Sex in books

Consider this to be a kind of disclaimer or maybe warning regarding my books that later this month or maybe the beginning of October will begin to be in various eBook outlets (and I will mention here where and when). I do not want any reader to be blindsided by the fact that these books contain sex as a component of the story. I do not consider them to be either erotica or porn; but imagine to some readers, who have remained rather innocent in terms of their reading choices, they might seem that way. To a fan of either erotica or porn, they will be disappointing likewise.

If sex in a story makes you uncomfortable, please do not buy my eBooks. I don't think you will be happy with them, and I'd hate to lose readers here based on becoming offended by a broadside they weren't expecting.

I also want to say that when reading fiction, never assume that the writer has experienced any of what they write about. It's hard to say exactly from where stories come; but where it comes to sex, it'd be easy for a reader to imagine an author with a very exciting sex life or maybe one totally warped. Neither have to be true. It's creative, and it's fiction.

When I decided to put some of my stories onto the internet, I debated whether to take all the sex out of them. I could have done that as none that I write about takes up pages of text. Even in published books, there are romances where there is zero sex between the main characters. Think Jane Austen and there may not even be a first kiss.  Since I am not trying to please a genre with these books, I had the freedom to do whatever I wished.

The thing is I like to have some sex in them. I enjoy writing about a whole experience where it comes to the coming together of two people. I had read a lot of steamy romances before I began to think about putting sexuality into my own stories. There are romance books where a sexual encounter can take pages and pages to describe and I have to admit after having read a few of those, I tended to simply skip over the descriptions, as not embarrassing but boring, until it got back to the story.

There is a reason to have sex as part of the story when it is describing the soul and emotional connection between two people where finally the physical (which could come before either of the first two) becomes an important part of their experience.  It can also be challenging.  The sex in a romantic story can serve a purpose, but it's not there to gratify prurient interests even if it can be pretty sensual.

My belief is, to tell my stories, sexuality is part of the relationship as it comes together. Some of mine have more detail. Others brush over what is happening. The couples do have a level of commitment to become sexually involved but that does not mean marriage.

How to write about a sexual encounter is something I think about when I am writing as I don't want the action to seem phony, but on the other hand, the events have to have some creativity or what is the point? I also ask myself how comfortable would I be if my kids read what I wrote. My thirteen year old granddaughter asked if my eBooks would be ones she could read, and I said not yet. She said she had been afraid of that. Well, it's not just the sex where it comes to her (although that would definitely be a factor), but I don't want her, at her age to be thinking that much about romance period-- well any more than already is there.

To date, my main characters have all been pretty much in their twenties to early forties. They have beautiful bodies and appreciate each other's bodies very much. They are heterosexual only because it's what I know most about, but the stories sometimes have gay characters who are friends.

My favorite villains are not defined as to gender and might use the threat of sex to subjugate (I don't write about kink) because sex for them isn't about attraction but power. Now I am not sure why I like these kind of villains; but maybe it's because by the nature of being outlaw types, they obviously are people who break all the rules and where we like to have people's sexuality put into tidy boxes, a villain who can't be pegged, adds a dimension. He, as a user of people, becomes equally a threat to the heroine and hero.

My romances and their sexual encounters between the hero and heroine are fantasies. These are soul mates who know how to please each other or very rapidly will be learning how. The sex is idyllic.

I never write about sex that is not voluntary on the part of both. They used to have a category of romance (maybe still do) called bodice rippers where the hero was likely to rape the heroine their first time because the heroine would say no when she wanted to say yes.  I find that revolting. Sex, to me, should be a choice that both make; and if someone says no, they should mean it; and the other person should respect that decision. If the one saying no has been a tease, something my father told me was not good to do when I was just a girl, it might mean the relationship ends right there. I am not interested in writing about such women-- unless they'd be villains.

Not long ago I watched a German film about sex between seniors-- Cloud Nine. The three people in it ranged from late 60s to late 70s and looked their ages. It is a story about an affair and the consequences. It was not in the fantasy category for the sex it portrayed, but it was pretty graphic and honest about sexuality. It could not have been made in the United States as here, if two old people are going to have sex, they better look like Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren!

So maybe someday I'll write a story about older people and romance.  I mostly have kept my characters close to my own age, which means a future story could be about an older woman; and if that happens, sex would be part of the story and the characters would not have perfect bodies but rather ones appropriate to their ages. The very idea of an old woman being obsessed with keeping her body youthful through surgery, rigid diet or radical exercise programs is abhorrent to me and not a character I'd be interested in spending much time with as is required in developing a story.

It can be complex for me to write about sex, to feel comfortable with what I have the characters doing. I don't add it without thought. In my stories, it will be there when I think it's what would have happened and where I feel it is important to the story to take these characters and the reader through the experience as part of the character development. I admit, I enjoy writing about it and trying to make it beautiful. Romance after all is about fantasy, in my opinion. and should be satisfying, making the reader feel mmmmm that was nice, not ack!

The photos of heat and steam are from the Yellowstone Geyser Basin and taken last September.