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Saturday, February 07, 2009

What are values?

Because comments in an earlier blog went into a direction I had not expected (some of the best comment series do this), it stirred me to thinking about the subject of personal values-- something we obviously do not all see the same way. I had written about my core beliefs over a year ago; but those weren't really what I consider to be values, and I do have a set of core values under which I operate.

What I consider to be my values, the things that determine how I treat others, don't seem to me to come from one political party or any one religion. My friends and I might vary a little about what we think is okay morally, come from different political parties and religions; but in general, our values are similar or we probably would not have stayed friends. Common values build stronger relationships-- in my opinion.

So from where do values come? I think primarily it is from our families. When Farm Boss and I met, when we decided to join our lives together, we knew we had families with very similar values. When our children found their mates, the same thing was true. Interestingly enough the political and religious viewpoints sometimes were very different; but values such as not stealing, not cheating, working for what you get, helping others when you can, money is good but not if you do something unethical to get it, your reputation is very important, etc., those are the same.

When I looked at Dictionary.com for a definition of values, it was down the line before I found the kind I am writing about:
10. values, Sociology. the ideals, customs, institutions, etc., of a society toward which the people of the group have an affective regard. These values may be positive as cleanliness, freedom, or education, or negative, as cruelty, crime or blasphemy.
11. Ethics. Any object or quality desirable as a means or an end in itself.
It is one of the problems our country has been facing. Do we as a nation really have similar core values? Both parties would lay claim to being the only ones with 'good' values-- and people of the opposing parties shake their heads as the very idea. Religions claim the same thing.

When I was a girl, my schools didn't teach values as a class. Parents taught them at home. In the schools, values were taught through example, expectation within the schoolroom, and subjects like literature or history among others. Now where some parents might be too busy to teach their children values (or are uncertain of their own), where children may be getting them for a movie or TV program, where their peer group might have more impact than their families, there are arguments over what schools should be teaching.

Some would have partisan issues taught under 'values' while others would go back to the basics-- what some call the golden rule such as do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Oops that's religion, isn't it? Or is it?

It's not hard to see the reason people are so concerned that future generations will have a set of values helpful to keeping society orderly and effective. Without them, life is filled with distrust.

Hardball on MSNBC noted a new poll where it was asked was it okay to cheat on taxes. Only 9% said yes. But then what would they call cheating? And how many do it knowing it's not okay?

Tom Daschle, who many (in both parties) have said was an honest man (for DC anyway), lost a position he really wanted because he didn't declare a car and driver as a part of his salary. Some go to jail for that kind of 'error.' So much of what traps people into doing what Daschle did is a sliding scale of dishonesty. Do one dishonest thing, maybe a little one, and the next is easier until you end up where you never thought you'd be. Solid core values, which you live by, are what stop that from happening.

I have often said that you can't call yourself an honest person because you don't rob a bank. It's what you do when the checker undercharges you that defines you as honest-- or not.

[Although it might not seem easy to see how, the photos in this blog represent one of my values.

Every time I am at this Newport memorial site, as I was last week-end, I stop and think of those names, the ones who went to Vietnam and didn't return; then think of the ones who know those names as sons, fathers, brothers, or lovers. I ask how could I photograph this stone in a way that represents both sides of a war?

One time a woman was sitting near the rock and reading. She was the right age to have known one of those names. It might have created the photograph I wanted, but I couldn't photograph her as it'd have been invasive. This time I thought, with the sun positioned right, what about laying the shadow of a woman across the names. She is now old, while they never will be. The shadow represented us all.

The other photos are of a sculpture created to remind us about the whales and the respect we should show them, their importance in our lives-- Whale Medicine.

These two are at opposite ends of a short beach side memorial and might seem to be unrelated except they are both about respect of life and that is one of my core values.

Some would say, because I raise livestock, support the death penalty for certain crimes, favor choice in early pregnancies, support Oregon's death with dignity, own a gun I would use in self-defense, believe sometimes wars are needed but they should be a last resort, shoot at a coyote going after the sheep, take a spider outside rather than step on it, that I am inconsistent. I say these are all true 'for me' and come because I do respect life.

To read the words on the stones, click on the images to enlarge.]

9 comments:

Diane Widler Wenzel said...

Rain, "What are values?" is a corner stone essay. I like this very, very much.

I am fuzzy only on one point. How can you say the death penalty for certain crimes comes from respect for life? A society that values life should not lower itself to killing a criminal?

Rain Trueax said...

The same argument can be made against any of these points, parapluie. I can say I support the death penalty when there is no doubt of the perpetrator because of the victim. It is valuing their life and the possible future victims who might be in prison or when that person got out as so often eventually they do. But it's a value and there are those who respect life, who would see it differently than I do. These are my values and that is the issue today that we don't agree on them. It is why totalitarian or even theocracies have an easier time of some of this, I think

Rain Trueax said...

One thing about having your own set of core values though is you are comfortable in seeing there is often gray in them where a more dictatorial system has to be black or white. So with abortion, I am horrified that any doctor would give a 23 week pregnant woman an abortion (or that the woman would request it) let alone then kill the living baby after it was born (happened in Florida again recently). That should be horrifying to all people who favor choice in early pregnancies but draw a line as to when it ceases to be okay. Issues like these aren't easy if you do respect life. Best is don't get pregnant when you don't know that you can carry the baby and that leaves only abortions for physical reasons and they can be done early.

If you have strong core values, you will see neither extreme fits how you see life, but be prepared to listen to the flak from those on either extreme for how you are evil/weak/stupid/selfish/etc.

Some would say death with dignity also denies respect of life. They believe the terminally ill person should suffer through their entire illness; but if you respect life, you can also see that if they have decided they want to go today and not in a week, that is their choice and to someone like me, it is respecting their life-- not suicide even.

When I put the last little spider outside, I knew it might freeze out there and die anyway. I gave it a chance and actually only respected its life to a point. Total respect might have let it stay in my sink. Except then how would I use it?

I think ethical questions are often ones with two possible viewpoints. A set of core values, well thought out, means you don't spend much time debating right action as you fall back on them which you worked out previously (or had handed you by someone else).

Anonymous said...

I'll be honest...I got a little lost in this post. I'm not quite sure what, exactly, the point was that you were trying to make.
I feel "values" might begin with family and upbringing, but I also feel they can (positively and negatively) change as we mature, get out in the world, expand our horizons, etc.
And I also feel there's a difference between social values, moral values and religious values. They may all three be similar or not.
Terri
http://www.islandwriter.net

Rain Trueax said...

It is hard to write in a short post anything about personal values; so not surprising it would be hard to follow or to do it. My point was really to try and get people away from partisan issues to what I consider to be more core values (and someone else would not see the same) like questions of what is honesty? But the basics of it was presented as a question which means I am wanting others to answer it for themselves if not in a comment. What are values to you? I tried to give one example of what they are to me.

If we as a nation disagree on values, which we clearly do right now. Look at the recent Republican representative from Texas who said they should be subversives to the new Obama administration and follow the positive example of the Taliban, (short of car bombings) then what values do we share as a people that some cheer that and others are horrified?

It isn't easy to write about it. It's easy for me to think what are my core values but then they don't necessarily reflect on what someone else would even see as good. Like I believe in not interfering in other people's lives unless they are hurting someone else-- hence i am a big supporter of gay marriage any chance I get because I see it as not hurting others and a good thing for the nation and even heterosexuals, certainly good for young gays to have positive examples for how to live life that are easy to see.

But even this goes off on a tangent because the topic of values is too big. Oh well, my goal is for people to think about it, not for me to answer the question of what it should be for everyone. The main thing is be sure you have your own core values and live by them. It saves time in decision making and can keep you out of trouble unless your core value is that stealing is okay if you don't get caught. That one depends on somebody else to work.

Diane Widler Wenzel said...

Rain,
Victims can breath and live because the perpertator is put to death. They can feel good because the crime will never occur again to them or anyone else. I dissagree with the first two statements here. Victims might feel guilt over capital punishmen. Capital punishment does not work as an example to others who might otherwise commit the same crime.
I am all for respecting life as a great core value. How this value plays out for different people is very different. I would say a second value is respect for differences.

Rain Trueax said...

As i said we will have to agree to disagree. I don't support the death penalty because of revenge or feeling good. I don't kill a coyote and feel good when I do it. I support it for justice and a need to make a statement that there are certain things society does not condone. I believe it should be done mercifully. I don't see why an family of a victim would feel guilt for someon, who cruelly took their family member's life, sometimes by torturing them to death, and then pays the price to society as a whole. In my mind, this is not a decision of the family, although they have a right to express their opinion, but it's one that society makes.

I have no problem with those who disagree with my value here. I am simply stating it is my view and it has been all of my life. I don't want it used when there is doubt though, nor when it's a possible crime of passion. There are prisons for those crimes. But there have been heinous crimes committed against innocent people and society has a right to extract, at the least, the convicted murderer's life as a payment. it's not whether it prevents further crimes (although as happened in Oregon when they released serial murderer Richard Marquette and he then murdered again) it does take care of repeat crimes. Remember these murderers are put into prisons where they sometimes murder other prisoners, someone who might be in there for a non-violent crime even, and they can attack guards; so prison doesn't guarantee no repeats

robin andrea said...

I am always so glad when you tackle such complicated topics. I do wonder if our nation has a core set of values. I think it thinks it does, but I am not so sure. I have wondered where all the honest and decent people have gone, because they don't seem to be roaming the halls of our Capitol. It's an interesting exercise trying to articulate what core values are.

Rain Trueax said...

When I write something like this, I could probably rewrite it for a month (sometimes do before I ever publish it) and still see things I wish I had changed later.

One thought that came to me after writing this is I was I wasn't meaning to imply Tom Daschle does not have honesty as a core value. He is the one who went to his own accountant and paid the money, nobody caught him in what he did. Sometimes we do things without thinking which may have been his case or maybe he felt guilty because his core value was honesty and he felt he hadn't totally been.

Core values don't mean we will never do something against them. Someone can think they'd never lie and then, in a particular situation, do it anyway. Sometimes, as was mentioned in comments, that ends up changing a core value, as we decide ours wasn't realistic or no longer how we believe, but sometimes it's a momentary glitch.

The other thing is a value such as my example of respect for life can lead to different conclusions for what that means in action as Parapluie and I debated here earlier.