, all power is restored in the area. that's when he got angry and told them as much. They were on our road later that night, just before midnight with three trucks to restore power. It could have been done Sunday and saved us the cost of a new generator-- if they had listened to their old timers-- like us. We've been through it before. Their computers are clueless as they go by whatever info was typed in!

When you live out and through this kind of storm, you totally appreciate the crews that go out in the worst of it and try to bring it all back to normal. The road crews worked steadily not only removing snow but the trees and branches that went  across the roads from the ice and snow load. 

Of course, I can't be sure what went wrong with our power company, but I am blaming their computerized system that cuts jobs and frequently fails pretty much in an emergency. When the guys out here were the ones deciding what to do, they got the job done. When they are forced to depend on a computer to tell them where to go, the story is not the same. 

Anyway all is well that -- at least temporarily-- ends well (other than the cost to us of that new generator as we didn't have time to get the old one repaired if we wanted to save what was in our freezer as it began to warm up). I am just very glad we were here for the whole experience. It was a snowfall my part of Oregon hasn't seen in probably ten years-- beautiful, intense, filled with opposing emotions, colors and feelings. For someone like me who remembers these kinds of storms when I was a kid, I enjoyed it-- even to some extent the power outage as it does challenge us to bring out the best we have. I am not yet ready to live somewhere that the temps never change and there is no challenge. I'll save that for my 80s... maybe ;).

Anyway it's more or less back to normal, and the snow is gone all but for patches. We are back to rain, which our land badly needs; so we welcome it. Some people kid Oregonians about how so much rain must be depressing. It isn't for most native Oregonians-- especially those who have lived their lives the west side of the Cascades. We do what we want in it. We know it's what makes our land what it is. If the rain goes, so will go a lot of our vegetation. This is a drought year in our area and even this amount of rain hasn't gotten our snow-pack or river levels to normal. It's not as bad as California but we had already been experiencing forest fires. That's not good when it's January and February; so I am glad to see it raining.

In the house there has been a lot of color with the roses earlier, the fires in the fireplace, candles. In the midst of the rest of this, I have been trying to get good photographs of a gift we were given in Arizona. They are carved bookends of two buffalo heads by a talented Bisbee artist Thomas Suby who does phenomenal work as you can see if you look at this link or this one Bisbee sculptor in wood.

The detail and personality in his work is amazing, but the glossy finish has  made them a challenge to photograph on the mantle beside one of our Navajo rugs, some pottery by a local potter, and candles. Because of the shine from the flash, I gave up and moved them to a table where outside light helped to cut down on the glare. You can enjoy the grain of the wood and detail finally this way.

The wood is ironwood which we happen to live near quite a lot of it in Tucson. Ironwood doesn't flourish everywhere as you'd see if you were in Tucson. Our home there is in one of its regions. We have several healthy trees, lost one big old one since we moved there. I tried every which way to keep the biggest and another younger one alive but lost them both. They had reached the biggest size possible for their settings, I guess. That area has caliche in the soil and maybe it was a factor. The big one might have lived its life expectancy but it was a big loss, such a lovely tree.

Ironwood trees are beautiful all year but especially when they bloom. They also have fine little slivery leaves and limbs. Unless you have worked around an ironwood tree, you have no idea how insidious those tiny slivers can be. I wouldn't have one near the pool but in the natural vegetation region of our property there, i love and treasure them. I am though thinking maybe the stump from that big one we lost... maybe just maybe some of it should be carved ;). I used to carve stone but bloodied my hands so much that I gave it up-- not to mention the soapstone dust is bad for lungs. We left the old ironwoods where they were as the hawks, doves and other birds love to perch on them as they survey their world.

 May 2012

snow in February

The reason I can enjoy, even relish a snow such as we've had this week is-- wait for it-- it will be gone sometime on Sunday. It began Wednesday, has snowed prettily most of the week off and on to accumulate on our farm maybe 8". If it was more, then I'd be worried as our biggest floods come off snow that melts fast. This amount can melt fast and should do little more than raise the creek a bit. There has been considerably more on the Cascade side of the Willamette Valley which means flooding may be a factor there.

Last year we spent December in Tucson and when we got back had missed the only western Oregon snowfall. This December the farm got a little snow. We were gone for January (loving the Tucson sunshine) and were not sure if we'd get snow once we were home. You never really know as I remember one really intense snow came in March. It's an erratic process and the weather guys have changed their minds all week for what we would get.

It's still snowing-- so that's an uncertainty for the total amount and whether flooding will be a problem as it begins to melt. We needed the moisture and I love watching it snow. The flooding part though I could do without. I am glad we are here though and not trying to get here from somewhere else.

A snow like this is a delight as it changes the whole world. Looking outside, the snow is still falling, the branches of the oak trees are highlighted (did I mention I love the looks of trees in winter with their limbs sculpturally exposed).  The ground is a pristine white. I am happy to be here, not have to go anywhere and able to just enjoy it all. Since people aren't driving any more than they must, it's very quiet with almost no traffic and definitely no log trucks. Snow is so quiet.

The photos below go from when it was first starting 'til Friday when it was coming down gangbusters all day.

a time for dreams

If you like speculation and dreams, head on over to Rain Trueax.

My part of Oregon is supposed to get some snow today, but the weatherman has been throwing out predictions all week and changing them the next hour. They don't really have a clue is what it it looks like. But I hope for the snow as it has been too dry. A little snow might keep the temps from dipping into the teens tonight.

Otherwise it's a good time for soup, fires in the fireplace and writing. Yum!

Well except we are into lambing with twelve already and more to come... a lot more. That doesn't require driving though ;).

Imbolc

Whether Imbolc was February 1 or 2 (calendars differ on it), it is now and an encouragement to us all that spring is here. The roses were purchased yesterday to do a still life for the short story that will be in an anthology come March. They are though symbolic of the joy of spring. Today we'll have a fire in the fireplace as some consider fire to be part of Imbolc (candles work too).

The Celts who chose this day were agrarian people. All Celtic celebrations are cyclical and seasonally oriented. This one means ewe's milk for obvious reasons. The first ewes have lambed but we always have a few that lamb early with the majority to come a week or even two later. We are due for another real cold snap later this week with temps down to 17°. But we should have sunshine with it. We need more rain though-- although nothing like California.

Driving north through that state, taking Highway 99 this time, which had us closer to the cities and homes, I was struck by the unhealthy lifestyle we have as a people. It's no wonder the bees are dying when you go past the hives in boxes waiting for almond trees to bloom. They are imprisoned to make them serve and it's unnatural to be gathering only one kind or live where so many pesticides and herbicides are in the air that it's not clear and frankly often stinks. Then there are all the feedlots and dairies where again we, as a people, treat other living beings as though they were machines. If we aren't a healthy people, can we not see the why of it? 

All of that agriculture is at risk anyway with the terrible drought where evidently some towns will not even have drinking water soon. Our culture is for the most part unconnected to nature and the earth. We have thought we could control it all and again it looks likely that we will put a pipeline right through our heartland with one purpose-- to make money for the shale oil producers in Canada and our refineries in Texas. I read also they want to increase the amount of oil we can export and fracking does that. Are we crazy or so out of touch with reality that all we can see is us as the ultimate powers of the earth.

Oh I know some see it being a religion that has the power to manipulate a god into protecting them-- and yes it is manipulation to use rituals or prayer and that is the real truth behind most religions. Do they though have power over the drought? Oh wait, they do because again through manipulation of political goals, some say the drought is punishment for displeasing God-- their concept of a god anyway.

In my opinion, the power is not money. It's not some religion. It's nature and we don't mostly have a fricking idea what balance might be overreached and consequence then set in motion. Driving through California was a real reminder of all that.

The other frustration I felt was with this business of the wealthy who have taken so much out of this system (85 individuals with as much wealth as one half the world's population-- and that's not all the wealthy, just the 85 richest). What does that leave for the rest-- even in a rich country like ours?   Well, along the freeways are a lot of shacks (and there is no better word for those buildings) where families live, often with more little sheds to raise a few animals for food. In the RV parks were some who live that way all the time. Not a bad life in a way but it's mostly those who can't afford other choices and have to go from job to job.

I woke up this morning thinking especially of how competitive our country has become. It's not even competitive to make a fortune but just to make a living. It's kind of a dog eat dog world with people struggling at all levels to live a decent life. It was not something I remember from being a child even though my father was out of work one year, never was a high income earner with a stay at home mom. It just feels different now for how I see families that would have been like mine. They are struggling to keep food on the table with a certain part of the country having riches beyond their needs. Is it enough money? It never is.

In the United States, the wealthy do not have the power to have done this. They have one vote. Yes, they manipulate bills and they get bigger cuts of the pie by their buying of Congress, but Americans can vote to change it. Why don't they? I think based on ignorance of what is going on and a ridiculously violent and often vile form of entertainment. People using people and tragic ends to the stories and that's what many want. Or to what they have become addicted. I don't know.

When I wrote When Fates Conspire based on a powerful dream about the meaning to life. it was an encouraging dream despite tragedies in it. I'd like to believe there is some form to what seems chaos as the dream told me. I don't know though. It was a depressing drive home-- and that didn't count the traffic into the picture...

So we will have a fire in the fireplace and hope that we, as a people wake up. It's nice to think there is some kind of plan in place. In case there isn't, let's make one ourselves. We can change it. It's not yet too late. Start with putting pressure to block that pipeline. Let those oil moguls figure out another route to ship off oil that is only to line their  own pockets. Americans won't even be using the oil. They will just be used!

When Fates Conspire

Although I do not generally write here about my books, I am making an exception with my newest release-- a novella. This eBook had one of my more unusual paths to creation. It isn't exactly a romance in the more traditional sense. I've written quite a lot about how it came to be in Rain Trueax. So here is more about it just in time for Imbolc (yes, we have our first lambs). It offers something for those who might like a little speculation with their morning coffee ;).

When Fates Conspire, set in Montana and South Dakota, is a contemporary, paranormal story, of fate, soul mates, and fairness. With humor and pathos, this novella tells of two couples and three spirit guides—all with very different ideas as to what life is about.

Lauren returns to Billings looking for something that never happened for her in high school. When the man she wanted then re-enters her life, all the ancient energy between these soul mates is aroused. Can it be they will finally get a happily ever after or will it end as it always has?

In Bozeman, Jessica is frustrated that the man she promised to marry won’t give her the advantages his riches could provide. How far will she go to get what she wants? Tragedy is the only possible result or is it?

This story came directly from a dream, with several powerful images and concepts. Writing the novella incorporated many things I have read. The question, that I hope readers will be asking when they finish, is what do you think life is about?

I’ve never used quotes at the beginning of a book but I wanted some to enrich this story. I went looking and surprising me, everything I could ant came from Dante, whose full name was Durante degli Alighieri born 1265 and died 1321. His poetry and books spoke so much to the mysteries of life. As I went through my chapter headings, time and again his words set them off perfectly. I am glad I hadn’t found him first or I might’ve thought he influenced the story that began with a dream.

“In that book which is my memory. On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, Appear the words, ‘Here begins a new life’.”     Dante Alighieri

 Excerpt:

“Follow your own star.”   Dante

1

Billings, Montana

“Did you see what she did?” His lined face showed disapproval perhaps more than his words.

Remus laughed and shook his head. “She is uncontrollable, Justus,” he mocked.

“You seem pleased. My God, Remus, you don’t deserve being a guide.”

“I deserve it as much as you, you old prude.”

“We should both be concerned that she accomplishes her life goals, the ones she agreed to before she came back. Naturally I am more concerned about his—since he is my charge.”

Remus laughed again, this time sounding faked to Justus’s ears. “The ones all souls are encouraged to agree to as a condition for even getting to come back? Rules taken as such by some.” He gave Justus a look. “They are not gospel, Justus. They are suggestions-- not laws.”

“Suggestions for their own good.”

“Well, she doesn’t remember that. She’s operating from instinct.” He looked down from their lofty perch and smiled softly as though remembering. “And I might add youthful instincts-- although in her case they are subdued by her insecurity. That is inherent in her or has been.”

“You are encouraging this,” Justus accused in a brittle tone.

“Not a bit.”

“Well at least he’s maintaining control.”

“For now.” Remus moved a bit, to observe the young men playing football in the middle of a long field, and in particular one of them. His smile broadened. “Oh yes, he’s a rock.” He giggled. “It will work fine, until she comes too close, then it’s all over.”

“So we make sure it stays that way.”

“We do?”

“Remus, dear God, you will be sent back to working with pastors. You need to straighten up on this. Get a grip, man.”

“I’m not a man. Of course, I once was, but I did choose to become a guide eons ago—or so it seems now. I find I have better judgment for being further from living a human life. I like helping others avoid the snares, the pitfalls.”

“So why aren’t you doing it?”

“Mainly because I am not one bit sure she isn’t right about what is needed.”

“The problem will take care of itself sooner than later,” Justus retorted.

“If you’re so sure of that, why are you acting worried?”

“I always worry.”

When Fates Conspire

Paths of Life

 Paths of Life from Arizona State Museum

It's hard to believe we have been in Tucson just over three weeks and have to start home. If I had my druthers, I'd spend a lot longer here as I really love this house and the desert around it. The weather has been in the 70s-- which isn't always the case for January in Tucson.

There were so many things I thought I'd be doing while here, but the house had to be the priority. I ended up having a lot of my own editing to do. We had some house repairs, things to replace, and basically will be leaving Casa Espiritu in great shape for the first renters.

So Sunday we hook up the trailer; us and the cats, who will hate traveling again, start the journey north. I am uncertain how long it will take as that all depends on the weather. Right now it's looking like it should be fine for roads.

One of the things I most wanted to do while here was visit the Arizona Historical Museum and the Arizona State Museum on the UofA campus. Being there brought back wonderful memories of when Farm Boss was getting his Master's, but also when our kids came with us on vacations in the years after that.

There used to be a small cafe in that area where we got ice cream cones. It was where I first heard Danny's Song. Just to hear that song now makes me all teary because I knew then it was my life. I was hearing a guy singing about what I was living.

During those years we came south with a 15' vacation trailer, no air conditioning and a porta-potty in a closet. It was usually May or later (had to work around school) and to get cooled off, we used spray bottles of water and wet towels.

Once in Tucson, we stayed in trailer parks off Miracle Mile, which I have to say even then wasn't exactly a high class neighborhood. One had a small lake with ducks (education on duck sexual practices). The other had a rougher clientele, including some who looked like they were part of Hells Angels (fortunately no education). Any such place had to have a swimming pool.

Those were good years. I am glad I knew it when I was living them.

first photo Tucson Mountain Park-- second Lake Powell

Tucson has a ton of memories attached from my first time here in 1965 until this last time as we again head north.Yes, I love Arizona.

My guest blogger-- Jim Roberts on doing a radio show

Until my 50th high school reunion came along, I'd never gone to any of them. That one though seemed significant, and Farm Boss and I attended his and mine. What I liked about doing it wasn't so much the reunion, which was fine; but it was reconnecting with friends from those years, some I'd known since childhood. In my mind, they were all still 18 until that September. To now see them as my age was very cool.

 One of those was Jim Roberts. When I was a kid, with my mom, brother, and the neighbors, I picked beans and berries on the Roberts' farm. I have very vivid memories of being between the tall bean rows, eating a warm sack lunch when the break came, getting the beans weighed for how much I'd be making toward school clothes.

Jim and his wife Sally

At the reunion, I reconnected with several friends on Facebook and Jim was one. When I found out what he's been doing, I asked him to write a guest blog here because I thought others might find how public radio works and who does these shows to be of interest.

As a side note, it is also interesting what we can do, in our senior years, when the world might think we should be playing Bingo or sitting home watching TV. The following is from Jim:

*************************** 

Will start by saying I've known you since we were kids in the same grade and riding the same school bus.  You were really quiet and studious and I was sort of the opposite!  Fifty years later I see you at the first hi school reunion I'd ever attended and then connected through the magic of face book.

Don't know if this is pertinent, but I have had a life long love of radio as a means of learning things and enjoying music.  I remember being a little kid listening to my dad being interviewed on a Portland radio station that had something to do with farming.  Blessed to not have a TV until maybe a junior in hi school so consequently listened to radio and read.  Same stuff I do to this day with the recent increase with radio involvement.

We haven't had a TV since 1990 so know virtually nothing about of the current menu on the tube.  Stumbled across KMUN shortly after moving to Wahkiakum county from Anchorage.  Had just retired from 19 years as a staff RN at Providence Alaska Medical Center.

My wife Sally and I arrived to the Columbia-Pacific in February, 2010.  First thing that caught our ears was The Ship Report at 8:49 each weekday morning unless it's in 'dry dock', as the host and station manager Joanne Rideout describes.  NPR news and local interest programs mornings and evenings interspersed with local news covering Oregon and Washington issues.  And then the music starts.  Folk of one sort or another weekdays 10-noon followed by Fresh Air and then, depending on the day, will be two or three hours of music.

 I was listening Joey's Blues in the Afternoon on a Monday afternoon in September of 2012 when he announced that KMUN was looking to train new programmers and to call the station if interested.  He hadn't hung up yet and I was on the phone!

Shortly an application arrived in the mail and ultimate acceptance into the class of 5 that met five consecutive Wednesdays from 4-5:30. Elizabeth Menetrey is the program director and taught us well.  At the end of the five weeks each person had to produce a five minute show with a beginning, two sets with snippets of three tunes in each with a station break between and then an ending to the 'show'.

A committee then decides if you are good to go on air. I was paired with Todd Lippold on a Saturday noon-2:00 show called Cross Road.  I remember the date, 11/10/2012 as it coincides with the Marine Corps birthday.

Since then have hosted a variety of shows including Lost Highway, Blues in the Afternoon, both on Mondays with regular hosts John Stevenson and Joe Patenaude, Cross Roads, Stuck in the Sixties and the Saturday night party from 8-10.

This all leads to the recent major winter storm here with huge wind gusts and lots of rain.  I was enjoying the 50 mile drive from Cathlamet to Astoria to do the Saturday night show which I call The 420 Club/Trippin' with Jimmy when I host it.

I was about half way across the Megler bridge and listening to KMUN programmer Ellen playing her music on the Shady Grove program when there was white noise for less than a minute before the signal was back. Arrived at the Tillicum house studio with my box of CD's for my program and found that another programmer, Suzy McCleary, had already talked to Ellen. She asked me to call our engineer Terry Wilson and find out what happened.

Turned out that Coast Radio was the only signal going out in the local area.  Both TV and radio stations had lost power and were just gone.  The true beauty of our community radio is that it's all volunteer programmers and community supported.  This is why we have the pledge drives and have a propane fired generator which allows us to broadcast even when all else has failed.  People do call with updates on what is happening where they live.

Terry had just left the air room after announcing that power had been restored to a particular area and a person called and said not so.  That's why we do this and this is part of stated objective of serving our community; Ask any of the other programmers and get the same answer.  It's one of the most fun things a person can do is to be on the radio.  Knowing that the entire planet most likely isn't listening to you and your music but also knowing they could is really cool.

Being able to play music recorded by friends of mine in addition to music Sally and I have collected over our 25 years is also really cool.  But the very coolest thing of all is to be a part of this truly amazing family and endeavor we call Coast Radio.

************** 

And for me besides hearing an old friend on the radio, here is the cool part-- you can listen to this music and station from anywhere in the US. When I went on the trip down here to Tucson, all I had to do was click on the link and there it was coming through my computer. To hear music a friend has chosen, the kind you might not hear elsewhere, then it's on a station that is not tied to corporate masters, that's worth protecting, don't you think?

KMUN 

An Arizona Sunset

There is nothing more musical than a sunset. He who feels what he sees will find no more beautiful example of development in all that book which, alas, musicians read but too little-- the book of Nature.

Claude Debussy

When you follow a sunset from its beginning to the end, it is like music. The sky keeps changing and going from pastels to intense colors and then finally fading to dark gray and then black for nightfall. It is when you want to have Grofé Grand Canyon Suite playing on the stereo.

Life isn't always tidy

Looking at my list of books sold January 1, where I expected to find a gold bar, which is what you see until a sale appears (I mean sales were good -- for me anyway in December-- with a few much appreciated reviews where people told me, sometimes in emails, how much they enjoyed my books, a sale already was unlikely. I both laughed and growled when I saw why no gold bar.

My bet is the same person who stole 11 of my books in December came back December 28th, ordered one of the two books they hadn't already gotten, waited a couple of days and then asked for the refund. Hence [-1] is what showed up to start off January. I bet it won't be long and they'll have the last one also. Wonder if they will come back for new arrivals. The thefts have been a thorn in my side-- mainly because Amazon lets it happen.

The policy in Amazon is you can get a total refund of any purchase without giving a reason if you ask for it within 7 days. So any reader can order an eBook, read it, or just stash it on their computer and then ask for the refund even if they loved the book. There is no way Amazon can track it down and take it back. They ask no questions nor currently appear to look at how many returns a person has had. Although someone might use different email accounts, it could be tracked -- if Amazon cared.

Basically as one friend said, this kind of thing happens with those who go into a store, buy a big screen TV, watch the Super Bowl, and then return the TV the next day. In their case though they stole usage of the TV or the dress they wore to a big party. The item is returned. It's all dishonest, but in the case of the eBooks, it enables total theft. 

It's been said that you only really know if you are an honest person if you will steal when you know you can get away with it. Amazon is making that possible with their policy most especially where it comes to Kindles. If they only stole the books to read, that's one thing. Not good as it establishes a habit of taking whatever one feels they can get away with but there is another possibility for the thefts.

Some take those books for pirate sites where they give them away, resell them or alter a few words and claim them for their own. Amazon cooperates with that happening and mostly because what's an indie writer to them? What's a theft to them? They might care if it happens to the big publishing houses at the rate with which it happened to me.

It's funny because I give away books. I gave away thousands when I began putting out the eBooks. It was a way to get seen.  It feels different when they are stolen-- partly because it means a dishonest person has that book. If someone is willing to steal to get them, might they do other dishonest things with them?

I had been debating bringing out my Oregon historicals. They wouldn't have been first in 2014 in any case as I have a paranormal novella set for February 1st and a short story in an anthology of western romance writers for the middle of March; but when I do, I am pretty well decided to bring them out only as paperbacks and maybe not even list them on Amazon where they aren't likely to sell many or any. Right now I trust them no more than I do the person who stole the books. They are helping that individual go down a path that may lead to worse. All of life is that way. Actions lead to consequences. When the consequence is it worked, what does that teach?

Every book I write is about that issue of actions --> consequences. I wish I had a way to have the books out there with a company that cared about that philosophy.

The photo is from a path at the trailhead in Catalina State Park. It heads out with signs that clearly state where it's possible to go. Life isn't always so tidy.

happy new year

I am soooo glad to be leaving 2013 behind and feel good about starting into a new year. I know years and months are only accounting devices, but it does seem as though it marks an end and beginning-- maybe only because I grew up where it does on a lot of physical levels.

We will begin our new year at our Tucson home with a lot of things needed to prepare it for the first of its seasonal renters coming after we leave at the end of January. A lot of little and some bigger things go wrong with a home especially an older one. It is nice for us to be able to do this when here even if it's being hired done.

To get here, we pulled our vacation trailer down the middle of California. Even with shorter driving days, it was unpleasant to say the least. I-5 in California is not well maintained with lots of uneven portions and bad patches. We hardly saw a patrol car the whole time going south, and they closed several of their rest areas which made me think it's budget cuts. Of course, I am guessing.

Lots and lots of traffic heading toward LA with a lot of nuttiness which is multiplied when it's that many cars. Then a windstorm with 40-50 mph gusts between Barstow, CA and Bouse, AZ two of our overnight stays. For the nighttime stops, the trailer was far better than motels, nice RV parks all the way (finding a Good Sam is a tip for well-maintained sites just off the freeways). Anyway we are here. Hopefully by the time we start home we'll be recovered from this drive enough to do it all again ;)

Anyway I am excited about entering the new year from Tucson, one of my favorite places in the West. It was great to be here last night, and the cats will eventually forgive us for taking them. One of them has to learn to stay off tables... Guess which.

 For those interested in astrology, 2014 begins with a new moon, rather unusual; but nobody is saying hugely significant. I get emails that go into what is expected, and I thought others might find [this one interesting]. It was forwarded from Stephanie St. Claire a Tucson psychic who I met some years back.  I think they are fun to read for the energy to be expected based on planetary influence (or natural cycles). I don't base my life choices on astrology but in this case, I am feeling this is going to be a good year ahead.

Reviewing a year

As we approach the end of a year, always a momentous time in my mind (even as a calendar is a man-made way to keep track), I have a wonderful calendar from last year where I sometimes would put the quotes on here. As a review of 2013, here they all are.

If we can let go for just a moment, relax, and fall into the center of now, we can encounter directly the freedom that we've all been seeking.

Adyashanti

This is our choice in every moment. Do we relate to our circumstances with bitterness or openness?

Pem Chodron

You are not "in the now"-- You are the now. This is your essential identity-- the only thing that never changes. Life is always now. Now is consciousness. And consciousness is who you are. That's the equation.

Eckhart Tolle

Anything and everything can become our teacher of the moment, reminding us of the possibility of being full present: the gentle caress of air on our skin, the play of light, the look on someone's face. Anything and everything-- if it is met with awareness.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

The reasons of the heart are leaves in the wind. Stand up tall and everything will nest in you.

Mark Nepo

Walk and touch peace in every moment. Walk and touch happiness every moment. Each step brings a fresh breeze. Each step makes a flower bloom under our feet.

Thich Nhat Nanh

Joy is the means and the end.

Michael Bernard Beckwith

No matter what situation we find ourselves in, we can always set our compass to our highest intentions in the present moment.

Jack Kornfield

I will approach eadh day knowing that those who have gone before me are watching, and those who come after me will reap what I do with that day.

Joseph Marshall

Close the language-door and open the love window. The moon won't use the door, only the window.

Rumi

There are three medicines that you should put in your medicine bundle every day: the power of acknowledgement and gratitude, genuine apology, and the spirit of laughter and joy.

Angeles Arrien

Behold the children, and imitate them... They are interested in the present moment, in being curious and in learning, in showing and in sharing, in making and creating.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PHD

These all came from my calendar for 2013 by Sounds True called The Present Moment embracing the fullness of life. I bought the same type of calendar for above my desk for 2014.

it's snowing right where I like it

Another Google+ treat using our recent snow and the cattle. Fun stuff.

Merry Christmas

Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas

This is a big moment for many of us as we finally come to the shortest day of the year, the longest night, and from now on our days are slowly going to grow in light. Many mark the day with yule logs and a bringing back of the light celebrations which might involve candles.

This is such a crazy, hectic time that it can be difficult to take time to reflect. Colds and flu are everywhere.  For me, Solstice is a good time to look at my previous year and ahead to the one coming. We made it over the hump once again. There are many potential rituals attached to that from Celtic days. Solstices are the real turning points-- not our end of the calendar year which is neat but is artificially put together for accounting more than any real biological event.

For me a lot of difficult things came down since my last Winter Solstice which I had celebrated in Tucson. I am looking for the coming year to be better-- I hope. I lost two much beloved cats from our fur family, when I rarely lose one over many years. One, a young cat, was a particularly tough loss that still hurts if I let myself think about it.

My health has had some tests which led to no more gluten or dairy (that makes eating complicated let me tell you). Then came a recent painful facial and ear condition which maybe is diagnosed or maybe not but it didn't feel good. These aren't big things by many standards, but they aren't fun either. I can know I am a lucky woman on a ton of standards, but I also am a woman who will be glad to see this year behind me.

To show some of the good things in my year, I went through 2013 photos for some of my favorites-- excluding, of course, any of the family. These are from big to small moments where each brings back good memories.

One thing I've learned in my now just over 70 years of life-- the best moments in my life aren't the big, exciting ones but instead the small, still ones. The little accomplishments. The lucky times I see something I'd never seen before. Even the sad moments. I can't hold any of them. Some I just want to get through as fast as possible.

Photography is about capturing a moment in a different way so it can be pulled back and the feelings surge over you with the memories. For me, the lesson is you can't hold back life. Life goes on, and we are left to savor memories from special times, enjoy what is right in front of us, and look to what is ahead.